When Running Away
by TheKittyPaw
Summary: What would have happened if you walked away from love just to find it? When Santana travels to Italy for two weeks of no boys, no booze, no problems fate has another idea. When she falls for the beautiful blonde Brittany, she might just discover that there are much more than just flirty attitude to the girl. Is Santana perhaps not the only one needing some mending? ON HIATUS
1. My Own Captain

**Chapter 1 – My Own Captain**

The minute I heard the engines turn on, I felt my entire body sigh in relief. If I had ever really needed anything, it was this. The last few months had been hell and I didn't have a clue how in hell I'd survived them.

My brother had been living with me since March because his roommate screwed him over with the contract. I didn't really mind though, he was good company, even though living with your big brother always causes the sibling rivalry and accompanied teasing. I loved him none the less, and didn't really mind that he teased me; I'd actually missed it ever since he'd gone off to college. That was seven years ago, though. He however was not really my problem. My problem had been everything else.

For one, I was a senior at Brooklyn CUNY and the final exams had been a pain in the butt to say the least. I had managed to get good grades in every subject though and I even managed to smile when I received my diploma. It had still been really hard and I had been so stressed out and had my frequent meltdowns. Somehow my meltdowns always ended with me being drunkenly cradled into a ball resting my head in Quinn's lap while sobbing furiously over everything and nothing. She'd always be so nice to me, though I truly didn't deserve it. I remember one night when things had really gone awry.

* * *

_It was the night before my instrumental piece presentation and to calm down, I had taken a glass of wine, not thinking of the consequences of this stupidity. Soon I had downed most of the half bottle that I had left and was sobbing furiously. I was rooming with Quinn at the time so of course she had heard me from her room where she was studying for her own exam._

"_Santana, what the _hell_ is going on!" she yelled furiously as she came stomping down the hallway into the kitchen where I sat pressed up against the corner hugging me knees, the wine-glass beside me and the empty bottle beside me._

"_Oh my god Santana, you didn't drink, did you?" she asked. "Of course you did, you idiot!" she answered the question herself, causing me to sob even harder._

"_Quiiiiiinn-" I wailed and tried to reach her but she was standing like 10 feet away. I was sure that there was no way I'd ever be able to reach her. I heard her sigh and walk towards me, giving up on ranting on me because of the current state of me. I was miserable. I knew that the piece I had made for tomorrow sucked and I knew that I would never ever become anything. I wasn't nearly good enough for that, and I hated everything. It was so unfair. Why hadn't Mami just forced me into med school? At least there I'd become something. Quinn sat down next to me, removed the bottle and pulled me onto her lap, sighing deeply muttering something under her breath about me being a royal pain in the butt and making sure that all alcohol will be removed before the end of tonight. I sobbed and curled my arms around her, clinging helplessly to her, sobbing into her neck._

"_Shh… Breathe, S, breathe" she said as she rubbed circles on my back and stroked my hair. I hiccupped and tried to breathe, but it was uneven and caused a new wave of wails and sobs through me. I was so pathetic, because I had to have my best friend coax me because I absolutely had to drink the night before an exam._

"_I… I'm…" I tried to say, but she silenced me with sweet shushes. It wasn't fair to her that she had to deal with me like that when I couldn't even be honest with her. I just wanted to escape everything. It was so pathetic because I didn't even have a hard time. I was just a coward and a fool and I didn't have anything good to do of myself because I would never please my parents and marry the right guy. I'd end up working at McDonalds or something like that. Pathetic. Worthless. Those were the words that circled my mind again and again as Quinn tried to help me._

* * *

Quinn had always been good to me, even when I didn't deserve it. I loved her for that. She was probably the only person I loved outside my family. I wasn't in love with her or anything, but I don't think I could ever live a life that she wasn't a part of in some way. I had considered the possibility of me being in love with her, but I couldn't. She helped me with everything.

I hated school, not because I didn't like the classes because I had to admit that they were kind of awesome most of them, but I hated my classmates. Every single one. I didn't really talk much with them but we had a mutual dislike for each other. Whatever. I could live with them hating me, as long as I got to hate them too. Liking people had always been a real problem with me, probably the reason why I hadn't been able to leash a boyfriend. I had Puck though, and I knew that he liked me. I genuinely liked Puck, because in many ways he reminded me of myself, but I didn't want him as my boyfriend. We had the frequent hook-up but I never really liked it.

Really, my problems didn't seem all that big, but when all of these little problems outside, combined with having to hide who you really are, be careful of everything, it's just hard, you know?

None of that mattered now though, I was on my way, away from everything, just me and my luggage on a plane to some no-shit town in northern Italy. I couldn't even remember its name, but I didn't care. I bet there wasn't an American face in sight. I had heard that there were many German's and Netherlander's and also a great amount of Dane's, though I didn't know where the hell they were from. I think somewhere around Iceland maybe? Whatever, it didn't matter.

I traveled business because I didn't really give a shit about flying first-class even though I could easily afford it. I didn't want to attract attention, I just needed to sit here by my window and wait for the plane to take off. I was sitting in a row with three seats, all occupied. My neighbor was a rather chubby elderly lady with horn-rimmed glasses and her abnormally large nose buried in a book. Danielle Steel.

I groaned and shifted in my seat before grabbing a book of my own from the bag under my seat. Technically we weren't allowed to read before the belt-sign turned off, but if she could, then so could I. I was half-way through my favorite book for the umpteenth time; _Dead Poet's Society_. None of my so-called friends knew that I had ever read it, because it seemed so uncharacteristic of me to even read. There was just something about this book. I liked _The Captain_, even though I'd never tell. I liked how silly he was and how he made all of the boring stuff so interesting. I had only once had a teacher like that, but she was a sub at my old high-school. Ms. Holliday had been the closest thing we ever got to a teacher like that.

The trip was long and boring and it didn't help that the old bat next to me had fallen asleep and started snoring into my ear. I kept shuffling further away to avoid her ash-tray breath. Ugh, so damn annoying, why couldn't she just stay awake? I noticed that I was sitting in front of a kid. I think it was a kid at least, because she was listening to Disney and it played so loud that I could make out every word. I should be so annoyed by that, but here's another fun fact. I love Disney, always have. I couldn't help the smile that curled my lips when _Just can't wait to be king_ became audible and I even caught my foot tapping gently against the seat in beat to the sound.

About five hours in, I finally slumped off my book open on a random page in my lap.

* * *

Something or someone was prodding me on my forehead. I groaned and stirred not fully awake. I was however awake enough to be thoroughly annoyed. Who the hell dared to wake me? There was another prod at my forehead then a tap on my nose. I instinctively scrunched it and opened my eyes. The eyes that stared back were blue. They weren't just blue though, they were so much more. It was like the sky and the sea had mixed its every nuance and let them fall into the eyes, sprinkled with stars that made the eyes twinkle. I think I got lost in looking at the eyes, because I was prodded again and that snapped me out of my daze. The owner of the eyes chuckled and I identified the voice as being female. I let my eyes roam over her face taking in her features. She had freckles; not a lot, but enough for me to notice. It made her look kid-like, the way they were spread across her nose and cheeks. She was blonde, I noticed.

"Miss? Are you awake? The plane landed, we're supposed to get off" She said. Every thought I had had off scolding her for prodding me and waking me disappeared with the sound of her voice.

"Um…" I croaked, still somewhat confused.

"Oh you don't speak English… um…" She looked wondering and bit her lip, deep in thought. Her brows furrowed and I think she was trying to remember if she knew the Spanish word for plane.

"I speak English" I said and tried to stifle a yawn.

"Okay then… Um, well…" She bit her lip again and looked at me shyly.

"The plane landed and we have to leave… I'm sorry I woke you, but you really don't look like you need any beauty-sleep anyway…"

I noticed that her cheeks had turned pink and I felt mine tint red as well. Was she flirting with me?

"Oh…" I said and cleared my throat. "Thank you…"

"You're welcome miss…" she looked at me with those blue eyes, and I lost all interest in leaving the plane.

"Lopez… Santana, you can call me Santana" I added the last part quickly, not wanting to be addressed by her as miss.

"I'm Brittany" she said and smiled. I was fascinated by the way she smiled; it made her eyes glisten and her dimples show.

"Ladies, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the plane please." A male voice said behind me, and we both looked up at him. I think it was the captain himself, he was sure clad like one. I nodded and rose to get my stuff. I noticed that Brittany jerked back to avoid a head-collision.

"I'm sorry Mr." I said and grabbed my bag and flopped my book into it. "We'll be leaving now"

Brittany got up from her seat and grabbed her bag as well. I swallowed a giggle at the sight of it. It was white with like a million colorful pictures in cartoon-style. I noticed that she waited for me, seeing as I had once again forgotten what I was supposed to do. It had to be the warmth streaming from the doors, leaving me so blurry-minded and woozy.

"You coming?" she asked when still didn't move. My head snapped up to look at her grinning face and nodded. It was my turn to bite my lip, assuring myself that I wasn't caught in some odd drunk-dream and to help me focus. It was hard, though. As I got out from the row she began to walk, and automatically I followed her. I hadn't noticed her outfit before, seeing as it was hidden behind the chair, but now I noted how well it fitted her. Like the bag, the attire she wore was slightly childish, but at the same way… Kind of hot… I shook my head and scolded myself internally. _You don't leer at girls_. I told myself.

I followed her to the door and was immediately hit by a surge of warm air from the opening. It was so damn hot, and I felt like the road was swimming in front of me. I followed Brittany down the stair and looked around. How were we going to get away from the plane? I think we missed the bus that normally took people from the plane to the luggage claim.

"Signore! Salto Su!" said a loud voice somewhere to our left. I looked over and saw a man in a golf-car. He gestured for us to come and patted on the seats behind him. I looked at Brittany who nodded. Without a trace of hesitation she grabbed my wrist and pulled me along, forcing me to run with her. Had it been anyone else, I might've slapped them or kicked them over the shin, but not Brittany. I was strangely taken aback by how carefree and open she was. I couldn't help by smile at her. She let go of my hand and jumped onto the car and scooted over to make room for me. Even though it was supposed to fit two persons, we were still sitting very closely together. It didn't really bother me though. It was kind of refreshing, her free mind. She reminded me of some kind of bird, but at the same time she was floating more than she was flying, so some kind of fish maybe. Not a guppy, one of those gorgeous fish with long swaying tails. No… Maybe a dolphin? What do I know anyway? Whatever animal she was, she was different from other people I had met.

I sat on the seat beside her, silently staring at her from the corner of my eye. She was engrossed in our surroundings, prodding me every now and then and pointing at a tree or a bush or something irrelevant like that. It wasn't irrelevant though. I didn't give a shit about trees and stuff, but somehow because she showed them to me, I gained interest.

We got to the luggage claim and I got off with much less graze than Brittany. She practically flew off it and ran away from me. I felt like I should call out to her, make her stay with me. Then, I saw how she flung her arms around a man. He was taller than her, even though she was pretty tall herself. He had blonde hair as well and a huge mouth. I frowned and wondered how many tennis balls I could fit in that. _He_ was definitely a guppy. She looked back at me and waved. Like everything else, her wave was childish. Her motions were way too big and the grin she wore reached from one ear to the other. I couldn't help but smile myself, despite my dislike for the arm curled around her waist, and her own arm on guppy-lips' shoulder. I gave a subtle wave back and turned away, towards the luggage claim.

It took me a while to find my suitcase, but when I finally did, I couldn't help but look around for Brittany, but neither she nor guppy-lips were to be seen anywhere. I sighed and slumped slightly scolding myself for getting my hopes up, for letting her matter that much to me.

Silently I walked towards the exit, when I felt a prod on my shoulder. I spun and prepared to mouth off for being disturbed in my thoughts, but there she stood; the one I'd been thinking off. She smiled shyly, biting her lip again. Then she did something I had never imagined her to do, not even her.

She leaned down and let her lips ghost over my cheek before engulfing me in a hug. I stared wild-eyed at her, but returned the hug burying my head in her shoulder, trying to hide my cheeks which felt like they had turned crimson.

"Thanks for the company, Santana Lopez. I hope we meet again" she said silently and kissed my cheek again before releasing me and skipping over to guppy-lips whose hand was stretched towards her. It hurt slightly when she took it and leaned her head on his shoulder as they walked out.

I realized suddenly that I was standing in the middle of an airport outside Venice, my hand on the tingling spot on my cheek and my eyes wide. I had just been kissed on the cheek by a girl who I had only known for half an hour. I hadn't gotten mad at her, not even annoyed, and that always happened with strangers. I didn't like people… but I liked her…

It took me a while to collect myself, and then I took my suitcase and marched out to the parking-lot and sat down, waiting for the next bus to Bibione to come. I had missed the one I was supposed to take, but thankfully it didn't take more than five minutes before a new one came. The bus was hot as hell and smelled like feet, but for once I didn't care. I sat down and closed my eyes, trying to remember the placement of her freckles and the exact color of her eyes. I tried to remember the scent of her hair; it was some sort of flower; roses maybe? Who was she? I knew that she was Brittany, but really, who was she. She lived in America, I knew that much, because we had both been on the plane from JFK. I had taken the train from Lima to New York, because it gave me a direct line to Italy. I didn't want to change flights half-way; like in Hamburg or something… God knows I didn't feel the need to explain myself to German's. It was such a waste of time.

* * *

About an hour later, I arrived at my stop. I was supposed to stay at an apartment in something called Villagio Michelangelo, but I had to pick up the key at some office. I grabbed my suitcase and got off the bus.

The lady at the desk was nice, but her English wasn't very good. She tried to explain the surroundings, but all I cared about was that it was a place where I didn't have to be around people and where I could just be myself. I didn't care that there wasn't Wi-Fi, or that I would probably have noisy neighbors. I cared that there was a pool though. Hey, judge me all the hell you want, but girls wear bikinis and I leer; at the pretty ones of course. Besides, it's not like they'd know, I do wear sunglasses.

I realized that the apartment was two miles from the office, and that I had no idea how to get there. The warmth was starting to get to me, but I put the papers in my suitcase and began to walk down the road. The first chance I got, I bought water, because I really couldn't go much further without it. I knew that in this heat – and this I measured to be around 90 degrees – I needed water, and lots of it.

I walked and walked, and noticed that I also walked past a carnival of some sorts. It was called "Luna Park". I snorted slightly; I'd never ever want to be caught in there. I wondered shortly if that was somewhere Brittany would go. I bet it would, she seemed like the type to like that entire extravaganza. She'd never go here anyway. She was probably going to Venice with that Trouty Mouth Bieber wannabe. Whatever, it wasn't like I'd ever meet her again.

When I finally reached the road called _Reghena_ where the apartment I had rented was, I was thankful that I was a Latina and sun didn't hit me that hard. I did still feel very hot and clammy. First thing, a bath! With some difficulty, due to the small roads and undetectable housing system, I managed to find my apartment.

It was a part of an apartment complex, all painted in a dusty corn-yellow color, looking somewhat like Brittany's hair. I walked up the stairs and noticed a pair of flip-flops outside the door next to mine. They were of man-feet-size. I sighed again and used the last of my force to unlock the door and collapse on the nearest chair, my chest heaving and my body covered in a layer of sweat. My lips tasted like salt… I really needed a bath.

Stretching and yawning, I gathered myself and opened the suitcase to grab fresh clothes along with a towel, shampoo and conditioner. I had almost forgotten the soap, but stretched back for it. The Apartment consisted of three rooms and a balcony. The biggest room was a combined living room and kitchen. It was very cozy, but not really that modern. It had yellow linoleum floors and white and orange tiles in the kitchen department. There was a table with two chairs, a couch and a cabinet. Cozy. The middle size room was the bedroom. There was a king-size four-poster bed with red sheets and decorated pillows. The last and smallest room was the bathroom. It was really tiny and looked like the usage of space was a puzzle. I went straight for the shower and rid myself of my sweaty clammy clothes.

The shower was refreshing, but not enough to keep me from being completely exhausted. I didn't bother with dinner, but went straight to bed. As I lay in my bed and felt sleep conquer my body, I felt relieved. For the next two weeks I was my own captain, and I would listen only to myself. I didn't want any company… Well, that wasn't all true. I wouldn't really mind the company of one specific person; a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes and a free spirit.

* * *

A/N

Song for this chapter: **Stupid Cupid - Mandy Moore | ****Youtube - /watch?v=Fink9zQ_4BA**

Okay uhm, I wasn't originally going to post this before I got back from Italy but with my current writing pace (8-10 pages per day) I figured that it might be an idea to post some of what I've written thus far and get some response and maybe a Beta. Hope you enjoy it, please review, it's the best motivator for me to write more! For those of you longing for the My Dearest Beth sequel, it's in process (storyboard right now!) (To those who read this before 17:32 +2GMT I apologize for the screw up about the college!)


	2. Her Laugh

**Her Laugh**

The next day was slow. I woke around noon, sweating like a pig and decided that the pool would cool me off. All of the nearby apartments shared that pool, and there were a lot of kids. I didn't really care, as long as I wasn't getting hit by a ball or a water gun or something like that; in that case I might just show them a little Lima heights hospitality. I don't really know how long I lay there my arms and head above water, the rest of my body afloat, long enough for my bracelet to leave a tan-mark.

I caught myself letting my thoughts stray to the blonde beauty Brittany, who had left me so amazed yesterday, more times than I want to admit. It wasn't because she was smoking hot, even though she was. It was her playful nature and her free spirit. I really liked that about her, and I wished that sometimes I could be like that too. It was hard though, because being like that was so out of character. And now I did it again, great! Why couldn't she just get out of my mind, I was never going to see her again anyway.

I ate out for dinner and I hated the pitiful looks the waiters threw my way when they thought I weren't looking. _Poor girl, all alone_ they looked like they were thinking. Some people really just needed to mind their freaking own business. I was walking down the street and past the Luna Park when I stopped. It looked really pretty at night, I had to admit. There were flashy sparkly lights everywhere, and children laughing and older people chatting happily. I felt a sudden and unexpected stab in my chest as I looked at all of the people. Even though I really wanted to be alone, I also really wanted to be around people. I didn't like that many people, especially people like Berry and Mr. Bow-Tie, but some were actually nice; Puck for example, or Kurt. I know that Kurt Hummel, Mr. Lady-lips weren't exactly counted amongst my friends publically, but to tell the truth I liked the guy. He had had so much trouble, being the only out gay kid at our school. I don't know how he managed. When he came back to McKinley after his temporary stay at _The Pip Club_ as I called the Dalton Academy, I told him. He was the first and only person I ever told about myself. I haven't even told Quinn yet, and she's my god damn best friend.

* * *

Lima 2011

"_Kurt! Hey, Kurt!" I called out as I saw him. He turned towards me with a puzzled expression as I ran towards him._

"_Welcome back" I said genuinely smiling for once. He looked even more puzzled by this._

"_Thanks Satan…?" He asked. I frowned._

"_I didn't call you lady-lips or lady Hummel or even Porcelain. You don't get to call me Satan" I said with a small pout. I looked as he slowly moved his head and upper torso back in confusion._

"_To what do I owe the nice-ness, Santana?" he asked finally. I bit my lip._

"_Can we talk for a moment; somewhere private?" I asked and looked down. It was so hard for me, but I had to tell someone, and he was a safe choice. He wouldn't tell, not after what Karofsky did to him, not after I had started the bully-whips either. I looked pleadingly up at him and saw that he nodded. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding._

_He let me lead him to an empty classroom and shut the door behind us. I sat down on the teacher's desk and sighed, looking down at my hands._

"_So, what's up?" he asked and sat down on the table closest to the teacher's desk. I breathed deeply again and closed my eyes._

"_Kurt… I…" I choked on my words._

"_You…?" he asked, and I hoped he didn't think I was screwing with him. _

"_I…" I started again, but the words caught in my throat as I looked up at him pleadingly "I'm so sorry, Kurt. I'm sorry that you went through all of that and you shouldn't have just because you're gay… And… And that's why you're the only out kid in the school Kurt. You're the only brave gay kid here. But I promise you Kurt… There are others here, other gay people. They're…" I paused. "We're just not brave like you." I let my head fall and stared at my hands again. When I finally looked up I saw that he looked at me like I was a stranger. I didn't like it, not a bit so I lowered my gaze again._

_The next thing I felt was his arms around me and I heard him say "You are brave, Santana. You are. You told me. It's a start" he said. I let my arms curl around him and felt tears trickle down my cheeks. It didn't matter. He knew and he didn't care. He thought I was brave, and it made me so happy, even though I'd never admit it._

* * *

To this day, Kurt was still the only one who knew that I was… Well, yeah… Gay. It was a blessing and a curse knowing it myself. I loved that I knew who I was and that, at least here among strangers, I could leer all I wanted. On the other hand, I hated that I wasn't _normal_, that I was damned to sin for the rest of my life, and that nobody knew because I was a coward like no other. I mean, come on, I couldn't even bring myself to tell my parents, and I've known since I was twelve. Come on… talk about cowardice.

These were my self-scolding thoughts when I lay in my bed and tried to sleep

* * *

I was woken by the sound of people. They were screaming and laughing and talking loudly. I knew that I must have slept past eight and that the opening of the pool must be the cause of this commotion. I turned and groaned, feeling so warm already. I threw off my sheets and lay there in bed, hands on my stomach, and listened. There was a particular loud laugh that caught my attention. It sounded so much like how I had imagined she would laugh. She had laughed like that in my dream. Yes, I had dreamed of Brittany, judge me; I don't really give a fuck. I was wide awake now, and decided that trying to sleep more would be useless. I had wanted to wake up early to go running before it became too warm, but I had fallen asleep before setting an alarm. I grabbed a pair of shorts from my suitcase, which lay open beside my bed, took on a bra and a bandeau and opened the door to the balcony. My bedroom and my living room were both connected to the rather large balcony.

As I leaned on the edge of the balcony, I caught myself looking for her. It was so meaningless; there was no way in hell she would be… I stopped short in my search and let my eyes rest on a tan boy with blonde puffy hair and guppy-lips. No doubt, that was Trouty Mouth, Brittany's … boyfriend? He was standing with a plastic ball in his hands, close to some small girl with a long nose and brownish pigtails. I searched frantically, she had to be here. I looked over at the grass beside the pool, shadowed by high pines. Here lay a long slender pale body with blonde hair and sunglasses. Even though I couldn't see her eyes, I knew it. Brittany. It was undoubtedly her.

"Brittany!" I called. I slammed my hand over my mouth; what was I doing? Santana Lopez doesn't call out for strangers. I couldn't stop looking at her though. She looked so … amazing. Her body was to die for. She wasn't skinny, but she wasn't near chubby either. She had curves, not that clear but enough for me to notice. I couldn't see her stomach, because she was lying on it, but I bet it was completely flat. I let my eyes linger on her bikini-clad ass few seconds longer than I should. She hadn't heard me, and I noticed that she had earphones on. Suddenly, Trouty Mouth was by her side and prodded her gently. He was dripping and a few beads of water hit her back and trickled down her skin. She looked up at him and took one earphone out and looked at him. He said something I couldn't hear, but then pointed up at me and smirked at her. Why did he smirk? I flushed and wanted to go back into my apartment, but I couldn't move. She turned her body half-way and revealed her chest and stomach to me, as she looked up at me. Her face, which had previously been confused, now lit up like I was freaking Santa Claus. She waved frantically at me, like she had done yesterday in the airport, and I felt myself smile goofily. I waved back, enthusiastically even.

"Come down here!" she yelled and gestured for me to join her. I bit my lip and then nodded. How could I say no, when she was being so adorable?

"Let me just eat!" I yelled back. She looked at me and then got up and ran to the fence. She was standing just a few feet below me, only three feet away.

"What apartment?" she asked. I looked at her, frowning. Did she want to come up, or what?

"Um, 46" I said and smiled.

"Can I join you for breakfast? I haven't really had anything either" she asked.

"I'm going out for breakfast actually. I haven't had time to buy something… You can join me though" I added quickly. She nodded and turned her head towards the pool

"Sam! Ey, Sam!" Trouty Mouth looked over and the pigtailed girl threw the ball in his face. He grunted and splashed water on her playfully making her shriek. His attention was still turned to Brittany.

"I'm going to get breakfast with Santana, can you get Sugar to give me our key?" she asked loudly. Sam looked confused.

"I can't go out in a bikini!" She yelled and rolled her eyes at him. The frequent thought of _I wouldn't really mind_. Soured through my mind and I whiffed it away.

I watched as Sam aka Trouty Mouth spoke to the pigtailed girl, who immediately ran to the edge and heaved herself up, running to her bag. She reminded me of a five-year-old but she was grown up… I think. She grabbed a key from the bag and sprinted towards Brittany.

"Here you go, stud. Go have fun" She chimed making Brittany flush.

"Shut up, Sugar!" She hissed and kicked at the girl playfully. Sugar avoided and laughed.

"Whatever you say-" She sang. She turned to run, then turned back and waved at me.

"Hi Santana!" she yelled. I frowned. Why was she saying hi to me? Whatever, she was annoying. I turned to Brittany again and caught her looking at me. I bit down on my lip hard to stop myself from smirking, though it didn't hide it very well.

"Shut up" She said with a blush. "I'll meet you outside your apartment in five?" She asked her cheeks still red. I think Sugar thoroughly embarrassed her.

I nodded and leered shamelessly as she walked off. Yup, she was hot. I looked over and saw Sam and Sugar staring at me. I glowered at them, making them frown before turning their gazes away. Good, they hadn't misinterpreted my nice behavior. I just couldn't be mean to Brittany. It didn't mean that I couldn't dislike them. I walked back inside and took on a tank-top over my bandeau before walking out to the bathroom. There wasn't time to do a whole lot about my looks, but I did put on some light make-up, not too much, it was a vacation after all, but combing my hair and brushing my teeth was the first priority. I smiled at myself in the mirror, and seconds later I heard a knock on my door. I suddenly felt oddly nervous.

"Just a sec!" I called, knowing that the door wasn't able to open from the outside unless you had a key.

I looked at myself again and took a deep breath. I was going out for breakfast with a girl I barely knew, a girl whose effect on me was one I'd never experienced and never expected to experience.

"Right…" I told myself and walked out to open the door. Brittany stood there, smiling widely at me wearing jean-shorts and a loose tank-top. She was wearing her bikini underneath, its navy color visible under the white fabric of the top. She stepped forwards and wrapped her arms around me without warning. I smiled and let my own arms curl around her, letting the rosy smell of her hair fill my lungs.

"Why are you smelling my hair?" She whispered close to my ear. I blushed and buried my face in her shoulder again.

"It's okay Santana; I don't mind." She said and loosened her grip on me. I had to fight to keep from pouting.

"This is kind of strange, isn't it?" She asked in a hushed voice. I knew it was, hugging a stranger, feeling such a strong liking to a girl I barely knew. I shrugged. "It's okay; I don't mind" I repeated her words. She smiled at me and looked inside my apartment.

"Cozy" She merely said. "You ready to go?"

I nodded and grabbed my purse from the table behind us. I had made sure to put the spare key in it.

"Let's go" I said and shut the door after me, as I followed her down the stairs.

We didn't walk for long before finding a restaurant that also had a breakfast menu.

It was nice and quiet with only a few costumers – regulars I reckoned – and the mood was good but slow.

"Tavola per due, per favore" I asked the waiter. I had taken an Italian course in college, just for kicks. The waiter nodded and smiled. He led us to a table in the outside section of the restaurant and I waited for Brittany to sit down. Somehow it felt like a date, although I knew it wasn't. I wanted to know who she was though, I felt like even the smallest knowledge about her would be interesting. She looked at me and smiled before sitting down and I did the same.

"Menu, signore" the waiter said. He was quite the looker, for an Italian. Normally they had a tendency to put too much lard in their hair and have a really ugly cut, but this guy's hair was short and curly and it wasn't greasy at all. No offence to Italians, that's just often the case. He smiled at us and handed each of us a menu.

"Prego," he said. We both smiled politely and turned to the menus.

"They have omelets! I have to have one" Brittany exclaimed excitedly, making me look at her. Her eyes were shining and she was biting her lip to contain her smile. It was cute, really.

"That's actually a good choice. I think I'll have the Mexican Omelet. It looks amazing" I said nicely, looking at the picture of the dish. It was this sort of casual talk I never did, which with Brittany seemed so natural.

"I'm going to get the one with cheese and ham. Bet it tastes really yummy" She said. I looked down and smiled, it did look delicious.

"Bet it does" I said and without further thought, winked at her. I couldn't really help the grin that snuck over my lips when her cheeks reddened.

We sat in silence after that, and I had expected it to be super awkward. It wasn't though, it was just a comfortable silence, me casually studying her expressions as her eyes scooted over the coffee menu. Every time she read something she didn't like, she wrinkled her nose and I saw her eyes glisten every time she read something she liked. Funny, how easily she was read, like she was just an open book, emotionally. When she finally looked up I didn't even bother to look away. She knew I had ogled and she didn't seem to mind. Instead, she let her eyes travel back and forth between mine as if she was trying to read me too. I wasn't one to wear my heart on my sleeve though, so it was probably difficult for her to read me.

"Why are you all alone in Italy?" she asked suddenly. Again I was sure that if it had been any other asking me that, I would've scoffed and rolled my eyes and told them that it was none of their damn business.

I shrugged lightly and smile. "Wanted to get away for a while, just be alone you know"

"Oh… I'm sorry, I didn't know you wanted to be alone, it's just you looked lonely and I-" I smiled and stopped her by holding up my hand. She looked regretful and confused and really, really cute.

"I'm not including you, Britt, you're nice. I like you" I said. She lit up and smiled so widely that her dimples showed.

"I like you too" she said shyly, looking at me with an irresistible smile.

"How long are you staying?" I asked. Even though I didn't mind her knowing that I was alone, I didn't want her knowing how much of a weakling I was. It was utterly embarrassing.

"Three weeks. I'm here with a few of my friends" she said. "You met them earlier, Sugar and Sam; also Sam's girlfriend, Mercedes. She usually sleeps in though. _I needz ma beauty sleep_ she always says" she imitated what I imagined to be a real triple B and smiled. Sam wasn't Brittany's girlfriend, and I wondered if it was on purpose that she had mentioned that Sam and Brittany weren't a thing. I hoped she had. I smiled at her.

"Ordinazione, signore?" the waiter asked nicely. I nodded and looked at Brittany.

"Um… This?" she said and showed the card to the waiter, pointing at the dish. He nodded and smiled.

"Signora?" he asked.

"Vorrei frittata Mexicana" I explained. I wasn't sure about the pronunciation, but he seemed to understand.

"Bevanda?" he asked, sensing that my Italian was slightly rusty and therefore keeping things as simple as possible.

"Mocha venti per favore, nero" I said. I noticed that Brittany looked really impressed and it made me grin. She looked very sheepish when she once again pointed at the wanted order, but I didn't care. I didn't mind that she couldn't speak Italian, and I actually felt like I was showing off.

The waiter smiled and took the menus before walking off. I looked over at Brittany who still looked sheepish.

"I took Italian in college" I explained. She smiled, but still looked ashamed. "Really Brittany, I don't expect you to speak Italian. I just really like the language, I don't care that you can't speak it" I assured her. She smiled again, genuinely this time, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I'm just not good at school stuff, you know?"

I shrugged. "It's okay, I don't judge people on their ability to stand school. I hated it too"

"Yeah, but you're so smart though. I'm not very-"

"You are. I'm sure of it" I said with a sweet look. She looked down. It was clearly something she wasn't proud of, but I knew she was smart, even if she didn't think it. I didn't doubt it for a second.

"Anyway… how long are you staying?" she asked, clearly desperate to change the subject.

"Two weeks, maybe more… I don't really know. How long it takes for me to come to my senses. I guess my friends… in lack of a better term, are going to miss me if I moved here" I said.

"Lack of a better term?" she looked confused.

"Yeah; I don't really like people. I have like three friends… or people I like… Well, four now" I said and she smile brightly at me. It was infectious really.

"Tell me about them" she pleaded sweetly.

"Well there's Puck. He's pretty much just a man whore and a lot like me. Let's just say, he has a Mohawk" I snickered. She giggled. "Then there's Quinn. She's my best friend, I guess. We're sort of frienemies, but mostly friends; high school rivals and all that shit. She's awesome though, and … yeah, she's awesome. Don't tell her I told you" she giggled and smiled.

The waiter brought our coffee and told us that the meal would arrive shortly. She sipped from her coffee and hummed in approval.

"What about the last one, you said there were three, right?" she asked and took another sip.

"Oh… Yeah, Kurt. He's… I don't really know how to describe him. He's very… sassy… But he's also really nice and he's helped me a lot. He's had it really hard, because he was the only out kid in our school, and he got bullied a lot. I'm not proud to admit that I was a bully in high-school too, but after I became friends with him, I changed. He changed me, and he helped me a lot." I said and couldn't help but smile. I really hated who I had been in high school, because despite my queen bee position, I was never a nice person. I hated Quinn for that ability. She was nice every now and then, even to strangers.

"Oh…" she said and smiled. I didn't know if I wanted her to ask if I were gay or not. It was really confusing.

"Signore, prego" the waiter suddenly said behind us and placed our omelets in front of us. I smiled at him and nodded.

"Enjoy" he said in English with a thick Italian accent.

"Muchos Grazias." I said and winked at him. He chuckled and leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"Don't want to make your girlfriend jealous, now do we?" I flushed and looked up at him

"Not my girlfriend…" I said in a tone that meant that it wasn't up for discussion.

"You say that now" he said and walked away.

"What did you talk about?" Brittany asked me with a puzzled look. "He wasn't hitting on you, was he?" she sounded disapproving and it made me chuckle.

"No, don't worry Britt. He just thought that we were a couple" I said in a joking tone.

"Well, what did you tell him then?" I was sure that she was messing with me, so sure of it, but there was something in her eyes, a hopefulness of sorts that made me doubt.

"That we were just friends" I shrugged.

"You say that now" she winked and my entire face went the color of beet-root. She laughed loudly and melodically and looked at me. "I'm messing with you, calm your tits sweetie!" she laughed.

The way she laughed was the way you laugh when something's so funny that you can't stop and you just feel like laughing for hours. I really wouldn't mind her laughing for hours. Her laugh was so beautiful and full of joy and I tried to capture the sound in my mind. It was exactly like in my dream.

I realized, when she finally stopped laughing, that I was staring at her without disguise. She smiled at me and nodded towards my omelet.

"Eat, silly" She said and took a bite of her own. She hummed in approval and took another bite. Most people didn't look very pretty when they ate – count me in there – but Brittany even looked pretty when eating.

The realization of that struck me; not that she was pretty when she ate. It was the realization that so far I like everything about her and that I just wanted to be closer to her. I really didn't believe in love at first sight, but here I was, undeniably falling hard for a girl I'd barely known for two days. Well shit.

* * *

Originally I wasn't going to post this chapter until tomorrow, but I've like got 24 views already and I'm just SO like.. OMG! I didn't even expect more than like ... views maybe! And I was just so spurred on by you guys and how amazing you all are.

I'm purposely wriiting Santana's side as a love-at-first-sight thing, so it's not like a mistake that it's very rushed. Sometimes you just find that person and the world seems to stop just so you can look at her. :3 It does happen! I also purposely wrote Brittany as being way more flirty towards people, FOR A REASON :3 3

I'm very happy that you're reading it and I hope you'll find it worth following.

This is mostly a story about Brittany and Santana but also about Santana's past, because that part fascinates me. I'm drawing loads of parallels to my own experiences, and I have like... 25 chapter planned right now. Hope you'll read on. Next chapter will NOT come tomorrow, because I've only written one page on chapter 4 and at least here in the start I'd like to have a few chapters written in advance

Song for this chapter: **I've Just Seen a Face - The Beatles (Jim Sturgess version) **

Link to the song on youtube: **/watch?v=vq7LZx00lbE&feature=fvst**


	3. Unwanted Company

**Chapter 3 – (Un?)wanted company**

"Come on, don't be silly" Brittany said as she swatted my hand away from the tab. I was trying to pay for the breakfast, but she wouldn't let me. It hadn't even been considered that we both just pay our own, but more a silent staring war over who is allowed to pay for the other. I hadn't brought it up, because I firmly insisted on paying for the damn dinner.

"You stop being Silly, Britt; I'm going to pay for this. I was the one who suggested that we find something to eat in the first place. Stop that!" I chuckled as she got out her purse. I repeated her action and swatted her hand away as she tried to take the bill.

"You pay for this, lunch's my treat" she said with a smirk. I looked slightly confused. Did she just ask me out to lunch? "… unless you don't want to eat lunch with me… I totally understand if-" I rolled my eyes at her and smiled.

"Britt of course I'll have lunch with you, it's not a big deal, right?" I smiled and withdrew the money and a tip from my purse and put it in the folder that was for payment for breakfast. The waiter took the money and smiled at me.

"Grazie Signorina…" he said, clearly asking my name.

"Lopez, e…" I looked over at Brittany, now realizing that I didn't even know her last name…

"Pierce" she said smilingly and winked at the waiter.

"Tante Grazie, signorine Pierce e Lopez. Boun Giorno" He bowed curtiously for us and took Brittany's hand to kiss it gently while looking at me for a reaction. I rolled my eyes at him playfully. I looked as Brittany giggled and smiled sweetly at the waiter before he turned away and waved at us.

"What did he say?" Brittany whispered leaning towards me, confused.

"He said thank you very much misses Pierce and Lopez. Have a good day" I smiled at her, and naturally looped my arm through hers as I pulled her out of the restaurant. It wasn't even a bother telling her something she didn't understand. I just found it really cute that she had interest in knowing what he said.

"So, where are you from?" I asked as we walked down the street towards the area where we lived.

"Lima; we were in the train together." I gaped at her and looked around at her. How the hell had I never met her?

"Wait, you're not like nineteen or something, right?" I asked curiously. She giggled and pulled me with her.

"No, I'm 22, but thanks for saying that I could pass for nineteen" she giggled. I felt myself blush. We were even peers.

"Which school?" I asked.

"Crawford Country Day" she said with a shrug. I couldn't stifle a snicker. CCD was an all-girls school, the sister school to _The Pip Club._ We used to tease the ones who transferred from there. I mean, come on, they wore uniforms. Sure, I was never seen without my Cheerios uniform, but that thing equaled power.

"What?" She asked me, almost offendedly.

"I just… Nothing, I'm sorry. I went to McKinley so I only have the rumors to judge your school by."

"McKinley, wow. They're like… Super-talented. I heard they won like… everything! Didn't you win like a lot of cheerleader championships and a state football championship and like that? Oh and you won the glee club Nationals. I saw that, you were really great!" I stopped dead and looked at her.

"What?" I croaked.

"It's not like I've been stalking you!" she exclaimed panicky. "It's just I… I was at my aunts in Chicago when you had nationals and I went and saw you and I thought you were so great. Then I saw you in the train but I was so afraid to talk to you, but then in the plane when you were asleep, I had to wake you, everyone else were gone. I swear, I haven't even looked you up! I didn't even know your name and-" She bit her lip stopping her speech. I giggled.

"It's cute, actually" I said, I just couldn't help myself. Her entire body sighed in relief and she re-looped my arm in hers. I chuckled and tugged her closer. It was so nice, walking with her, and I noticed that people didn't even look. They just minded their own business, and if they looked they just smiled and sometimes waved. Every time someone did the latter, Brittany excitedly waved back and shone like the sun. I couldn't wait to spend the next two weeks with her, if I could. I would've liked to stay all three weeks like her, but my apartment was already booked solid for the next three months, and there weren't any available at such short notice. At least she lived in Lima, so maybe we'd still have a chance at getting to know her better. If anything I guess the crush would subside and I'd be a friend of hers. I think I already was. It probably wasn't a crush, maybe I was just fascinated by the free spirit and her effect on me. Seriously, who was able to be mean to this girl? I mentally reminded myself to kick anyone's ass who ever dared to do so.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Brittany asked beside me, snapping me out of my daze.

"Nothing important really, just wondered how we never met earlier" I said timidly.

"Fate, my dear," She stated with a grin and bumped her hips into mine. I blushed. I both hated and cherished her ability to make me do that.

"Hey, you wanna go to the pool with me?" she asked curiously. I nodded and smiled up at her. I oddly liked being shorter than her...

"Wasn't that the reason we got breakfast in the first place?"

"Hmm… I don't know. I think it was because I wanted to eat breakfast with you" She winked and made me blush furiously. Oh the innuendo. She was definitely flirting with me… Wasn't she? She really seemed like one of those no-personal-bubble flirty people who did that with everyone. Then why did it make my stomach turn – in a good way of course – whenever she winked? Oh right, the crush. _Amazing, thrilling, glorious_… I didn't even know if I was being sarcastic… Oh my god, this is such bullcrap; I should just be her friend. I don't even know if she's a queer.

We walked in silence, our arms still twined until we reached the pool.

"I just gotta get on my bikini, wait for me here?" I asked and smiled at her, as I broke the loop.

"Sure, if you don't want me to help you" she grinned and I turned red again. "I'm kidding, oh my god, San. Don't get so embarrassed, I like pulling stuff like this on people, they always get so flustered" she giggled and let a hand ghost across my crimson heated cheeks.

"I just- I…" I stuttered and then glared at her for messing with me.

"You should see yourself, San. Your face is the same color as Santa's suit." she laughed and wrapped her arms around me lightly.

"I joke around a lot, I'm sorry" she said and rocked us back and forth. Instinctively I let my arms twist around her and tightened the hug, doing my almost habit-like action of burying my face in her shoulder. She smelled amazing, and I think she knew that I smelled her again because she chuckled.

"I can stop if you want?" she said when she released me, and again I tried not to pout and instead tried to savoir the smell of her.

"No, no it's okay, but I'm just not used to girls… like… um…" I looked down sheepishly. I didn't want to say it, in case it wasn't what she was doing.

"Flirting?" She grinned and I nodded. "I can totally stop doing that. I just don't care if it's boys or girls, you know? I sometimes forget that not all people are like me" she scrunched her nose and shrugged.

"No, it's totally cool, Britt. Really, I don't mind at all. I'm just not used to it. I guess everyone always takes me for being as straight as the pole they expect me to be working on" I shrugged and grimaced. I had more than one time been told that they thought I'd make a good stripper and that it'd probably be a fitting job for me, with me getting around so much. Truth was though, I didn't get around much. I'd never told people that I did, they just assumed.

"I don't think you should work on a pole. At least not for everyone" She winked again and I reminded myself that she was bantering. I grinned but felt a new surge of warmth in my cheeks none the less.

"So anyway; meet you down here in five?" I asked. She nodded and hugged me shortly again before skidding into the pool-area. She was actually skidding, like a little girl. She immediately threw herself at Sam who was talking to that Sugar girl again. She jumped onto his back and whispered something in his ear and chuckling. I scrunched my nose and hurried to my apartment to change.

Less than two minutes later I was standing in front of my mirror with my sunglasses in my hair and the black and gold bikini replacing the top and shorts. I looked hot, no doubt. I kinda hoped Brittany would notice. I grabbed a towel and hurried downstairs, having grabbed my purse with my phone and the keys in it, and had to stop myself from running. I swung my hips the best I could across the lawn towards her. She was lying on her towel beside Sugar and they were looking down at an android though I didn't know whose it was.

"Hey B" I said, making her look up at me. She grinned widely and I felt a bit warmer when she looked me up and down unashamed.

"Hot" she said and winked. I shrugged and spread the towel beside her, laying down on my stomach.

"Whatcha doin'?" I asked in a sing-song voice. I leaned over just in time to watch the screen go black.

"Uh, nothing" Brittany said and blushed deeply. What the hell? "Come on, let's go in the pool!" she added and got up. I returned the favor of doing a double-take, letting my eyes linger for a split-second longer on the perfect six-pack she sported. She waited patiently for me to finish and then grinned.

"Sugar, you coming?" she asked Sugar. The pig-tailed girl shook her head.

"Knock yourselves out, I need to tan. I look like an untoasted marshmallow." She said seriously, turning to the android again. It was evidently hers.

"Okay, you done looking?" Brittany asked, when I turned my gaze to her long legs, unashamed.

"Just give me a sec" I grumbled playfully and let my eyes move slowly upwards. Perfect body, oh my god… "Yup, I'm done" I said finally, meeting her eyes and getting up. I let my sunglasses drop onto my towel and looked at her, placing a hand on my hip.

"Let's go, leery" she said and pulled me with her. She pulled me to the deep end and without warning flung me forwards with surprising strength. I fell into the water with a shriek. It was cold as ice but I didn't care. My first and only priority was to punish Brittany – no innuendo intended – by splashing as much water onto her as possible, making her howl and jump and laugh before jumping into the pool next to me. She searched for me blindly, her hair messy and blocking her view. I grabbed her arm and she pulled me close hugging me tightly, giggling feverishly as she clamped her arms around me as tight as she could. That was very tight, might I mention. Blonde beauty was strong, no doubt there.

"Oh my god, it's freezing!" she giggled still holding me as tight as she could. We stood there chuckling at the end of the pool hugging each other close. It was so easy liking her, and I clung to her desperately. It was still cold as hell.

"PDA alert, Pierce!" a voice called behind us. I looked around at the sound and stared openmouthed. There, in a black and silver bikini, towel around her neck and aviators in her hair stood Mercedes Jones, hands on her hips and gawking just as shocked at me.

"M-Mercedes?" I stuttered and suddenly became very aware of how close me and Britt were. I jerked back from her and went red.

"What the hell, Santana Lopez? What in lord's name are you doing here, and why the hell are you smothering Brittany?" she walked towards me, slowed by the water.

"You remember that girl I told you about a few days ago, Cedes?" Brittany asked and hugged me from behind, making me oddly relaxed in this otherwise very tense situation. I let my head fall back and rest against her shoulder, smiling lazily up at her.

"I thought you said she was nice" Mercedes said, having reached us now. I merely rolled my eyes at her.

"She is!" Brittany said, offended.

"Have we met the same girl?" Mercedes asked again, but a smile crept onto her lips and I knew she was joking.

"Cedes, she's super sweet and she doesn't mind me at all" Brittany said, still upset. I let my arms rest outside hers and shushed her.

"It's okay Britt. I haven't seen Jones since high school, and let's just get it out there. I was a _bitch_, Britt" I watched her as I said it determined to calm her down. I could feel her heart beating against my shoulder blade.

"I don't care. You're sweet now, and she shouldn't…" I shushed her again.

"She doesn't know how I am now, Britt-Britt" I said and stroked my hands calmingly over her arms. She pacified. I looked over at Mercedes who looked confused out of her mind.

"Well Kurt told me-" I cut her off immediately, panic striking me and my instinct taking over, jerking away from Britt hugging my sides uncomfortably as I let my eyes bore into Mercedes'.

"I don't care what he told you, and if he told you about me, you are to keep your mouth shut or I will go all Lima Heights. I may not have lived there for four years, but I still know the lingo, Jones. So watch yo mouth and whatever he told you, forget it! It wasn't true; I just said that to make him feel better, I didn't mean it! I lied, okay?" I was breathing heavily, my voice high-pitched and more scared than threatening. I looked over at Brittany who looked utterly confused and Mercedes who looked taken aback. I noticed a girl around eighteen standing with a ball in one hand staring at me, dumbstruck. I glared at her and she blushed and looked away.

"I'm …" I wanted to say that I had something to do, but Brittany's lunch was the next thing and she knew that. I didn't want to make her upset, but I didn't want her to know. Maybe I did… I didn't want Mercedes to know for sure, with all of her preaching crap and I… I just couldn't handle any lectures about how to love. I just needed to get away, but I wanted to get away without hurting Brittany.

I realized that I was staring frantically around, whipping my head in every direction, trying to find an escape. Suddenly Brittany's arms were around me again and I meant to escape but her hold was too strong, even with me writhing and jerking.

"Lemme go" I said as pleadingly as I could. I felt tears sting. Why did I always have to be such an emotional mess? Why did Mercedes absolutely have to be there.

"I know, San, I know. Calm down, let's get out of the water at least, just calm down" Brittany whispered and I froze. What did she mean _she knew_? Had she already figured me out? I felt like snapping, but for some reason the gently sound of her voice calmed me, and I let her drag me out of the water. She half-dragged me to the stair and helped me up, jumping out from the edge herself.

I stared down at me feet, not really wanting to scare Mercedes. As if she had read my mind, Brittany turned to the still dumbstruck Mercedes and said softly: "Don't worry, I'ma get her happy again. Just give us a minute, and don't take it seriously, she's just scared" It was as if the words had been my own, and the frequent wondering of if she actually could read my mind crossed it, but I shoved the thought away. Of course she couldn't, but it was odd how she knew exactly how I felt.

She took my hand and I let her lead me to a bench and sat down pulling me onto her lap. I wrapped my arms around her waist and letting my ear fall to her chest, listening to her heartbeat. It was calming and I didn't care that until an hour ago I didn't know her last name. I cared about how calm she could make me and how good she made me feel. I cared about her.

I didn't ask what she knew, but just sat there and calmed myself. I still felt Mercedes stare in my back but with Brittany's arms around me, I didn't really care. I just wanted to be as near her as possible. I heard Brittany hum lightly as she rocked me back and forth as if I was a baby. The thought made me giggle slightly.

"What's funny?" Brittany asked softly and I drew away to look at her.

"I feel like a baby when you do that" I whispered timidly. She chuckled.

"I hope you don't see me as your mama" she snickered and I shot her a playful glare.

"Just sayin'" she said and hugged me closer. I heard her hum in approval as she buried her face in my hair. It sent shudders down my spine.

"Are you smelling my hair?" I repeated her words giggling. She nodded unashamed and mumbled "coconut" I tightened my grip on her and chuckled.

"Let's go back in the water, huh?" I asked and she nodded into my hair, sighing. I released my grip on her and reluctantly she did the same, pouting up at me.

I think if we had been back home, things might've been different. I couldn't have let her or myself for that matter be so touchy-feely and I definitely wouldn't have flirted with her. But here in the protected surroundings of nothing and the warmth everything was sped up in process but slowed in time. I didn't feel like I had only known Brittany for a few days, it felt like so much more. She felt like a friend I might've known forever, except for the fact that I didn't know squat about her.

I walked back to the pool and let myself drop into the cold water, shuddering at the contact. I walked over to Mercedes, biting my lip.

"Look, I'm sorry, Mercedes… I don't know… I just got scared. I trusted Kurt once with something very personal and I was just afraid that he had told people." She looked confused but still happy. Good, she hadn't guessed it.

"I get it, Santana, I do. I know you had it rough the last year, I watched you, when we were in the Troubletones." She smiled.

"Come here" I said and wrapped her in a hug. She took in a breath in surprise, but I didn't care. I had forgotten that I cared about her too; despite her diva attitude and longing for stardom. Hey, I actually wanted the same, I just wasn't as obvious. Sure, I wanted to shine, but her random diva fights with Kurt and Berry definitely wasn't something I dared to get involved in very often. Berry was actually frightening sometimes, even though I knew that I could cut her any day and that she was probably still scared stiff at the thought of me.

I jerked back suddenly, when a cold splash of water hit my back. I heard a familiar giggle behind me and turned around, releasing Mercedes completely and taking on my best bitch smirk.

"You are so dead, Pierce" I growled teasingly and without warning I splashed water on her, causing her to shriek. I chuckled light-heartedly as I neared her and kept splashing water on her, until I had her cornered. I was almost pressed up against her, her eyes wide in fake fear when her eyes changed and she broke into a wide devilish grin. I was just wondering what had caused it, when a pair of strong hands were placed on each side of me and I was lifted up easily. I kicked and screamed and writhed but Trouty Mouth had me in a firm grip as he threw me across the pool, forcing my head under water. I shut upwards and swam towards him, forgetting that I found him slightly annoying, but instead I playfully jumped onto his back and locked my arms and legs around him as I screamed at Brittany.

"Get him, Britt!" She laughed loudly and threw herself at him splashing water at him. Most of it hit me and I wondered if I really was the target. I crawled further up his back forcing him downwards and finally soured over his shoulder right into Brittany, forcing her under. I grinned in triumph but was then pulled under as well. I felt Brittany hold me tight under water and I felt bubbles against my neck as she laughed.

When we finally emerged at the surface we were both laughing so much but I managed to hear Mercedes talk to Sam.

"-changed so much." She was standing close to Sam, her arms around his neck, smiling.

I decided instantly that I agreed with her. It wasn't really time, which had changed me. It was the presence of Brittany that made me want to be nice. I wanted to try at least. Suddenly I felt fingers tickling up my sides and then they grabbed my waist and lifted me sideways before hurling be back underwater. I laughed and shrieked and lunged at my attacker. Brittany howled but I locked my body around hers, my legs crossed around her waist as I tickled up her neck, giggling as she squirmed. Retaliating she jabbed my sides with her fingers, causing me to yelp. My only weapon now was to stop her motions so I wrapped my arms and legs around her, holding her as close as I could. She froze under me and I listened to her breathing. It wasn't there. Then she relaxed and exhaled and let her arms curl around the small of my back and hug me tight. It was a slightly compromising position we were in, but I didn't care.

"I'm glad you poked my forehead saturday, Britt." I said quietly.

"Mm, me too. But I'm kind of cold, do you mind if we get up from this ice-basin?" she said and started walking to the steps, still hugging me tightly.

"Mm, no not at all. You're the only thing keeping me remotely warm right now" I hummed and tightened my hold, sighing contently.

"Well I can't carry you to the grass. I can, but that would look kind of weird, sweetie." she whispered, causing me to giggle nervously. I loosened my grip on her and let my feet hit the bottom of the pool.

She got up first and then waited for me. The moment I got up I threw my arms around her for warmth. She chuckled and tightened her grip around me. I felt really silly, but she was just so warm and I really liked when we hugged. It was childish to say, but that was how I felt.

We walked as a unit to the towels and laid down on each of ours. Apparently Sugar had fallen asleep. Brittany giggled at the sight and leaned in over Sugar and blew in her ear, pressing her entire upper torso onto Sugar's back, successfully pinning her down.

Sugar murmured and whiffed at Brittany, hitting her nose. The blonde giggled and started whispering and blowing harder into Sugars ear.

"Sugar, you gotta wake up-" she sang and tickled down her back.

"You're going to look like fried bacon-" she sang and I giggled furiously.

"Come on darling-" when Sugar still ignored the blonde, Brittany forced her attention by jabbing her fingers into Sugar's side, making the pig-tailed brunette cry out and writhe, trying to get free.

"Lemme go, Britt!" She growled and tried to move, but she was so tiny and Brittany was very strong. I stifled a snort.

"Seriously, Britt, lemme go or I'ma … I'ma…" Sugar tried to come up with a proper threat.

"Stutter?" I sniggered.

"Shut up" Sugar growled and writhed again. "I'ma take yo Lucky Charms!"

Brittany jumped back and let Sugar free, looking horrified.

"You wouldn't!" Brittany gasped.

Sugar snickered and sat up.

"Oh I would" Sugar warned.

They seemed really close, her and Brittany, and I felt for the first time since I met Brittany that I was intruding. This was their vacation, and Brittany should spend it with her friends, not with me. I really wanted to be her friend too though, but it'd have to wait; maybe when we got back to Lima.

Seeing the way Brittany was with Sugar, the no-personal-space and all I figured that maybe Brittany was just like that, close and flirty with people. I wasn't special.

I dared not move my towel away from them, in case I'd hurt Brittany, so I let myself rest on my back and tan.

"You're going to get tan lines on your shoulders" Brittany suddenly said beside me. I opened my eyes and saw that she was staring at me.

"Yeah… I can't exactly walk around topless" I said and shrugged.

"Just take off the straps, like I did" she giggled. The way she said it was as if it was the simplest thing in the world and that I was weird for not doing it. I looked instinctively at her upper torso and saw the straps that formed her halter neck hanging loosely down her chest. I bit my lip, considering it, then sat up and flicked the straps of my bikini over my shoulder and carefully dragged them off, without revealing any skin that shouldn't be revealed.

"Wanna listen?" Brittany asked when we were laying down. I looked over at the turquoise ear-phone she handed me. I nodded and took it, scooting closer to her to the cord would reach. She giggled and wiggled closer to me as well, until our arms touched. I looked at her sideways and saw her grinning widely.

I fumbled a bit with the earphone because my left hand was trapped between my body and her right arm. When I finally got it in, I frowned. She was listening to a track called Disco Duck. I'd heard it once before and I thought it weird. I didn't mind.

We lay there, listening to her music and I noticed that there was a lot of rap and dance music on it. It was quite unlike my own style which was mostly soul, rock and pop, like Alanis Morisette and Amy Whinehouse and stuff. But like I said, I didn't mind. It was nice with some fresh music. Once in a while the music was actually really old. She had some old Whitney and even a couple of Michael Jacksons and Jackson 5's on there. I hummed along.

"Oh, this is your song!" She exclaimed when GaGa's Edge of Glory came on. I looked round at her.

"What?" I was thoroughly confused.

"You sang this in Chicago with Mercedes and those other girls. You were really pretty in that red dress"

I had forgotten about that. How could I forget? How did she remember? I had long forgotten what color the dress was and who I sang with, but now that she mentioned it, I remember the Troubletones singing this at Nationals. It was a nice memory and I began singing along quietly.

"_Tonight yeah baby tonight yeah baby" _I murmured. I had closed my eyes again.

I don't know how long we lay there, but eventually I was prodded in the forehead and I knew Brittany was trying to wake me. I had apparently dozed off into a half-sleep-like state. I giggled and scrunched my nose when she tapped it lightly.

"Stop it" I murmured and tried to swat her away with my hand as if she was an annoying fly.

"Come on, if we're going to eat lunch before the sun goes down, we have to leave" Brittany said and I opened my eyes. She was right in front of my face, her blue eyes glistening and her lips spread in a toothy grin. _Best wake-up-sight ever_.

"Yeah, okay. But… Um, do you mind if we like tag along with the others?" I asked. It wasn't that I didn't like being alone with Brittany, I did. I liked it so much. It was just… I didn't want to lead her on, having her think that I was into her and shit. I knew I was but I didn't feel like she should know. It would pass; I just wanted to be her friend. Actually, I did want to catch up with Mercedes too, and Trouty Mouth didn't seem that annoying. Even Sugar seemed… No I still didn't like her. She was just way too much everything. She reminded me somewhat of Berry, just annoying in another way.

"Sure," Brittany said happily.

"Sam, Cedes, you on for lunch?" she yelled across the lawn to Sam and Mercedes who were lying on their towels talking, their hands linked. They lifted their heads, almost in synchrony. I smiled sheepishly at them.

"Um, sure, Britt" Mercedes said. "Ten minutes?"

Brittany nodded and got up, grabbing my wrist and pulling me with her. I looked at her quizzically.

"I have to cool off before going anywhere" she said innocently and I didn't think she had meant anything other than the literal statement. Her skin was clad in a light sheet of sweat and her face was heated from lying in the sun. I looked as she sped to the edge of the pool and jumped in curling her legs and holding them in her arms, hugging them as she landed butt-first in the water and submerged. She shot out of the water, running her hands through her silky hair and grinned up at me.

"Come on Sanny" She said. I considered denying her request but then again, I couldn't really deny her much. I nodded and ran uncharacteristically enthusiastically to the edge and plunged into the ice-cold water with a yell. I heard Brittany laugh before I was submerged. I made sure to straighten my hair under water and hold my head up high as I appeared above the surface, mimicking her movements when she had emerged.

"You girls are cray cray!" Mercedes laughed from the edge. I looked over at Brittany devilishly before we both splashed as much water as possible right on Mercedes. She cried out loud and jumped back trying to avoid the drops, but without much success. We laughed at her.

"You're still a _bitch _Santana!" she howled good-heartedly but sourly at the same time. I giggled and rolled my eyes at her.

* * *

"Wait, what happened to Louisville?" Mercedes asked. We were sitting at a restaurant about a mile from our home. It was a pizzeria but there were other meal-options.

By '_we'_ I meant Brittany, Sam, Mercedes, Sugar and I. I felt oddly glad at the company I'd otherwise fled from. Maybe it wasn't really people I had fled from…

I bit the end of a fry as I shrugged. "Didn't have the major I wanted"

"Which major did you take?" Mercedes asked, clearly interested.

"Music" I said timidly. She smirked.

"Told ya you'd love glee"

"No way, chica, I hated that place. I loved singing" I said pointing at her with the rest of my fry before eating it with a sly grin. She shrugged.

"You are such a good singer, you'll definitely become famous. There's no doubt." Brittany said confidently as she took another bite of her Roma pizza. She moved a strand of hair behind her ear as she chomped on the piece. I looked at her until Mercedes caught my eye and smirked. I scowled in return making her put up her hands in defense, not saying anything. We exchanged a quiet discussion where the subject wasn't quite clear.

I turned again to look at Brittany who was sitting next to me. She smiled, looking at me from the corner of her eye. I smiled back and nudged her playfully, making her drop a piece of ham from her pizza. She looked at Santana and pouted.

"You made me drop my ham!" she accused in a childish voice that made both Sugar and Santana giggle.

"Sorry" Santana chuckled but grabbed the piece from Brittany's plate and at it herself.

"Hey!" Brittany said fiercely. "Give it back!" She was pouting.

"Then come get it" I teased, having forgotten that there were more people than just me and Britt. I didn't think she dared, and therefore I froze – heart and everything – when she grabbed my face with both hands and leaned in towards me. When she was about three inches from me she broke down in laughter and released me, jerking back and roared. I stared at her wide-eyed.

"You really thought I was going to kiss you, didn't you?" she laughed and slapped her knee repeatedly, trying to gain control of herself. I felt really hot in the face and now all of the others – with the exception of Mercedes – were laughing too. Sam and Sugar were laughing uncontrollably, as I tried to fathom the events.

Finally I felt like it was safe to move, and I looked around at Mercedes. Her gaze was distant as if she was solving a very hard math-problem and finally her eyes met mine. There was an understanding in them that made me sure that she had figured it out. At least for a split-second I was sure of that. Then she shook her head – not as in disbelief – but as if the threw away her theory. She returned her focus to her food and I to mine. I dared not speak again or look at Brittany, my face still hot and my mind circling.

Did she have to be so flirty and teasing all the time? It was so frustrating. I didn't know how to react, because _I_ was always the flirty one. That however was only to get attention, but it just seemed like it was a part of Brittany's personality.

I finished my fries and chicken in silence and had to stop myself several times from glancing at her. I only looked up to look at Mercedes, and didn't really keep up with their conversation; something about Venice I think. I did however roll my eyes when I heard the name Venice. Oh how romantic; like I needed any of that. I just needed to get over this stupid crush on Britt and then keep the hell away from love for a while.

* * *

"Okay, so we're all paying our own, right?" Sugar asked when we had all finished, and the female waiter had gotten our stuff.

"Um, I'm paying for Mercedes" Sam said sheepishly, rewarded by Mercedes with a peck on the cheek.

"I'm paying for Santana." Brittany chirped happily, without further explanation.

"I can pay for myself, Britt" I knew that she had wanted to pay, but for some reason it made us seem couply like Sam and Mercedes if she paid for me.

"No freaking way, San" she said, suddenly sounding mad. I looked at her, scared at her sudden outburst. She smiled. "Finally you look at me… Oh well, you're not paying, you paid for breakfast, I'm paying for this" she said and swatted my hand as I reached for my purse anyway.

"Ugh…" I huffed and let my purse fall back into my bag. She grinned triumphantly and got out her own purse. I couldn't help but smile at the happiness she radiated. It was infectious really.

"We were thinking of going to Luna Park on Wednesday, if you wanna come. You know that big funfair?" Sam asked me to divert the subject. I shrugged and smiled.

"I don't know, maybe…" Normally my opinions on funfairs was that they were childish and something I'd never do, but I suppose it could be fun… Maybe. Anyway, I'd get to be with Britt there without it just being us, so that was good, right?

"Oh you have to come, it looks so amazing" Britt pleaded and tugged at my arm. I grinned at her.

"I suppose I could go..." I said.

Suddenly, there was a sound of a piano that slowly became louder. Brittany began to dig into her bag

_Now that she's back in the atmosphere with drops of Jupiter in her hair-_

"Hi Nate" Brittany said cheerfully into the phone. She lit up and cooed in awe.

"Yeah, I miss you too." she said with a playful pout.

"Oh it's great. We got a 'fifth member' to the group." She said and looked over at me with a toothy grin.

"Yeah, Santana. She's amazing, like, so awesome. She lives in Lima too, and she went to school with Cedes" I blushed and looked down at the table to hide my smile. She thought I was amazing.

"Oh, Nate that's incredible! Yeah, of course we can, how about Thursday?" I looked over at her with a raised brow. She mouthed s-k-y-p-e. I nodded and smiled. Nate was probably her brother or something. Surely if it had been her boyfriend, he would've been here.

"Aw, I love you too!" she exclaimed and earned eye rolls from both Sam and Sugar. I looked at her strangely because that wasn't a tone you usually used with a sibling.

"Yeah, can't wait to see you! Bye" Brittany cooed and turned the phone off. She looked over at me with an apologetic smile.

"Who was that?" I blurted. It wasn't my place to ask and I knew that, but I couldn't help myself. I needed to know.

"Oh that was Nate." she said and when I still looked confused she added smilingly "He's my boyfriend."

* * *

**A/N**

Okay, so first the playfield gets evened out a bit, with them both being more flirty. I strangely like that it's happening so fast. Also yay, Santana's first of several gay-panic attacks and yeah! Britt and Nate. Twist huh? Actually that was what I based the entire thing on, Brittany belonging to someone else, becuase I like Santana's panic at Brittany being Artie's in Glee Season 2 so much! :3

I love writing Santana because she's a loot more self-judging than Brittany and that reminds me of myself. I can't believe how often I scold myself.

Also, THANK YOU so much for reading this story! It really means a lot! I just reached page 50 in my master-document and I've almost written 24k words. It's all thanks to you guys reading my story!

My biggest problem is making the characters my own because I've read so many other fanfictions. :) I will start writing chapter six tonight and hopefully finish it tomorrow, it's a pretty fun chapter I can tell you. There will be a new chapter sunday ;). Hopefully I will reach 100 pages before I get home from Italy in a week, but really I need to tan!

ALSO, sorry for my Italian, I don't speak it so my mom's tourist dictionary and google translate are my friends here.

Song for this chapter** - I won't say (I'm in love) - Hercules**

Link for the song on youtube **/watch?v=Yl6Yyl7iZhs**


	4. Dreams

**Chapter 4 – Dreams**

Alright, so Britt wasn't single. That wasn't bad. It wasn't like I'd wanted her to be in a relationship with me or anything. I should just be happy for her, because she clearly loved the guy. I was just Santana Lopez, Brittany's amazing new friend. I could make that work… _for now_. Ugh, no not for now! I was going to get over this crush when I got to know her a bit better and then we'd be friends. _Yeah right, more like girlfriends_. Stop it damnit! You're Santana freaking Lopez, not some sappy fifteen year-old with her first crush. I don't do crushes, I don't need love. I love myself more than enough for two people. _But then again…_ No! No way, no freaking way. I'm single and Brittany isn't and that's how it's supposed to be. Besides, she doesn't like me like that.

"Santana, don't you think you should buy some milk with all of that cereal?" Brittany asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. We were at the 'Winner Supermarcatio' – Brittany's suggestion (more like demand) – and were shopping for the most basic necessities for me. Even here on day three, I still hadn't bought anything. It was a good thing Brittany forced me here, because I was running out of shampoo. Apparently the flask I'd brought wasn't full like I'd thought, but there was enough for three or four times, if I saved it. That wasn't really enough though.

"Um… yeah" I said and pushed the cart towards the dairy section. Brittany was skipping joyfully in front of me, almost dance-like, when she suddenly twirled and bumped into a muscular Italian.

"Sorry!" she squeaked and retreated to walk beside me. The man smiled and walked on, not making a fuss.

"Why are you pouting?" I asked. She looked like a kid who'd had her candy confiscated.

"I don't know, I just like to dance" she said and gave me a sad smile.

"You do that a lot?" I asked.

"Dance? Um, yeah. I graduated from Los Angeles Valley College's dance department this summer" Brittany said, smiling.

"Oh, that explains it. And why you're so… muscular" I caught myself from saying something really tacky and flirty like '_ablulous_'. She raised an eyebrow as if to tell me she had seen right through me. Then she patted her stomach and grinned at me, making my ears feel warm.

"Yeah I've danced since I was like one year old, so." she shrugged.

We reached the dairy section and was faced with a selection of god knows how many different kinds of cheese and double the amount of yoghurts.

"Where the heck's the milk?" I growled, scouting for it. No milk to be seen anywhere. Brittany tapped my shoulder and pointed at a corner where a few milk-bottles were shoved tightly together. There were some with light-blue lids and some with pink.

"Which one is the low-fat?" I asked myself grabbing the light-blue and trying to decipher. I was good at speaking Italian but horrible at reading it. Luckily most of it was a lot like Latin, and I had learned that… some time ago.

"The pink one" Brittany answered and grabbed one. I looked at her, frowning. She reached up and tugged her hair behind her ear, pushing her bangs out of her face, as she continued. "Sugar eats those Coco Pop Wheel thingies for breakfast."

I nodded and put down the light-blue, grabbing a pink one instead.

"What then, what do we need?" I asked, almost domestically.

"Um, orange juice, eggs and… toilet paper" she said as she read the list we had made before going.

"Also a bubble blower" She said suddenly, making me look at her with a raised eyebrow. I was fairly sure the list didn't include that.

"I want one, okay? I love bubbles!" She said happily, jumping like a child begging for a puppy. I rolled my eyes and smiled at her.

"Okay then, go get one. But no blowing bubbles by the pool, got it?" I said and she nodded eagerly hugging me lightly before skipping off into the children's section.

"Right…" I said and pushed the cart forwards without looking for free passage. Naturally, because this super-market was tiny and there were way too many people, I collided with a passing cart.

"Sorry" I mumbled at a blonde girl, not really sorry, but I had to be polite, right?

I walked along until I found a small pink – what's with Italians and pink dairy products? – Tray with six eggs. Just as I had put them in the cart, I was hugged from behind by Brittany. She leaned her chin on my shoulder and showed me a little bottle with soap and a blower, the outside themed with the Disney princesses.

"Look Sanny, isn't it pretty?" She asked and I nodded. I didn't know what was to be pretty about a bubble blower, but if Britt thought it, then okay. Whatever.

She put it in the cart and wrapped her arms around my waist forcing us to waddle to get forwards. I giggled and nudged her to get her to let go. I didn't want her to, but it was really difficult to walk like this. She tightened her embrace momentarily and then let go. To make up for it she grabbed my hand and held it, taking over for the hand with her other, pushing the cart, so that we were both pushing it. I smiled but drew out my hand.

"People might get the wrong idea" I said quietly when she frowned at me.

"Let them" she said and reached for my hand.

"You have a boyfriend Britt"

"They don't know that"

"I know they don't, but I know that you have a boyfriend" I hissed when she tried to reach for my hand for the second time.

"Do you like me or something?"

"Of course I do, I told you that at breakfast" I said, knowing what she really meant.

"No, I mean, do you like me, like me?" She looked serious. I was momentarily stunned, weighing my options before letting out a strained laugh and nudging her. She didn't need to know.

"Someone thinks a lot of herself" I said, trying to save face. She seemed to believe it because she grinned toothily and nudged me back.

"Hey I'm sexy and I know it" she sang and laughed.

"Yes you are" I agreed with a smirk.

We continued down the rows and got the orange juice and toilet paper. I paid for my stuff, and her bubble blower, and she helped me carry one of the two bags I had bought.

* * *

I insisted that she go hang out with the others around 6 pm, because I really needed a run. Of course I did need a run, but if I was to get over this crush, I needed to not be around her all the time. I think she sensed that I needed some alone time, because even though I knew that she was probably a runner herself, she didn't offer to go with me, and I was grateful.

I changed to my training bra and a pair of short soccer-shorts and my running shoes. Some might think that wearing a tank-top or something like that would be fitting, but I wasn't really shy about that. I had a great body, cheering in both high-school and college plus the dance classes I'd been pulled through had left my thighs firm and my stomach flat. I didn't have a six-pack, but some might say that there still was a hint of muscles there.

As I got out, I realized how stupid it was to run now. It was hot and the sun was baking, but I had to. I needed the endorphins like I needed water. I needed my kick. The kick was my reason for running, not so much to keep myself in shape but to get that rush from training and exhausting myself. I needed to stop thinking about Brittany so much.

The first mile was a pain, always was, but when I reached two miles, the endorphins started to come. It was amazing to be able to forget about everything, because I really needed that. I had gone here to stop thinking so much about everything, and now I was thinking about so much more. It was exactly what I had fled from in the first place, and my mind had actually wondered if itw wouldn't be better to just leave again, soon. But a part of me just couldn't. I longed to know about her, get to know her as much as possible, and if that caused my mind to go haywire, then bring the damage.

* * *

"_Satan!"_

"_Sandbags!"_

"_Loser!"_

"_Ex-queen bee turned geek!"_

"_What are you going to do with your life, huh Mija? What when you don't get a job? I'm glad you decided to go to college, but really, what do you think you'll achieve?"_

"_Bitch!"_

_. . . _

"_Dyke!"_

My eyes sprung open and I sat up straight. I was breathing heavily and my heart was beating rapidly. It was all true. Everything they had said, even Papi. I hated it! I was a bitch and a Satan; I didn't treat people nicely, even if they hadn't done anything wrong. I was Sandbags, like Coach had called me. She didn't understand. I was insecure and stupid and Papi had allowed it! It was my body, my freaking own choice. I was a loser and a geek, hey, I read freaking comic books. I was a closet geek along with closet so many other things. I would never achieve my dream. I wasn't like Berry, determined and special. I was Santana Lopez from the wrong side of the tracks, I was nothing. I was a dyke. The only person who'd ever called me a dyke was me, but it didn't make it any less true.

It was thundering annoyingly and my room was frequently enlightened by the flashes. Rain was hammering on the roof and I actually didn't like it. I looked over at the clock which read 00:42.

It was a rash decision I made when I grabbed my phone to text Brittany.

I smiled in reminiscence at when I'd gotten her number. She had just gone home to join the others for dinner, a dinner I politely declined, when I started to put the groceries in the fridge and I noticed a small note written on torn-off paper and shoved into the bag.

_Hey I just met you (Saturday, but still!) and this is crazy (Totally cray cray!) but here's my number (and my e-mail) so call me maybe? (or text, if it's at butts o'clock.) – Brittany (Who's sexy and knows it!)_

Underneath this had been an e-mail address and a phone-number. I had laughed when I'd read the note. It was really tacky, but at the same time it was really funny with all of the side-comments. I normally didn't like the song, but after I'd read it, I kept humming that tune, even while making my egg and salmon dinner.

I unlocked my phone and began texting, deleting everything multiple times. At first it sounded like a booty call and then I sounded like a twelve-year-old. At last I managed to text something I was somewhat okay with sending.

_Hey Britt, you awake? I can't sleep because of the thunder… - Santana_

I made sure to sign it because she didn't have my number yet. She probably wasn't awake, and I realized that I was probably the only one who wasn't that good at falling asleep. They were probably all snoring, and I grabbed my phone again to text her _never mind_. It buzzed before I got to text her.

_Oh hey Sanny! Yeah, we're awake, thunder's really annoying. Come over, we're not doing anything anyway. Sugar's making us some coffee though. We're in number 35. – B_

I grinned and jumped out of bed eagerly. I grabbed a shirt and threw it over my head and a towel to shield myself somewhat from the water, before walking out. The minute the door slammed behind me I remembered that I had forgotten my key.

"Shit" I hissed and looked through the kitchen window. It was only closed with the mosquito net and I tried to keep the towel over my head as I managed to jerk the net downwards and then upwards. I must've looked ridiculous, towel still over my head and on my way in through the kitchen window in the middle of the night. The minute I got inside I closed the window properly. If I could get in, so could burglars.

This time I remembered to take the key before slamming my door and I ran down the stairs and started scouting for an apartment 35. It had to be close to here. According to the numbers it should be somewhere to my right, and therefore I walked that way. That was not the case, and by that time my towel was soaked and had begun dripping down into my hair.

"San! Santana!" Brittany called from a door just around the corner. I sprinted there.

"Oh my god, you're soaked" she giggled when reached her. She was standing under a covered part of the front side balcony and rushed me inside.

"I couldn't freaking find it" I said loudly, trying to overpower the sound of a particularly loud thunder. She took the towel from me and gestured for me to go inside as she started to wrung the towel for the worst amount of water. Their apartment was bigger than mine, not by much but still. It was probably meant for four persons. There was an orange and green couch – utterly hideous – and a bigger table with four chairs. There were three rooms; to masters and a bathroom.

I was taking in the room when Brittany swooped around me and out on the balcony to drape my towel over a chair.

"Thanks." I said

"Hey Santana" said a voice from the kitchen section suddenly. I hadn't noticed Sugar, but she was standing in the kitchen with a pot of coffee in one hand and three cups in the other.

"We're sitting in Britt's bed" she told me and pushed the door open with her hip and walked into the room. I hesitated momentarily before following her. The room was almost identic to mine with the exception of the placement of the cabinet and the color of the sheets.

Sugar was sitting on the bed with the pot and the cups on the night-stand. Brittany walked past me and fell onto her bed sprawling across it and burying her head in the sheets, humming happily. Outside the thunder loudened.

I gingerly walked to sit by the other nightstand cross-legged. Sugar handed me a cup of coffee and asked if I wanted sugar or milk, both of which I declined.

"So, couldn't sleep?" Sugar asked.

"I did fall asleep, I think, but the stupid storm woke me" I answered growlingly.

"Then it's a good thing _we_ were awake too" Brittany said, lifting her head and resting it in her hands as she kicked the air with her legs like a teenager at a sleepover. I nodded

"Anyone up for a game?" Brittany asked, propping herself up to sit. She patted on the sheets beside her as a gesture for me to sit beside her. Sugar handed Brittany her coffee.

"Sure, which one?" I asked as I wiggled to sit beside Brittany. I could be down with playing a game.

"I don't know, something that gets us to know each other better?" Sugar asked with a shrug.

"Sugar, we've known each other for eight years, I don't really think there's anything we don't know about each other" Brittany said. I chuckled.

"I was talking about getting to know Santana better, goof" Sugar said with a playful eye-roll.

"Oh… okay… Well we could just take turns asking each other questions?" Brittany said and sipped from her coffee. I mimicked her. It was actually decent coffee.

"That sounds boring. How about we make a real game of it?" Sugar said

"Yeah, but which?"

I watched as Brittany and Sugar talked back and forth, then I remembered something Quinn had made the cheerios do in freshman year.

"I have an idea, do you have cards?"

Sugar looked over at me with slightly furrowed brows before smiling and nodded, lunging into Brittany's night-stand. She digged through some magazines and what looked like a diary before finding a deck of cards. She handed it to me and smiled.

"What do you have in mind?" Brittany asked

"Something my best friend made me play in high school" I said as I unpacked the deck and started sorting through it, trying to remember the rules.

"Okay… I think I remember. Every card has its own theme, and the card you draw decides who you address and the theme of the question. Sugar, sit here, so we're sitting in a triangle. Okay, now the person to your left is red and the person to your right is black. If I for example draw a red card then I address Sugar. Joker's are free questions addressed to whoever you want."

They nodded as I started sorting the cards by value.

"Okay… Tens are high school, jacks are boys, romantically, queens are girls, same, kings are dreams, aces are childhood, twos are alcohol, threes are …" I stopped because I didn't remember any other categories.

"Family?" Brittany asked.

"Yeah, we can say that… Okay, I don't remember any other, but I guess that we don't need the entire deck, right?"

The nodded and I discarded all cards with the value four through nine.

"The questions must be asked in a way that allows the asked to answer with either yes or no, but the asked is allowed to elaborate and the asker is allowed to ask for elaboration."

They nodded again and I started mixing the cards. I noticed that the cards were Disney-themed as well. They had all sorts of different characters on them, from Goofy and Mickey Mouse to Pascal from Tangled. It was actually pretty cool, again, not that I'd ever admit it.

I laid the cards in a pile between us.

"I guess I'll start" Brittany said and drew a card. It was a jack of spades with a motif of Sebastian from The Little Mermaid. Brittany smiled.

"Any new boys lately, Sugar?" she asked with a smug smile.

"Nope" Sugar said, sticking her tongue out playfully. I sipped from my coffee. Brittany didn't elaborate and neither did Sugar. She drew a card; two of clover.

"Do you have a certain drunk-type?" Sugar asked.

"Yes, very much so" I said, grinning shyly.

"Uh, which?" Brittany asked excitedly.

"Hey, I'm the only one who gets to ask for elaboration here!" Sugar said, and swatted Brittany on the knee.

"It's okay. I am a mix of sobbing drunk and horny drunk. To put it differently, I cry to get my dates to make out with me" I said with a shrug. Both Brittany and Sugar roared with laughter.

"I'd like to see you drunk!" Brittany said loudly, through her laughing.

"Why, so you could take advantage?" I grinned.

"Someone thinks a lot of herself" she said, repeating my words from earlier. I shrugged. Being playful with Brittany was becoming easier, knowing that she had a boyfriend, and that it really was all good fun.

I drew a card; jack of hearts.

"Have you ever dated a friend's ex?" I asked Sugar.

"I have. Artie Abrams" Sugar smiled. "He was such a sweetheart"

"Whose ex was it?" I asked, curiously.

"Mine" Brittany snorted good-heartedly. "I dated him for five months in junior year of high school and Sugar dated him for three months in senior year"

I looked at them. Normally there was a rule about not dating friends' exes, but for them it didn't seam like a big deal. I remember how much grief I gave Quinn about Puck.

"Okay, let's go on" Sugar said as she drew a card; black queen.

"Oooh, just what I was hoping for!" She exclaimed excitedly. She looked at me mischievously and bit her lip before blurting: "Have you had a girlfriend?"

I let out a relieved breath, fearing that she might've asked me something about Britt.

"No" I said confidently.

"Oh…" Sugar said disappointedly. She looked at Brittany for some reason, but I didn't try and figure out why. I drew a card; Two of spades. I looked at Britt.

"Do _you_ have a certain drunk-type?" I asked with a sly grin. Sugar burst out laughing and Brittany nodded, looking suddenly shy. It was the first time I'd seen her look shy, and it was adorable. She looked up at me, her head still bowed, chewing on her lip and smiling timidly. Totally irresistible.

"Which?" I asked, nudging her playfully. She didn't answer, but looked over at Sugar in stead, urging her to answer for her.

"She turns into a stripper when she's drunk" Sugar said, roaring with uncontained laughter. I looked over at Brittany whose cheeks had turned pink. I knew she was person without many limits, but I'd never heard of anyone who'd turn into a stripper drunk. _Gotz to get that gurl drunk_. No, no way, it'll go so damn wrong! A horny emotional me and a stripper Brittany isn't a good combo. I remembered horribly what had happened when I'd gone to a strip-club in college, on a dare. Let's just say a headache wasn't the only think I woke up with that morning. _Exactly, that's why-_ No freaking way. Santana Marie Lopez, get your crap together, now!

"Um, Santana, are you there?" Sugar asked and prodded my knee. I snapped up and looked at her, drawing my knee away dismissively. I still hadn't decided if I didn't like her or well… saw her as an acquaintance. Not friends. She was childish and all, like Brittany, but she wasn't Brittany.

"I'm here" I said. I looked over at Brittany and found her studying me intently. I caught her eye and she retreated, clearing her throat, her cheeks still pink from embarrassment, and drew a card; king of hearts.

"Do you have a career-minded dream?" she asked, and I nodded.

"What is it?" She asked curiously, her playfulness returning.

"I want to be a singer, like Adele or Amy. I want to be famous" I said sheepishly. It was a stupid dream, I knew it. It was my dream none the less.

"Cool, I heard you sing, you're totes awesome. You'll definitely be the next Beyoncé" Sugar assured. I smiled ashamedly. I didn't know why they had such faith in me, I wasn't that good. I had a rocking voice, but I lacked star-potential. Wait, she had heard me? I asked her that.

"Oh Brittany showed me a video from your 2012 regionals and the 2012 nationals. It was really impressive. Gurl, you can rap!" Sugar said and smacked my leg lightly. I didn't bother to scold her.

"You should totally sing for us." Brittany said as I took a large gulp of coffee..

"What? Now?" I spluttered, choking on the hot beverage and coughing.

"Yeah, totally!" Sugar chimed in.

"No way, José" I said and took another sip.

"Why not? You're voice is amazing, and we need some entertainment, and we don't have enough vodka to get Britt drunk" Sugar said.

"Um… I don't know what I should sing" I said. Suddenly, I thought of a song I'd noticed on Brittany's phone and began humming as I rose to stand in front of the bed. It had actually been my savoir through most of my exam time. They both stared.

"_No walls can keep protected, no sleet, nothing in between me and the rain_" I sang quietly. I had never quite been able to match up to Florence's pitch, but it sounded okay, considering that I hadn't warmed up or anything.

"_And you can't save me now, I'm in the grip of a hurricane, I'm gonna blow myself away_" I sang. I looked over at Brittany whose eyes were sparkling like she reflected fireworks.

"_I'm going out, I'm gonna drink myself to death, and in the crowd I see you with someone else, I brace myself 'cause I know it's going to hurt, but I like to think that at least things can't get any worse_" I sang with more force, deafening the thunder. I noticed how perfectly it fit my feelings of despair I'd felt for the last four months. I hummed.

"_No home, no warm shelter. No calm, nothing to keep me from the storm, and you can't hold me down, 'cause I belong to the hurricane, it's gonna blow this all away_" I gestured outwards, through the window and waved theatrically at it, pulling it towards me.

"_I'm going out, I'm gonna drink myself to death, and in the crowd I see you with someone else, I brace myself cause I know it's going to hurt, but I like to think that at least things can't get any worse_" I began swaying and clutching my hands to my chest as I let myself fall into the song, forgetting everything.

"_I hope that you see me,'cause I'm staring at yo. But when you look over, you look right through. Thjen you lean and kiss her on the head, and I never felt so alive, and so dead_" I sank down before shooting back up in a jump and pointed into the room forcing invisible people back form me, assuring them that my business is my goddamn own business.

"_I'm going out, I'm gonna drink myself to death, and in the club I see you with someone else, I brace myself cause I know it's going to hurt, I'm going out. I'm going out, I'm gonna drink myself to death, and and in the club I see you with someone else, I've braced myself cause I know it's going to hurt, I'm going ooo-o-ou-out. I'm going ooo-o-ou-out. I'm going oo-oo-ou-ou-out. I'm going o-o-out. I'm going oo-oo-ou-ou-out. I'm going o-o-out._" I pointed at the door, and lastly I marched out decisively. The minute I'd stopped singing I popped my head back in, grinning at them. They both looked stunned, and still wide-eyes they began applauding wildly, making me smirk. I still had it.

"That was…" Sugar said.

"Hot" Brittany finished and Sugar nodded.

"Amazing, like… Will you please sign something of mine so that one day I can sell it for the price of a jet and just retire because I got Santana _freaking_ Lopez' autograph before she was famous?" Sugar exclaimed and jumped towards me, pleadingly. I raised a brow and smirked.

"Maybe, if you're lucky" I said playfully, making Brittany giggle.

"She's right though, you're totally going to be famous. I don't even care that we probably woke all of our neighbors, they just heard a private concert with Santana Lopez" Brittany said, in an I'm-not-even-sorry voice. I grinned. It was nice to be recognized for a talent, but it meant even more that it had been Brittany who had applauded me.

We spent the next hour drinking coffee and eating Coco Pop Wheels and telling stories and finally the storm seemed to have passed.

"This was fun, girls. But I gotz to get home, my bed is calling for me" I said and patted Brittany on the head She was lying with her head in my lap and I'd been stroking her hair absentmindedly for the last half hour. She looked up at me with a pout and batted her eyes at me.

"No, I'm tired, Britt." I said.

"Can't you just sleep here?" she asked in a whiny yet cute voice.

"And where would I sleep, honey? I don't think I want to sleep on your couch when I have a soft and fluffy bed waiting a hundred feet away. No offence" I said and tried to lift her head from my lap and onto the pillow. She huffed and pressed her head down on my thigh, not wanting to move. She grabbed my hand and placed it in her hair puffing her lip at me. It was clear that she wanted me to stroke her hair again, so I did.

"You can bunk with Britt." Sugar said as she collected the cups and carried them out and into the kitchen.

"Yeah, totally" Brittany said when I looked at her. I considered it. Why not? I mean it's not like anything would happen right? She's taken and I'm not drunk so I'd be able to control myself. Friends bunking with friend; that was normal, right? Maybe not friends you haven't known for only a few days, but whatever…

"Okay" I said.

Brittany smiled and crept under the covers, scooting over – not much but enough – to make room for me. Apparently she slept in the attire she'd been wearing – Short shorts and a tank-top with duck motif. She drew back the covers and patted next to her. I smiled timidly and crawled in to lie beside her.

"Goodnight Sanny" she said and smiled as she reached over to turn off the lights on a switch above the night-stand.

"Goodnight Britt" I said, lying as far away as possible. She yawned and rolled onto her back, humming happily. It was the last sound I heard before I fell into a dreamless sleep, out like a light.

* * *

**A/N** - From the next chapter and forwards, there will be a Beta looking over this story, thanks to Liz (y)!

So, I've just gotten past 34.000 words on my master-document, and I wrote around 20 pages today so I'm pretty much dead right now! but I promised that you'd get it today, so HERE YA GO GUYS! 8D

I really hope you'll keep reading, it's so amazing to see it! I know that I should go straight home to bed, but I just found out what is to happen in chapter eight, and it had my stomach doing summersaults, with bare inspiration. I think that Chapter 7 will be rather hard to write, but I seriously can't wait to write chapter 8 :3!

For those who read this before 07:07 AM (+2GMT) Sorry for the screw-up again! This is why I need a Beta! Because I'm freaking blind! ._.

Song for this chapter - **Hurricane Drunk - Florence and the Machine** (The song Santana sang) It's my favorite FatM song ever!

Link for the youtube **/watch?v=SoHV229_DQM**

Love you all!, bye! I'm looking forwards to check in on the story tomorrow. For MDB readers, I'll start rewriting chapter 3 tomorrow as well ;) I'll update both when I can 8D


	5. Charlie & Joe

**Chapter 5 – Charlie & Joe**

There was something on my nose; something truly annoying that threatened to wake me from sleep. Wait, I was thinking now, right? So I already was awake. Well, that sucked. I was pretty sure it was what Brittany described as "Butt's o clock" and I made to turn around. My arm wouldn't move because it was trapped under something. I felt around with my other hand. Wow, bad choice,I was definitely not alone in this bed, and I was just groping whoever I was hugging. I realized in a very awkward way – accidentally grabbing her boob when I thought it was her stomach – that it was a woman. Who the hell was I hugging anyway? I carefully opened my eyes and was faced with a messy nest of blonde hair. Right, I was sleeping in Brittany's bed, I remembered now. I was bunking there from last night. Okay. I must've moved some last night because I definitely wasn't cuddling her when we went to bed. I tried to tug back the arm she was lying on, but failed miserably. Instead I seemed to wake her. _No, no, stop, shh!_ I thought panicky. No need, she was awake… God dammit.

"Sanny?" she whispered and tried to turn. I instinctively tightened my grip on her and buried my head in her shoulder, turning redder by the second. I hummed in response.

"Sanny, you awake?" She asked and I felt as she craned her neck. I think she might've seen the top of my hair, but if not she could feel me.

"San, it's morning" she chimed and let her hands stroke my arms. I tightened the embrace again and hummed in protest.

"Don't wanna" I mumbled into her neck. She giggled and pried my arms away from her enough so she could twist to look at me. My face felt like it was burning.

"Hey" she said calmly. I dared to look up at her and smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry for like, cuddling you… I must've moved in my sleep" I mumbled. She giggled again and curled her own arms difficultly around me and hugged me tightly. I let my forehead rest in the crook of her neck, and hummed.

"I don't wanna get up" I mumbled pathetically. I could think of no better place to be than right here in her arms in the morning. I could do this forever… Ugh, no I was supposed to get over this crush, not fall for her!

"But you have too, you're hungry" She said as my stomach betrayed me big time by growling painfully.

"But I don't wanna go home" I said even more pathetically, tightening my arms around her, pressing our torso's together. She giggled and returned the embrace

"How about we make a deal?" She asked, resting her chin on my head. I shrugged and sighed contently.

"If you get up now, you get to bunk with me whenever you want" I think my heart just stopped. Whenever? I could get to do this all the time? I could so be down with that.

"And if I don't?" I croaked and retreated a bit when my lower lip accidentally brushed her neck. I heard her breath hitch.

"Then I'm not going to get ice-cream with you today, _and_ you don't get to bunk with me anymore, at all!" I jerked back, releasing her and pulling my arm back staring at her.

"You wouldn't" I breathed, scared that she actually would make reality of her threat.

"I would" she said seriously. "Now get up" she pushed me gently backwards with one hand, in order to retreat the other.

"And, um… By the way, I'm not single, so, not that I mind or anything, but for future references, please ask before groping my boob" she grinned and I stared. _Shit!_ I felt as my face went pale and then crimson in a split-second.

"I-I, it, I" I stuttered and wiggled away from her quickly, until there simply wasn't any mattress left and my butt hit the floor, followed by the rest of my body. _Great; like I needed more shame_! I quickly scrambled up. Trying, and failing horribly, at smirking. It was a grimace. _Shit, fuckity bull, shit!_ I was so flustered and embarrassed that I didn't even notice her. I was way too caught up in my own panic when the sound of her laughter penetrated my eardrums and deafened my self-scolding.

She was laughing and rolling around on the bed trying to control herself. I stopped dead and looked at her, partly shocked and partly mesmerized. She was so happy, unworriedly enjoying the world. I got now why she was so flirty. It wasn't because it was an oblivious and natural thing for her. It was the pleasure she got from making other people embarrassed, and how funny she thought they were. It was as if it was a game for her. It was her way of teasing people, not by saying mean things or anything like that, but simply by messing with them.

Even though my face felt like it was like a hundred degrees, I still couldn't stop the smile I sported, and the pride I felt at making her laugh. Laugh equals happy, right? And if I was able to make her laugh then surely I was able to make her happy.

She looked around at me finally, wiping her eyes and chuckling. My face seemed to reach boiling point but I managed to smile sheepishly.

"I'm sorry" I muttered. She smiled and turned to lie on her stomach, looking up at me.

"It's okay, just ask next time, okay?" She smirked.

"Yeah… sure… Look, Brittany, I'm really glad I got to bunk with you and all, and I really enjoyed it… Last night I mean, it was, um…" I looked away, not wanting to meet her gaze. "I have to go home, though. I have some stuff I need done, I can't stay. Reading, yeah, I promised a friend of mine that I'd read a book she'd given me, so um, I need to go… Bye!" I said and with that I was out of the bedroom, feeling very much like I was doing the walk of shame.

"Santana wait! I'm sorry!" Brittany called after me.

"No, Brittany, you don't have anything to be sorry for, I'm the one who's sorry, I should've gone home, and I definitely shouldn't have been hugging you this morning" I tried to explain while taking my towel from the chair and opening the door.

"I liked it, Santana, I really liked it" She said and tried to grab my hand.

"No, Britt, I have to go. I'll see you later" I insisted and drew my hand away. It was the hardest thing ever to shut the door after me and run away from the house.

_I really liked it… Not that I mind or anything… You get to bunk with me whenever you want… Sanny… Sanny…_

I ran all the way home and slammed against the door trying to get my key to fit, but I was shaking really bad. _Shit!_ I kept thinking as her voice rang in my head. _I really liked it too… More than I should_. Finally my key slipped into the lock and I turned it aggressively and hurried inside, slumping against it. I really was falling for her, and I couldn't. It was just so hard to keep away from her. It was like she was a drug or something, and I kept wanting more. She was my drug, a kick much better than that which I got from running. She was ecstasy to me.

I had to keep away; I had to let her become harmless to me. She couldn't be allowed to be my drug. If I allowed myself the pleasure of having her around all the time, I don't think I'd ever be able to let her go. I'd always want more.

Even if she was a queer and she liked me, and she didn't have a boyfriend it wouldn't work. Just think of what people would say, how people would talk about me, about her. I couldn't drag her into that misery; it was just not fair to her. She was with Nate and she was going to live happily ever after with him and I'd be the friend who'd catch the bucket at her wedding but never get married, I'd love her two girls as my own and they'd call me aunt, but I'd never have kids myself. She'd become a dance teacher or something like that and I'd be stuck as a back-up singer for a small record company, living in my two-bedroom apartment in SoHo. That was how life was supposed to be. She was to have it all, a real wedding, her own biological kids, and a job where people wouldn't talk behind her back. She deserved all of that, and if that meant me getting as little as I had now, I was okay with that. I'd be her friend. But first, I had to keep away.

I was sitting on the floor with my back against the door, thinking of her. She'd be so happy, and I'd be happy watching her from afar. I still remember when I was a little girl and was still so naïve.

* * *

_I was eight years old, sitting in my room with my two favorite Barbie dolls in the Barbie Dream House I had gotten from abuela at Christmas last year. I turned around as my mami opened the door. My blonde Barbie had a shirt stuffed under her dress to make her look pregnant and the redhead Barbie was holding her hand._

"_What are you playing?" Mami asked and crouched beside me._

"_I'm playing house" I said and grinned toothily up at her._

"_But where's the daddy?" she asked me._

"_Oh, there isn't one. I don't have a Ken doll, so I'm just playing momma and mami. The baby just has two moms instead of a momma and a papa." I said and went back to playing joyfully, humming the tune that the redhead was to sing for the baby in the blonde's stomach._

"_That's nice dear, but how about we get you a Ken doll and it can be a real family?" I looked up at her and scrunched my nose. Wiggling both dolls at her I began to protest._

"_But, I don't want one, I don't like boys, they're yucky. Besides, a family can be anything, right? You taught me that. This family is just different"_

"_Alright, Mija, you're right. It's a nice family" Mami said and kissed the top of my head. She walked out and closed the door behind me._

* * *

Looking back I think I should've known back there, but what eight-year-old girl knows that she's into other girls? Not me. I just knew that I didn't like boys.

* * *

I spent the majority of the day hidden away in my apartment. More than once Brittany texted me and asked if I wanted to go to the beach or go get ice-cream, but I declined every time with some lame excuse. When I'd eaten dinner – two crackers and a glass of orange juice – I began to feel so lonely, and I really did miss company. Maybe I just needed something to drink. I could really use a drink right now.

Fifteen minutes later I was strolling down the street. There had to be a bar somewhere. I turned left at a restaurant with pink chairs and tables and walked down the pedestrian zone. I hadn't even gone 100 feet before I found something that looked promising. It was a classy looking bar called _Charlie's Bar_. It looked very American and had few costumers. _That'd do, they sell liquor_ I thought as I scanned the shelf behind the bar. It was hard to see anything because it was really dark in here, and the candles contorted the colors.

"Good evening" the bartender said as I slumped into a seat. He was definitely American.

"Hi" I said lazily, grabbing the card that listed the different drinks.

"Why the sad face, dear?" he asked and I looked up at him. He was a large man in his mid-thirties with a gentle smile and a soft attitude. Nice man.

"Nothing much really. Just trying to stop myself from further embarrassment" I sighed and added. "Tequila Sunrise please".

"Coming right up. So, who did you embarrass yourself in front of? Boy trouble? Girl trouble? I don't judge" He said with as smile as he began mixing.

"Girl trouble" I sighed and let my head rest on my hands.

"Oh, who is she?"

"I don't really know… I only met her on the plane down-here and that was this Saturday, but we hung out all of yesterday, and it was amazing" I sighed dreamily, remembering her. God, I came here to forget about her. Damn it!

"Someone's hit by cupid's arrow" He said as he placed the drink in front of me.

"She's straight… and taken… and I'm pathetic" I said taking a large gulp and feeling it burn in my throat.

"Does she know?"

"I think so, I mean I'm not very discreet. She asked me yesterday if I liked her and she seemed to believe me when I said that I didn't, but I don't really know. Then last night-"

"Whoa, you slept with her? Didn't you say she had a boyfriend?"

"Hey, I didn't sleep with her, not in that sense anyway. I woke because of the thunder and she invited me over to her and her friend's place and we had coffee and played cards and stuff, and she asked me to bunk with me. We slept in each side of the bed, but when we woke, I was… I was kind of cuddling her" I said and took another large gulp. He nodded and placed a shot in front of me.

"On the house" he said. I emptied it and stared at him. "what did she say?"

"Well, I was kind of confused when I woke and I didn't know who it was so I tried to feel around and I accidentally groped her" I admitted, staring into my glass and took another sip. I definitely felt the alcohol starting to kick in. I heard him snort.

"I didn't think she was awake yet, and I just snuggled into her and we just lay there, even when she woke. It was the most amazing feeling ever… I really liked it, and we talked and then suddenly she mentions my groping and I freaked. I mean, I really freaked. I tried to explain but I just ended up storming out of the place, leaving her. I didn't text her back when she wanted to hang out." I said and buried my head in my arms. I heard him place another shot in front of me.

"Still on the house" he said. I downed it and went back to study the drink card.

"This place is so nice" I froze at the sound of the voice and then groaned.

"That her?" the bartender asked. "The blonde one?"

I nodded, not bothering to look.

"She's hot" he noted quietly. I hummed and nodded, whiffing him away as I tried to hide behind the drink card.

"Sanny!" I heard Brittany said cheerily. I ignored her, the best I could, but then her arms were around my waist. I think I died a little when she let her lips brush over my shoulder. I know that I froze.

"Where'd you go, you didn't answer my calls" she whined and nuzzled her nose in my hair. It sent goose bumps through my every pore.

"I'm sorry, I forgot…" I mumbled and couldn't help but smile.

I looked up at the bartender who was smirking and winked. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Hey Santana" I heard Mercedes say somewhere behind me. I couldn't really move, because Brittany was holding me so tight.

"Hi Mercedes" I said sheepishly and waved in the direction I thought she was.

"Sanny, will you come and sit with me?" Brittany asked and tightened the embrace snuggling into me. I very umcomfortably felt the groped subjects of the conversation before pressing into my back. _God, this is torture_. I said and closed my eyes to concentrate on _not_ jumping her.

"Sanny?" she asked again and tipped me a little. I opened my eyes, suddenly woozy.

"Yeah, I'm here…" I looked up at the bartender who nodded eagerly and winked again. I glared back and he chuckled.

"I guess I could sit with you" I said in defeat, letting myself fall into her, the smell of roses flowing through my lungs.

"Take good care of your lady friend, miss, she's had a few" the bartender said to Brittany, causing me to growl at him but he merely smirked back.

"I will, sir" Brittany said and released me, helping me down from the barstool.

"I'm not drunk" I said annoyed but slumped into Brittany, curling my arms around her, feeling safe in her arms.

"Sure you're not" Brittany said and patted my hair. I felt like I could burst out crying any second. I had promised myself that I wouldn't do this, that I'd avoid her until this passed but here I was, holding on to a girl I could never have. Why did things have to be so hard?

"You okay?" Brittany asked me and I realized that I had let out a whimper.

"Yeah" I said with a sniffle.

"Don't start crying, please, I don't know how to get you to stop"

"My boyfriends used to make out with me to get me to stop" I said without thinking about it. I didn't care if she knew… Wait, yes I did. No more alcohol for me.

"I have a boyfriend, Sanny" She grinned and poked me in the stomach lightly. _You don't need to remind me, please_, I thought. But… Did that mean that if she was single, she'd have gone for it with me? I lit up at the thought but then slumped back, remembering that she had a boyfriend, who she loved, and that I was a girl, and so was she, and she was straight and I wasn't. God, life's a bitch sometimes. I guess that's karma…

Brittany forced my arms away to sit down on a chair and I stood there pouting.

"Oh god, how much did she have?" Mercedes asked worriedly. "She's really not very good at alcohol"

"I am too! I only had… two vodka-shots and a tequila sunrise"

"What did you have for dinner?" she asked as she guided me to a chair which in my opinion was way too far away from Brittany. Then again, I think the only option I would've been satisfied with was using Brittany as the chair.

"Dinner?" I asked, trying to remember. Had I ate dinner…? Oh yeah, the crackers.

"I ate some… I think" I said and looked over at Brittany, discretely trying to scoot closer, but Sugar was in the way. Damn it.

"I don't think you should have anymore, when you haven't even eaten dinner" Brittany said with a fearful glance at me.

"I'm not leight-weight! I'm already upset; it's not the freaking alcohol!" I protested loudly and crossed my arms over my chest and scowled. I felt like a kid who'd gotten a time-out because of something I didn't do.

"Why're you upset? You should've said something" Brittany said, suddenly worried. The others were looking at me intently.

"I don't wanna talk about it, okay? Not now, not then. Didn't you come here to drink?" I added sourly. Why did they have to treat me like a baby? I was twenty-two years old of age and very able to handle myself.

"Yes we did, I'll order something. I know your order babe, what about you guys?" Sam said as he rose and kissed Mercedes on the cheek.

"I think I'll have a _Sex on the Beach_ they're so yummy!" Brittany said. I couldn't help but smirk.

"Wanky" I said and bobbed my head to the side.

"That's the Santana I know" Mercedes said with a grin. Brittany didn't retort but just looked up at Sam.

"I'll have a Martini, dry please" Sugar said happily as she looked over at Sam too.

"Santana?" Sam turned to me. I looked up with furrowed brows.

"I thought we agreed on no more drinks for drunk girl?" Mercedes hissed.

"Shut it Jones. Same as Brittany" I said and smirked at Brittany. She smiled, but I couldn't really see it right. It was a shame that I couldn't see her eyes properly, because most of her smile was there. It made the smiled seem half-hearted.

Sam nodded and walked up to order and returned shortly after. I looked over at Brittany and we started talking about her high-school, over Sugar's head. At last I think we annoyed her.

"How about we switch chairs, Brittany? I can't hear what Mercedes is saying" She smiled halfheartedly, clearly not wanting to be the wall between Brittany and me. I smirked as Brittany and Sugar changed. I scooted closer until my hip bumped hers and let my hands rest on her shoulders, leaning my cheek on her arm. She chuckled and looked down at me.

"You wanna sit here?" She asked and I nodded a little too eagerly into her arm. I let my arms lock around her neck as I moved to sit on her lap. I leaned into her, forgetting every thought about keeping away. Couldn't I just enjoy her while she was there and would let me? She wrapped her arms around me, letting her hands rest on my hip and she leaned into me.

"I missed you today" she admitted into my shoulder. I drew back a bit to look at her. _She is totally adorbs, can I just keep her forever?_ No, she's not single, girl. I smiled at her.

"I missed you too…" I said quietly and nuzzled my nose against her neck. She giggled and hugged me closer, humming. I didn't care that Mercedes and the others were probably watching us intently. For the first time ever, when under influence of alcohol, I didn't feel like crying. I just felt content, like yesterday at the pool.

"You two are weird" Mercedes commented at last. I hummed in protest and tightened my hold. We weren't weird at all! Well, actually it was a bit weird, but it didn't feel like it. It just felt right, and I didn't care about anything else; at least not when I had the apology _I was drunk_ to defend myself with.

"Your drinks." The bartender said, making me look up at him. He winked at me and nodded as he placed the two reddish drinks in front of me and Brittany. I didn't notice what the other had had. I leaned down and took a sip of my drink. It tasted delicious. Brittany released her grip on me to start fiddling with her drink. She took the stick that was laid across the glass and slid the orange-slice off it and put it into her mouth, smiling. She looked ridiculous, like her mouth had been replaced with the shell of the orange. I laughed and released her to do the same.

"Okay, I have got to get a picture of this" Mercedes sat laughing when we were both sitting like dorks, with orange-sliced in our mouths chewing on the fruit-meat. I smiled over at her dopily as she took the picture. Like I said, as long as I can say _I was drunk_ I could do anything.

"You look silly" Brittany said through her slice. I chuckled and slurped on the juice that came from the orange.

"So do you" I commented and removed the slice. She mimicked me and took a sip of her drink before wrapping them around me again. I was pretty sure I would never ever in a million years consider sitting on a friend's lap when in public and if I was fine and there was a chair just behind me. But I didn't care when it was Brittany. She was my drug.

I suddenly remembered why I had avoided her today and the atmosphere changed from cozy and content to super-awkward. I got up quickly and looked around, suddenly feeling sober.

"What are you doing?" Brittany asked and gripped my arm, to keep me there.

"I just…" I said, trying to gather my thoughts. Why was it so hard? I just had to tell her that I had something to do.

"I need a shot" I said and she released her grip on me. Really I needed advise, and the bartender was my only source right now.

"Quick, pour water into a shot-glass and fork it over, I need your advice" I said in a hushed voice as I sat down in front of him.

"As you wish. From where I'm sitting I must say that you look very chummy." He said and placed a shot in front of me – water shot. I didn't drink it right away.

"That's my point, I forget about everything when she's around, it's horrible."

"Santana, that was your name right?" I nodded "She likes you, I don't doubt it for a second. The way she looks at you and the way she shone when she and the brunette switched places. Believe me, she likes you" he said and I stared at him.

"She has a boyfriend, who she loves" I protested.

"People fall out of love." He said and shrugged. I glared.

"She's not into-" I was cut off when said person wrapped her arms around my waist, like she had done the last time I'd sat here.

"You're slow" she complained.

"Sorry, I was just talking to…"

"Joe" he said and smiled.

"To Joe" I said and let my head rest against her shoulder.

"Oh" she said and leaned down. She did it again, made me die by letting her lips touch my shoulder. I shuddered and stifled a moan. Why did she do that? Come on, she had to knew that she was leading me to a very early death here. My tombstone should totally read _Killed by kiss from beautiful blonde_. Yeah, that was about right.

"So, you get my point?" Joe asked and shook my head instinctively. I didn't know anything anymore.

"Brittany, do you have a boyfriend?" he asked Brittany and she nodded slowly into my shoulder. I stared wild-eyed at him, mouthing _N-O_ again and again.

"If you hadn't-" I cut him off by doing the only thing I could think of. With a flick of my hand I had taken my shot and throwed the contents right in his face. _Clever, really clever_. Brittany released me and stared. Okay, time to play drunk, like really drunk. I looked up at Joe who was grinning at me, as if he found the entire thing highly amusing.

I forced every feeling of dread about myself – about the possibility of actually falling for Brittany, of my very slim chances of success, about the disappointment I feel like I am to myself and to my family – together and let them take over my mind. I might not be that influenced, but something like that was enough. It was wrong and I knew it, but I needed something to cover for my crazy act, and I knew that if I cried, they'd think I was unbelievably drunk. I felt myself whimper as I slumped into Brittany, twisting around to hug her tightly. It was enough, the smell of her skin, knowing that it was off limits was enough to get the water-works going.

"Oh no…" I heard Mercedes say. I clung to Brittany relishing the feel of her skin against mine as I buried my head in her shoulder and started shaking. It wasn't really acting, because I generally felt like crying.

"Shh, Sanny, calm down" Brittany cooed and hugged me tight. I clawed at her shirt grabbing handfuls of it and pressing myself further into her now crying. I'd never tried to drunk-cry on purpose while in a state to remember it the next day. I knew I'd done it to get my boyfriends to make out with me when I'd been too obvious with girls. It was horrible, I hated crying, but it was necessary. I soon noticed how nice it felt, just getting to let everything out and just cry. Brittany was the only thing keeping me standing upright and I felt so dependent on her, but in a good way. I was so miserable, but in her arms I felt so good.

"S-sorry-ry" I slurred through my sobs, not paying attention to Mercedes' hushes, only listening to Brittany's voice in my ear.

"It's okay, you don't have to be sorry, you're drunk, come on, let's get you home, okay?" I nodded and let out a loud whimper and sniffled, tears still falling freely.

_Loser, bitch, failure, dyke._

It was the words that circled my mind again and again along with one statement.

_I'll never have her_.

I really was falling for her… Crap.

"Can you walk?" Brittany asked me softly, making me hum and nod. I let one foot step in front of the other and started walking.

"We're going home, you guys stay. Sugar, I'll leave the door open for you" Brittany said to the others as she walked with me. It was hard to walk like this, and normally by now I would've cheered somewhat up again, but I didn't. When I'd cried drunkenly I hadn't really been sad, I'd just been upset, frustrated or stressed, but now, for the first time since high school I was crying because I was sad.

"What's on your mind?" Brittany asked. I looked up at her through genuine tears.

"Failure" I stated in a surprisingly calm voice, as I blinked rapidly, letting out a few tears and clearing my vision.

"Loser…" I whispered. "Bitch…" I didn't say the last word, it was too hard to utter… _dyke_.

"You really don't see yourself, do you?" She asked and hugged me tighter as we turned the corner, trying to avoid the mass of people.

"I do…" I croaked. She shook her head.

"Not if that's your self-description"

"Why? I'm nothing…" I said, and I wasn't even fishing for her to say otherwise. I was only stating the way I felt. Worthless and pathetic, thrown in the gutter and left her, forgetting how to stand up again.

"Stop it" she said and stopped walking forcing me to do so as well. She looked down at me and smiled.

"You're sweet and caring, and you are most certainly not a failure."

"You don't know me" I blurted and it definitely came out wrong. I prepared to watch her frown, but she didn't. She smiled reassuringly again.

"I know that you just want friends, and that it's hard for you to like people because you don't like letting your guard down. I don't know what I did right, but I like being your friend, Santana. I know that you're afraid of the dark, even though you've never said anything, but only when you can't sleep. That's why you texted me and that's why you hugged me last night, because you were in a room you didn't know and you were scared. I know that you run for the same reason everyone else does, for the kick. I know you've been avoiding me, because I'm scaring you, because you don't know how to react to someone like me, someone who forces her way into your bubble, and I'm sorry that I scared you Santana. I just want to be your friend"

I stared at her with wide eyes. She had known me for less than four days and now she was stating things about me I'd never said before, to anyone. She knew, I was sure of it.

"Dyke…" I whispered and released her. "That was the last word…" My vision went blurry and my entire body trembled as I was hit with the realization of it. I had told her, I had taken any doubt from her and let her know that I was being innapropriate towards her. I leered at her in her bikini and I had bunked with her and hugged her so close and I had sat on her lap and snuggled her and I wanted her. I needed her… New warm tears trickled down my cheeks and I looked at her pleadingly.

She didn't say anything, but instead she did something much better. It was sweeter than the hug Kurt had given me and much sweeter than words. She took my hand, smiling at me and started walking. I knew that it was because she didn't want me to have to talk about it here in front of everyone, and I was beyond grateful. More than anything I wanted to twist my hand and twine my fingers through hers, but I didn't. I just let her drag me home to her place. She sat me down on the couch and went into the kitchen. It didn't take long until I heard the coffee-machine working. She sat down beside me and wrapped her arms around me.

What was she supposed to say; what was I? Could I return the embrace? I froze and drew my arms tightly to my chest as she hugged me.

"Hug me" she whispered. I looked up at her and saw her eyes glistening. I felt so small in her arms, but I'd never felt more safe. This was definitely not normal. Maybe normal was wrong, maybe this was right. Maybe we were bound together, somehow, like someone had laid a hand in this and had forced us together, knowing that it'd be the instant connection. Fate…

I let my arms fall from my chest and curled them around her instead, snuggling into her.

"Is this okay?" I asked tentatively.

"Sure it is" she said in a hushed voice as she rocked me.

"I'm pathetic…" I said.

"No you're not. You're just sad and overwhelmed, and maybe a little drunk too. And you're not a dyke. You're just a girl and you like girls, right? That's no crime, it's not wrong, it's just love. You can't choose it"

I nodded and exhaled deeply, feeling the relief rush over me. With relief came also a dizziness and a tiredness that made me even weakedr.

"Can you help me to my place? I'm so tired…" I said, not trusting myself on the stairs. After all, I wasn't sober, and stairs and darkness and alcohol weren't an ace combination.

"No, you're sleeping here. I'm not letting you lie alone in the darkness with those thoughts when you can just be calm here, okay?" She was being very firm, and for some odd and really inappropriate way, it was _hot_. God, now comes the horny drunk Santana… Amazing.

"I guess, but I'm taking the couch then" I said.

"Nu-uh, I promised you that you'd get to bunk with me."

"Britt, I'm already told you my drunk-type so really, you wanna get into bed with a horny sobbing gay girl?" I'd meant it as a joke, but the last two words struck me. I'd never said them out loud. I bit my lip, trembling again.

"I can handle you being horny; I won't let you do anything. I don't care that you're gay or that you're sobbing. You're just being insecure, and I think it's cute." She said and hugged me again.

I spent the next five minutes just sobbing into her shoulder, smelling her every now and then, earning chuckles from her, as she gently swatted me on the head for being horny. I wasn't really that horny, if I really was wasted, I might've licked her shoulder instead of smelling her. I just liked how she smelled; sweet and fruity and delicious.

"Hey, let's get you to bed, huh?"

"Are you trying to seduce me Ms. Pierce?" I slurred with a chuckle and earned a light whack over the arm from her. "Sorry" I murmured with a timid smile.

"Come on count boozy von drunk-a-ton, bed" she said making me huff in denial. I most certainly was not drunk; woozy yes, but not drunk.

She sat me down on the couch shortly and rose from it herself. I pouted pathetically up at her, fearing that she might leave me there. Then she took both of my arms and dragged me to my feet. I lost balance and slumped into her again, giggling. She helped me into her room and made sure that I could stand upright without her help before removing the covers to make room for me.

"Thanks" I said and stumbled forwards into the bed. I flopped down on it and hummed happily. It smelled like her.

"You're welcome" she said. "I'm just going to go change, okay?"

"Mhmm…" I said, not caring that I was still wearing jean shorts and my bra. It wasn't important. The shorts were really annoying though… No, I couldn't take them off; she'd believe that I was up to no good. While thinking I was suddenly hit in the face with something soft and cloth-like. I took the thing and examined it. It was a pair of cotton short-shorts with the motif of a giraffe on the left thigh. Cute.

"Wear those if you don't feel comfortable sleeping in your underwear" she said gently. I smiled and nodded and made sure that she had left the room before wiggling out of my shorts and into hers. They fit, surprisingly, even though I was wider around the butt than she was, believe me I'd studied hers intently. I forced myself to stay away until she appeared in the door-way and looked up at her. She smiled shyly and walked to the bed. I was shocked when she didn't walk to her own side, but crawled into my side, snuggling into me, humming. What?

"Sleep, Sanny" she said and curled her arms around my waist, forcing me close as she spooned me from behind. I didn't need telling twice before I was out. I'm not telling you what I dreamt, but it involved the girl who was cuddling me.

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**A/N** Changed the rating to M to be safe! Protection people ;) Wow, I have really bad drunk humor...

Okay, so this wasn't reviewed by Liz either because I'm impatient and I really wanted you to read it. I've read it over a few times myself though and I think it fits with where the story is going. Britt's speech will be explained in later chapters. Personally I love Joe, I think he's great, because he reminds me of the character Jerry from ER - big cuddly guy with a huge heart and a good giver of advice :3

I've written two more chapters now and chapter 6 is still the longest by far.

Things are going to go completely awry in a few chapters though - just saying! I really like how I wrote it but I need someone who's able to respond pretty quickly to go through chapters 7+8 because I feel like I'm missing something. If any of you would be up for it, please write me! I'm really frustrated at the chapters!

Okay, also! I have a tumblr - where I will be posting drawings and other stuff for the story, including the updates. I have no shame in life 8D

Song for this chapter -** Blame it on the alcohol - Jamie Foxxx (Glee Version)**

I'm not going to link this because if you don't have it, you should totally buy it! It's one of my performances and I love the song! 8D

I will not be writing tomorrow because I'm going to Venice but I'll probably post the new chapter on friday! It's friday, friday, oh god shut up... I might've had a tequila sunrise and a few beers myself... I swear my dad's trying to get me drunk ._.

Okay, BYE! Love you all looooots! Please review :3 If you tell me what I did right/wrong I can improve, right ;)?


	6. Quiet Moon and Flashy Lights

**A/N - **Okay, before we start this chapter I just want to say thank you! Like, a million times! I don't even know what happened, but I'm so happy that you want to read my stuff! I'm so glad, like you have no idea! It's like when you're in love or something and your chest tightens every time you think about it... That's how I feel when I think of you guys and that you want to read my story. I'm beyond grateful, just wow!

* * *

**Chapter 6 – Quiet moon and flashy lights.**

I woke early the next day. I think. The light was pouring through the bedroom door that led to the balcony and it was still cool, even though I felt really warm. I had cried last night… but I wasn't really hung over now… Oh right, I'd faked it and then cried for real. Why? Oh that's right; Joe the bartender had almost revealed my secret; correction, one of my secrets.

"Morning" I heard Brittany whisper behind me. It made me freeze. The dream I'd had last night was really distracting in terms of focusing on not flirting with Brittany. I felt her arms tighten around me and I wiggled further into her, feeling her front flush against my back.

"Hey" I said and opened my eyes slightly. It was really light so I quickly shut them tight again.

"You okay?" she asked and I felt her breath on my neck. I think my heart skipped a whole day's worth of beats.

"Comfy…" I hummed and let my arms tighten over hers. She giggled into my neck. _Oh god, please_…

"Do you need a Bloody Mary or something? You hung over?"

I shook my head, "Not really, no"

"Good, then you can go to the funfair with us tonight, right?" she asked as she loosened her grip on me and got up and scrambled out of the bed.

"Yeah, I can do that" I said softly as I sat up in the bed. I didn't want to get up, but it seemed dumb to keep lying in her bed when she was up. She opened her closet and started to look for something. She had lots of colorful clothes, I noticed; very fitting to her personality.

"So, you better now?" she asked as she took a white and turquoise sundress and some undergarments. I blushed at the last part and looked down at my hands the moment I saw what she was taking out.

"I think so" I said sheepishly. I definitely didn't feel so worthless anymore. I felt _important_; maybe not to the world, but to her. I felt like I mattered.

"Good. I'll be right back" she said and smiled.

The moment she was out I began fishing for my jean-shorts and found them at the foot of the bed. I changed quickly and ran my hand through my hair. I could totally get used to waking up in her arms.

_You can never have her_.

Great, my thoughts just had to bring me back to reality, thank you _so _much… ugh.

"Hey, what cereal do you eat?" Brittany asked, standing in the doorway. She looked amazing. Her hair was loose, but she had braided a tiny part of it and fastened it on the back of her head with a flower that matched her dress. The sundress hung perfectly around her body and flowed around her knees where it ended. She was already pretty tanned on her legs.

"Santana?" she asked again, quieter this time.

"Huh?" I looked up at her face. Her cheeks were slightly pink. Adorable. "Right, cereal. I don't know I eat pretty much everything."

"You want some?"

_Definitely…__Oh, she meant breakfast!_"Yeah, sure." I felt warmth creeping up my neck again. She giggled.

"Then come on or else Sugar's gonna eat it all" she said and walked over to tug at my arm. I let her drag me with her.

"Oh great, the turtle-doves are up. Sleep well with your new teddy bear?" Sugar asked Brittany teasingly when we walked onto the balcony.

"Great actually" Brittany said smilingly. She gestured for me to sit down as she went inside to fetch another bowl.

"Sorry I didn't find a bowl for you, I figured you were going to do the walk of shame again" Sugar said. I glared at her. We were nowhere near on a friendly level where this kind of bantering was allowed.

"Sorry, Asbergers" she said, holding her hands up and smiling none the less. Asbergers? That was why she was being so … too much? I rolled my eyes. Like that's any excuse.

"Here you go" Brittany said as she came back with a bowl for me and placed it in front of me. I smiled up at her, and she smiled back.

"So, how's that guy of yours?" Sugar asked Brittany before shoveling her mouth full of Coco Pop Wheels. Brittany shrugged.

"Wha', 'ou 'uys fi'in'?" Sugar asked with her mouth full. She chewed and swallowed at the sight of Brittany's confusion. "You guys fighting?" she repeated.

Again Brittany shrugged.

"You are still together, right?"

"Yeah, we are…" She said, but she didn't sound all that enthusiastic. I noticed that she glanced at me weirdly more than once.

"I don't get it, just Monday you sounded so happy when he called you?"

"What the hell was I supposed to say, _'__S__orry, I don't really wanna talk'? _He's still my boyfriend." She hesitated for a moment, "I don't know, it's not the same. I don't even miss him anymore…" She said. I watched her intently. She looked so sad, and I just wanted to hug her and make her happy, like she comforted me last night.

"So… Do you love him?"

"I don't know, I mean… I think so" she said. I almost choked on my own Coco Pop Wheels. She wasn't sure? There was a possibility that she'd be single? Holy sweet hell! No! No, she's straight and you've got to keep away. It's not right, she's just a friend. God, I was far too deep in this shit, I needed a good kick in the behind… I needed Kurt; he'd be able to throw me off the Brittany obsession train.

"Look, I'm going to Skype with him tomorrow, and then we'll see how it goes from there. If I still feel something, great. If not, then I'll probably end it. It's not like we've been together that long. It's only been since like January."

I couldn't help it. My mood was way better now. I forgot every scold about wanting her. I didn't do anything, just sat there like an idiot, trying not to be too obvious with the happiness I felt at the possibility of a single Brittany.

"Hey, I was wondering, you told me the other day about this really great place to get ice cream" I started to get a smile on Brittany's frowning face. She looked up at me and smiled. "Do you think we could go today? I could really use some ice cream; it's hot as hell here" I said and smiled.

"Sure" Brittany chirped happily. She lit up to an extent that returned the stars to her eyes. I could totally do this forever. I think I'd be content acting like a total fool if it meant I could have her smile like that, because of something I did. God, she was beautiful when she smiled. Even when she didn't smile she was stunning, but she looked amazing beyond compare when she smiled.

"Okay, around eleven?" I asked and chomped on my spoon chewing the wheels.

"Sounds great, San. Oh, I have to show you a store, it's _so _amazing and super cute! They have so many cute things!" She said excitedly and drank from her coffee.

"Okay" I giggled. I wasn't really one for cute things, but I guess I could do that, if it made Brittany happy.

"So, what until then?" she asked. I shrugged and ate.

"We could go to the beach, they have internet" Sugar suggested. I looked over at her with furrowed brows.

"Internet at a beach?"

"Yeah, gotta attract people somehow, right? And Internet is a great way to do so." Sugar explained. I nodded and ate the last few wheels.

"Hm, I was thinking more along the lines of maybe renting one of those bike-cars?" Brittany suggested; more to me than to Sugar I noticed.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I can do that though, I actually already promised Mercedes that I'd meet her at the beach… But you guys have fun" she said and smiled genuinely. I knew she was lying, because I knew that Mercedes and Sam were on a road-trip to a town called Caorle, but I was grateful. It'd be so fun to ride around in the bike-cars with Brittany alone, almost… No, not at all like a date! It was just two friends going around town in bike-cars.

"Oh, sure" Brittany said, furrowing her brows. I think she knew that Sugar was lying too. She looked over at me and her frown disappeared, replaced by excitement.

"It's gonna be so much fun!" she said and rose from her chair. She tugged at my arm and wouldn't let me be. I chuckled at her stubborn childish attitude and let her drag me to the door.

"See you!" I just managed to say to a grinning Sugar.

"Yeah, have fun!" she yelled back and I smiled at her. She wasn't so bad after all. Brittany dragged me down the stairs and kept a grip on my wrist. I smiled, but I pried her hand out of her vice like grip on me, replacing my hand with my wrist. I'd much rather be holding her hand.

She looked over at me, wonderingly, then smiled timidly and continued to drag me. It reminded me of that time on the airplane, where she'd dragged me to the golf-car. It seemed like ages ago, and it was hard to believe that it was only Wednesday.

We didn't have to walk far – it was literally like they were everywhere – before we reached a rental store with the bike-cars. They were shaped like a golf-car, but the frame was primitive and thin and made of steel, painted in blue, yellow or green. There were some with two seats and some with four, but all had a small space for a little child or a bag in the front. The roof was made of hard cloth that looked water-proof. It was very Flintstone-esque with the treadles in front of every seat instead of a floor.

"My treat" she said and smiled at me before confidently walking into the store and up to the desk. I followed her.

"One bike-car for two please" She said and smiled nicely at the chubby middle-aged lady sitting behind the desk. The lady nodded and drew out a card that showed the different styles of two-person cars. Apparently some were also electric cars, but we both wanted the mechanical ones. I had to admit that they were pretty cool.

We decided on a red one with yellow roof and black seats. We rented it for an hour and Brittany paid 6€ for it.

"Okay, do you wanna steer or can I?" Brittany asked as the lady led us to the car we had rented.

"You should" I said immediately, causing her to light up. It was seriously like she was a Christmas tree and I somehow was the power that made the lights shine. Wow, I'm getting all sappy and poetic, this is not good.

I sat in the passenger seat and tightened the straps on the treadles around my feet and watched as Brittany did the same.

"Ready?" I asked her when she sat back up and pushed her bangs out of her face. She nodded eagerly and began treading backwards to back out of the shop. The two treadles were connected, I found out, because my feet started treading with hers. I helped her and suddenly we bumped down on the street, causing us both to burst out laughing.

There was a loud honk behind us and a car barely avoided us, making us giggle loudly again.

"Oops" Brittany giggled.

"That was really close" I said between breaths and laughed. It wasn't even funny, but we just couldn't stop laughing.

She took three deep breaths to control herself and then began turning the car, forcing my legs to move as well. We started to ride forwards and then had to stop abruptly when a road suddenly appeared.

"We're really bad at this!" I giggled and helped her steer us into the road reserved for bikers and bike-cars. Brittany nodded and swallowed a laugh as we started to tread again. We somehow managed to ride pretty stably for the next fifteen minutes. We rode past Luna Park and Brittany forgot that she was steering when she pointed excitedly at a roller coaster and one of those ships that turn and swirl and make everyone puke. I had to reach over and grab the steering wheel, hissing at her for almost running a kid down. Looking nervously at the park, I swallowed. God, I was going to have a hard time keeping my food down if she pulled me with her into those things, and I bet she would. I had never ever been very good at things that turn too much, something my brother teased me about.

"Oh!" she gasped when she found out that she had released the steering wheel and looked at me sheepishly. I smiled and shook my head. She was unbelievable…

"Hey, look, look!" she said as we reached a roundabout where the middle was decorated with flowers in a million colors, all coming together to form the word _Bibione_.

"That's actually pretty cool" I said as we drove around. She turned sharply and led us down the street that'd later turn in to the broad walk. She was having so much fun and I just couldn't help grinning goofily either. She giggled as she started to drive unstably on purpose making us rock from side to side. I just did mine to tread as she drove us around town.

"Nooo, we have to be back in like five minutes." she groaned when the timer she had set on her android buzzed. She turned down the nearest street towards our neighborhood. With some difficulty she managed to find the right road after finding the restaurant with the pink tables.

The lady was waiting for us outside and smiled nicely. It was right on a beat that we didn't have to pay for another hour. We unstrapped our feet and almost fell into the street. My legs and feet were extremely tingly from having trapped on the small treadles for so long.

I looked over at Brittany who was stretching her leg and gasped. She wasn't just stretching it like I normally would have, she was holding herself upright by grabbing onto a nearby lamp-post and her leg was almost vertically risen in the air as she held on to it with her other hand. It was graceful and reminded me of a ballerina. She really wasn't kidding when she said that she was a dancer. Her sundress hung around her waist and revealed the seamless shorts she wore underneath. _God…_

I blinked and looked unashamed as she let her leg down and proceeded to lift the other instead. She caught my eye and smiled.

"They're practically asleep" she said and nodded towards the leg she had up in the air beside her. I tried to smile, but it was more like I was frozen.

She let down her leg and looked at me timidly.

"Do you wanna go to the pool?" she asked as we started walking back to the apartment area.

I nodded and smiled at her and looped my arm in hers. She looked over at me and bit her lip, smiling, before tugging me closer. It was really nice walking with her like this. Unlike the other people I knew, I didn't think that I could ever get mad at her.

We reached the stairs that led to my apartment first and I released my grip on her. She smiled down at me and waved as she walked on.

"See you in a bit?" I asked and she nodded eagerly. I wish she had hugged me or something like that, that she hadn't just walked on. It was like she was out of her element today, like the conversation about her boyfriend had sunken her otherwise flirty and cheery personality. Sure, she was still happy, but she was more reserved. I think she really did love her boyfriend, maybe she just wasn't in love with him… That'd be really hard to say. Luckily I've been so emotionally detached around boys that I never had that problem.

I walked into my apartment and grabbed my key from the purse I'd carried around. The door opened as I turned the lock and I quickly went to the bathroom to change. I had hung my bikini up in the shower. It was still cold and damp and a bit clammy but it'd go away when I got into the pool. It was hard to get into because it kept sticking to my skin but eventually I stood in the hallway with my bikini on and my sunglasses in my hair. I grabbed my water-bottle, my purse and my towel before walking out and to the pool. Brittany was waiting for my outside. Here goes nothing… I thought as I wrapped my arms around her the best I could. She seemed slightly surprised but then she just chuckled and returned the embrace, humming happily.

"Can't get enough of me, huh?" she joked and I shook my head, smelling her skin. She still smelled like heaven. It was intoxicating really. I think I could manage being addicted to her forever…

* * *

"Come on Sanny!" Brittany complained as she knocked on my bedroom door.

"Alright, alright, I'm almost done; just give me a second okay?" I said as I jumped around trying to get on my black high-waist shorts. I still needed a top, but at least I'd found it. When I finally managed to lock the zipper in my pants I grabbed the white shirt from my bed and drew it on quickly, tugging it into my shorts. I checked myself in the mirror and noted:_Yeah, I'm hot_, before opening the room. Brittany was clad in a light pink dress with black polka-dots. It looked really cute, especially when she had made a French braid, tying her hair up completely.

"Wow, hot" she said and smiled. I blushed at her compliment.

"Not so bad yourself Pierce" I joked and nudged her.

"Not so bad?" she pouted at me, fishing.

"You look totally hot, okay?" I said, blushing furiously. She did though!

"That's better. The best opinion about your clothes is the one you get from a fashionable lesbian" she said and winked at me. I looked down.

"Hey, you have awesome taste in clothes _and _women" she said and nudged me. Could she please just stop embarrassing me? Ugh, it was so hard!

"Who the hell replaced your face with a tomato?" Mercedes joked when we got outside. The others were waiting on us.

"Oh she's just being modest about her outfit. I mean, seriously. She's hot" Brittany said, earning nods from all three. Mercedes shot Sam a warning look. I knew that I was, but it still meant something else when Brittany said it.

"No one can live up to you though" he quickly added to save himself from his girlfriend and Mercedes smiled warmly at him. They seemed like such an odd couple; the dork and the diva. I suddenly found myself wondering how the hell they kissed. I mean, Mercedes lips were big and fitted her perfectly, and Sam's were… well Sam was Trouty Mouth. Whose lips would go on top? Okay, so I have odd thoughts sometimes, sue me.

"Ready?" Sugar asked in her raspy high-pitched voice. We all nodded and started to descend the stairs.

We had only gone a few hundred feet when suddenly Sam lit up visibly. He looked over at a poster commercial for "The Amazing Spiderman" and pointed at it, "Look, oh my god, that's so awesome! Mercedes, we totally have to go watch that! It's supposedly epic" He said. I looked at him with hidden interest. He was a super-hero geek?

Here's the thing. I have a big brother, and he was such a geek when he was around ten years old. Then he became a teenager and I got all of his Batman, Fantastic Four and X-men comics. I was so engrossed in them, but I also started collecting them myself. I especially had a soft spot for X-men, Justice League and The Avengers. They were like the most awesome ever. Most recently my love lay with this rather short comic called Runaways. It's so damn amazing. The most precious comic I have, and which is packed neatly in air-tight plastic after having read it hundred times, is "Enter: The Phoenix, X-men #101", a special and very rare issue of X-men. Yes, I had the biggest crush on Jean Grey ever. She was so smart and calm, but inside she was tormented and wild and crazy. I still read them to this day, even if it was totally dorky.

"Yeah, I heard it was supposed to be really good, because it follows the real events, and it's darker; and it has Gwen in it instead of Mary Jane." I blurted enthusiastically. They all stopped dead and stared. I looked down.

"You're a comic book fan?" Sam asked curiously. I looked to my left and found a highly amused Brittany staring expectantly back at me. I groaned and nodded.

"That's so cool, which one's your favorite?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I don't really know, they're all so different, you know?"

"Wow, I did not see that one coming" Mercedes laughed and I glared at her.

"So what, I like comic books!" I snapped at her and she rolled her eyes at me.

"It's okay Sanny, we all have an odd thing we like; I mean, I love ducks" Brittany said calmingly.

I giggled as I looked up at her. Ducks? Cute.

"So, you like comic books?" Sam asked as he changed places with Sugar to walk beside me.

I nodded sheepishly. "My big brother gave me a lot when he stopped liking them." I explained.

"Cool, so did you bring any?" He asked.

"Um.. I brought a few issues here and there, some of the later X-Men, some from _House of M Arc _and _Second Coming Arc_. I also brought some of the later issues of _Runaways_, I think I brought every Xavilina-centric issue" I admitted and couldn't help the excitement I felt that I wasn't the only geek here.

"Wow, I didn't know you read Runaways, it's not very famous. Oh and Xavilina – totally hot" he said.

"You read it?"

"Of course; my passion lies with Iron Man though. I love him, and the Avengers. It's genius" he gushed.

"I bet you had Captain America as your idol as a kid" I snickered.

"I did actually! How did you know?" He looked at me.

I noticed that all three girls were sending me funny looks. I glanced at Brittany and caught her eye. She looked away and nudged Sugar staring a conversation with her.

"Please, every blonde guy with a love for Avengers has a thing for Captain America" I scoffed and winked at him. He gaped at me and nudged me.

"I bet you did too" He said. That was very far from true. Cat Woman, Jean Grey and Karolina Dean were my crushes. I just shrugged and let him make his own assumptions.

"I was totally in love with Cat Woman" he admitted. "She's so hot!" I had to stop myself from engaging in a conversation about which movie portrayed her the best, about her every detail, including the cat suit and how great Halle Berry rocked that. I mean, come on!

"Sure…" I said and smiled slyly.

We began talking about or favorite issue, hero, villain and heroin. He looked very shocked when I told him that I actually owned a copy of "Enter: The Phoenix".

I didn't even notice that we had reached the entrance to Luna Park until I saw the flashing lights for the shorter of a second before my eyes were suddenly covered by slim hands.

"Brittany" I said and she giggled halfheartedly and removed her hands curling them around my waist and resting her chin on my shoulder.

"What's up darling?" I asked as she let out a complaining groan.

"Come on, tell me" I said and twisted to let my arms hang on her shoulders.

"I don't think tomorrow's going to be very nice…" she said and sighed heavily, hugging me closer, forcing me to tighten my arm around her neck. I noticed suddenly how close we were standing, and how her mouth was less than two inches from my forehead and I felt her breath on it.

"Why not?" I asked and looked up at her. She drew back a little to look into my eyes.

"I just don't" she said and I sensed that she didn't really wanna talk about it.

"Okay, then how about we enjoy tonight as much as possible and you just say the word tomorrow and I'll be right there, if you need me?" I said and moved my face to hug her tight. She nodded into my shoulder and hummed contently.

"Oh come on you two! It's no time to be getting your mack on!" Sugar complained. Brittany and I shot apart, both red in the face.

"W-we weren't!" Brittany stuttered and I furrowed my brow. Was she really embarrassed about that? I guess her flirty mood wasn't totally back yet then.

"If you say so" Sugar chimed and proceeded to walk inside the funfair.

Brittany seemed to remember where we were, because suddenly she lit up and the flashy lights sparkled in her eyes. She mouthed w-o-w before entering, pulling me by the wrist absentmindedly. I chuckled. She looked like every secret of wonder in the world had enlightened itself for her.

"Look, Sanny, look; cotton candy! Can I have one, please-?" she smiled toothily at me, her expression excited and pleading. I couldn't help but smile goofily back.

"Sure, Britt-Britt; blue or pink?"

"Mhh… Pink!" She exclaimed happily and released my wrist to take my hand and pull me towards the booth that sold cotton candy.

"Two pink cotton candies, twin-ones, please?" I asked the old Asian lady sitting behind the desk. She nodded and took two sticks. She rolled a layer onto each one and then sat them together and rolled on an exterior layer. It was like a twin-popsicle, just with cotton candy. If Britt was going to get cotton candy, so was I, and this was a great excuse to both prevent her from paying and to stay close to her.

"Prego" the lady said and I gave her a five-euro bill, seeing that one cost 2,50€.

She smiled and put it in the register before handing me the double cotton candy. I looked at Brittany who was smiling widely. We somehow managed to both hold onto it and eat from each our side. I took a large chunk and neared her daringly. She grinned and tore into it, grabbing off a piece. _God, so close to my mouth…_I flushed red and gulped hard. She was definitely getting flirty again. I dared not do it again, fearing that she just might kill me if she got too close. I already felt how rapidly my heart beat, as if it was trying to pry its way out through my ribcage.

We managed to eat the rather large amount of cotton candy in no time. She kept tearing chunks off but I felt it got too close, so I started to tear it off with my hands. She bit playfully at air in front of my hand when she tried to take a bite while I was tearing cotton candy off the stick. I retreated my hand and fed her the cotton candy I had torn off instead. I giggled at her.

"Get a room" Sugar said and rolled her eyes as she walked past us.

"You're just jealous Motta" Brittany said and stuck her tongue out. _Ugh, perfect tongue… what I wouldn't give to…_No, focus! I shook my head to get the very non-PG thoughts out of my head.

"Sure…" Sugar said sarcastically. "Seriously, you two are more touchy-feely than Dork and Diva over there" she pointed at Mercedes and Sam. I frowned. Sam and Mercedes were quietly having a war with those long bubble-gum packs. Very uncharacteristic of Mercedes, but she seemed to enjoy it.

"So, what do you wanna try first?" I asked Brittany and took the last piece of cotton candy, knowing that I'd frustrate her.

True enough, she made puppy eyes at me and sniffed while puffing out her lower lip. The piece was almost at my mouth when I groaned and offered it to her, holding it in my open hand. She grinned triumphantly and bit down on it. I retreated my hand as if she had burned it. I swear her lips just touched my hand. She looked over at me frowning, her cheeks pink.

"Sorry" she said, as confirmation that she really had accidentally kissed my hand. I think Mercedes' description of my face being the color of tomato was very fitting right now.

"I… it's okay" I said at last and she smiled.

"Hey, how about that house, it looks fun?" Brittany said and diverted my attention by pointing at a large house that was supposed to be some sort of crazy fun house. I nodded and let her lead me by the hand to the booth.

"Two please" she said and smiled at the man who sat behind. We paid two euro's for the tickets and each got a plastic chip. She dragged me up the stairs where a man stood and took the chips. I let her drag me further inside with her, where the way was so slim that we couldn't walk beside each other.

"Eeep!" she shrieked when the floor beneath her started rolling. She managed to hold herself upright, but I got her point. It was really hard and I bumped into her twice, only one of which was on purpose.

The staircase we climbed was really odd. It was split in two and it moved up and down in opposite ways. She managed to find the trick pretty quickly, but I couldn't get up, I just kept stepping on the stairs when they were on their way down. She laughed at me when I finally got up, but the next moment it was gone. The floor beneath her began rumbling and vibrating and she yelped in surprise and held onto me. I giggled at the feeling and we clung to each other as we finally got to the stairs that led back down.

There was a normal stair and a roller-coaster. The roller-coaster was for children only. I walked down first and the minute I got to the bottom step warm harsh air was blown from the plate I'd stepped on. I chuckled and stepped aside. A second too late I remembered that Brittany was wearing a dress that'd probably… Yep, up it went. _Oh god, kill me now…_I thought as I caught a flash of panty. It was a thin cotton panty in a deep red color with laces at the edges and a single rosebud at the front. I gulped and looked away blushing wildly. I didn't even hear her yell in surprise as she tried to pry her dress down as she jumped off the plate. She looked flustered and embarrassed.

"Come on" I said happily, trying to hide my own embarrassment and whiff away hers, like nothing had happened. I took her hand and pulled her along. The last part of the walk was two rotating metal plates that rolled in separate directions. I jumped from one to the other and almost fell. With a last effort I landed on soil. _Thank god_. I really wasn't good as spinning things, even that.

"Well that was fun" Sugar whispered in my ear, making me jerk and slap her over the arm.

"Shut up" I growled. "I hate places like this!" I hissed.

"You do?" Brittany asked in a hurt voice behind me. I turned and saw the sparkling eyes fade.

"Oh, Britt… I'm just not very good at things that spin too much, and those last two plates made me really dizzy. I don't hate the place, I just hate things that spin too much" I quickly explained. She smiled at me, clearly guilty about having dragged me there. I walked right up to her and looked her in the eye. She bit her lip.

"No worries, Britt-Britt. It was mostly really fun" I said genuinely and took her arm and looped it through mine. She smiled at me again, sincerely this time.

"How about we try one of those booths?" I asked and pointed to the extremely large amount of booths where you had to either hit or shoot something to win a prize.

"Yeah, totally!" she said and pulled me with her. I looked back at Sugar apologetically. She scoffed and walked back to Mercedes and Sam.

We stopped in front of a booth that sold Ice Age plush-toys. She pointed at a pair of mammoths where one was blonde and one was a brunette.

"I want those!" she exclaimed. "They totally look like us!"

"Are you comparing me to a mammoth?" I teased.

"No, I-" she started in a panicky voice.

"I'm kidding, B. They're cute. Let's see if we can't win them for you, huh?" I asked. She nodded eagerly and watched as I paid for ten tennis-balls. I just had to hit five and that damn plush would be Britt's. I glanced back at her and smirked as I turned to throw the first ball. It hit a can that clattered to the floor.

"Yay, Sanny!" Brittany cheered and jumped.

"Shh" I said sweetly as I needed quiet to hit the ones. I was totally acing this. I somehow managed to shoot down twelve cans with ten balls and the owner looked at me with disbelief.

"I'll have that one" I said and pointed to the mammoths.

"You can have one of the big ones" the owner said in a thick Italian accent.

"I want those" I said again.

"Okay…" he said and took it for me. I handed it to Brittany who squealed and hugged me, jumping up and down.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she cheered and grinned widely.

"Signorina?" the man at the booth said. I turned and watched as he handed me another plush. It was a dolphin. Weren't people in those kinds of booths supposed to be greedy money-succubus's? I took it and examined it.

"You want it?" I asked Britt. She looked at me.

"It fits you" she said and smiled.

"Why?"

"Because, dolphins are just gay sharks." I looked at her quizzically.

"Mhm." She hummed and nodded in confirmation of her own words.

I just shrugged. I'd try to figure that one out later.

"Aw look, its mammoth Brittany and mammoth Santana!" Sugar said somewhere behind us.

Brittany and I spun and found her standing with a lollipop the size of her hand. She smiled and tried to take the plush toys.

"No, they're mine!" Brittany snapped and forced the mammoths out of Sugar's reach. Sugar looked curiously at Brittany then shrugged.

"Hey, you guys wanna try that one?" Sugar asked and pointed at the tallest most dangerous looking thing. It was a giant steel wheel that in each end had room for around twenty passengers. It would definitely make me see the pizza Britt and I had shared earlier that day. I shook my head slowly, looking at it with wide eyes.

"Oh right, you don't do things that spin. Britt, what about you?" Sugar asked.

"Hm… If Santana isn't going to try…"

"You are going to try it" I ended her sentence, probably in a different way than she had thought. She looked at me and I urged her on.

"I'll hold the mammoths and you go enjoy yourself. Just because I have a weak stomach doesn't mean you have to stay grounded either. Go" I said and pushed her towards Sugar. She pouted but then she handed me the mammoths and proceeded to engulf me in a big hug, which I returned whole-heartedly. It seemed silly because it was a ten minute ride tops, but I'd take every chance I got to have her close. Sugar groaned and dragged Brittany away from me by her shirt.

"Seriously, just kiss her already" Sugar hissed making Brittany blush furiously.

"Sugar, it's not like that! And I have a boyfriend!" She hissed back.

"Right…" Sugar said, clearly not convinced, and dragged Brittany away. She waved at me and pouted. I grinned and winked at her.

"Have fun!" I yelled at her, and she smiled at me, the best she could.

"God, I really have to stop this; I don't need to fall for her any more than I already have…" I muttered quietly.

I turned to find a bench or something, when I saw Mercedes standing right behind me with a puzzled look, staring at me.

Busted.

"Santana, do you have a moment?" she asked. I bit my lip and nodded, wondering if she had heard what I had said.

"Come on" She said and tugged at my wrist. I followed her mutely. We walked out of the park and sat down on the curb in front of it. I placed the plush toys beside me.

"You heard me, I assume?" I said quietly. I didn't dare look at her.

"I did" she said and I slumped.

"Please don't tell her" I said pleadingly and looked down at my feet as they scratched against a fallen leaf.

"I won't" she said and I swear I heard a smile in that statement. I still didn't dare to look up in case I was wrong, and instead picked up the dolphin and started playing with its fin. "Are you-" I cut her off with a nod.

"I'm … gay" I almost choked on the last word. I felt tears well up in my eyes. Why was this so damn hard? Why couldn't I just be Ellen or something and just be out and proud.

"That was what you told Kurt, wasn't it? That thing you didn't want me to know Monday?" I nodded again. I sniffled and wiped away a few tears.

"It doesn't really surprise me… You never could hold on to a man" She said in a chuckle and nudged me. I looked over at her now and saw her smiling.

"I just need it to go away, this thing for Brittany" I said and hiccupped. She leaned over and put her arm around me, forcing me closer. I didn't care that I didn't like non-Brittany hugs very much. It was a comfort.

"Why would you want it to go away?" Mercedes asked.

"Because she's taken"

"That's never stopped you before, Santana" Mercedes said and looked me in the eye before wiping away a few stray tears from my eyes. I sniffled again and let out a giggle.

"I guess not…"

"Then why?"

"She's straight, and she knows I'm not and it wouldn't be fair to her. Besides, I have no idea what I want to do with my life, and I don't know anywhere I could ever get a job… What if the only place I could get a job is a place where she couldn't? What then?"

"You're thinking very far out in the future, Santana" Mercedes said seriously. "And really, I don't think she's straight. I think she just likes people. I mean, look at her. Do you think she'd be someone who'd have a panic attack if she fell for a girl? She doesn't give a shit what people think about her"

I looked up at her, she really had a point. _I just don't care if it is boys or girls, you know? _Her voice rang in my head, and I wondered if maybe she had actually been telling me about her sexuality and not her interests in teasing. No, she couldn't be a queer. My mind strayed to her again, and lingered on her eyes.

"What's different about her, to every other girl?" Mercedes asked. I looked at her as if she was completely mental and gave her a swat with the dolphin. She grinned.

"Have you seen her, for one? Also, she kissed my cheek after having known me personally for twenty minutes. I don't think many people would've. She's just so… out there, you know? She's so free and I'm not. I want to be like her. Happy, bubbly and stuff. I know that's really not like me but-"

"It is. It is like you; when you're with Brittany. You don't care about anything and you're really happy. I don't think I've ever seen a genuine smile on that pretty face of yours before you met her, maybe with the exception of when you're performing. She makes you happy, doesn't she?" I nodded and giggled again.

"Very much so…" I admitted.

"Then why do you need to stop falling for her?"

"I don't know…" I said and looked up at her. "Do you think I have a chance?"

"Definitely" Mercedes assured me.

"I've missed you" I said and let my arms curl around her, finally returning the hug.

"Really?" she asked in disbelief.

"I do miss people, especially my River Deep Mountain High home girl" I said and squeezed her tight. She let out a laugh and smiled.

"What about Berry, do you miss her?" She asked. I gave her a look that clearly told her that she was to watch her step.

"Kurt then?"

"Very much… I haven't seen him in ages. I even stopped by Burt's but I only found Finn – Didn't miss him, but he didn't tell me where Kurt was." I explained.

"He lives in Columbus with Blaine." Mercedes told me.

"Do you have his number? I'd like to talk to him about something." I said and looked up at her, hoping.

"Sure." She said and retrieved her phone from her pocket. She scrolled through her contacts until she found Kurt Hummel and gave me the phone. I got out my own and added it into my contacts.

"Thanks" I said and smiled.

"So tell me, what's the deal with you and Sam? I mean, he's cute and all, but how did that happen?" I asked and she blushed.

"It just-" she got cut off.

"Sanny, there you are" Brittany said behind us. I turned and was glad that I had chosen to wear water-proof mascara. I smiled up at her and patted on the ground next to me. She sat down and scooted close to me, leaning her head on my shoulder. We were both sort of falling into Mercedes who let out a laugh and then pushed me back in an upright position.

"I'll tell you later, but right now I gots to find my dorky boyfriend. I left him at the haunted house. No way in hell I'm going in there" She said and chuckled as she walked back. _Thanks a lot, traitor! Leaving me here alone with her! _I wanted to yell at her, but Brittany's arms around my waist stilled me.

"Is the world also upside down for you?" she asked and looked at me, her eyes glassy and her gaze unfocused. I laughed and elbowed her.

"You're such a goof, Britt-Britt" I said and let her lean on me for balance. "How did you even get out here? Did you trip?" I asked as she tripped, while sitting. She kicked the air with her leg and giggled.

"Seriously, you look drunk"

"Drunk on you maybe" she said and giggled. I blushed and prodded her in the shoulder.

"Ouch" she winced. I rolled my eyes at her as she smiled at me.

"Wanna go back inside? We can get more cotton candy?" I suggested, not minding to share another one with her.

"Ugh, no. Please, no food right now" she said and rubbed her belly.

"Aw, poor Britty couldn't handle the ride?" I teased. She looked at me, scowling, then lit up and smiled deviously at me. She let me go and pried my arms from her and jabbed her fingers into my sides, making me squeal. She laughed loudly and began to tickle my sides. I squirmed and wiggled, but sitting on a sidewalk didn't make escaping very easy. Maybe I could roll away? I fell back to lie down and made to roll away, but suddenly I was stopped by her knee. I tried to roll the other way, but a knee was in the way too. I felt myself gasp and my heart pound hard as I realized that she was straddling me. _Oh dear god…_

"No escape now" she said and leaned down. Once again I was sure she was going to kiss me, but then she took my hands and caught them in one of hers, pinning them to the ground behind my head as she continued to tickle me. I began kicking and squirming but she just sat down on my thighs and I think I died for several moments. I looked up at her and she was still grinning devilishly at me. Then it changed and I think she realized that she was straddling me on the sidewalk of a public funfair because she flushed bright red and rolled off me, sitting on the curb again. She was looking away from me and fiddling with her hands. I sat up and scooted over to sit beside her. For a few moments I saw how she stared at her hands, her cheeks flaming and her lip caught between her teeth as she chewed on it.

"Hey, stop" I said and grabbed one of her hands. She looked over at me and seemed to blush even further.

"Let's go inside, huh?" I said and got up, dragging her with me. She nodded and proceeded to pick up the mammoths, staring intensely at the ground when we got inside. The first thing we noticed there was Sugar. She looked like she was about to comment but I mimed zipping my lips and glared at her. She needed to shut up; Brittany didn't need to be embarrassed further. We walked further into the park and found a bench. She sat down and placed the mammoths on one side as I sat down on the other, placing the dolphin on my knee

"Do you want to go home?" I asked her. She nodded timidly.

"Is there something wrong?" I knew there was, but if she didn't want to talk to me, who was I to force her. She was a grown up, and could do as she pleased. I did wish that she'd talk to me though…

"I just… I don't think tomorrow's going to be a good day" she said, repeating her words from before. I chuckled and took her hand. I placed her palm skyward and started tracing the lines in it, occasionally making her twitch. It was a thing Mami had always done when I was worried. It distracted me. I felt how Brittany's muscles unclenched and she sighed contently.

"Let's go" I said. She looked around, and I figured that Sugar had the key.

"You can sleep at my place tonight, if you want." I said. She shook her head.

"I think I need to sleep alone tonight." she said. I looked up at her.

"If this is about me being … gay, you don't have to worry, I'm not like that. I don't jump every hot girl I see" I assured her and she chuckled.

"No, it's not that; I just need to think some things over." She said and smiled. "You can still walk me home though?"

I smiled and nodded and placed my own palm in hers and felt her squeeze it as we stood up. I had my dolphin under one arm and stretched back to take the mammoths in the hand that wasn't holding Brittany's.

Sugar was still standing dumbfounded and staring at us, when we passed her. Brittany stopped and pulled me to a halt as well.

"Sugar, do you have the key?"

"Um, sure…" she said distractedly, and began blindly searching in her bag, eyes still locked on Brittany. She pulled her hand out and handed Brittany the key. I smiled reassuringly at her and dragged Brittany with me. Sugar really wasn't so bad; just keeping things real, like me. She did however need some sense of situation.

I walked with Brittany in silence, letting her talk if she wanted to. The moon was watching over us, it's light unusually bright and the quiet fitting so well with the state of Brittany. Quiet. I didn't want to force her to talk to me, and I started wondering what was going to happen tomorrow. I didn't think we had any plans. Despite it all, I couldn't help but feel worried. What would possibly make Brittany so sad?

We reached my place first.

"Goodnight" I said hopefully, still holding both the mammoths and the dolphin. She looked down at the ground, and then threw her arms around me almost causing me to drop the plush toys. She seemed like she could burst into tears at any moment, but she didn't. She just clawed at the back of my shirt trying to hold me as tightly as she could, her body shaking slightly.

I cooed in her ear, trying to calm her, but it only seemed to upset her more than anything.

"Are you sure that you're good to go?" I asked. She nodded into my shoulder, but then I felt something warm and wet on my shoulder. She had started crying. No way in hell was I going to let her go now. She hugged me even tighter and I started to move us further towards my place, starting to drag her up the stairs.

"I'll take the couch" I said when she tried to stop me. She sighed shakily and began audibly sobbing into my shoulder and let me drag her up, taking a step every now and then.

She tried to control her breathing as I unlocked the door and dragged her inside. She had loosened her grip on me a little. Without a single underlying thought I brought her to my bedroom and did my best to remove the covers in one side. I placed the plush toys on the night stand, thinking she might need something to hug when sleeping. She still clung to me, but then let me sit her down on the bed.

She released her grip on me but when I tried to walk over to turn off the lights, she took my hand and forced me back, tightening her arms around my waist and rest her head against my stomach. I giggled slightly. How could anyone be so endearing, even when upset? I started to pat her hair and take out the braid. She sighed calmly, and I think she stopped crying. When her hair was free, I let my hands stroke it and straighten it out.

"Go to sleep" I cooed as I pried her hands from my waist and forced her to lie down. She shifted to lie on her side, facing me as I tucked her in. She looked drowsy, even though her eyes were still red.

"I have to go back to the fair for a moment, to give Sugar her key back, but you just sleep, okay?" I said as I stroked her hair, crouching in front of the bed. She nodded and hummed tiredly, nuzzling her nose against the pillow.

"Thanks Santana" she said and took my hand. She brought it to her lips and kissed the palm gently. It sent shudders down my spine and I had to use every muscle in my body to help me from replacing my hand with my lips. I let a hand fall on her cheek and she raised her head to snuggle into it. I chuckled and stood up, giving her shoulder a squeeze as she curled into the fetal position. She took in several deep breaths and smiled as she closed her eyes.

But the time I had returned from handing the key to Sugar and giving her a warning look while explaining that Brittany had gotten upset and that she had fallen asleep at my place, Brittany seemed fast asleep. She was sprawled across my bed and was breathing heavily. The moonlight shone through the window and bathed her in light that made her skin look like marble. I smiled in awe as I gently moved to get a pillow from the bed, when she suddenly grabbed my hand and peeked up at me. I smiled.

"I thought you were asleep" I said.

"Sleep here" she said, smiling back at me.

"Okay" I said and she scooted over to make room for me. The minute I was under the covers I felt her body press against me and her arms curling around my waist, pulling me in. I felt like a million bucks. She did need something to hug when sleeping: _me._ Lucky bastard I was.

* * *

**A/N - **So, I know that some of you think that Brittany is being kind of mean with her flirting, but the reason for that will be revealed in chapters 8+9. There is a reason yes. I tried to write this chapter as sort of a Santana's being just as flirty/touchy-feely to kind of even out the playfield.

I just got the chapter back from my Beta and read it through again and that's the reason it hasn't come until now :)! I will be working with my Beta fully from now on, so really frequent updates might not be possible, even though I'm currently writing chapter 11 :)

Also, this is the longest chapter I've written so far, I think :3

Song for this chapter - **Maybe - Yiruma**

Link for the youtube - **/watch?v=6Wg_JpVHkio&feature=related**

Once again, thank you so, so much! You have no idea what it means to me and I'm so damn grateful! God, you guys are amazing! Love y'all!

Please review! :D


	7. Her Tears

**A/N - Most of what happens in this chapter will be explained in the next chapter which is being edited right now. So don't get too confused/outraged please...**

**Chapter 7 – Her Tears**

So waking up with Brittany was probably the most wonderful and most awkward experience ever. I should've really gotten used to it, but the way she was pressing her front into my back it seemed like she was deliberately trying to turn me on. It worked. I was trying to stay as still as possible as I listened to her breathing. With every intake of breath I felt her chest press against my shoulder blades, and with every exhale I felt her lips and breath on my neck. I really hoped that she would stretch or something soon and rid me of this torture.

Of course she stretched. Then she curled me even tighter into her, almost grinding into me from behind. _Good god, could someone please just wake her_? I could feel her breath on my ear now, _which didn't help in the slightest!_

"Holla!" I heard Sugar chime as she opened the door wide and then she gasped. I tried to look at her without any luck seeing as Brittany had pinned me down but eventually I managed to wave her over with my hand. This was so god damn awkward! Sugar tiptoed around the bed and looked down at me.

"What are you doing here? How did you get in?" I whispered in a mix of helplessness and annoyance.

"The window" Sugar shrugged like it was the most common thing in the world to enter through the window of a girl's apartment when you'd only known her for a few days. "You need some help?" she asked with a sly smirk.

"Yes!" I hissed as quietly and forcefully as I could. I tried to pry Brittany away, but she kept tightening her embrace. I swore if she didn't get off right I wouldn't be able to control myself. It would just be too hard.

Sugar looked triumphantly at the pitiful position I had been caught in, then leaned in over me and kissed Brittany's cheek.

"Say something" she whispered close to my ear as she withdrew.

"No!" I hissed a bit too loud and jerked.

"San…" Brittany moaned contently and snuggled her nose in my hair. I felt my eyes widen and I squirmed to get out of the embrace.

"Mm… sweet lady kisses" Brittany mumbled in her sleep and I gasped. Sugar giggled and leaned down to kiss Brittany's cheek again. I tried my best to slap her but my hand was the only free thing and seeing as Brittany's arms pinned mine down, I couldn't reach any part of Sugar. Brittany tightened her grip on me and hummed in appreciation.

"Goddamn Sugar, either you help me or-"

"San?" Brittany's voice said behind me and I stopped breathing. The way her voice was so clear made me sure that she was no longer sleeping. I was so going to kill Sugar. A slow and painful death with the razor blades I hid in my hair. I was going to go all Sweeney Todd on that rich bitch's ass.

"Hey Britt" I whispered as Sugar tiptoed out again, trying hard not to burst out laughing. She was so dead.

"Were you macking on me?" Brittany asked with a smirk in her voice. I twisted to look at her. I curled my arms around her and she helped by lifting her hip a bit. I chuckled and nuzzled into her neck. _Sweet Mama, she smells like heaven_…

"Nope, that was Sugar. You were dreaming" I explained into her neck, trying my best at not letting her see my very red face but at the same time avoid any lip-to-skin contact. That'd be so awkward.

"That's too bad" Brittany flirted, making me blush even deeper and bury myself further into her neck.

"You know, I talked a bit to Mercedes about how you used to be and stuff…" Brittany said and I groaned. "She said that you were mostly just angry and bitchy and stuff, but you're not like that at all anymore"

I loosened my grip and moved away to look at her. She was smiling down at me.

"You're really sweet and caring, and even though I'm sure you were really pretty then – at least from what I saw in Chicago – you're so pretty now too. And you're funny and sweet. Did I mention sweet?"

"Yeah, you did and will you stop that, you're embarrassing me. Besides, I'm not nice to everyone, barely anyone actually, I have definite plans about murdering that roommate of yours" I growled. Brittany chuckled and tugged me into her again, humming.

"Why, for making me believe that you were the one kissing me?"

I nodded into her neck and took in a deep breath. It was intoxicating and relaxing at the same time, the way she smelled.

"She was just teasing, she has that from me. I pretended to be her boyfriend once and she almost made out with me in her sleep. It was hilarious." Brittany explained and let her hand travel up and down my back stroking it gently. She left goose bumps on my skin wherever she touched. I shuddered and let out a shaky sigh.

"What are _'Sweet Lady Kisses_' anyway?" I asked after a while of comfortable silence, the only sound being our heartbeats and my unsteady breath as she stroked my back.

"What does it sound like, honey?" she asked. I took in a breath and cleared my throat, untangling myself from her – or at least attempting to do so, because she still held me so close.

"Yeah, okay. I think I can see it" I said, embarrassed again.

"Oh come on you two! Get the hell out of bed, and Santana, there better not be any hickeys on Britt's neck when you get out here!"

Sugar was standing in the door. I buried my head further into Brittany's neck and hair._Could I_? No, no way. Control yourself! _It'd be so easy though. Just puck the lips and press a kiss to her neck_. Nope, no uh-uh, stop it! I bit down on my lip hard to stop myself from leaning forwards that single inch and kiss her neck. She was taken and not into me. She was just all around me; literally all around me.

"Go away Sugar, or I might just let Santana kill you like she's planned" Brittany growled. I felt her tighten her arms around me possessively. I really didn't mind being the small one in need of protection – like I felt right now – when I was in Brittany's arms. She was being kind of mean, though. It was harder now to stop from planting one on her, because she pressed my head so close to her neck that my nose brushed against it. She had to know how I felt about her, she just had to. I felt like I had a neon-sign over my head saying: "_Dork here has the hots for Brittany!_"

"Well I'm going to eat all of your Lucky Charm marshmallows that you brought if you don't get up" Sugar promised. Brittany froze and lifted her head to look at Sugar, probably with a highly chocked face.

"You wouldn't" Britt exclaimed breathlessly

"Oh I would!" Sugar said threateningly. I tugged at Brittany and whined in protest. She was to stay in bed with me. Now that she was awake, things weren't nearly as awkward. Sure I still had to keep constant control so I wouldn't pounce her, but other than that, I was totally content just laying here in her arms.

Brittany chuckled and leaned down. I gasped when I felt her lips on my cheek before she moved her mouth to my ear. My heart was beating hard and fast like a cheetah on hunt, as she breathed into my ear. I heard her make to say something several times but she just closed her mouth again, moved down and pressed another peck on my cheek and uncurled herself from the embrace. I was frozen where I was. I felt like clay or Play Doh, something she'd be able to shape like she wanted and I'd still just lie there. It was so hard.

I didn't want to kiss her because I was sexually frustrated or anything. Maybe if I kissed her and forced my every feeling for her into that kiss, maybe she'd like me back. She had kissed my cheek like she had in the airport. I think when she kissed me in the airport that was the moment I was sold. You can really tell so much from a kiss. She had kissed my shoulder at Charlie's and I had almost died, but I didn't understand why. Why would she torture me like that? She had to know that I was into her, I mean come on… I looked like a radish every time she flirted with me and I freeze at her touch.

"Santana, come on" Brittany said sweetly. Her voice was distant and I didn't know how lost in thought I had been. I looked around and saw her sitting on the other side of the bed, her hair disheveled and her grin wide. I sighed deeply and then forced myself upright. She ruffled her hair slightly. Someone sported a really messy nest of bed-hair.

"What was Sugar doing here?" Brittany asked.

"I don't really know…" I said thoughtfully and proceeded by yelling out "Sugar, get in here!" I knew she didn't leave, she was too damn curious for that. I sat up and ruffled my own hair as I heart the footsteps and then Sugar appeared in the door.

"Nice bed-hair Britt" Sugar commented with a snort.

"Why are you here?" I asked in a drawling voice. She was really testing her luck, that one.

"Its noon and we haven't seen any of ya, so I checked here. No biggie" She shrugged.

"Well next time, don't" I said sharply. At first I had been glad she was there to help me, but she just made things so much worse. She was a real pain. I definitely didn't like her.

"I'm sorry but the others have already gone to the beach and I wanted to borrow your computer to Skype daddy" she whined and flopped down on the bed. Okay, rewind, what 22-year old calls her dad _daddy_? She was more of a baby than Berry sometimes.

"Oh, well we'll come in about half an hour and you just take my computer. I'll see you there. I need Skype too" Brittany said and looked down. I think she was embarrassed that she had over-slept and forgotten their deal.

"Thanks, Britt, but it's okay, you guys suck anyway. Sorry, Asbergers" Sugar said cheerfully and got up. Seriously, one more word from her and I was going to attack her.

"By the way Santana" I tensed like a Lion on its prey, but Brittany quickly sensed the danger and grabbed a hold of my wrist, making me relax a little, but not enough for me to stop glaring at Sugar. "I think you might wanna secure your apartment better, I could've been a burglar or something."

"I'll do that. I'll make sure you don't get in again" I said in a growl. She merely giggled and walked out, waving at us, half-humming half-singing some odd song. She sounded kind of tone-deaf.

"Let's get some breakfast, huh?" I asked and patted Brittany's knee lightly when she released my wrist. She nodded eagerly and moved to get out of bed.

"There's milk in the fridge and cereal in the middle cabinet in the kitchen. I'm just going to change clothes" I said. She nodded again and walked out. It surprised me slightly that she didn't have a comment about that, but I guess she was still waking up. Besides, she was scared about today, and I still had no clue why. She did seem more cheerful today, than last night. She'd probably tell me if she wanted me to know.

I slipped out of the shorts and shirt I hadn't bothered to change out of last night and opened my closet. Most of my clothes consisted of tight cotton shirts, tunics and shorts and a few skirts, not that I regularly wore those. I was 22 years old now, but it was a part of my emergency stack, because most of my clothes were matched to the NY climate. I took the only sundress I had. It was deep red and flared around my thighs playfully when I spun. The edges were decorated with black embroidering and cotton lace. The devil wears a red dress; my brother always said when I wore this. It was pretty much my only dress, except for the tight ones I had from high-school. I had stopped wearing those when Marco – that's my brother's name by the way – had commented that I was dressing up as a sexy teen powerpuff girl. I walked into the bathroom and combed my hair, making sure to decorate it with a matching red rose broche in the left side. After having made sure that the make-up, I hadn't bothered to take off either, wasn't smudged I walked out into the kitchen. Brittany was standing with a box of Rice Crisps and Coco Pops and poured equal parts in two bowls.

"How did I never think to do that? It's genius" I said as she started to pour milk over the cereal. Coco pops were way too unhealthy to eat alone and Rice Crisps quickly became boring. I walked to stand beside her.

She looked around at me and smiled. I noticed how she looked me up and down, pausing at the flower in my hair.

"Fitting" she said and beamed

"Sweetie, you're still pouring milk" I said and grabbed the milk jug she had almost poured more than the bowl could hold.

"Oh, sorry" She said and looked at the cereal. I poured milk in the other bowl and bumped her hip to let her know that all was forgiven.

"Orange juice or water?" she asked as she made her way to the fridge.

"Orange juice" I said and found two spoons from the drawer under the stove.

She walked back into the kitchen area and opened the cabinet to get out two glasses before carrying them and the juice out on the table on the balcony. I stuck a spoon in each bowl and carried those as well, very carefully as one of them was very full. She giggled at me when I struggled a bit but then took the filled bowl and placed it on the table.

* * *

"You are having a good time, right love?" Al Motta said from the screen on the computer. Sugar was Skyping with her dad and Brittany and I were sitting next to her playing Angry Birds Space on her Android.

"I am, it's so much fun. I think Sam feels like he's a pimp or something, four girls and him. He must be in heaven" she said confidently. I looked over at her with a puzzled look. Never would I ever talk to my dad about pimps.

"Four?" Mr. Motta said confusedly.

"Yeah, Brittany, Mercedes, Me and Santana" she chimed.

"Santana? Who's that?"

"Oh it's one of Mercedes old high-school friends and Brittany's new best friend" Sugar said with a smile. I couldn't help but notice the tone of regret in the last three words. Brittany smiled and nudged me none the less.

"Santana, come say hi to my daddy" Sugar said kindly and prodded me. Brittany took her phone and continued to play as I scooted closer to Sugar and leaned towards her. Al Motta was waving from the screen and I saw on the tiny self-picture that I was visible as well. I waved and smiled with politely. Mr. Motta was actually a very attractive man, with kind dark eyes and dark hair. I saw though where had gotten her abnormally long nose from.

"Ugh! I can't get through this level!" Brittany complained. I looked asking at Sugar who nodded and shoved me away playfully.

"She seems like a lovely girl" Al commented.

"Don't let her deceive you. She's pure evil." Sugar said seriously and I jabbed at her arm. "See!" Sugar complained and Al laughed heartily.

I tried to help Brittany get through the level but the exploding bird just kept missing. It was really frustrating and if I hadn't been in public I might've yelled at it in rapid Spanish, but it seemed so weird to yell at technology when people were around.

"This is impossible! Can we go swimming instead?" I pleaded. So sue me, I did it because I knew we'd be clinging to each other when in the water.

"Mm… Yeah, sure" Brittany said and put the phone away. "Sugar, we're-"

"I heard you" Sugar said and again there was a hint of defeat.

"Aren't you coming?" I asked, not because I wanted her to join, but because it seemed uncharacteristic of her to not join in on the fun.

"Someone's gotta mind the computer, besides I need to catch up. Oh hi Diamonds!" she suddenly exclaimed in a lovey-dovey voice. "How's my girl, huh? She been a good girl?" she cooed and I leaned over to see a small brown and grey schnauzer with floppy ears It was wearing a bright pink collar with stones set in it.

"Is that Dia?" Brittany asked and leaned on me to see.

"Hey Brittany, nice to see you" Al Motta said sharing the screen with the excited dog. She yapped and whacked its tail against Mr. Motta's head.

"Hi Mr. M. Hi Diamonds, oh you're so cute!" Brittany cooed, leaning into me, making all three of us tipping slightly.

"Thanks" Mr. Motta said with a chckle. I snorted a laugh and so did Brittany.

"I was talking to the dog, Mr. M. But you look very handsome too." Brittany said and smiled.

"Weren't you two going somewhere?" Sugar asked annoyed and tried to shove me and Brittany off. Britt leaning on me had made me crash into Sugar who was literally holding both us and the computer stable.

"Yup, we were!" Brittany said and sat up. She grabbed my hand and forced a yelp out of me as she pulled and almost made me fall off the beach chair.

"No more than making out when you're in public!" I heard Sugar scream after us. I stuck out my middle finger at her but we were already at the water, giggling.

"Oh there you are!" Sam called from the water. He was standing in around forty feet out talking to Mercedes who was sitting on the wharf with her feet in the water, splashing tiny amounts of water onto Sam's chest.

"We overslept" Brittany said as she without hesitation began walking into the water. She was pulling me with her by the wrist and the minute water hit my feet I cringed. It was cold as ice. I bet someone just recently scooped out the ice-cubes to deceive us from the temperature. I cussed under my breath as I was pulled further into the water.

"Fuckity fuck!" I yelped as the water hit my navel. It was freezing.

"Aw, little Miss Latina can't handle a little cold water" Mercedes teased.

"Shut it, Jones. Why aren't you in?"

"I'm tanning" she said, _yeah right, tanning_. I snorted and looked over at Brittany. I forgot everything about the cold water as we silently agreed that Mercedes was going under. I shrugged and walked towards her, still cursing every now and then for the theatricality of it. When we reached her and Sam I jabbed Trouty Mouth in the side and bumped my hip against him. He moved a bit and I felt Brittany release my wrist.

"One…" I whispered.

"Two…" Brittany giggled as she grabbed the side of the dock to heave herself up. I mimicked her. When we stood on each side of Mercedes she got the hint.

"No, no, no!" Mercedes said and tried to get free but we had

"Three!" We grabbed her under the armpits and around the stomachs and heaved her right into the water. Brittany took my hand and we ran to the end and jumped into the freezing water shrieking. It was really deep and I knew that we'd have to reach the bottom for me to be able to cling to Brittany like it was my goal to do. I poked her and pointed towards them and began swimming. She giggled and swam with me. It became a race, one that she won. _Damn those muscles_.

I pretended to be really out of breath when I got there and flung my arms around Brittany. She giggled and grabbed my thighs hoisting me up onto her back. I gasped at the sensation but locked my legs around her stomach none the less. She twined her hands around my thighs and held them over her perfect stomach. I leaned into her, resting the side of my head on her shoulder. She seemed more eager than usual to have me close, but really who was I to complain?

"You two are such pains sometimes!" Mercedes spat. We finally looked over at her and saw her completely drenched and with messy hair, almost not reaching the bottom. Only her shoulders and her head were visible. It looked hilarious.

"Brittany!" We heard a loud yell from the beach. Sugar was standing with the computer in one hand waving wildly.

Brittany released her grip on me to give Sugar two thumbs up.

"Sorry, gotta go" she said silently and I unlocked my legs from around her waist. She twisted and reattached her arms around my neck for a moment and embraced me. She sighed defeated as she swam to the low end and walked up from the water and with Sugar back to the chairs. Just before she left I heard how she mumbled "Here goes…"

I stood there, feeling suddenly kind of lost without Brittany. I turned to see Mercedes staring at me. I feared that she was going to start talking to be about Brittany again, but fortunately she didn't. Instead she walked over to me and laid an arm around my shoulder.

"Come on; let's play ball or something, huh Chica?" I nodded and looked at Sam.

"I've got it" he said and plunged into the water, swimming towards the beach to get a ball.

"So, did you write Kurt yet?" Mercedes asked as we walked in slowly to where the water wasn't as deep. She might be small, but so was I.

"What's it to you?" I asked annoyed, then remembered that I was supposed to be nice and added "But for your information, no. Britt got pretty upset" I said and climbed onto the rocks that formed the outer part of the dock on the part closest to the beach. Mercedes – with some difficulty – climbed after me.

"That's understandable. Do you know why she's upset?"

"No, do you? It worries me that she doesn't seem to have talked to anyone about it. She can trust any one of us, right?"

"Preach…"

"You still say that?" I asked with a raised brow.

"Of course. You still say _wanky _right?" I nodded and grinned.

"I was wondering, you and Quinn, you were really close in high school" she started. I looked at her with a warning expression, thinking that she might ask me if anything had ever happened there. "Do you still have contact?" she then asked.

"She was my roommate in New York" I said and smiled. "I don't know exactly where she is now, but I have her number. She said something about trying to contact Berry or something. She went to AMDA you know" I added.

"Wow, that's pretty prestigious"

"Yeah, I think she really wants to do theatre and stuff" I said.

"Think Berry poisoned her mind?" Mercedes chuckled and nudged me.

"Probably" I giggled.

"Hey giggle girls, how about we play some ball, eh?" Sam asked. He was standing right in front of us, and we hadn't even noticed anything. I jumped off the rocks and helped Mercedes down. We were in water to our waists so it was probably the best place we could find to play.

Sam played the ball to Mercedes in the best volley-style and she giggled and caught it with her hands. She sent it flying my way and I gave it a firm hit with my fist and sent it flying to Sam. He sent it back to me with his head and I slapped it panicky on to Mercedes, having not anticipated that he would throw it my way.

Mercedes sent it to Sam who bragged shamelessly by bouncing it off his chest and sent it on with a high kick. It disappeared somewhere over the dock.

"Great game, Ronaldo" I said and watched as Mercedes, who was closest, swam under the docks to get it back.

"Hey, how was Luna Park last night? Mercedes said you'd been upset or something?" Sam called as he walked over to me. I shrugged.

"I just had a problem, but she gave me the number of an old mutual friend and that helped." I said.

He seemed to want to talk about it further, but I cut him off by doing the only sensible thing – lunging at his stomach and making him fall backwards into the water. It was only half meant as a game. He being a comic book geek had made me like him a bit more, and I guess making a good impression might not be all bad. Besides, I think he might actually be a laugh. He tried to protect himself as I splashed as much water on him as possible, though that was a very little amount. The minute he regained some composure I was ducked under and held there for a good three seconds. I used the time to grab his leg and pull, making him trip and loosen his grip on me. I shot out of the water, laughing triumphantly as he spluttered around in the water, his Bieber cut helplessly messy.

"Hey Trouty Mouth," I said and puckered my lips at him. He glared. "Think you can catch me?" I dared. The minute the mood changed in his eyes from playfully insulted to devilish I laughed and began swimming towards the coast. He caught my leg and forced me back, forcing my head under. I was having a really hard time breathing because he started tickling me and I was already underwater with my head half the time. I kicked and spluttered and finally grabbed his leg. We were now only in water to our shins. I locked my arms and legs around his shin and sat down on his foot preventing him from moving.

"Hah!" I said as I looked up at him. "I win" I said and stuck my tongue out at him. He jerked and tried to move away from me.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked two voices in synchrony from behind me. I tightened my lock on his shin and looked back at Sugar and Mercedes. Mercedes was standing with the ball under her arms and Sugar was giggling.

"U-um, nothing!" I said flustered at how childish I had suddenly gotten. I released Sam immediately and scrambled to my feet, my face flushing with embarrassment. This was so not Santana Lopez style!

"I agree Cedes, she's nothing like the bitch you said she was in high school" Sugar said. I gaped at him.

"Did you tell that to everyone? Traitor!" I said to Mercedes with a huff as I crossed my arms over my shoulders.

"You know what, Cedes, I don't think she's got that Lima Heights spark anymore, the one you talked about. Obviously, she's nowhere near my level of awesome." Sugar teasingly. I snapped, suddenly remembering her little joke this morning.

"Okay, you listen here richy bitch. First; I'm from Lima Heights Adjacent, and I might not have lived there for four years, but once you've lived there you never forget, got it? Second; if you ever pull anything like what you did this morning, I swear you're not going to see the sunrise. Third; I get that you think I stole Brittany from you or whatever, and I'll try and talk to her, but you and I, we're not friends. I haven't decided on what you are yet, but friends, no. You don't get to tease me or anything like that, because really, you don't want to mess with me.. So basically, just learn when to shizz it." I said and cocked my head, prodding her in the chest several times.

She looked flabbergasted. Good, it had worked. "I…"

"I suggest you keep your pretty little mouth shut for now, and just take a moment to think about what you say before you say it." I said and walked away out of the water tilting my head slightly to the side at when I passed her. I knew that I had changed, because I actually now felt myself hoping that she hadn't taking it too hard. Mercedes merely sighed and told Sugar to just lay off me and take my insults with a grain of salt. You know, whatever. Like I cared.

I walked up towards the chairs, hoping to find Brittany to make me cool down a bit, but there was no-one sitting at the chairs. Her computer was there and the screen was still on. I looked and saw a Skype-conversation that had ended a few minutes ago. Nathan MacKillan was the one she had called. There was a frozen picture on the video of a dark-haired man with a mild face and brown eyes, his look fearful, and a redheaded woman standing with her arms around his chest possessively, her hair tousled and only wearing a white men's shirt.

The name seemed somewhat familiar. Nathan…_Nate; he's my boyfriend_. Shit.

* * *

"I swear to god, if I ever see that bastard, I'ma kick him so hard, he's getting neutered" I hissed as I walked around on the beach with my sandals in one hand and Brittany's now closed computer in the other.

"Brittany!" I yelled knowing it was purposeless. Surely she wouldn't be here. But then where the hell was she?

I saw Sam and the others at the edge of the water and I decided that maybe taking to them first would be sensible. Maybe they had an idea if she could've gone home.

"Sugar!" I called as I reached the edge of the water. She turned to me with a grin, but it quickly faded at the sight of my frown.

"What's up? Where's Brittany? Why do you have her computer?" Sugar asked.

"I have no idea where Brittany is, she left her computer and I think she might've caught her boyfriend cheating on her." I said as fast as I could without tripping over the words. She gaped at me.

"Is her boyfriend's name Nathan MacKillan?" I asked as they all stepped towards me. I looked around again, trying to get a sight of her anywhere, but she was nowhere to be found.

"Yeah…" Mercedes confirmed with a concerned look.

"Goofy kind-looking guy with short dark hair?"

"That's him. Why do you think he cheated?" Sam asked.

"The Skype had frozen but the screen capture was clearly of Nathan and a redhead in his shirt. In only his shirt" I said. They gaped at me again and looked at each other worriedly.

"What?"

"Nothing… she left her computer?" Sugar said.

"Yeah, do you have an idea where she might be?"

"Probably off getting drunk somewhere" Mercedes said, earning nods from the others.

"She does that every time." Sam said quietly.

"Hold up, she's been cheated on before?"

"By every boyfriend she's ever had" Sugar sighed sadly.

No wonder she was so flirty. It was a mask…

"Okay, I'll check the bars at the beach, Sugar you take the bay area, Mercedes, Santana, split the main street. She usually ends up in a bar drunk and takes home a random person. It's her way of making things better, even if they only make things worse." Sam said and took the computer from me. "I have a bag for this" he explained.

I nodded and hurried with Mercedes, not bothering to change back into my dress. It could wait. There was no way Brittany was going to get drunk in a foreign city alone. Not if I could help it anyway. We split around half-way and while she ran east, I ran west. I checked in every bar and every other possible place where alcohol could be bought.

"Dammit Brittany" I muttered.

"Santana! Hey, Santana!" I suddenly heard someone yell from somewhere to my right.

Joe was standing outside Charlie's changing the tablecloths.

"Sorry, Joe, I don't have time!" I called to him.

"Looking for Brittany?" He asked loudly. I stopped dead and turned around to look firstly inside the bar and then at him.

"Was she here?" I asked, out of breath from running.

"No, but she ran by here around fifteen minutes ago. She looked absolutely shattered." Joe said. "She ran that way" he added and pointed down a side-road; the one that led back home.

I suddenly remembered that Sugar had told that they had brought a bottle of Bacardi. Shit, she must just be home.

"Thanks Joe!" I said, already running again. For good measure I checked every bar and Gelateria on my way back to the apartments.

I sprinted past my house and up the stairs to Brittany's. The door was open.

"Thank god…" I mumbled and went inside. There were no-one in the living room in the two bedrooms, none in the closet or in the bathroom and the balcony was empty too.

"Brittany, where the hell are you?" I hissed and looked through the cabinet where the liquor was supposed to be. Maybe they'd moved it? I checked the other cabinets with no such luck; it was no where to be found

I was on my way to the pool when suddenly a sound caught me off guard. It was a whimper so quiet and so delicate that I might as well have missed it coming from somewhere around my place.

She couldn't be…

I sprinted up the stairs and whipped my head around for any sight of her. The corner of my eye caught a flash of gold, and I let out a breath I felt like I'd been holding ever since I noticed that she was gone.

"Brittany" I said quietly and walked to her. She was sitting in the corner of my east-facing balcony with her head buried in her knees and her arms locked tightly around her legs. She was whimpering in a way that made my heart ache and almost break. I noticed the bottle of Bacardi next to her, it was closed but it definitely wasn't full.

"Brittany…" I said again as I crouched down in front of her and placed both hands on her arms. She looked up. Her entire face was swollen with sobs and her eyes were red. Her cheeks were damp with tears that were still streaming freely from her eyes. Her gaze kept shifting from one of my eyes to the other, like she was trying to focus.

"Oh poor girl" I said and began wiping off the tears on her cheeks. She sniffled and whimpered again.

Then, I was pressed up against the back of the balcony, forced onto my butt with Brittany lunging at me. I was sure she was going to cling to me like I had done the day before yesterday, but she didn't. Instead she cupped my cheeks and her lips were on mine.

Everything was forgotten.

Her lips were soft and amazing and even though they were also a bit swollen, they fit perfectly with mine. She pressed her lips hard against mine; her eyes clenched shut and her brow furrowed. Her hands moved to tangle in my hair. Instinct fought reason in my head, but eventually I pressed back into her. She smiled into the kiss, I could feel it, and began moving her lips in the exact same second I started moving mine. I felt my eyes flutter closed and my stomach act jubilantly by doing something equal to a million triple-summersaults. I let my arms attach to her neck as I pulled her closer. I felt how my heart seemed to pound its way out my chest but at the same time it seemed to stop. Brittany shifted a bit, scooting a little closer and tilting her head a bit, changing the kiss. Her lips were suddenly swallowing my bottom lip and – help me please, I'm _dying_ here – I felt her bite down on it. I let out a rather loud and unexpected moan as I felt myself melt under her touch. She grinned again and I opened my eyes wide and looked into her face when I felt something warm and wet slide over my lip. I felt how my spine seemed to send warm and ice-cold shutters up and down my back, and I had to close my eyes again. I was so afraid that it might be a dream.

Her tongue brushed over my lip again, with a bit more force, and I whimpered in submission as I parted my lips. I swear this was utopia. Lying in bed with Britt was one thing, holding her hand was another, but kissing her, and now making out with her, was something rather different. I breathed sharply as her tongue forced its way into my mouth and poked at my own. I tasted the alcohol but I didn't really care, my mind was empty and blinded by her. I moved my hands from her neck to her back and pressed her into me. She moved her hands around to my back as well but she was so much stronger. She tipped us back so she was the one sitting against a walk. Her tongue was still exploring my mouth and my tongue was sliding gently over hers. She pulled me onto her lap, making me straddle her. She moaned into my mouth and I felt warmth surge through me.

_Brittany was broken. It was wrong. She was sad and drunk and I was taking advantage._

The realization hit me right when she was about to lead my tongue into her mouth with her own. I jerked back and broke the kiss. I don't even know how I did it, but I did. She was panting heavily and I as well, as I was still holding her tight. She whimpered again, and then she started attacking my neck instead. She placed warm wet kisses on my neck and I fell into her, almost forgetting everything once more and I swallowed hard to keep from moaning again. I felt her move further up my neck and she stopped just under my ear and began sucking. I was dying under her lips as she let her teeth graze over the spot and soothe it afterwards with her tongue. She repeated the gesture until I was firmly sure she'd leave quite the bruise on me.

_She was broken and this was wrong._

I moved away and she whined in protest, trying to move forwards again to connect some part of my skin with her lips. She looked up at me, eyes broken and empty but at the same time darker than they usually were. I shook my head. Her eyes flickered between mine, trying to comprehend. I think she got the point because now she began sobbing again and pressed her forehead against my shoulder. I shifted and let my legs lock around her as she curled her legs slightly into herself. If it had been a minute ago I would've been so turned on by that, but the sobbing was kind of a buzz-kill.

Wait, why the hell did she kiss me? Dare I ask? No, no way, it'd have to wait till I was over her. Whenever that may be, because surely I just fell even more for her. Seriously, she was an amazing kisser, and it was only heightened by the fact that I liked her as much as I did.

"Come on, sweetie. You can't sit out here" I said and tried to get her to look at me.

"It's hard to move…" she mumbled and leaned into me, lowering her legs again.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you're sitting on me" she giggled and sniffled, her cheeks growing redder than they already were.

"Oh…" I said and blushed deeply. I unlocked my legs from around her and tried to get up, but she was still clinging to me. With some difficulty I managed to grip under her arms and pull her up with me. She slumped into me and started sobbing again.

"Shh… Come on sweetie" I said and half dragged/half carried her to the door. I was surprised that I was able to. It wasn't that she was heavy, I was just not very strong, and I was very small too. I left the Bacardi where it was and then remembered that my key was at the beach still. Shit.

I looked to my right and saw that the kitchen area window was only closed by the mosquito net.

"Britt, honey, can you stand? I have to crawl through the window" I said. She nodded into my shoulder and let her arms fall limply at her sides, still leaning into me though.

"Just wait thirty seconds, then you can use me as a pillow as much as you please" I assured her, earning a nervous giggle from her. She slumped against the wall next to the window as I pressed down on the net, making it open. I managed to crawl up on the edge and jump down on the floor. I opened the door from inside and almost immediately I was dragging Brittany again. She had her arms locked around my neck and her head buried in my neck as I got her to the couch. I sat her down and sat myself beside her. She scooted away immediately and I frowned. Did she not want to sit with me? Then she lay down and let her head rest in my lap, her limbs curled in front of her. I chuckled and began stroking her hair. She started to cry again and her breath was staggered. I did my best to make calming strokes through her hair but she didn't stop.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" I asked when she finally seemed to calm down some.

"I-I… I'm … Just… So… S-stupid" she croaked and increased the sobbing once more.

"No you're not" I protested. She sighed.

"I-I am, Santana"

"No you're not" I said forcefully. She wasn't stupid at all.

"Prove it…" She dared me dryly and sniveled again.

"The other day you told me all those things about me, and it wasn't guesses. You just knew." I said calmly

"That's not being smart at all" she protested.

"It's_people_smart. Who cares if you can cite Shakespeare or know atomic physics? That's not smart, that's just remembering facts."

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" Brittany slurred and giggled.

"See, you are book smart too!" she giggled again and let out a shaky breath and a hiccup.

"Britt tell me, what happened?"

"Well…" she said and I think she stopped crying.

"You know Nate, my… boyfriend." I nodded. "Well the reason why I thought today was going to be bad was because I had to break up with him. There just wasn't any love there. I mean, I love him, but I'm not in love with him."

"So you broke up with him" She shook her head.

"Never got that far…"

"Go on" I encouraged when she seemed stuck again.

"I called him on Skype and I was building up to break things off between us when I saw Millie."

"Who?"

"A friend of mine…" she said mournfully and shifted to look up at me. I smiled gently down at her and her eyes fluttered closed when I began tracing the contours of her face with my fingers.

"And…"

"And she was standing behind him in his shirt. That's when I found out that he cheated on me… I'm so goddamn stupid, it always happens. Every time I fall for some guy, they cheat on me because I'm not smart… They don't think I'll find out. It's so… I don't even know why it hurts, I mean, I was breaking up with him" she said frustrated. She opened her eyes again and caught mine. I smiled sadly at her.

"Why does it hurt?" she asked and let her hands rest over her heart.

"Because…" I started and let my hand slide under hers and rest just above her heart. It was beating really fast and I felt her press down on my hand with both of hers. "…because you love him. You might not be in love with him, but you said you still loved him. He betrayed you, and Millie did too. You thought she was your friend, right?" Brittany nodded.

"Well, I think that's why it hurts. It reminds you of the other times, and it breaks you down. You stop trusting your judgment and you stop trusting love." I said and combed my free hand through her hair again. I felt her let out a single sob and a whimper.

Brittany lay there with her head in my lap for several minutes before sitting up again and snuggling into me. It was really nice, and I liked that I was able to provide answers and comfort for her. It made me feel important. I was important to her.

"Santana?" she said in an asking tone. I turned and looked her in the eyes. She was staring at me with much focus.

"Yeah?" I said and gulped. I both loved and hated the way she stared. I knew what she was about to do and I wanted to both let her and prevent her from it. Before I got to react though her lips were on mine again and it made me gasp. I pulled back immediately this time, even if it took all of my willpower to do so.

"Britt, we shouldn't do this" I said breathlessly.

She launched at me but this time I jerked back.

"I don't care. Just let me kiss you, it makes things better" she whined and tried again. I did the only thing I thought might stop her, I flung my arms around her and held her close, leaning my head onto her shoulder and tightened my arms. Okay, that was a dumb idea. She once again gained access to my neck and started kissing it again. She was definitely going to be the end of me.

"Britt, no" I gasped as she attached her lips to my pulse point and began sucking. I gulped and felt my pulse race under her lips as she nibbled at my skin. I should do something, get her away from me or something. She really wasn't thinking straight. I mean, who would after half a bottle of Bacardi?

"Why not?" She asked complainingly after having surely planted another hickey. _Great_.

"You're hurt and confused and also probably drunk and I'd be taking advantage and I don't want that. I don't want to hurt our friendship; it'll be really awkward when you come to your senses again, if I let you. Besides it doesn't make things any better"

"But they usually do. They usually help."

"Just… don't" I said. She placed one last gentle kiss on my neck. It was one of those kisses that made your knees buckle and I'm sure I would've fallen if it hadn't been for me already sitting down before nodding into my neck.

"I'm sorry…" she said and sniffled again.

"You're acting totally like me when I'm drunk" I said and couldn't help but smile.

"What? Horny and sobbing?" Brittany slurred and chuckled through a new train of tears. I let my thumbs wipe over her cheeks to dry away her tears.

"Yeah, kinda" I said.

"Sorry…" she said again and looked down.

"Look, do you have your phone, I need to call Sugar and let them know that you're okay" I said. She nodded and sniffed before handing me her phone, which she had fastened in her bikini top. I unlocked it and looked through the list of most recently called. Sugar was third. I pressed on the number and then on _'Call'_. As I took it to my ear I felt Brittany fall into me again and I was just about to scold her for trying to get with me again, but she just let her head rest on my chest, right above my heart. God it was racing, she'd definitely feel that.

"Brittany, where the hell are you?" Sugar screamed into the phone and I had to move it a few inches away from my face. I felt Brittany's grip on my shirt tighten as she cringed at the sound.

"Sugar, shut it" I said firmly.

"Santana? Did you find Brittany?" Sugar asked sounding very confused.

"Yeah, I did. She was at my place, but she is drunk. How much was there in that Bacardi bottle when you looked last?"

"It was full… did she take it?"

"She drank like half of it" I said and looked down at Brittany who whimpered.

"Oh god, is she naked? Did she do anything to you, like try to kiss you or something?"

"No, she's just really out of it…" I didn't mention the kiss slash make out. It wasn't necessary.

"Oh… Well tell her Sam's got her computer and phone. Oh, and I have your key and phone, Santana. I took the liberty of adding Sam, Mercedes and I to your contacts." Sugar added.

"Thanks, just bring it over, we're in the living room."

"How did you get in?" she asked.

"Window" Britt, Sugar and I all chuckled.

"I swear, someday all of your stuff will be gone and some street guy'll be selling it for two euros a piece." Sugar said defeated. I snickered.

"What calms her?" I asked.

"Movies… Do you have Lilo and Stitch or Lady and the Tramp?" Sugar said after a moment's pause.

"No, but I have a few seasons of Sweet Valley High?"

"That'll do." Sugar said and I heard her giggle. Whatever, it was a great show!

"Great, thanks Sugar. Bye" I said and hung up before she could comment.

"I'm sorry" Brittany said again.

"It's okay"

I somehow got her sitting straight while I fetched my Mac and the portable DVD-reader from beneath my bed. I fished the first season of Sweet Valley High from the top drawer in my night-stand and walked out. Brittany was crying again.

"Do you wanna talk more about it?" I asked as I placed the Mac on the dining table and moved this towards us.

"No…" she said and shook her head. I nodded and opened the Mac, inserting the DVD in the portable player and connecting it to the Mac. It reacted and began playing the DVD. The familiar tune of my favorite show sounded and I sat back on the couch and wrapped Brittany up in a tight embrace. She let her head fall on my shoulder and swiped away a few more tears. As I started the first episode we fell into a comfortable silence. She wiggled closer and lifted her legs over mine. I chuckled and tugged at her to help her onto my lap. She still clung to me and I to her.

I couldn't concentrate about the movie at all. She had kissed me… twice… and she wanted to do it again. I felt my stomach turn into a knot, but not in the bad way. Maybe it was just because she was drunk, but what if it wasn't? What if she really did like me? Even drunk she was a really good kisser, and I'd felt drunk with her, but not because of alcohol. She had made me drunk. It was way more addictive to kiss her than to just look at her or even snuggle her. I felt as lucky as I could be, but then again, there was a chance that she wouldn't remember anything tomorrow and that I was just another hook-up to her. It puzzled me that she hadn't tried to take off her clothes, but then again, she was only wearing a bikini, and Sugar had said that she normally kept her underwear on.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when Brittany moved her arms from me and started to take off her bikini top. _Oh god, here we go_. I grabbed the straps firmly and tugged them back.

She looked at me lazily and didn't seem to have any idea that she had almost revealed her boobs to me. I chuckled at her and hugged her closer in order to prevent her from any further clothes removal. She hummed and turned to the movie again.

By the time the episode had ended she had almost calmed down completely and I said something I'd later regret very much.

"Britt, I think Sugar feels like you're pushing her away"

Amazing timing, right? I mean, I've just calmed the girl down and now I'm practically telling her that she's being a bad friend. Wow, I'm the bomb!

"What?" Brittany asked and looked up at me with new tears welling up in her eyes.

"I... I think she feels like you've come all this way with her and now she's just like a third wheel"

"Fifth…" Brittany corrected me sadly.

"Yeah, I mean, you and I spend so much time together, but you came here to have time together, right? I don't think she finds it very fun to be the third wheel to you and me or to Sam and Mercedes. I should be the fifth wheel, not Sugar. You've been so sweet to me and I really like you but you're forgetting that Sugar's here too, and she's your best friend" I said, already regretting it painfully.

Brittany looked more depressed than I've ever seen her. Her lips trembled and her eyes shimmered_. Santana Idiot Lopez, award for being the biggest jerk on earth_.

"I'm sorry" She blubbered.

"God, no Brittany. I shouldn't have said it, not now. I'm the one who's sorry." I said. She looked at me and fluttered her lids closed as she let her forehead rest on my arm again. I felt warm drops trickle down my arm.

"Britt, please don't cry" I said and took her face in my hands. She was crying again and her eyes were hazy.

"I'm so sorry" she slurred and wobbled a bit. I held her head steady and leaned down to kiss her forehead. She smiled and hummed as I held my lips against her forehead.

Then she was clear again and her head jerked upwards to snatch my lips in hers. I pushed into once again letting the world disappear, knowing that I shouldn't. It didn't take thirty seconds before her tongue was battling mine lazily and she was tugging me down to lie on top of me on the couch. It was the most addictive thing ever. I let my fingers scratch over the bare skin on her back and elicited a moan from her. I felt a giggle bubble in my throat at the triumph of having been the cause of that sound. She tangled her hands in my hair and increased the force of her tongue on mine and the battle increased.

But it had to stop. I knew she'd regret it if she could remember it and I knew that I would if she wouldn't want me when sober. She sensed my hesitation and broke away panting slightly. She sat up.

"Still no kissing?" she asked and sounded almost regretting.

"I'm sorry Britt. I shouldn't have let you…" I said as I sat up, tugging my legs beneath me.

"Yes you should. Look, if it matters, I'll pretend it never happened. It's not a big deal right?"

"It is, Britt. It is a big deal. It's just not our time, okay?" I asked and cupped her cheek. I wanted more than anything to lean up and press my lips to hers.

"Maybe just, one more time?" she asked hopefully.

"Nu-uh, no more sweet lady kisses for you." I said and tapped her nose. She smiled and sniffled again before leaning into me to hug me close.

"No more…" she said.

"Good girl" I chuckled and stroked her hair.

* * *

**A/N - **First, a special thanks to my beta** Lizardgirl7** for carrying me through this chapter. I was so panicky about it.

Okay, so chaos sparked slightly in this chapter. It was really hard to write, but I felt that it was a necessity. Also, now you know why I wrote Brittany the way I wrote her! Don't worry, I'ma get back to that ;)!

Please try to understand the events of this chapter. This is kind of the make it or break it chapter and I've really doubted the content and had several people read it through because I was so damn nervous about the reception of the content. So um... Yeah.

Anyway! Once again thank you so much for the attention, it's been completely overwhelming, you warm my heart! I've drawn several things for this chapter all of which can be found on my tumblr account (Elainemathers . tumblr)

I will be writing short one-shots from Brittany's POV because I feel like that's missing kind of but the main story will be completely Santana POV. I will post the one-shots on my tumblr as well, because I feel that they'd be out of context as one-shots here. :)

Special notice for MDB readers - With some luck I'll have the third chapter ready and rewritten to post sometime tonight, so keep an eye out there!

Song for this chapter - **Light Years Away - MoZella** (Imagine Brittany singing to Nate [will also give you insight in their relatioship and a teaser for nexy chapter!])

Link for youtube **/watch?v=zOJCK4UFTNM**

**Anyways, love you guys, you're amazing! :D!**


	8. Five Steps Times Two

**Chapter 8 – Five steps times two**

My head was spinning as I made dinner. Brittany was lying on the couch watching Sweet Valley High while I was making Spaghetti Bolognese for us. Sugar had already been here with my stuff but luckily she hadn't noticed the hickeys. I had been to the bathroom and investigated them. Two hickeys; tongue art made by one Brittany Pierce. God she was good. As I stirred the sauce I playfully let my hands tickle at the hickeys and it made my heart flutter.

Maybe there was hope; maybe not. No matter what, I had proof that at least drunk Brittany had a thing for girls, or necks, or both. I grinned to myself and bit my lip. I must look ridiculous right now. It was so hard to concentrate with her around, especially when she'd been kissing me.

I looked over at Brittany and found her staring at me. God, she was so pretty, even when she had been crying and her face was still red and swollen. Her lips were swollen too, but I think that was mostly my doing. I giggled again as I turned my attention to the boiling water and stirred in the pasta.

She was truly amazing.

As the pasta finished boiling I added spices to the sauce and stole glances at Brittany. She had once again turned her attention to the screen and was engrossed in the happening. I had given her a shirt for her to wear over her bikini if she was cold, but she just sat with it in her lap. I remembered again that drunk Brittany was also scantily clad Brittany.

The pasta finished and I poured out the water before placing half on one plate and half on another. I added Bolognese on top and grabbed knives and forks. Brittany looked up as I walked past her and tried to stand up. She effectively did so, actually without toppling over and she grabbed water from the fridge. I went back in and took two glasses and then sat her down opposite where I sat. She smiled at me gently and I noticed that her eyes were clearer and her face less red. The alcohol and the swelling were starting to wear off.

We ate in silence mostly and she seemed lost in thought. I was too. I was addicted to the effect I had on her and the effect she had on me and the way she could make me melt under her touch and freeze at her words. I loved how she could make me forget that the world existed. I think if I could just get sober Brittany to fall for me, it'd be all I would ever need. But since when had drunken Brittany gained interest in me? Sure, it was the first time I'd seen her drunk, but she wasn't the horny drunk. Was she? I shook my head. At least some part of her was kind of into me. I could work with that.

"Thank you" Brittany said suddenly. I looked up at her and slurped on the pasta I had hanging out my mouth. She giggled as I dried my chin with a napkin.

"For what?" I asked when I had sunken the food.

"Taking care of me. Stopping me from kissing you. Helping me. It doesn't feel so bad anymore. I still hate him for cheating on me, but I don't think it's that important for me… It is, I hate that people think that they can cheat on me, but you help me…" she said. I smiled widely at her.

"You're welcome boozy" I said and kicked her playfully under the table.

"What now?" Brittany asked.

"Now you're going to sleep that alcohol off and then you and I are going to Caorle"

"Where?"

"That place where Sam and Mercedes went? I've read a bit about it; apparently they have stone sculptures all along the shore."

"Sounds really cool" Brittany said and smiled.

"Good" I said and drew out my phone.

"What are you doing?" Brittany asked.

"Texting Mercedes" I said and started typing away. If we were going to Caorle, we were going to need a car, and they had already rented one for the week and there was no need for me to rent one too if they didn't plan on doing anything tomorrow.

_Can we borrow the car tomorrow? Taking Britt to Caorle, she needs some cheering up – Santana_

I smiled and set the phone beside me. Brittany was looking at me again but her lids were drooping and she looked really drowsy. She started to take her plate to carry it inside.

"No, Britt. You just lie on the couch and relax, I'll do the dishes" I said and took the plate from her. She hummed and nodded and walked past me after having ruffled my hair slightly – as if I didn't have sex-hair already – and flopped down onto the couch, stretching like a cat. She yawned and closed her eyes. I suspected that she fell asleep immediately. I'd wake her later.

My phone buzzed and I grabbed it.

_Sure, we don't have any plans until Monday. I can think of other ways for you to cheer her up though – Mercedes_

I groaned and texted her back, hand still in my phone.

_Yeah, right. Ima show you the hickeys tomorrow – Santana_

I meant it by the literal statement but I didn't think she would. There came no response to that.

I took the plates and glasses and walked into the kitchen. I glanced over at her several times as she slept and giggled every time she mumbled something incoherently. It was almost a shame to wake her. As I dried the plates I wondered if I was strong enough to carry her. I probably was, but it'd be really hard. It'd have to be tried, I thought as I put the plates away in the cabinet above me.

I dried my hands and walked over to her. With some difficulty I managed to wiggle one arm under her knees and one under her back. I tugged upwards but her butt kept contact with the couch. I took in a deep breath and lifted. She was heavy but I somehow managed to hold her steady. How was I supposed to walk though? I took a daring step but almost lost balance.

"Santana?" I heard Brittany whisper and I knew she was awake.

"Sorry I woke you… I was trying to carry you to bed, but I'm not very strong… sorry" I said and let her down. She giggled at me and wrapped me in a hug as she almost sleep-like walked to my room and flopped down on the bed.

I smiled at her. "Can I sleep here too?" I asked timidly

"It's your bed" she mumbled and wiggled herself under the covers sloppily. I grinned and walked to the other side of the bed. I didn't care that I was only in my bikini; it was hot as hell at night any freaking way. The minute I had crawled under the covers I felt her scoot closer and I twisted to face her. I curled into her and felt the safety of her arms as she wrapped them around me. What she said next made me almost as happy as when we were kissing.

"Would it be okay if I kinda liked you a bit?" she mumbled into my hair. I think my heart did a double leap and landed somewhere on the other side of the world, or maybe just in her hand, at the cuteness and the joy. I had to remind myself that she was still drunk.

"I don't mind" I said, repeating her frequent choice of words.

"You're a good kisser" she mumbled and I let out a laugh.

"Well, what can I say, I'm a natural. I blame the hickeys on you though" I said and I felt her fingers skate over the bruises.

"I can live with that. Just tell the others that you dragged home some guy last night"

"No way, those are original Brittany Pierce masterpieces" I giggled. She whacked me lightly on the arm and sighed contently. I wrapped my own arms around her and tightened the embrace, feeling her torso flush against mine.

She needed to know that it wasn't a big deal, even though I'd said it was. She needed to know that we could get past this. But still; kinda like me a bit, huh? I could totally be okay with that. But then again, she was still under the influence of a great deal of alcohol. She was probably just drunk. What if she'd been aware though? Then what? I feared that I would be the rebound or someone whose feelings for Nate she projected on to stop it from hurting so bad. Ugh, she was so confusing and so… everything.

* * *

It wasn't even 8pm when we fell asleep last night, so naturally I woke before the Devil. Wow, lucky me. I was pressed against Brittany, nuzzling my nose against the crook of her neck as she slept calmly. I thought about returning the favor of the hickeys, but then again I'd stopped her from kissing me – eventually - because she was drunk and mourning and I didn't even know if she'd remember. Can you imagine the awkwardness if she woke and saw the hickeys and was like: "_Who the hell gave you those_" and I would answer that she did and she'd think we'd slept together, hallelujah, there goes that friendship. But hey, I'm on a mission. It might be a Mission: Impossible, but at least I had a goal. Mission: GBPtFfSL. Now you can all sit here with your pervy little minds and get something with bondage and heavy petting out of that name, but really it just meant "_Get Brittany Pierce to Fall for Santana Lopez_" so nope, no pervy-ness from my side. Not this time at least.

I somehow managed to free myself from Brittany – after being treated like a teddy bear thrice and almost being squashed to death, one with my head a very awkward place on her ribcage that is. Brittany grumbled in her sleep and fell into the place where I had just rolled away from. I slid out of bed and watched as she fumbled with the sheets and drew them over her head and almost started snoring. It was so adorable. I realized now that I was still clad in my bathing suit and that somehow the double knot I'd made on the straps had untied itself. I held a hand to my forehead in a giving up manner. Brittany.

"Perv" I whispered and whacked her lightly in the side before walking over to my closet and finding fresh undergarments, a bra, a deep red tank top and my high-waisted black shorts. I had nothing that'd conceal the hickeys… I didn't even bring freaking concealer. Let's try and explain that to Sam and Sugar. I went to the bathroom and changed while keeping a firm eye on the hickeys as if they'd try and escape from me. I loved them, not because they were a proof that I'd made out with her, but because it was her mouth that had made them. I tried my best to hide them none the less. I French braided my hair to end in a normal braid at the left side, exactly covering both hickeys. They were visible if you lifted the braid, but they were pretty concealed here. With that I finally got it together to look at my analog clock that hung opposite the couch. It was freaking five AM. Are you kidding me? Come on, this is madness. Nobody would be up this early, and especially Mercedes I-needz-my-beauty-sleep Jones.

Maybe… Yeah, he was probably still up. We were on different time-zones and it was probably really late, but still. There was a chance.

I walked to the table on which I'd placed my phone yesterday after dinner and grabbed it.

There was a text from Mercedes.

_Sure, sure, you just say the time and place, Satan – Mercedes_

I grinned but didn't answer. She'd see them alright. I went through my contacts until I landed on K and scrolled a bit. I pressed the number Mercedes had given me and held it to my ear as I walked onto the balcony.

"_No she's dead this is her son_" a dry voice said from the other end.

"Then I'll just hang up again" I said with a chuckle. It sounded like he dropped the phone.

"_S-Santana? Lopez_?" he asked me and I giggled again.

"Mhm" I hummed and bit my lip. I had really missed him.

"_What the hell, how did you get my number? Did you finally get that CIA approval to stalk all of the Glee members forever?_" I laughed at him.

"No, don't worry, Mercedes gave it to me" I said smilingly as I sat down on one of the plastic chairs.

"_Oh… Wait, Mercedes_?"

"Yeah, I met her here in Italy" I said and looked over the pool. What I wouldn't give for a good swim. But the pool didn't open until 8 AM.

"_Oh, that's nice. Well, is there a reason you called or did you just miss me too much?_" he asked cockily.

"Both" I said without hesitation or shame.

"_Aw, look who's all grown up, I'm so proud of you. Have you started wearing flannel and rainbows yet?_"

"Don't push your luck Hummel. I'm still me. Anyways, I need your advice on something." I said and tipped the chair so it rested on two legs. That was a horrible idea, because it almost tipped all the way back. I gasped and let out a loud "Oop!" as I grabbed onto the edge of the table. I heard him snicker and I growled at him.

"_Shoot_"

"Oh god no, please don't say shoot, Hummel. Gay boys don't get to say shoot" I complained and covered my eyes. I could literally see the pink porcelain cheeks turn bright red as I spoke.

"_Just tell me what it is, god damnit_" he growled and I let out a laugh, before getting serious.

"Okay, so there's this girl"

"_I knew it!_"

"Shut up… So there's this girl…"

"_What's her name?_"

"Stop interrupting, Porcelain! Her name is Brittany. She's my age and um… I like her… I really like her… I've only known her like six days and this is totally unnatural but seriously, I think that with the exception of Sunday we've spent 90% of our time together, if not more!" I said exasperatedly.

"_You already slept with her?_" Kurt asked half proudly half outraged.

"No, but I bunked with her for two nights and she's bunked with me for two."

"_That's way less interesting… So has anything happened?_"

"Kind of… Maybe… Well yeah, and I have proof, but I just don't know. Okay, so yesterday she was Skyping with her boyfriend and she caught him cheating on her with her friend, and apparently she hasn't been in a relationship yet where the guy didn't cheat on her, because they take her for being stupid." I explained.

"_That's sad… poor girl… So what, you were her rebound booty call?_"

"I just said we haven't had sex!" I hissed and turned red.

"_Then what?_"

"She drank half a Bacardi outside my place and by the time I found her she'd turned into drunk me, and you know that's not good. Anyways, she kissed me and like I said, I really like her and I know it was wrong, but I let her and it was so amazing. She's such a good kisser and god…"

"_Yeah, yeah, get on with the case_"

"So it lead to making out but then I stopped and I got her calmed somewhat down and she kissed me again and I had to tell her that I didn't want to be her rebound, and of course she has the tongue of gods!"

"_If I'm not allowed to say shoot, you can't say tongue. God, the images_."

"Yeah, yeah okay. But of course she got me to make out with her again. Technically the second time wasn't _really _making out, more her making out with my _neck_, which resulted in a hickey right next to the one she's already given me the first time we made out... That's my proof by the way. And she asked me if it was okay that she liked me a bit. But I don't know, do you think she does or do you think she was just drunk and desperate. I mean, she kept apologizing and I swear she untied the straps of my bikini while I slept. I doubt that a double-tied knot can do that on its own." I said with a sly grin.

"_Oh, so that's the whole charade. She was drunk and you let her make out with you and now you hope she did it because she likes you back, huh?_"

"Yeah… Do you think I have a chance?" I asked and proceeded to chew on my lip

"_She's single, yeah?_"

"Yeah" I said hesitantly. "I think so…"

"_And she was into the kissing thing, right?_"

"She said she was…"

"_And you have doubts that she's a queer" _he stated. I sighed and hummed to agree with him. "_Well, as far as I can tell, you've got yourself an admirer, sweetie. I say; go for it. But maybe wait a few days, she's probably still trying to recover from the shock of being cheated on… again._"

"Really?"

"_Positive. Make her swoon and then take what's rightfully yours_" he said and I could hear the smirk.

I heard a mutter and then Kurt started to mumble something back. I couldn't quite figure out the tone of his voice, but he was definitely happy.

"_Santana? I've gotta go. Blaine has bow-tie-problems_" Kurt said and I snickered.

"Bye Kurt" I said and smiled. As I slid the red button across the screen I noticed that the sun had started to rise. Oh, marvelous, maybe it was past 6 am now… What the hell was I supposed to do for two hours? I sighed and decided that maybe a run would cure the spinning in my head. I flopped the phone down on the couch and groaned in misery.

Mercedes, Joe and Kurt had all said that I was to go for it with Brittany, but I still wasn't convinced myself. The only thing that kept my hopes up was the feel of her tongue against mine, along with the way I acted to her every touch and the bruises on my neck, currently hidden by my hair. I smirked at the memory. Walking into the bedroom I saw Brittany still fast asleep her breath loud and steady as her eyes fluttered under her lids as if she was dreaming. Her blonde hair was sprawled across the pillow in every thinkable direction and she sounded like she was humming some sort of tune through her nostrils. I smiled warmly at her.

I made my way to the closet and found my sports bra and shorts and went into the bathroom to change. I glanced back into the bedroom at Brittany. After having made sure that she was still sleeping like a dead person – though making sure that she wasn't one – I walked out the apartment and down the stairs. The minute I reached the bottom step I skidded into a run. I felt like sprinting, but I knew that I couldn't until my muscles were warm. I ran out of the village area and towards the beach. There was a curb by the sea which was frequently used by runners. I ran straight ahead and onto the curb. It was thick with runners and I turned right, towards a part of town called Pineda. I suddenly felt my lips crack into a wide grin as the endorphins began kicking in, but it wasn't a blind rush. Brittany had kissed me. Three times! I was jubilant and felt how my heart seemed to swell at the thought. Without even noticing it I broke into a sprint and still I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. Her smile played in front of my eyes and her laugh sounded in my ears as I turned left and down a street back towards our area. She liked me. Even if it was just a bit, I really think that she liked me! I felt like I could run for hours with the fuel of that knowledge.

* * *

The apartment was a mix of scents. The bitter scent of freshly brewed espresso was there, emanating from the pot on the stove. The sound of sizzling bacon from the pan and the smell that followed mixed with the bitterness of the coffee. The sweet smell of cantaloupe and strawberries was forced back by the other smells, but it still hung in the background from the plate on the table.

I myself smelled fresh and not at all sweaty after having taken my time to shower. When I peeked into the bedroom Brittany was still sleeping like she'd been deprived of it for weeks.

I began thinking again about why she had kissed me. She had been cheated on by her boyfriend with a good friend of hers. It wasn't the first time. But she was so open and flirty. Was it a facade? Was it all just one big number to prevent her from being hurt? If it was, it evidently didn't work very well. But then, even if she was single and liked me, how would she ever trust me? How would she ever reach a point where I'd be allowed to pass her barriers and for her to trust me? What was I to her? Was I just hook-up potential; a friend; someone to seek comfort at, but never quite open up to? Could I dare to try breaking down her walls? It wasn't fair to her. I had no right to break down walls she had built. What if I hurt her? She'd never be able to forgive me, or herself. Maybe it was better if we just forgot everything… right?

There was a loud groan and then a louder crash followed by a whine. I quickly turned off the stove and ran into the bedroom. Brittany was laying sprawled in the covers on the floor with her face to the rug and her hands helplessly splayed beside her. I held back a chuckle.

"Want some help?" I asked. She groaned and I think she tried to nod. I walked over to her and got her turned around before starting to fish her out of the covers she was so helplessly stuck in. She held a hand to her forehead and tried helping me untangle her with the other hand, though she was doing a poor job of it. When I finally got her free I took her arms and heaved her into a sitting position.

"You need a barf bucket?" I asked seriously. She groaned and shook her head.

"Who cleaved my head in two?" she asked and I laughed. Her humor was intact. She winced at the sound and groaned.

"Oh, sorry." I said quietly as I realized that sounds must be painful for her.

"I have breakfast and aspirin with your name on them" I said. She made no move to get up, and really who could blame her.

"Let's get you back in bed, and I'll bring it" I said. She nodded and somehow managed to pull herself to her feet, wobbling a bit before plunging down onto the mattress face first.

I giggled at her and walked out to get a tray. I placed the eggs and bacon on a plate and poured coffee into the mug.

"Shit…" I heard Brittany exclaim suddenly. It wasn't like her to curse.

I placed the food and coffee on the tray and carried it into the bedroom.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I placed the tray on the bed. She was sitting up now, her head buried in her hands.

"This is so freaking screwed up!" she said loudly and self-accusingly.

"What is?" I asked and sat down beside her.

"Me, this, god I'm so sorry, Santana" she said and dared to look at me. Her eyes were shimmering and her face was crimson.

"Hey, you didn't do anything wrong" I assured her, even though she had. I didn't want to remind her if she didn't remember.

"Yes I did, Santana. It's all wrong!" she said and fell back on the pillow, in exasperation.

"What is?"

"I kissed you!" she said.

"Yes, and?"

"And I shouldn't have. God, I always do something stupid! I'm so sorry, Santana. I shouldn't have gotten drunk and I definitely shouldn't have come to your place, and I most certainly shouldn't have kissed you" she groaned.

"I was wondering about that, why were you at my apartment?" I asked. It seemed so random that she had turned up.

"Ugh, I always do stupid things like that. Whenever a boyfriend of mine cheated I would go to some bar and hook up with a random person, but this time I didn't. I just wanted you. I mean, I just… You're always there, and I knew that you were into girls, and I've really wanted to kiss you, but I never knew if you were into me, until that day at Joe's. Then I got scared because I was with Nate and because I was scared that you'd hurt me, but I just… I needed a distraction and I knew that you liked me so I figured that you'd help me, and you did. I just hadn't expected to get that drunk, and god, Santana, I'm so sorry. I used you and I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have been so flirty and stuff, I should've stopped the moment I found out you liked me, even before that. It was just so hard, because, because. Ugh, don't make me say it, please." she was crying now and turned away from me. I didn't say anything but tried to process what she was saying.

"I'm sorry. I used you. I shouldn't be allowed to be your friend… I don't know what the hell I was doing. I don't know what I_am_ doing. I'm so screwed up I can't even let you in, like you let me in." she said and stopped talking. She curled into a ball and started sobbing again.

"I let you, Brittany. I let you use me, I'm just as much to fault for what happened yesterday, and I know that I should've stopped you, but I didn't. I let it happen."

She sobbed harder.

"Look, Brittany. The liking you, it's going to pass, I just want to be your friend and be there for you"

She didn't respond.

"You are there for me" she said finally and turned around to look at me.

"But … you know now, and it'll be so awkward." I said and looked down.

"I've known for days, and it wasn't awkward then, right?" She asked. She looked a lot clearer. I nodded.

"How exactly did you know?"

"Well, and I'm sorry for that too, it was so out of the line, when I kissed your shoulder at Joe's you froze, but not in the fearful way, in the good way. I just knew. I've kissed many people, and I've never tried that, just knowing."

"Oh…" was all I managed to say. "Why _did _you kiss me?"

"I had hunch and I wanted to be sure, and I didn't want to cheat on my boyfriend. I shouldn't have, I know that now. I think I was kind of… blind to the consequences. I don't get why I'm always like this"

"You're like that because you're always being hurt, and you've seen F.R.I.E.N.D.S right," I started and she nodded. "Well there, Chandler always uses humor as a shield for when he's uncomfortable or when someone gets too close. I think you do the same with your heart. It's your way of protecting it. If you're flirty with everyone it doesn't seem like that big a deal, and I thought it was because you just get a kick out of it, but it's not that at all. It's because you don't know how to react when you feel affection, even if it's not _love_. With Sugar and Mercedes and Sam too, you're always so playful and flirty with them, because you love them as friends, and … love hurts. Love's a downright bitch, we all know that. I get why you don't trust love…" I said. I had gotten her all wrong before. She wasn't happy and bubbly. She was broken and insecure and a real wreck but it didn't seem like anyone ever took the time to try and peel off that mask she was wearing. I feared the answer, because now I had done it. I had peeled off her mask, forced her to look at who she was.

She looked down and nodded. She opened her mouth to say something but didn't. Then she held a hand to her forehead and groaned.

"Here" I said and handed her a glass of water from the tray and two aspirins. She looked up at me and took them, smiling thankfully through her tears.

She really was messed up, in so many ways. I think it should've made me want to run away, I always did that when trouble came, but I wanted to help her. I wanted her to trust love again. Even if it wasn't with me, she deserved to have someone who loved her fully and would never ever cheat on her. I wasn't exactly a great example; I'd never been in a faithful relationship. I'd always cheated. Matt and Puck were just two of the ones I'd cheated on, back in high school. Given, Puck cheated on me too, but I didn't really care.

"Can you forgive me?" I heard Brittany ask after she'd swallowed the aspirins.

"Of course, can you forgive me?"

"For what? Letting me make out with you?" she asked in a hiccupping chuckle followed by a sniffle.

"Yeah…"

"I wouldn't have expected anything else, like I said, I knew that you liked me. But, Santana… I never meant for it to… I don't see you as that. I don't see you as just the girl who likes me, or like a good shag or something. You're a friend"

I nodded and leaned over to take one of the two mugs with coffee. She wiped an arm across her face, drying away her tears as she sniffled.

"We really do a lot of crying, don't we?" she chuckled hoarsely.

"We do, let's stop that, huh?"

"Good idea" she said and grabbed the plate with cantaloupe and strawberries. I smiled as she ate, seeming more calm and content.

"Where was it you were taking me today?" Brittany asked, clearly in a better mood.

"Nowhere, we're staying here today. Tomorrow maybe, but you're not in any state to drive anywhere, you look terrible."

"Oh yeah?" she asked and pointed at me with a piece of cantaloupe. "_You _look terrible, _I _look awesome" I gasped in fake insult. She laughed shortly but then groaned and held her hand to her forehead again with another loud grunt.

"See, no state to go anywhere but home" I said with an insistent glance. She smiled sadly and flopped back on her back, humming slightly.

"Are you okay; about Nate and that?" I asked tentatively.

"No… but I think I will be, in time" she said and turned to look at me. "I promise I'll stop the flirting"

"I appreciate it. You flirting makes it very hard to get over you" I said and flicked a piece of egg at her. She chuckled and mumbled something I couldn't hear.

"Come on, eat. You're never getting over that hangover if you don't eat right" I said and whacked her knee lightly. She forced herself upright again and started poking at the eggs, sometimes taking a bite.

As we ate in silence, I was recalling what she had said. She was broken and insecure, just like me, but she did such a good job of hiding it, and maybe that was the problem. She had hidden her insecurities for other people so long that she'd eventually hidden them for herself.

Something that's broken needs to be rebuilt, right? Could I do that? I hoped that I could. It would be nice if we'd come to a point where she could let her walls come down and let me in.

"By the way, Britt" I said and swallowed a piece of bacon. "It's not because I don't want you here, you know I do, but I think we should get you home when you've had breakfast, for Sugar's sake." I added quickly.

She nodded at me and sipped from her coffee before answering.

"I think you're right, but we're still on for tomorrow, right?" she asked.

"Of course. It'd be a good way to cheer you up some" I said and smiled.

"Wanky" she said and I choked on a piece of egg. I blushed deeply and looked into my plate.

"Sorry, sorry!" she said regretfully when she saw my expression, but I just whiffed her away.

"It's okay" I said in between coughing.

"I think it's going to take a while to get me to not be like that all the time."

"I can live with that. How about we both make a deal; two five-step programs that we help each other with? I'll help you trust love and you help me get over you?"

"I guess I could try. Which steps?"

"Hm, the first step for you is definitely stopping being so flirty all the time" I said and poked her arm playfully. She chuckled and let a hand brush through her hair.

"And you?"

"Distance, I think. It'll be easier if we're not together all the time, but I don't want it to be that we're not together at all, because I still want us to be friends" I said.

"We are friends San" she said and smiled at me. "This is really good by the way" she said and held up a fork overloaded with eggs. The moment she moved the fork to her mouth it tipped and the contents fell onto the sheets. She giggled at her own clumsiness and began picking up egg from the sheets. I tried my best to help her without touching her or getting too close.

"Thank you, I do my best" I said and drank the last of my coffee.

"What do you say we make a board with the five steps for you, like decorate it and stuff so you can always see your goal?"

"That sounds great, I have lots of crayons and also glitter-pens!" she said happily.

"Great, I didn't bring any… I don't think I own a glitter-pen actually. I used to love them when I was a kid" I said enthusiastically.

"You can have one of mine, I think I have two red ones" she said and was surprisingly cheery for one who'd been crying less than half an hour ago, and had had what I imagined to be one hell of a hangover.

"How about we go to your place in a bit and make the board, hang it up and then I go to the pool and get my tanning on?" I asked. She nodded and I could see the mischief in her eyes as if she wanted to say something. She stopped herself and merely shot me a sheepish smile.

"Good girl" I said and patted her knee.

I insisted that she rest while I did the dishes and by the time I was done I found her asleep again.

"Britt" I said sweetly as I crouched before her and stroked her hair. She scrunched her nose and took in a sharp breath before letting her gloriously pretty blue orbs lock with mine.

"Did I fall asleep again?" she croaked and I nodded with a giggle removing a strand of hair from her face. She followed my hand with her eyes and smiled contently.

"Do you want to borrow some clothes that aren't made for swimming?" I asked. She looked down at herself under the sheets, and I think she only noticed now that she was still in her bikini. She looked up at me, her cheeks tinting red and nodded, trying to conceal herself the best she could, suddenly very aware of how tiny the bikini was. I had already noticed that on several occasions.

I chuckled at her self-consciousness and rose to find her a pair of spencer shorts and a t-shirt. I made sure to give her the only shirt I had which had animal print. She looked jubilant and threw on the clothes, sitting back on the bed.

"It's so cute!" she said and pointed at the shark. It was wearing pink Ray Bans and had its mouth ajar.

"It reminds me of Blaine" she said and poked at the sunglasses.

"Blaine…" I said slowly. Kurt's boyfriend, Blaine did have – as far as I recollect – pink Ray Bans.

"Just a friend from high-school. Blaine Anderson; do you know him?" she said. Oh right, she went to CCD, Dalton's sister school. Of course they knew each other.

"I do actually, he's Kurt's boyfriend; mine and Mercedes' friend." she looked at me and smiled broadly.

"He was friends with Nate back in high-school."

"Nate went to Dalton?"

"Yeah, but he wasn't on the Warblers, he was never good enough" she said.

"Oh… Okay, no more talk of Nate, let's go to your place and make that board" I said and pulled her up from the bed. She stood for a moment and wobbled from side to side before getting her focus back and nodding, letting me pull her with me by the hand. I was quick to grab my purse before walking out, leaving the bottle of Bacardi where it'd been placed last night.

"C-can I still hug you?" Britt asked, suddenly very shyly and insecurely. I looked around at her, and thought I saw a glance of another Brittany than the one I'd been introduced to. Real Brittany? She didn't seem confident at all in her actions and I squeezed her hand.

"Of course" I said and stopped to pull her into a hug. I caught a flash of a smile before leaning my head on her shoulder and feeling her hand slip from mine to curl around me. I felt her heartbeat against mine, and they seemed to spur each other on. I hummed and tightened my grip on her savoring the feeling of her in my arms.

"God, did I do that?" she suddenly asked and I realized that she must have a perfect view to the two hickeys on my neck. I giggled and released her, nodding slightly.

"I'm sorry" she whined and looked down.

"Hey, they're pretty nice actually" I said and bumped my hip into hers. She looked up at me with rosy cheeks and tried to smile.

"Come on, let's go" I said again, and let my arm wrap around her waist and felt her arm around my neck, hanging loosely. She sighed contently and we started walking again. Distance was needed, but I just didn't seem to have the heart to do so. I was already failing miserably at this, and I knew that it was because my five-step plan for her had the goal of her trusting love and falling for me. I would be in so much trouble if she ever found out…

She let go of me when we had to climb the stairs, because they were very narrow. I stood behind her, slightly hidden as she reached the door and hammered her fist against it several times and shouting:

"Motta, get your cute little butt out of bed and let me in! Oh and throw that Italian boy out the window first, I have no need to see-" the door opened and Sugar stood with her toothbrush in her mouth and a scowl on her face.

"Thank you" Brittany sang and walked past her inside. I made sure to reposition my braid so that I was one hundred percent sure it covered the bruises as I looked at Sugar.

"I'm not going to be here for long, I'm just going to help Britt make something" I said as I snuck past her. Sugar opened her mouth to say something but I shot her a firing gaze and she shut up. _Like a boss, Snix _I praised myself as I stood in the living room and watched as Brittany danced around. She was literally dancing around the room, finding paper and glitter-pens and crayons and even some weird ball-pens with rubber-flitter on top. They looked really cute, and I was sure that I'd have been surprised if she had regular ball-pens. She also grabbed a neon-pink and purple Minnie Mouse cloth pencil case and placed on the table. I enjoyed watching her dance around the house so much, and she didn't even seem that hung-over. She did however stumble over a few things every now and then, but then she'd just do another spin and stop, holding a hand to her head and focusing before going on.

"Come on, dancing queen, let's make the list" I said when she'd found more than enough things. I wondered if she had an entire room filled with drawing stuff at home or if she'd just brought all of it.

We sat down next to each other and she grabbed a piece of lined paper.

"Okay, the steps" she said and wrote _5 steps to trusting love _and drew a heart next to it.

"Step one, not being so flirty" I said and she wrote it down.

"Step two… what's step two, San?" she asked me. I felt how my stomach twitched with joy every time she said San. _Failing miserably, falling fast _I scolded myself.

"Hmm… write down how you feel about love, what it is to you and how you know when you love someone? Like, to tell the difference and to know that people actually do love you and that it's not all people who'll let you down, like Nate and the other guys." I said in an asking tone. She nodded and wrote _Write about love_

"What else?"

"I think you should – and I truly regret saying this – not let yourself date for a while" I said and winced. I was practically throwing my chances further away than they already were. She wrote _No dating guys for a while_. I looked at her but she just shrugged.

"And…"

"What do you think you need?"

"I need to learn to be flirty without it being a mask" she said wonderingly. "Like, confidence more than hiding"

"Great, write that"

She wrote _Find your confidence and flirt because you feel that it's right_.

She wrote the last one without a word. _Fall in love_. I looked up at her and she was smiling timidly down at the paper as she sketched little hearts around the fifth step.

"Right, let's get them onto the board and then we'll decorate it" I said and grabbed an A3 piece of paper. I grabbed the ruler and started sketching little help-lines to make it pretty. When I finished I gave her the glitter-pens.

"It needs to be you who have written it down; otherwise it's just an assignment I've given you. You need to do this for you"

"Okay…" she said and grabbed a blue glitter-pen.

She wrote with graffiti-like letters and drew a big square at the end of it. I moved to the other side of the tabled and leaned over, taking the purple glitter-pen and started drawing little patterns on the edge of the square and on the edge of every letter. She now grabbed the orange glitter-pen and wrote down the second step as I drew a winking set of eyes and crossed them over with a red magic marker. She laughed at the picture and nodded. I proceeded to draw patterns in yellow around the orange letters and squares as she drew a book with open pages and something gibberish written inside, the page signed with a heart. I began working on the edge of the board drawing little rainbows in every corner and connecting them with strings in each color. I saw that Sugar was looking at us intently as Brittany wrote the third step in silver glitter and drew the Mars-symbol and the Venus-symbol together and crossed that one over too with the red magic marker. I moved from the edge, not at all done with the rainbows to decorate the edges of silver with black. She wrote the fourth step in light green and I decorated it with dark green as she drew a wink and drew a little thumbs up. I chuckled and then she proceeded to draw tiny butterflies on the strings I had drawn between the two rainbows.

"What about the fifth?" I asked as she made no move to write it. She looked down and then at me with pleading eyes.

"It scares me" she said quietly. "C-can you help me? Can you write it for me?"

I looked at her pleading eyes and nodded. This really did scare her. I moved to sit beside her and wrote purposely in curly twined letters _Fall in Love _with red marker and drew a heart instead of a square. She smiled at it and looked up at me. She then turned her attention to the paper and drew a stick figure girl with a heart that beat.

There was a silence following that, but eventually we moved back to drawing rainbows. We each drew one and connected the four with strings. I drew butterflies as she drew a unicorn at the bottom of the page. She then drew a bee in another corner, a bird in the third and left the fourth untouched.

"Which animal?" I asked.

"None, not yet" she said and smiled at me.

We let the glitter dry for a few minutes, and then colored the inside of the letters with matching crayons.

It took us a good thirty minutes to draw everything, but finally we looked at it and both found it done.

"Wait, we need to sign it" she said. She took one of the funny pens and wrote her name in the bottom right corner. _Brittany S. Pierce_.

"S?" I asked.

"Susan, I was named partially after the nurse who delivered me." She explained.

"Write yours too" she said.

I moved across her and wrote _Santana M. Lopez_.

"M?" she asked me in the same tone I'd used before.

"Marie, I was named after my Abuelita"

"-Your what?"

"My grandmother" I said and figured that she probably didn't speak Spanish. Ah well, no harm. She'd probably learn a few Spanish curses if she stayed around me for long enough.

Brittany took some Sticky Tack and placed a piece on each corner before walking into the bedroom. I stayed and caught Sugar looking at me.

"What's with her?" she whispered.

"Ask _her_, not me" I said emotionless. That'd give them a subject of talking.

"San, come look!" Brittany called from her bedroom. I felt my stomach do the familiar twitch as she said my nickname and I hurried in there. Brittany had placed the board right across from her bed so that it was surely the first thing she saw when she woke.

"That's genius" I said honestly.

"I do my best" she chuckled. "Wait, what about your five steps?"

"I have them in my head." I promised her. "Now go be with your best friend, I have some reading to do" I said and made to walk out. She wrapped her arms around me from behind and pulled me back into the room. I giggled at her and blushed as I twisted to conceal my face in her neck. She hummed and held me tight. This was going to be really hard.

* * *

Brittany decided that after crying and drinking and crying some more, that some more sleep might do her well. Both Sugar and I agreed, hoping that it might help her hangover.

I was about to leave, seeing as I didn't have any urge to stay when Brittany wasn't around, when Sugar stopped me.

"Kiehl Northwich" She said and sighed. I furrowed my brow, this might be a complication.

"What?"

"He was the one who broke her, her first boyfriend. They dated back in sophomore year, and she was so in love with him. He was her first love, and maybe her only. Anyways, they were at a party and she was already a bit drunk, but then she caught him … like, in the act, with a chick from your school, Cass or something. She just blacked out. She disappeared in spirit that night. She got really, really drunk and let a random guy take her virginity, because she was so broken. And since then, she just fell back into that memory every time someone did that to her. I just thought you should know. Don't break her. She trusts you, like she used to trust me. Please, help her" She said pleadingly.

I didn't know how to react. Everything made much better sense now, but it was still so confusing. It was like I had found this huge book and the story was mixed and torn and you could only read one page at a time and the events weren't arranged chronologically. I had to save every piece of information about Brittany myself, and sort the puzzle of her in my head. It was really confusing, but at the same time it was a puzzle I never wanted to finish, but always wanted to work on.

* * *

**A/N** sorry for the wait, I wanted to upload this earlier, but things kept coming in the way and I haven't gotten as far on the next few chapters as I wanted (I'm 2/3 through writing chapter 11). I really had difficulty writing this chapter because it's so two-faced and screwed up. I do hope you see some of Brittany's feelings in this even if Santana apparently can't.

Please review :)! It makes me so happy. I've taken the 'Sanny' thing into account, I do see it, it's just a habit from my one-shots of mini!Brittana and I've edited it out most places (I may have missed it a few times)

Thanks to Lizardgirl7 for editing it - my amazing Beta! Seriously, you're an angel!

Also thank you to the newest addition to the story, Spakput, my 'creative consultant' who has helped me a lot by going through what I have creatively and helping me with ideas for the next few chapters! Love you 3

Also a super-big thank you to all of you for reading and following the story, I can't believe how many actually seem to like it, it means the world to me! 3 So for that, I thank you a million times. I promise fluff for the next few chapters though :3~

Song for this chapter: **Paramore - Emergency** (I really wanted to use a Paramore song, I love them!)

Youtube link for the song: **/watch?v=rxozkd4C1Us**.

Thanks again, love you all so much! MUAH! 3

**PS for those of you interested in some Brittany background, I've written a one-shot explaining the Chicago trip and the reasons for this. It can be found on my tumblr (ElaineMathers) It won't be posted here because it can't be read without knowing the relatioships from this story. :)!**


	9. Carved in Stone

**Chapter 9 – Carved In Stone**

There were remains of glitter all over my hands when I returned to my apartment with the red glitter-pen and one of the odd ball pens in my hand. Brittany had insisted that I have one of each. I was standing in the bathroom with a nail scrubber in one hand and soap in the other. I scowled down at my hands as if to say '_So, Imma win this glitter war, you have nothing on me_' before attacking the side of my soaped hand with the scrubber. It didn't take thirty seconds until I was literally growling at my hand. The glitter from hell seemed to be welded to my hand. The palm of my hand was covered in silver and green glitter and I scrubbed on it as if it was freaking contagious.

I had drawn rainbows and butterflies and decorated words for Brittany. Never had I ever done such a thing for anyone. It was so embarrassing, but so fun at the same time. I'd known the girl less than a week, and here I was drawing freaking rainbows for her. I might as well just parade around with the pride flag screaming '_I am a lesbian and I like Brittany Susan Pierce_'. . . Yeah, I was that pathetic, downright pathetic. Well at least there was one sentence that kept me afloat through all of this. _I really wanted to kiss you_. I don't think I've ever felt my heart that close to my throat when she said it. She… Oh God, forget it, she was recovering and therefore she is off-limits… for now. Yes, indeed for now.

Finally I managed to clean off my hands properly, but now they were red and scratched as though I had let a devilish kitten use me my hands as a scratching post. Fantastic.

As a distraction for the pain on my hands I fished out my phone from the table and a set of earphones near to it. As I turned on the music player and turned it to shuffle I couldn't help but hum at the songs beat.

"_The day I first met you, well I thought you quite funny._" I sang. I took the water from my couch and took a large gulp. I started dancing around my apartment using the bottle as my microphone and singing into it.

"_That one day when he's gone, I'll get my chance to ask you out!_" I sang loudly and giggled slightly. I must look so stupid! Whatever, this song was the bomb!

"_And then I show my colorful life!_" I let the bottle fall back onto the couch as I – yes that actually did happen, it wasn't fever-dream or the result of odd weed – did the air-guitar. "_My colorful life!_"

"_I'd like to be like you_" I sang and reached for the bottle again, doing a little spin. "_Well I wish I could come clean and give you my heart, but I have my doubt, that one day when he's gone I'll get my chance to ask you out, and then I'll show my colorful life! Yeah!_" The bottle slipped in my hand but I let it as I broke into a new guitar solo. Thank God for Puck, he'd taught me the most basic.

"_That one day when he's gone, I'll get my chance to ask you out, That one day when he's gone, I'll get my chance to ask you out, That one day when he's gone, I'll get my chance to ask you out, then I'll shooow… my colorful life, my colorful life, my colorful life…_" I drew out the last note on my guitar.

Normally I didn't listen to things like _West, Gould and Fitzgerald, _but I had the entire soundtrack to _A Walk to Remember_ on my phone. I'm a freaking sap, I know. It's an awesome movie, even if she was a total nerd and I would've slashed her with my vicious, vicious words if she'd gone to my school. Even Rachel had better taste in clothes then that girl, oh my God. No, they were equally horrible. Rachel's bad taste in clothes was only deafened by her absolutely horrible taste in men, except for Puck, Puck was okay…

I suddenly remembered that I had had the intention of getting my tan on, but the song had distracted me. I sang along as Jack's Mannequin began singing about the girl he'd lost and the mix tape he'd made. I changed into my bikini, took my things and strolled down to the pool. She wasn't there. I don't know why I had expected her to, I had after all told her that I was going to the pool and that she should keep her distance. I spread my towel on the grass and flopped onto it lying on my stomach, head resting on my arms as I held my phone in one hand and had both earphones plugged. It was so nice to just relax, even though there was a certain voice, soft and sweet like strawberries or maybe raspberries that kept showing up and talking to me.

* * *

"Santana… Santana wake up" someone was poking my forehead. I was resting my chin against my arms and I guess I must've dozed off. I took in a sharp breath through my nose and opened my lids slightly. It was bright, way too bright out there so I closed them again and groaned to let her know that I was awake.

"San, you can't lie out here, the sun's too sharp" Brittany said and poked my forehead again. I rolled and landed on my back on the stones. Bad idea. With a yelp I shot up, jumping to my feet and sprinting back onto the grass. Who the hell had turned the stones into frying pans? I was quite sure that you could actually fry an egg on those stones. I looked around, suddenly aware. Brittany was crouched by the head of my towel and looked up at me with an amused expression, lifting her sunglasses into her hair and rising to her full height. She looked at me, smilingly.

"You've been lying here for the past hour and a half, you have to get in. It's a siesta and the sun's too sharp to sunbathe in." she said as an answer to my unsaid questions. I nodded, the drowsiness conquering me once again.

"Thanks…" I said and smiled at her.

"So, how's the no flirting thing going?" I asked when she attached her eyes to my neck again. She looked up at me and let her eyes flicker between mine, before answering.

"Have I flirted with you yet?" she asked confidently.

"Nope" I said and grinned toothily at her, as I walked to the towel to pick it up.

"Then yeah, it's going really well I think" she said and I felt her gaze on me as I bent down and scooped up my phone and towel.

"That's good. Have you started writing anything yet?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I don't seem to know what to write" she said.

"Write from here" I said and placed a hand over her heart.

She smiled at me and blushed, biting her lip. "I'll do my best" she said then, quietly.

"If you do that, it'll be more than enough. Your best is always good enough." I said and removed my hand. She nodded.

* * *

Dinner was freaking boring, chicken and rice with brown sauce. It was as plain is possible, but I just needed something to eat. I was so tired from waking up before the sun and I almost fell asleep at the table. It was important that I stayed awake though.

My phone buzzed.

_Hey Chica, thought you said you wanted to borrow the car? – Diva Jones_.

I groaned in remembrance.

_Sorry, M, I just didn't feel like taking a hung over Britt anywhere so she hung out with Sugar all day. Almost. Can I borrow it tomorrow though? – Satan_

I lazily moved my dish and glass to the sink, not bothering to clean up right now, just wanting to freaking sleep.

_Sure, S, she all better? – M_

I took my phone and texted her back

_It's a process, but she has a goal now and it's going forwards. – S_

I tossed the phone on the covers and made sure that it was at least 9 pm before tossing the top and high waisted black shorts on the floor and flopping down on the bed, humming in appreciation of how the bed seemed to want to swallow me. I'd be more than willing to let it.

The phone buzzed again.

_You're good for her, I hope you know that – M_

I blushed and didn't bother to text her back. I was so… tired…

* * *

"_You're a disappointment to me and to your father, mija. I don't get why you didn't go to Louisville. They had an excellent pre-med program, but you chose to throw away your life by studying music?"_

"_So what now Satan? Nobody wants you, nobody wants a failure"_

"_A summer surgery is when you have your appendix taken out. You got a boob job!" "Yep, sure did!" … slap_

"_God Santana, you're such a false little bitch!"_

"_Tu es loca!"_

"_I don't get it, Santana, I don't. How can you be so mean, I thought you liked me. I thought… I'm so stupid, you're just like the others!"_

My eyes snapped open. The rotating faces of people I cared about, mom, Kurt, Quinn and Brittany. I was a disappointment. What if I forever had to life in a room at Quinn's place, or having to, god forbid it, move in with my Abuelita or back with my parents. God that'd be horrible!

I hadn't had any nightmares in the past few days, and now I was all alone in this dark and still somewhat unfamiliar room. I think at this point I would've given anything to have Brittany by my side. What if my plan worked and I still hurt her? What if she'd never trust me fully? Was it worth trying, when the process was so long and so unsure? I didn't even know the girl. I thought I knew her, but I'd only gotten very few glimpses of the real Brittany. But those moments, it was… incredible. It was better than kissing her, seeing Brittany, the real one that hid behind her bubbly flirty personality. What if people didn't like the Brittany she would become, what if she lost people? What if she would hate me for changing her? But she wanted to change! She was the one who wanted to change. Wasn't she? I didn't want to change her for my own good. I liked her either way… I mean, I really, really liked her. I just couldn't bear to see her broken like that. I couldn't bear that she was hiding. She had to just be herself, everything else would feel like an endless war. I knew. I had fought myself for so long, and now, being here in this paradise, I felt free. I didn't have to hide around Brittany and Mercedes, I could just be me, and they didn't think any less of me. I could call Kurt about girl advice and he wouldn't think me weird. It seemed like what I'd ran away from had disappeared. The battle had been paused for two glorious weeks, and it was all because of the blonde girl who I liked so much. She was the cause of… of everything.

I turned around and buried my head in the pillow she used. It smelled like roses, and I breathed in, trying to savor the scent of her hair. I couldn't really breathe, so I settled for lying on my side with my nose into the pillow, smiling.

* * *

There was a loud buzz from the doorbell and someone knocking on my door. I was standing in the bathroom with three pins in my mouth and one half-way in my hair. I mumbled a curse and placed the first pin and walking out while securing the second. I opened the door to see a smiling Brittany. God she looked good. Her hair was straight and hung naturally around her shoulders. Every tip was curled though, making her look even more beautiful. She was clad summer red spencer shorts and wore a white and black wide t-shirt with a shiny red heart in front. Her look was completed by small inch heeled sandals with red beads.

"Hey, I'm almost ready, I just can't get this damn pin to sit right" I grumbled and tried to get the third pin to sit right. I had curled all of my hair but it always made it very thick so I needed the pins to direct it backwards.

"Can I?" she asked timidly and took the pin from my hand. She walked around me and let her hands comb through my hands to guide my hair to the center of my torso. I felt how my skin prickled under her touch and how my entire body seemed to melt. She held my hair to the side with one hand and attached the pin with the other. She reached around and took the other pin from my mouth without speaking a word. She moved a bit and combed my hair to the center of my torso from the other side. Once she'd attached the last pin she led her hand stroke over my hair to flatten out any loose strands.

"Perfect" she said and walked around to look at me. I was staring at her, shamelessly.

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad, I thought it was just a crush. You can't have been turned on by _that_"

"I-I. I'm not! Y-you're going it again, you're flirting" I retorted and pouted up at her.

"Oh… sorry" she said shyly and smiled sheepishly. "Old habit"

I snorted at her playfully and grabbed the brown beaded purse with all of my stuff and walked out with her. I made sure to bring a cable to attach my phone to the car's music player.

"Can I?" she asked and I looked at her. She held up her hand and flattened it out. I grinned and placed my palm against hers. A perfect fit. We let the hands fall between us.

"You don't have to ask about everything" I said reassuringly.

"I just don't know what's too much and what's okay" she sighed and looked suddenly down.

"Let's make a deal. Hugs and holding hands and that stuff is totally okay, just no kissing, groping and leering or more of that stuff… oh and no flirty comments." I said and gave her hand a squeeze. Holding hands should probably be off limits too, but I really wanted to have her as close as possible and if she wanted to hold my hand and was asking so sweetly, I really couldn't deny it. She looked at me grinningly.

"What?"

"Just thinking…" she sang.

"About what?"

"Hmm… it's a secret" she said and smiled. She looked like she had butterflies in her stomach, judging from the way she was trying to limit her smile and how her eyes glistened.

"I was thinking, I can do to of the things on the board at the same time, right? Multitasking?"

"Like what, stop flirting and writing?"

"Yeah, like that" she said and smiled at me.

"Sure… did you write anything?"

"Maybe" she sang and giggled slightly. She was being so bubbly; it was hard to believe that she had been such a mess not two days ago. It was almost child-like. You know how kids can forget things and just bounce back and be happy? They don't have to think about it all of the time. Brittany was kind of like that. She could be really down about something but it wasn't really hard for her to forget it. Was it a façade? I wondered if she really had forgotten it or if it was just something she pretended to. I would be really cool if she was able to forget it just like that, but then again, she wasn't a kid. She was an adult.

"You're such a dork" I laughed and nudged her.

"You like it" she sang. I pointed at her and gave her a firm look. "Sorry! Habit…" she said and looked down.

"Hey, it's called a habit for a reason; they're hard to break. It's gonna take some time" she nodded and smiled at my words.

We walked hand in hand to Mercedes' place. She was sitting on the stairs and looking really grumpy. I jerkily removed my hand from Brittany's instinctively until remembering that Mercedes knew. I reached for Brittany's hand again, but it was gone. Brittany had pocketed her hands and looked up at Mercedes with an unreadable glance.

"There you are" Mercedes complained. She got up from her place on the stairs and descended them, her arm outstretched and the key dangling from her finger. I snatched it the minute it was within reach. "It's the light green one with the Michelin bumper sticker over there" she pointed towards the parking lot where a lime-green car stood.

"Thanks Cedes" Brittany said politely. Mercedes furrowed her brow slightly and then looked at me.

"Later" I mouthed and grabbed Brittany's arm to drag her away.

"Bye girls!" Mercedes chimed and waved. I scowled at her, just for good measure, and Brittany looked like she was stuck between a rock and a hard place trying to figure out how to react.

"Just wave" I said gently. She smiled at me shortly and then turned to wave in her child-like manner. Mercedes grinned and blew her a kiss which Brittany caught and placed it above her heart, smiling warmly. God she was so adorable.

"Hey Goofy, let's go" I said and pulled her arm down. She grinned at me and took my hand without hesitation. I looked up at her and saw that her cheeks looked slightly pink. The confidence wasn't quite there yet. I gave her hand another squeeze before pressing the unlock button on the key. The car beeped and the side windows unfolded. It was pretty nice, an Alfa Romeo – who would expect anything else, we are in Italy after all and they need to go all out– quite modern but standing in the sun. It might not be later than 10 pm, but it was really hot already. I could taste humidity in the air, making me pretty sure that it'd rain tonight.

Because the Lido was lying by the beach with mountains fifty mile west of the beach, almost locking in the area, it meant frequent thunder. I didn't mind thunder though; it was just annoying when it woke me up at night.

I released Brittany's hand and walked over to the driver's seat and opened the door. The minute I did so air that might as well have been coming from a sauna flooded out and overwhelmed me. I groaned and climbed into the car; it was like a million degrees and I felt stupid for not having brought my water. Unfortunately for the both of us it didn't seem like Britt had either.

"Wow" she said as she climbed into the passenger seat.

"Yup" I said, knowing that she was referring to the heat. I turned on the car and let the air-condition turn on to the highest level.

"Hey, can you grab my phone from my bag and the cable? There's a USB-port there. I refuse to listen to some local Italian station." I said as she dug into the beaded purse that still hung around me. She retrieved the phone and a white cable.

I turned my attention to the road and started backing out of the parking space. It was a pretty small car so it wasn't that hard, but it was annoying that it had those European numbered gears.

I rolled out from the parking lot as Brittany managed to turn on the music. It was turned on way too loud and I almost stopped in mere shock.

"Woah, sorry!" she said and turned down the volume. "What do you want to listen to?" she asked.

"Whatever, you choose" I said with a shrug as I made sure not to run over the little kid walking with his little bucket and shovel.

"I didn't know you liked that movie" she suddenly said, surprised. I groaned. I only had one movie soundtrack on my phone and it was so sappy.

"Oh I like this song so much!" she said and turned up the volume as a song by _The New Radicals _began. It started the electric guitar and Brittany began rocking out to it. I did the wolf-whistle thing and began tapping the wheel in the rhythm of the other guitar.

"_Wow_" Brittany sang and pointed at me.

"_Hey_" I sang back.

We sang the first long piece which consisted only of her singing wow and me following by hey and it sort of went in a circle. As the bongo-drums started to join in Brittany slapped her knees in that rhythm. There was a build-up and then Brittany broke into song.

"_There's something about you…! That tears me inside out whenever you're around. There's something about you… Speeding through my veins andthen we hitthe ground. There's something about this rush_"

"_Take it away!_" I interjected and winked at her. She grinned back at me.

"_Made me feel so good. We got a feeling, We got a feeling, We get a feeling, like we could die…!_" We both sang.

"_Mother! We just can't get enough! We just can't get enough! Mother! We just can't get enough! We just can't get enough!_" I sang and she looked at me in awe. Yeah, my voice was good, I knew it. I just loved showing off at the chorus of this song. We forgot to sing the next verse, because I had to concentrate on getting over the bridge and out of the city, while she was still staring at me. When I got over the bridge I pointed to her again but she didn't sing. I took her hand, wanting to sing with me, but as I sang I realized why she hadn't

"_There's something about your kiss, haunting and strange, that…_" I went silent but to my surprise she continued.

"_Made me feel so good! We got a feeling, We got a feeling, We get a feeling, like we're alive!_" She poked me and looked at me, silently telling me to sing. I grinned toothily at the road, glancing at her from the corner of my eyes and started singing.

"_Mother! We just can't get enough! We just can't get enough!_"

"_When you're around baby_!" she interjected with more confidence in her voice than I'd heard yet. Her voice wasn't trained, but it was actually really good.

"_Mother! We just can't get enough! We just can't get enough!_"

"_This world ain't got too much time, oh baby you're mine, baby you're mi-i-ine, yeah!_" she sang and batted her eyes at me, making me giggle and nudge her with my elbow.

"_Just can't get enough!_" I sang, but it came out like a giggle.

"_You better give up! Come on, give up, yeah, you better give up, give up your life!_" we both sang and burst out laughing again.

"_It's you for me, me for you, you make my dreams come true_" I sang to her and she blushed. Once again she didn't sing. I threw hell to every caution and every warning that she knew I liked her and just sang.

"_I wanna say I gotta be with you now baby, you're on my mind all the time, I rolled the dice, lost them all, but baby you just don't ma-ma-ma-ma-moooother! Mother! We just can't get enough! We just can't get enough!_"

"_When you're around baby_" Brittany sang in a hushed voice, and I felt her gaze on me. It made my heart pound against my ribcage, knowing that she'd heard the meaning behind my singing.

"_Mother! We just can't get enough! We just can't get enough! This world ain't got too much time, oh baby you're mine, baby you're mi-i-ine, yeah!_" she sang and with every word there was an increase in power and confidence. I knew it was stupid to have sung that to her, but I really didn't care. This was a rare opportunity and sometimes life's just too short to let them pass. We let the band rock out to the next piece and just listened as it went into the contrast piece of the song.

"_Social security number please, credit card number please, money please, money please, money please, soul please, please deposit 85 dollars for the next three minutes please._" Brittany sang in an impressively mechanical voice. I laughed at her.

As the singer started to sing something gibberish that should be something Jamaican or such we bobbed our heads to the beat.

Brittany began rocking out to the guitar again and sang the "_Oh yeah_" parts. I laughed at her again; she looked ridiculous, but adorable at the same time.

As the song switched to Switchfoot's _Only Hope_, I turned down the volume and stared at Brittany with a grin.

"Who said you couldn't sing?" I asked. She smirked.

"_Who said, who said I can't be superman_!" she sang, deafening the song playing from my iPhone.

"Oh god no, no Hannah Montana, please!" I pleaded but she merely grinned and began singing the entire song.

"Goof!" I laughed when she finally finished. She whacked my arm with more force than she used to and I tried to smack back, but it didn't work. She caught my hand and clutched it to her heart.

"Britt" I warned through gritted teeth. She was seriously making it hard to concentrate on driving.

"Soooorry" she said and let go of my hand. I smacked her shoulder gently before placing both hands on the steering wheel.

"So, where were we going?" she asked.

"Caorle, it's a town around 20 miles from here. The place with all the stone sculptures?" I reminded her.

"Oh right. You told me that Friday, yeah I remember now" she said and smiled. "Can you believe we've only known each other for a week?"

"No, it's like time stands still here, but suddenly it's gone. It's really odd." I said and smiled.

"Okay, just out of curiosity, and with no means of flirting, are the hickeys still there?" she asked with a grin.

"Yeah, they are" I growled at her. She retreated and I suddenly felt like I had stepped on a kitten. "It's okay though. I kind of like them" I said and let a hand brush over them, a habit I'd picked up recently.

"Yeah? I kind of like them too" Brittany said.

"Watch it" I reminded her and poked her. She rolled her eyes.

"Just saying! They're kind of cool. I've never given anyone a hickey before" she said with a giggle.

"What, really? You seemed like you knew exactly what you were doing" I said.

"I've had many hickeys myself over the time, but I've never given any"

"Wow, I feel so privileged" I said jokingly. She giggled again and scooted to sit on her legs, facing me.

"Find a good song" I instructed her. She grabbed the iPhone and started to swipe through the songs. She settled for some Alanis Morisette even though I had a sneaky suspicion that it wasn't because she liked it, but more because I had a playlist called "the goddess of music" with solely Alanis Morisette. I looked over and saw that this was the playlist that was playing. I smiled and reached out to take Brittany's hand in mine, but she pulled away.

"You're not making any progress" she said accusingly. I almost said _"I don't care" _but stopped myself in the last minute before groaning and placing it on the wheel, annoyed. God, she was so hard to understand sometimes.

I let my fingers tap the wheel in rhythm to the songs as we silently drove towards the other coast-town. Finally, after what seemed like forever, we drove past a green sign that said "Caorle" in big letters. I turned left and started to drive through the small labyrinth-like streets, still heading east. I turned right, into a parking lot, and found it almost empty. Thank god people normally don't go anywhere on Sundays. I turned off the car and turned to look at Brittany. She was still staring at me and smiling wider now. _Yipee, I was still freaking Santa Claus to her…_I nodded towards the water and she got the hint.

The minute we were both out of the car I sought her before remembering that I was supposed to be doing progress with my own five-step, and that she was still off-limits. I made do with just walking beside her. With the subtle peeks I stole at her I saw how her gaze was fixed on the small piece of water that wasn't hidden by stone. We walked up some stairs and onto a marble pedestrian zone until we climbed the next flight of stairs and reached the destination point. As far as the eye sought to both left and right there were beautifully decorated stones. I looked at her and saw her awe. Her mouth was slightly ajar and her eyes wide and sparkling. I grinned proudly at having made her smile like that. … No, it wasn't me, it was the stones. I was staring at her, when a hand fumbled a bit against mine before gripping it. Without tearing her gaze away she began running and pulled me with her. She ran all the way to the light-house at the end of the line of stones, and smiled.

She was still grasping my hand as she walked towards the first stone. Some were abstract and funnily shaped and others were very natural.

"Look at that hand!" she said and pulled me to a stone with a hand holding it from behind. "That is so cool!"

We walked on for a bit and found a stone shaped like a book. Brittany leaned on the side and traced patterns over the carved pages.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked curiously.

"Mm… What I may or may not be writing about love" she said dreamily and I chuckled.

"You are _so _writing it." I said and leaned on the other side, letting my hands fall limply over the pages.

"Yeah, I am" she admitted and let her fingers walk over to my wrist and she poked it gently. I smiled.

"This is really nice" I said and poked her hand.

"Mhmm..." she mumbled and caught my hand. I jerked back instinctively; it was so odd. She was trying to keep away – well, I thought she was anyway – and I did my best to restrict it, but it was like we were pulled together by some other thing. Maybe it was the same fate that had placed us here in Italy to meet? In that case, fate was really a bitch.

"Hey look" I said and pointed behind me, having seen a rock I knew would get her attention.

"Aw, that's so cute!" she said when she turned around and saw the two stone dolphins jumping out of the stone. She skidded over to them and started stroking her hand gently over one of the dolphins. I grinned and felt a strong need to hug her. No. No hugging. _But friends hug… and she wanted to kiss you. She wanted to. _No way, nu-uh!

I looked over at Brittany again and saw her staring at me.

"What's wrong?" she asked, confusedly.

"Nothing I just… Step one" I said quietly.

"Oh…"

"Yeah, it's not very easy" I admitted. I felt so stupid.

"Well…" she started and bit her lip

"Well what?" I asked.

"Nothing" she said and looked around trying to find a distraction.

"Oh look, that's so cool" she said and pointed to another stone. One hand was curled over it and one hand was half-way up from the ground. They were so close to touching.

"That is cool" I said honestly. It was sad too though.

She crouched down and put her pinky in the hole between the two stone fingers. "There. They're still somewhat connected now" I thought I might have died at the cuteness overload. She was trying to help stone hands. God, she was just so kissable right now. _Then do it…_Nope. Gotta keep my lips to myself.

We spent the next half hour walking down the path seeing stones carved in all sorts of funny shapes. There was even one with a shark head ajar, looking very frightening. At this I saw the scared look on Brittany's face and curled my arm around her waist hugging her close.

"It's just stone" I said.

"It looks like one of those animals from Narnia in the white witch's garden. What if you breathed on it and it swallowed you?" she asked frightened. I choked a giggle, even though the thought was pretty unbelievable I understood her fear and it was really scary. To assure her that nothing was wrong, I leaned forwards and breathed on its head. I heard Brittany whimper slightly but when nothing happened, she sighed in relief.

"Thank you…" she said and pulled me back, wrapping both arms around me. I smelled her hair instinctively and unashamedly. She swatted me over the arm and laughed.

"Let's go on, okay?" I asked when finally feeling the awkwardness and pulling away.

* * *

We spent another hour looking at stones, until my feet were aching like a bitch because apparently I thought that ballerina flats would be a splendid idea. That only gave me blisters on both heels.

"Santana, you can't walk like that" Brittany said and looked at my feet. I was trying my best to walk with my shoes on, without having the heel on.

"Yes I can, look" I said and tiptoed. It hurt really badly.

"That's silly." She said.

"Well what am I supposed to do?" I asked annoyed more at my feet than at her. It was practically impossible to be annoyed at her.

"Crawl onto that stone" she said and pointed to a stone of yet another hand, this one shaped like a stair.

"Why?"

"Just do it" she said in a firm tone. I looked at her with furrowed brows. How was that supposed to help? Whatever… I crawled onto the stone and stood on the top, looking down at her. She walked over to the stone and turned her back to me.

"No, Britt. No, I won't do that" I said.

"Why not?"

"What if you break your back? I'm not as small as I look. Besides, it's not really something friends do…" I said worriedly.

"Just hop on, I carry Sugar all the time" she insisted. I sighed and gave up fighting it, not that I wholeheartedly had done so before, and placed my hands on her shoulders. She bowed and pulled me onto my back, earning a small yelp from me. She laughed and looped her hands around my thighs as I looped mine around her neck, and clung to her.

"_'Not as small as you look?_ You weigh nothing, San" she said and started walking without any difficulty with me on her back and my shoes dangling on my toes. She looked down at them and then released my one leg which I instinctively wrapped around her waist, gasping. She leaned down and grabbed my shoes and held them, not making a move to grab my other leg again. Instead she sped up and made me yelp again, as I clung to her.

She laughed at my frequent outbursts of surprise as she carried me on her back down the stairs to the car. She put me down in the shadow of a large building and handed me my shoes, smiling widely at me.

"You're right San, this was really fun" she said.

"I don't get it… You don't seem that upset about Nate and Millie at all anymore?" I asked curiously.

"I am, but not because I lost him. I'm upset that he betrayed me, and because she did too, but I'm not upset because I lost him. I wanted to break up with him; I didn't love him like that anymore. I don't think I ever did. I think I liked him, but I never loved him romantically. You helped me see that" she said.

"How did I help you see that?" I asked confused. It made my stomach twist uncomfortably, because I couldn't read the mood of her sayings.

"You made me write that thing about being in love." She said. "I'm not done yet, but I got as far as to seeing that I was hiding behind the security of having a boyfriend. I don't want to be the duck in the hat that someone chooses. I want to choose myself who I want to love. I just went along with it because he liked me and I liked having a boyfriend."

"Duck in a hat? I asked, buying some time to comprehend what she was saying. It looked like real progress in such short time.

"Yeah, like the magicians?"

"But that's usually doves or rabbits or stuff?" I frowned.

"But I really like ducks…" she said with a pout, making me smile.

"We can put ducks in your hat, then" I said with a chuckle. She was becoming less flirty and more free by the second. It was almost a visible change. There was a different glow to her eyes. They were less sparkly, but more dreamy. She was looking forwards instead of just teasing people.

"I'm really proud of you, Britt-Britt" I said. "I've never seen anyone rebound as fast as you"

She smiled widely and bit her lip, suddenly stretching her arm towards me and giving me my shoes, as if she didn't know how to respond.

"I think … I've been on my way for a long time, so I think I was getting over him before officially being allowed to." She finally said. "So, where now?"

"Home, I don't want to steal you for myself all day. Sugar's claimed you for the afternoon" I said while getting my shoes back on, feeling them bite into my feet once again.

"Why do I feel like a divorce kid, being handed between momma and papa?" she giggled.

"Because everyone wants a piece of Pierce" I said and nudged her. She smiled timidly as we walked back towards the green car, which had once more reached sauna temperature

* * *

The drive home was just as enjoyable as the drive to there, with several impromptu song performances of various songs from my pop playlist.

We made sure to hand the key back to Mercedes, though we did this by flopping it through a letter crack in the door seeing as they had gone to the beach and texted me that. We were on our way to the opposite part of the area where Brittany's and my apartment was, still talking about Nate. It was odd because I felt sorry for her for not having experienced real love in her relationship with Nate, but happy at the same time, because it was good for her to get out of it, even if it wasn't pretty. I was also secretly enjoying the lack of competition for my mission.

It was really a silly mission. _but what if she likes me? _Of course she doesn't, she can't. What am I? I'm nothing, not worth liking. She was though, she was so worth liking, and I did; I did like her. _But she wants to kiss me_, because she's experimenting, yeah. What if that was all it was? An experiment… God, it was so freaking hard, but I was still, despite the mess of it all, glad that she _had _kissed me. It had showed me that we were so good friends already, that our friendship could survive that. It wasn't awkward… well, okay sometimes it was; but most of the time it wasn't.

"Brittany, Santana; hi!" Sugar's annoying voice said behind us.

"Hey, hot stuff" Brittany chimed and ran to engulf Sugar in a light hug. She shot back suddenly and I saw that she bit her lip. At least she was acknowledging that she was flirting. Sugar looked confused but smiled none the less.

"Britt; you're going back to the apartment before tanning, right?" Sugar asked as she looped her arm through Brittany's smilingly.

"Yeah" Brittany said and looked at her, quizzically.

"Would you mind getting my water, I forgot it…" Sugar said hesitantly.

"Sure. Now or what?" Brittany still looked confused.

"Yeah, you're already late" Sugar smiled.

"Oh, sorry. I'll go. See you San" she said and made to hug me, but stopped herself, waved uncharacteristically shyly and turned on her heel.

"Santana?" Sugar asked the minute Brittany was out of sight. I had already made to walk away.

"Motta?" I addressed her reservedly by her last name.

She looked at the ground but then at me and spoke: "C-can I say something?"

I crossed my arms and leaned on one foot. "I don't know, can you?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever you did to Brittany, you know with the board and stuff, whatever you did that made her want that… keep doing it, because I've never seen her like this." She said quickly. It seemed to bother her, but it didn't make me go out of character.

"Like what?" I asked coolly.

"I've known her since freshman year, and she was really carefree then too, but she was also more true to herself. She wasn't afraid to say what was on her mind, even if it made her look stupid. Then came Keihl, and she changed. Keihl was her first boyfriend, and when she found out that he had a girl on the side, she started flirting with everyone. People found her interesting because she was so 'open', but really she was being more closed. She stopped saying funny things like, have you ever heard her theory about why the square-root of four equals a double rainbow?"

I looked at her, confused and furrowed my brows, shifting my weight, getting kind of mushy at her words, but still keeping in character. "What? The square-root of four-"

Sugar whiffed at me to stop me from speaking. "It doesn't matter… But whatever the case she's started telling me about how the glitter pens had a fight and that's why there was glitter all over her hands. That was my Brittany, the one I knew in freshman and sophomore year."

"So… I just keep being her friend or what?" I asked, not really keeping in character now. It was kind of hard, when she was making me all kinds of embarrassed and gooey at her words.

"Help her be silly." Sugar said. "I know that people change, but silly Brittany is the real Brittany. It's her being comfortable with herself.

"Does her pretending to be scared about a stone shark because it looked like an animal from the White Witch's garden from Narnia sound like the old Brittany?" I asked, fighting to keep a smile from curling over my lips.

Sugar let out a laugh. "Totally. She did the same with a stone leopard in a museum in freshman year"

I nodded and furrowed my brow. "I think I can help with that. Get her silly back" I said slowly.

"I want to hear her rap again." Sugar suddenly exclaimed dreamily.

"She can rap?" I snorted and grinned.

"She used to do so all the time. I think she knew every rap song from sophomore year by hand" Sugar said and sounded reminiscent.

"I'll see what I can do." I said and nodded again, leaning back on the other foot and tightening my arms across my chest.

Sugar sighed abruptly, making me look at her. She had an exasperated "I just don't know where I went wrong? I was never able to pull her back to her old self" I think it was something that really had nagged her, and I wondered if that was the reason I had felt a dislike towards me from her. Was she jealous of me and Britt?

"Just… Keep trying. We'll get her back" I said in an attempt to be nice.

"Awesome. More help for me" she said in an excited voice. God she was so annoying. Why was I being nice to her again?

"Nu-uh, I ain't doing this for you. I'm doing this for Brittany because she loves you. I still haven't made up my mind about whether you're annoying or I just plain hate you" I said, but she merely grinned. Great, my moment of niceness had now ruined the intimidation I had against her.

"That's so sweet" she cooed.

"Get away, woman" I warned her as she neared me with outstretched arms.

"But I need to hug you" she whined. I stepped back and glared.

"Do that, and I will cut you. I still have my razor blades, remember?"

She stopped dead and then sighed before turning around and towards the pool. Despite everything, I still had some Snix in me. I caught a glimpse of Brittany staring at us. I really hoped that she hadn't heard.

* * *

**A/N** - Once again THANK YOU SO MUCH for the attention to the story. I have just finished writing chapter 12 and am currently writing chapter 13. The reason I'm writing this many chapters ahead - September 28th I'm going to USA for two months and I won't have much time to write so the choice stood between either having the story on HIATUS for two months or have some chapters in the safe box. I chose the last, naturally. So that's why. :)

Song for this chapter - **Hold on to me - Sugarplumfairies**

Link for the youtube of this chapter **/watch?v=SfwflIRDx44**

The other two songs are:_  
_

**So What Does All This Mean - West, Gould and Fitzgerald (vocals by Shane West) /watch?v=x0NFpqyYlOM**

**Mother, we just can't get enough - New Radicals /watch?v=io2erj8GhFc**

Thanks for the read, please review :)! 3 Love ya lots!


	10. As the Rain Pours

_**As the Rain Pours**_

_There were faces everywhere. People I loved, people I liked, and people I hated. They were everywhere and I was trapped beneath their gaze. I was sitting pathetically in the white dress, looking up at them with tears streaming from my eyes. I saw a ballerina-shoe-clad foot step forwards, out of the circle and near me._

"_Why did you run away from me? Was I a bad friend? Why do you hate me?" Quinn asked accusingly. I felt the hurt beneath her words. I tried to tell her that I didn't run away from her, that she was keeping me grounded, that she was my best friend and that I loved her, but the words stuck in my mouth. The silky material of my dress slid under my fingers as I grasped it, just to grab something. Quinn was crying now. Why did she think that I hated her? It made me so… so angry! How could she ever think that?!_

"_You're such a bitch Santana, you won't even answer me!" she said and suddenly her tears were gone and wrath was in its place._

"_You had everything, Santana. Mom and dad gave_you_everything. You're so spoiled and ungrateful. Look what I got, I've got nothing! You're tossing about you with your fortune and you don't even care!" Marco, my beloved big brother said, looking down at me with the eyes that matched mine. No, he had just as much. I didn't ask for this, I wanted to share with him. He had turned me down when I asked him to move in permanently. I wasn't the bad guy here! He was being unfair. I grasped tighter at the material of my dress, but I couldn't hold on. I felt the force on the back of my head from the veil as it heaved me down. Why was I in a wedding dress? Where was I? Why were they all so mad at me?_

_Then lips were on mine, greedily so, and pushed me onto my back. Her lips on mine and I was melting into her, disappearing in the warmth of her. I felt her everywhere, her hands were everywhere, roaming over my body possessively, her tongue was delving in my mouth but her torso was gone. I sought it, sought the comfort of feeling my hands on her heart, feeling her heartbeat, but she pulled back, smirking._

"_That's all I am to you, isn't it?" she husked in my ear before pulling at my earlobe with her teeth._

"_No" I whimpered and shook my head the best I could, under her grasp. I had said a word, I was resurfacing. "I-I" I tried to speak but my throat constricted again and her lips silenced me, her knees pressing against my hips as she tangled her hands in my hair._

"_That's all I'll ever be to you" she whispered and pulled back. I sought the blue eyes that always gave me comfort, but she was gone, and I was pushed back. The earth disappeared beneath me and I screamed, feeling the air leave my body as I disappeared in the darkness. I tried to scream for her to save me but the words wouldn't come out_

"No!"

* * *

It was raining, like really hard. God, I hated when it was raining, when I wanted to go outside. I had woken up at what I thought was around 3am, but had found it to be almost 8am. The sky outside was covered by gloomy dark blue-grey skies that had seemed to decide to pour an entire oceans worth of water out. The pool was in uproar caused by the massive drops of water colliding with the surface. It was nature's chaos colliding with a creation of man. How fitting, that nature still overpowered man.

I had always thought that those who thought nature was controllable were blind fools. Nature is everywhere, in our hearts and in what we see with our eyes, it's in what we eat and what we smell, and yet people think they can control it? Can they control the taste of a salad leaf or the smell of a rose? Can they decide the direction of a hurricane or how the heart chooses to love? I think that this perspective was what had made me accept who I was more. My heart was a part of nature and feelings shouldn't be explained through chemical reactions in the brain or impulses. As much as I admired science and what it had accomplished, there was no use in trying to explain love. Even if they could, wasn't that a part of life's mystery? It confused and fascinated me at the same time. I cherished my feelings, even if they were _wrong _or just really badly timed or placed, because they made me feel alive**.**It was how I felt when I was with people I actually liked, when I was just being me. I wasn't fighting a war, like the rain and the pool seemed to be, I was living, flying almost. I looked at how the rain fought the pool again, and it made me feel strangely of dancing. Of tango, or something, where you throw yourself at your partner and when you recoil they melt into you. How wrong I was. The rain wasn't fighting the pool, they were melting together. They were becoming one, like in a dance or like love. Suddenly, the rain didn't seem all that bad. It was what made the trees grow tall and what made the air fresh and clean. It melted into its element even if this was man-made, careless of that. It didn't care.

God, what was I thinking? Rain couldn't think. It was just molecular structures and the result of nature's eternal cycle.

I shook my head and threw away the philosophic, almost romantic thoughts away, wondering how they had got there in the first place, and walked into the living-room. It was unnaturally cold, though that was mostly caused by my very limited amount of clothes. I shuddered slightly and made to pour water into the coffee-machine. I remembered the nightmare from last night. It was probably the book I was reading, which was getting to me. The only other book I'd brought was a book Quinn had convinced me to read,_Skipping Towards Gamorrah_. It was actually pretty good, though I'd read the first chapter to Quinn and told her it was shit. She'd taken it back but I'd stolen it with me, and she hadn't complained.

There was a subtle knock on the door and I realized that I was still in my undies and bra as the only thing. Capital 'g' great! The knock became insistent and I looked around panicking. God… Okay, play this cool. I walked to the door and hid behind it as I opened it a crack. Of course it was Brittany. I blushed furiously and shut the door in her head, thinking suddenly about my attire and the dream I'd had of her. She'd been kissing me. God, those lips… but she'd accused me of pure lust. There was another knock and I felt how my heart attempted to flee from my body. I opened again, just a crack, but Brittany pushed it open further, enough to get a clear visual of my body. She turned bright red and turned around, coughing and holding her arms tight across her chest, looking down at the ground as she kicked it. I couldn't help but smile. Then I saw how her clothes were getting drenched by the second.

"Get in" I said. "Come on Britt, get in; you'll get sick"

"W-would you please dress?" she asked, still not moving.

"Yeah, sure. Just get the hell inside girl. I'll go now and you just count to three or something and then turn around and get in?" I asked. She nodded and counted out loud. I resisted the urge to keep standing there and posing alluringly, and ran into my bedroom and shut the door. The sound of the rain was muffled by the door and I flung open my closet and took the first thing I found. A T-shirt with the words, 'kiss me'… okay, not good! I threw it on the bed and drew out another. Okay, that was pretty neutral, a black tank-top, though very low cut. I grabbed a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and threw them on. I grabbed a light jacket and threw that over my arms, feeling cold. I walked back into the living room and saw Brittany standing drenched to the bone, looking at the ground with her face still bright red.

"Sorry about that" I said with a nervous giggle. She didn't look up, just shook her head.

"I-I was just um… It's raining" she said. I smiled fondly at her and walked to her, laying a hand on her still crossed arms. Her head dashed up and her eyes flickered wildly between mine before settling for a calm stare. It wasn't even awkward, staring at her. I think maybe it was for her, given what she'd seen, my panties had after all been… not very disguising, to say the least. Then I remembered my dream and how she'd bit my ear and how she'd pushed me back and straddled me. Okay, then it became awkward… But still, I didn't look away. The only thing was that her eyes weren't there in my dream; she wouldn't let me see her face but now she was staring at me. She shuffled closer and I felt my heart race even wilder than before. I held her gaze, but suddenly, her eyes flickered downwards. I jerked back, knowing that look a little too well.

"You're wet" I said without thinking. The glimpse of humor in her eyes made me gasp and I slapped my forehead, my entire body warming up, seeming to make every inch of my skin blush in embarrassment. Why the hell did I have to say that?!_But she is…_Oh for the love of… Get the hell out of my head, damn R-rated thoughts and stupid perverted dreams! It was so… so frustrating! And not just in_that_way.

"I wondered if you wanted to watch a movie with me…" Brittany said, breaking the silence again and making me look at her. We were both pretty red in the faces and even as I spoke, I felt a new surge of warmth, though this wasn't caused by embarrassed blushing.

"Sure, we could do that… but we've got to find you some dry clothes first, don't we?" I asked, trying to miserably fix my mistake. It wasn't really going very well.

She snorted a single short laugh and nodded, pulling at her t-shirt which was – I noticed that now – quite see through. She was pulling it out so it hung loosely over her body as she looked at it.

"I should've taken an umbrella" she said with a pout, her cheeks still slightly pink.

"I have a Onesie you can borrow if you want?" I asked.

"I don't think that's very waterproof" She said, scrunching her nose.

"To wear, silly" I said. She smiled sheepishly and nodded. I walked back into the bedroom and retrieved an old Onesie with space rockets on it. She giggled when I handed it to her.

"It's ancient" I said, trying to preserve some dignity. She just bit her lip, still giggling.

"There's a towel in the bathroom" I said and let her walk past me into the bathroom. Okay, so that was… embarrassing. I looked around for something to occupy myself with that didn't involve thinking about the amount of clothes Britt would be wearing right about now. Okay, what kind of perv am I?! Right, movie. Um, yeah I had those somewhere. I looked around randomly for a bit before remembering that they were in the bottom of my closet.

Okay, so I had Sweet Valley High, 500 Days of summer, more Sweet Valley High, Lion King, even more freaking Sweet Valley High – I'm really obsessed with this show –, 300 and 10 things I hate about you. Mainstream dork! She liked Disney, right? I took the Lion King DVD and my computer, which was in a bag next to it, and walked back into the living room. Brittany was sitting in my Onesie in the couch, hugging her knees and clearly feeling very cold. I decided that the movie could wait a bit. I walked to her and sat down, silently wrapping my arms around her, and feeling her curl hers around my waist, pulling me closer, begging for warmth of some sort. I heard how her breath was kind of shaky and how her heart fought to warm up her cool body. I rubbed my hand along her back forcefully, trying to warm her up. Of course, I could easily think of a better way to warm her up, but I didn't really think that was appropriate. She wiggled her head under my chin and pressed her ear to my heart. It took some force but I managed to pull her closer so that she was practically sitting on my lap, curled into a ball like after I met Mercedes here. Even though she was bigger than me, she seemed small in my arms. It still somehow surprised me how fragile she was. She_really_was fragile and she was easily broken. That was still my reason for keeping away the best I could; she was broken and she didn't need for me to confuse her any more than she already was. I just wish… I really, really just wished that there was something I could do to help her. Maybe there already was.

As the movie started playing I felt Brittany shift to watch the screen. I also felt the goose bumps on her arms as the song softly played in front of us and I discovered I had goose bumps too.

"You could've just texted you know. I would've been right over" I said as I felt her shift slightly again for a better view at the screen.

"I didn't want Sugar teasing us" she said and leaned back to let her head rest on mine. I smiled and I knew she could feel it on her cheek.

"Why so shy all of a sudden?" I asked teasingly.

"I'm breaking down my walls." She said with an airy voice and a shrug.

"How's that going for you, by the way? I know I ask a lot about that, but I'd like to keep up with how you're doing" I noticed.

"Fast. It's like taking out that first brick and they just tumble down on you, you know? I can't sleep, I think so much. I just-. So much is happening so fast and it confuses me. Everything I thought I knew is just gone and so many things happen so fast. I don't even know how to deal with that" she said in the same airy but also slightly dreamy voice.

"New things?"

"Yeah. Like you. You confuse me."

"How so?" I asked curiously. I didn't know if that was a good thing or not.

"I've never cared so much for anyone so fast. It was like, magnetism or something. You're not a robot, are you?" She looked at me with fake worry. I laughed.

"No Britt, no robot. I care about you too. Very much" I said and tightened my grip on her.

She chuckled. "I know"

"You're really smart, San. You knew what I was going through and what I needed. How did you know that?" She asked me.

"I went through the same. I still am. I may seem all out and stuff here, but that's only because I finally got the balls to tell Mercedes and you and I don't know anyone else. But back home. Nobody knows. Only Kurt and Mercedes and you. I have the same mask you do, only where you're all happy, I'm just a bitch. I don't get how you can hide and be happy at the same time. I'm so freaking tired of hiding" I sighed. She looked at me again.

"Then don't"

"It's not that easy, B. I've had the same conversation a thousand times of how I was going to tell my parents that I'm gay, or tell Quinn, my best friend. I only ever told Kurt because he was gay too and I knew he'd keep the secret." I said.

"It must be really tiring. Why did you tell Mercedes?"

"It wasn't really telling, it was more like me mumbling about you and her guessing, Remember that night at Luna Park?" I asked and blushed. It was so embarrassing to talk about my crush on Brittany_with_Brittany.

"Oh… Look, can I ask you something?" she asked and turned to sit next to me and look at me fully.

"Um, yeah" I said nervously.

"Why me?" She asked.

"Please, Britt. I'd really not get into that, it's so embarrassing"

"I'm just curious as to why you'd fall for me. I mean, you I'd understand, but never me."

"Britt. I don't usually fall for people, but I fell for you. Doesn't that tell something? You're… wonderful" she blushed deeply and turned her attention to the screen, just as Simba was being shown the kingdom.

We had stopped talking completely, but instead we had sung every song along with the movie. The tension had been palpable during the first part of the movie but after Brittany had forced me to dance along with her in "_Just Can't Wait to Be King_" I suddenly remembered something. That song had been played loudly in the airplane by the kid in front of me.

"Britt?" I asked as she combed my hair, my head in her lap.

"Yeah?" she asked and looked down at me.

"Where in the plane did you sit?"

"Right in front of you" she said smilingly.

"It was_you_who was listening to Disney songs wasn't it?"

"Mhm, busted huh?" She giggled.

"Yup. That actually helped me sleep, you know" I said as the credits rolled over my screen. She didn't say anything but I saw her smile. I suddenly felt really drowsy again; it was hard to keep staying awake with her hand in my hair like that. It was so calming it might just stop my heart completely. Without further thought I closed my eyes, hummed slightly as I exhaled deeply and felt myself drift off.

* * *

There was rustling from somewhere to my right. I inhaled sharply because I had forgotten that when waking up, you were supposed to breathe. The rustling stopped and it wasn't ten seconds after I felt a hand ghost over my cheek. It made my eyes fly wide open and they darted between a pair of blue ones. God those eyes, I'll never get used to the sight of them.

"Britt?" I croaked. I smacked my mouth several times to prevent it from feeling so dry.

"I made you lunch. Well, late lunch actually, but still." She said smiling at me. I groaned slightly and rubbed my eyes tiredly. She was sitting on her knees in front of the couch and resting her head on her arms which lay crossed on the edge of the couch. She looked absolutely adorable. I sat up tiredly and ruffled my hair slightly.

"What time is it?"

"Almost 2pm. You needed the sleep I think" She said and got up, offering me her hand. I smiled and took it, flicking bangs out of my face and stifling a yawn. Had I really just slept for almost four hours? Apparently so. What had she done meanwhile? I seriously hoped she hadn't been snooping around in my stuff, she might've found my five-step list. I really hoped that she hadn't.

"Hey, what's wrong?" she asked as she led me to the table where a tuna salad had been made with eggs and tomato and everything. It looked delicious. I didn't answer her, only looked at the food.

"I can't cook, so I took the two already cooked eggs from your fridge, I hope you don't mind" she said sheepishly.

"This looks awesome" I said and smiled reassuringly at her. She bit her lip, trying to stop from smiling like a sun. I was still Santa Claus it seemed. Good.

"So, what did you spend four hours doing?" I asked and took a bite. It tasted really good too.

"I watched the movie again, I hadn't really been paying attention. Then I wrote a bit in my notebook and watched the rain. It's really pretty; I love being outside when it rains." She said.

"Notebook? That one you write in about love?" I asked. She pointed to a red and blue notebook on the couch next to where I had laid. I wondered shortly what she had written but it was hers, not mine so it was none of my business. A part of me hoped though, that I was in there somewhere. Okay, maybe not a part of me, maybe just me in general. So sue me.

I turned my attention to her again as I heard her chewing on a piece of salad. She was gazing at me with much intensity, but the meaning behind it was quite vague. What did she mean by that look. It was kind of scary, if you can have anything that's scary in a good way. I think she noticed now that she was staring at me, because her eyes widened shortly and then she became very focused on her dinner. Strange.

"So, I was thinking maybe we could go visit that cute store I was talking about the other day?" She asked after a few minutes. She looked very eager.

Cute. Store. Not really my thing.

"Sure" I heard myself say, with at least half the enthusiasm as her. Wait, why? I could easily excuse myself from this. Glitter pens and funfairs were one things but some cute store visited while it was raining this hard, no way. Not in a million years would I want to be seen in such a store. Nuh uh.

"We'll just go when we're done with lunch, alright?" I could get out of this still. Just mention the rain.

"Yeah totally" I said. What the fuck? My mouth was totally betraying me here. I didn't want to go there. I hated being outside when it rained, and I hated those mawkish baby-pink stores with little pearls and bows on everything.

"Thanks, I know that's probably not your thing, but if you want we could go to Joe's afterwards?" No I definitely did not want to go to Joe's, not after what he almost asked Brittany the last time.

"That'd be great" I said, smilingly. I. Am. So. Whipped.

"Okay then" she said.

"But no getting drunk" she said and held out her pinky. I looked at it quizzically.

"Promise? No getting drunk. We might end up naked somewhere" she said and winked.

"Britt, the flirting" I chimed annoyed and blushingly. She looked down and smiled into the table, not really seeming that ashamed. Her pinky was still held out towards me. I sighed and grabbed it with my own. "Promise" I said as her head rose and her eyes sought mine.

* * *

"Are you sure you want to wear that outside? I usually only wear it inside or for bed in the winter." I said as she was on her way out into the rain, still in my space rocket onesie.

"Do you have anything else?" she asked sheepishly.

"Yeah, I have my black shorts with the spencers and a shirt?" I offered.

"Yeah, I'd like that. I don't think going to a bar in a onesie would be acceptable" she giggled. It looked at her slightly, she didn't seem like the type to care the least what people thought of her attire. I noticed that she had overall worn very odd things; for example, those the giraffe shorts I had borrowed.

I got her the clothes and waited as she changed in the bathroom. Like the last time, she seemed sort of bashful at having to change. I was still standing with my back against the door, having closed the kitchen window for once, when she emerged. She looked really hot. Her legs grew impossibly long from the wedge heel sandals she'd worn on her way here.

"Ready" she said and pulled out a little in the red tunic, making sure that her cleavage wasn't showing too much. I held my tongue, though it'd have been really easy to comment on that.

She looped her arm in mine as walked to the door. We both took in deep breaths and stepped into the rain. We had beforehand decided that we might as well not run because it was a long way and we'd get soaked either way.

We should've probably stayed home because we hadn't even reached the end of our road before I felt the rain soaking my shirt all the way to the bra. I wondered if we'd ever be allowed into the store looking like this. I was at this moment very pleased that be both had chosen to wear clothes that weren't see-through. We walked with our arms looped and pretty soon I had to wipe my forehead to prevent too many drops from seeping into my eyes. I noticed that Brittany was doing the same, though she had a harder time, because apparently she had chosen to wear mascara that wasn't waterproof. She wasn't wearing much but enough for me to notice. I don't really know how I didn't notice it before, because she had looked equally rained on when she got there in the morning. Maybe she had just had something over her eyes then.

The minute we crossed the sidewalk we both broke into a run, spotting a covered part of the sidewalk opposite us. The minute we broke into a run I think we both found out how hilarious our situation was and how silly we were for doing this and both broke into a fit of giggles. The minute we got under the cover I felt her damp body wrap mine up and spin me around as we laughed.

"Oh my god, this was such a bad idea!" she laughed and put me down. Our clothes stuck together but we also kept pretty close.

"Let's just do what my horrid Glee teacher taught and take advantage of this," I said and walked back out in the rain, strolling the best I could while screaming the lyrics to singing in the rain.

"You're crazy!" Brittany screamed from under the covered sidewalk.

"Join me won't you?" I asked and lured her over with my pointerfinger. She laughed and nodded before walking back into the rain.

"_I'm singing in the rain!_" she sang.

"_Just singing in the rain! What a glorious feeling, I'm happy you came_" I sang and let her spin me around. We were practically dancing in the thick cloud of rain, letting her lead me around. It was as if I was in a movie or something, and I didn't even feel the rain hit me anymore. It was just her and me and I felt her joy as well. She really was happy when she danced, in a whole other way than when she wasn't dancing, but happy. It was magical.

We completely forgot to sing, but somehow the song was still there as she led me into some sort of classical dance, the name of which I didn't know. She held one hand to my shoulder and one clutched in my other as she did a quick step and another and then a slow, as we danced.

"Ragazze Pazze! Vedere così uscire di mezzo!" yelled an old man in an annoyed voice as we passed the restaurant with the pink chairs. We merely laughed but stopped dancing none the less. She led me under another covered sidewalk as we turned the corner towards the square. We were both truly soaked and our clothes hair clung to our faces.

"Hold up, you have mascara all over your cheeks" I said and stopped her, forcing her to look at me. She did so and I brought up the back of my hand and wiped it away. She smiled and tried her best to wipe the other cheek, but I swatted hers away and replaced it with my own. I was suddenly holding her face between my hands, and I found that the easiest thing would be to just lean up and steal that one kiss, but I knew that I couldn't; maybe someday, maybe never. No matter what now was not the time. I had to wait for her, and I would gladly do so if I ever in a million years had a chance.

"Thanks" she said when I removed my hands and let out a nervous giggle. She leaned down and grabbed my pinky with her own. I chuckled at her childishness but went with it. It was a silent promise, the content of which I had yet to discover.

We walked under the covered part of the sidewalk for the rest of the walk and were pretty cold, but she managed to send jolts of warmth through me.

"That's it, that's the place" she said and pointed at a two separate windows that formed conjoined store. It was clearly closed.

"Oh, I really wanted to show you the Grumpy plush from Snow White. It's so cute!" she said. I was secretly very happy that it was closed because my every assumption I had had about the store had come true. There were tiny varnish bags with pink spots all over them and little varnish bows and shiny hinges. There were giant plush toys with shapeless bodies and really large doe eyes. There were little dolls with green shirts with peace signs on them and a gazillion Disney plushes. Just the place I'd choose to barf in. Definitely not my style. I may have liked Barbies and other girlish stuff when I was a kid, but I was twenty two, and that store looked really bizarre. But Brittany looked really down.

"Look, we'll go tomorrow or something, okay?" I asked and caught her eyes. She nodded but pouted none the less.

"Look, let's go get something to drink at Charlie's bar and get warmed up, huh?" she nodded and let me guide her over the slowly decreasing rain and towards Charlie's bar. Joe was standing outside again, but still in the covered part dusting crumbs of the tablecloths.

"Hey girls. Wow, who used you as spoons for their morning tea?"

"Brittany insisted we go here" I complained with an annoyed groan, feeling how my clothes stuck to me.

"W-h-i-p-p-e-d" he mouthed as he led us inside. I felt a sudden urge to kick him in the nads, also as a punishment for the last time.

"Do you have anything warm, like coffee or something?" Brittany asked sweetly as she sat down on the barstool gingerly and dragged another closer to her for me to sit on. I did so and looked at Joe with a daring glare. He just shrugged and rolled his eyes at me before turning his attention to Brittany.

"Why yes sweet girl, we do." He said nicely. Brittany smiled and rubbed her hands together and breathed on them for warmth.

"So, Brittany" Joe began and I pierced him with my eyes. Damn he must have whale skin or something, because he didn't even notice me.

"How's the boyfriend?" I slapped my forehead.

"Whose boyfriend are we talking about?" she asked innocently, but with a glimpse of mischief in her eye.

"Yours, silly" Joe said and looked at Brittany with the same glimpse of mischief

"I don't have one anymore." She shrugged, like she hadn't just broken up with him three days ago. I must admit that to me it felt like much more as well.

"Oh so you're on the market" he chimed and looked at me reportedly. I snorted. God he could be such a pain.

"She's mending, Joe." I said.

"Mending? Guy broke your heart?" he said with much compassion and took Brittany's hand between his own two beefs of hands.

"No, not really. He just betrayed me. I'm used to it" she said and sighed, letting him warm up her hand, before giving it back to her.

"You shouldn't have to be used to it" I muttered and rested my chin in my hands.

"Joe, what happened to trying to warm us up? Do you have any hot drinks?" I added with furrowed brows to Joe. The latter smirked and ducked to find ingredients.

"Well maybe someday I will actually meet someone who'll be faithful to me." Brittany sighed. Joe seemed on the verge of breaking and I noticed that he pointed discretely at me with hisfinger of the hand he was holding a glass with as he poured some transparent liquid into it and along with that a dash of red grenadine._Oh great_, now I got the hint of what he was making._Why, Joe? Really. God, annoying persons list, please add that guy will you_? I snorted as he started to pour orange-juice into the two glasses.

"Brittany, I just think you have a bad luck when it comes to men" Joe said and placed one of the two drinks with the very fitting – or in my mind just annoying and totally innuendo-ish – name_Sex on the Beach_. I'd had them here before and I knew that they tasted pretty awesome, but of all the drinks he could've chosen, he had to choose the one that was named after a place to have sex. I glared as he set mine in front of me, but he just smiled and winked at me. As I took a gulp I realized that he had at least doubled the alcohol amount because it burned painfully down my throat.

Brittany sipped from her drinking straw before answering: "I think you're right Joe. Maybe I should just stop with the whole men thing" she said shrugging.

"And what? Stay lonely for the rest of your life, Britt you can't do that" I objected after sipping from my own drink.

"S, for a girl with your preferences you really have an odd mind. You think that just because I choose not to date_men_that I'm done with love? Who would've expected to hear that from you of all people?" Brittany asked with a raised brow at me. Joe snorted.

"So what, you're going to try your luck with women or what?" Joe asked.

"Maybe, I don't know. I mean, Santana's a great kisser so maybe that counts for all girls, or what?" she asked Joe with utter seriousness. I sunk down in my chair and felt like disappearing as I feebly tried to scold Britt, but no sound left my mouth. I just got completely flushed and looked up at Joe.

"Wait, so you two…" he asked and smirked at me.

"She was drunk and hurt, it didn't mean anything" I assured him, even if I totally lied about that_didn't mean anything_part, because on my part, it totally did! I looked over at Brittany who was biting her lip as if she wanted to protest. She didn't want to, did she?

"I-It meant something to me" Brittany finally said, making me choke on my drink and my heart increase its rate rapidly.

"W-what?" I spluttered and looked at her with wide eyes.

"Nothing… It's just, it did mean something. We kissed and we got over it and we're still kind of besties, and that means a lot, that we're such good friends and that we don't let it affect us and-" she quieted and pursed her lips, looking down.

"Well, yeah. You're right" I said and sipped from my drink to avoid having to address the subject any further. It was embarrassing enough as it was and my cheeks were burning. I was pretty sure that the color of them matched that of the grenadine Joe had put in my drink earlier.

"Okay, so you're not straight?" Joe asked Brittany and I gaped at him, wishing that I had the height and arms length to forcefully flick his forehead. I settled for letting my fisted hand slam discretely and forcefully onto his hand. He winced and jerked back his hand, looking at me. I hate him, I absolutely hate him.

"No" Brittany said as if it was the plainest thing ever. "I like people" she added and took a large gulp of her drink. I looked at her without shame. Well at least that mystery was solved now.

* * *

Let's just say that I looked like a person who had decided to throw herself in a pool fully clothed when I finally got home. The rain had stopped for a few short minutes and then the skies seem to crash like when breaking a dam. Well other than the fact that that totally sucked balls I was pretty damn happy. Brittany wanted to date girls. Now I could really use a sign that said "_Available Lesbian this way_!" Whatever. Maybe operation GBPtFFSL might not be such a bad idea anyway, or what? Well yeah, it was still a horrible idea, because like any time I thought of trying to woo her I got this picture of a Brittany with a freaking family, and yeah, she'd want that sometime. Wait, why was I thinking that far out? Couldn't I just think about right now? Take things one step at a time? I had no idea where this was supposed to go, but I was damn well going to try. If ten years from now we were together and she wanted a family, then she'd get a freaking family, or if she ten years from now had never gained interest in me, I'd probably still be a miserable bitch with the hots for her. Maybe all I had to do was try and ask her and then she'd either say yes or no and if no, I'd possibly be able to get on with my life.

I was halfway out the door before I chickened out and convinced myself that maybe it was better to do tomorrow, or another day… maybe like Saturday or something. Oh wait I had to go home Saturday. Yes, definitely Saturday. Okay, so sue me, I was freaking terrified that she'd turn me down, which she most likely would. Okay, I just had to work up the lady-balls to freaking ask her out.

* * *

**A/N** - Sorry for the long wait ... _' I was waiting to get it back from my angel, Liz, but she was so busy..! 3

I'm still shocked about the amount of attention it gets, thanks so much :'33

Song for this chapter - **Joe Purdy** - **I Love the Rain the Most (When it Stops)**

Youtube for the song -/watch?v=M4yEtuebDdk

Love y'all, please review :)!


	11. All or Nothing

**Chapter 11– All or Nothing**

"Tell me again why we have to drive freaking thirty miles to go to a supermarket" I huffed as I sat cramped between Brittany and the window in the back of the green car that Sam had rented. If it hadn't been for Brittany asking me to go and adding that she didn't want to spend an entire day without me – _god she was adorable and irresistible_– I would've definitely said no. But she didn't. As always when around Brittany my mouth and heart betrayed my brain and I – as always – got caught in odd situations. The rain dancing yesterday had caused a bit of a sniffle with both of us, something that Sugar felt the need to comment every few minutes when one of us sneezed or sniffled.

"We're going because it's supposedly awesome." Brittany said and wiggled closer to me. Why did she have to be so close to me all the time? I was never going to get over her if she was always all over me, funnily enough. Not that I hadn't pretty much just given up on that. I'd never get over her anyway, at least not until I knew for sure that there was zero chance.

"Isn't it just like a Wall Mart?" I asked annoyed. Brittany hummed slightly and then leaned against, causing my breath to hitch.

"Yeah, but it's in Italian" she said and forced my arm around her. My stomach fluttered and I felt myself blush as she wiggled into me, closing her eyes.

"Comfortable?" Mercedes giggled from the front seat. I growled but was silenced by Brittany's nod and approving yawn.

I looked over at Sugar, making sure that she was keeping her mouth shut. Then I turned to Mercedes again pleadingly.

"Do something" I mouthed at her. She chuckled and winked at me, puckering her mouth.

"Oh no, bitch. You did not just do that!" I growled and jerked towards Mercedes, causing Brittany to jolt but tighten her grip around me, mumbling something unintelligible as she was just about to fall asleep.

Mercedes turned on the radio and attached her own iPhone and scrolled through the song.

"Hey Britt," Mercedes said, demanding Brittany's attention. "What do you say, wanna hear a Santcedes duet?" she asked.

Brittany suddenly seemed wide awake, and also slightly disoriented as she nodded eagerly.

"What do you say, Santana?" Mercedes asked.

"Okay then, but I'll need to sit upright, so Britt-Britt, you have to use Sugar as your pillow" I said and shoved Brittany away gently.

"No, I don't want to be a pillow!" Sugar complained, but Britt threw her arms around the girl nonetheless, earning an annoyed groan and a hiss from Sugar who was helplessly stuck under the grip of her best friend.

Merccedes looked round at me with a grin before starting a song. The beat of the guitar was slow and lazy and I quickly realized which song it was, but it was too late to protest.

I nodded at Mercedes who started to sing.

"_What day is it? And in what month? This clock never seemed so alive_" she sang and gestured for me to continue.

"_I can't keep up, I can't back down, I've been losing so much time_"

"'_Cause it's you and me, and all of the people, with nothing to do, nothing to lose. 'Cause it's you and me, and all of the people and I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you_" we sang in unison. Brittany was looking at me, from her position holding Sugar, who also seemed lost in the song.

"_All of the things that I wanna say, just aren't coming out right._" I sang and I couldn't help glancing over at Brittany. Luckily she had closed her eyes, listening to the music. I caught Mercedes' eyes instead and she smiled sadly at me.

"_I'm tripping inwards, you've got my head spinning, I don't know where to go from here_" she sang and let her hand rest over Sam's. He smiled at her and let her peck his cheek.

"'_Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to prove_" we sang. By '_nothing to prove'_ I noticed that Brittany had joined us, and that Mercedes silenced. I glared but she pursed her lips smiling at me. Brittany's eyes were still closed as we sang the last part.

"'_Cause it's you and me, and all of the people, and I don't know why_" she opened her eyes and I locked them with mine, blushingly. "_I can't keep my eyes off of you_" we both silenced.

"Will you stop being so gooey please? It's making me clinically depressed" Sugar said as the middle piece began.

"Shut up" I said, still locking eyes with Brittany.

We missed the first line but I picked up on the second and again Brittany surprised me by joining in.

"_Everything she does is beautiful, everything she does is right. 'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose. 'Cause it's you and me and all of the people and I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you_" We sang, still locking eyes. It was so nice, but at the same time, it was really awkward because we had all of these people looking at us and really, it felt kind of inappropriate for us to practically sing a love song. That was followed by a deep silence where everybody was just kind of looking at us; mostly at Britt, but still. It seemed like Britt had finally gotten t processing what she had just done. She now had the same nuance in her cheeks as uncooked beef. By the temperature on my cheeks I'd say that mine were reaching boiling point. _Great_. Okay, so now would kind of be the perfect moment to lean in and just get it over with, just you know kiss the girl. But no; I settle for clearing my throat as the song finished and staring out the window.

"Wasn't this supposed to me Santcedes and not Santittany duet?" Mercedes asked with a snort.

"What's with the merged names, Jones?" I asked, but I couldn't help but notice the clear innuendo in Britt's and mine's merged name. Good one, Jones, I'll give you that much.

"I didn't think you'd mind" Brittany said the hint of a pout in her voice.

"We don't we were just wondering." Mercedes said. "Santana, you up for another? Our song?" she smirked at me.

"Sure" I said, wanting more than anything to get out of the state of utter awkwardness I had landed myself in.

"Your song?" Brittany asked, Her face still pink.

"River Deep" I said.

"Mountain High" Mercedes finished with a sly grin.

We proceeded to sing that and a lot of other songs while Brittany and the others listened intently, joining in once in a while.

I think that eventually we just got tired of singing because we fell into a silence. If the Lifehouse song had done any good it was that Brittany was now sleeping, using Sugar as a pillow. Sugar's frequents groans of protest and discomfort couldn't do anything but make me smirk. Oh sweet revenge.

It was almost eleven a.m. before we reached the large building inside which the supermarket called Carrefour was.

"Britt, girl, come on!" Sugar complained, but Britt wouldn't budge.

"Santana, please?" Sugar pleaded but I just grinned in triumph.

"Santana, don't be mean" Brittany mumbled and blindly sought me. I caught her hand and began pulling her away from Sugar. With some force I managed to get Brittany into a sitting position but then she just slumped again and fell into me. I groaned and attempted to push her off me, which didn't go too well. In the end I was forced to just open the car and pull her into the heat of the midday sun. She seemed to wake up some and actually managed to stand by herself. She still seemed a bit dizzy though, like she was drunk or something. Odd girl being odd. I didn't really mind.

"So this is what we drove an hour for?" I asked unimpressed looking at the giant box-like white building.

"Yup, now let's go!" Brittany said and pulled me with her. Okay, time was definitely coming where I had to have the '_girl either you kiss me or you keep your distance, because this is freaking torture_' talk with her. I let her pull me inside, followed by the other three. It seemed like things were starting to work between Sugar and Brittany again, I noticed. She happily chatted with Sam, not as affected by me hogging her spot by Britt as she was a few days ago.

Inside the building was about twenty stores of different sort, most were with clothes though, and a rather large supermarket, though nothing compared to wall-mart. We walked straight into the nearest clothing store, something called Terra Nova. The style was what you could call the top forty of clothes. There were some pretty hot clubbing pieces though. Brittany looked around in one end as I looked around in the other. We were quickly joined by Mercedes who explained that Sam had dragged Sugar to a book store. I did not take little miss tone-deaf elf to be a reader of anything other than tabloids and fashion magazines.

"Hey Santana; what do you think?" Brittany called. She held up a loose semi-sequined black jacket. I bet she'd look smokin' in it.

"Nice" I said. I could've slapped myself. Nice? It was totally überhot! Just… ugh.

"Nice?" Brittany asked, with a smirk in her voice. My cheeks visibly reddened.

"Well what do you want me to say? I swear you don't want to read my mind right now" I said, and just then detected that this was totally shameless flirting. Awkward.

"I thought I was the one who was to stop flirting, but looks like you have the same problem. I don't blame you though, I'm hot!" _Indeed you are…_

"Okay, enough you two. Santana, just say that the jacket is smokin' because it totally is. And Britt, honey, calm your tits please." Mercedes said. Brittany grinned at me, totally not calming down.

"Okay, your jacket is hot, and you'll look totally babe-ish in it, happy?"

"Thank you very much" she said and winked at me.

"Brittany, no flirting"

"But my board says to do so" she pouted at me. Wait, flirting… oh, right. But, it had been three days. There was no freaking way. Nobody made that much progress in such short time.

"Flirting with people you like!" I retorted with a snort.

"Who says that ain't you?" she called back before looking on. I snorted. _Yeah right._ Right… Did she? No way. Calm it, she hasn't made that much progress, it's just her having her shield. I'll talk to her later about that. The talk. God, I hated having to take that talk with her.

I realized that I was just standing there with the shirt I'd found clutched in my hand, staring at where Brittany had been last, quite aware that Mercedes was staring at me.

"Girl, just…" Mercedes said but didn't even bother to finish the sentence.

"What?" I sneered.

"Ask her out already" Mercedes sighed.

"What, no way. She's been single for like, three days. Besides, she's mending."

"Then help her mend, but stop torturing yourself, and her. Besides, it may have been only three days, but it feels like so much longer doesn't it? Did you know that she hasn't really slept since the break up?" Mercedes said quietly.

I shook my head, biting my lip. Had she been crying?

"According to Sugar she's just been sitting in bed writing or pacing her room or staring up at the sky. It's like sleep is the last thing on her mind." I looked at her, surprised, then at Brittany. She didn't really look like someone who hadn't slept for days.

"So…"

"Ask her out" Mercedes said eagerly.

"No way." I protested, crossing my arms across my chest.

"Why not?" she insisted

"She _just_ broke up with her boyfriend. Even if she thinks she likes me, I don't want to be the rebound" I hissed and started to walk away, placing the shirt I'd been holding on a random shelf and exiting the store, looking for the book-store. Mercedes didn't try to answer to that and let me walk.

I found the others pretty fast, but they were on their way out.

"Hey, where's Britt?" Sam asked. I shrugged.

"Somewhere inside that store, I think" I said with as much indifference as I could muster as I pointed back to the store over my shoulder.

"Did you fight?" Sugar asked, peeking past Santana into the store.

"No, why did you assume that?" I asked, totally forgetting that I didn't like her.

"Because you two are practically glued together by the hip" Sam said.

"Or the mouth" Sugar snorted.

"Watch it, Motta" I warned her, scowling.

"So, didn't we come here to go in there?" I asked and tilted my head towards the large supermarket.

"Yeah. Hey hot mommas! How about you hurry up?!" Sugar hollered into the store. I turned my head enough to see Mercedes and Brittany wave and nod. I tracked Brittany with my eyes as she paid for the jacket and walked out with her arm around Mercedes, telling a story involving something about hats and ducks, whatever the hell that meant.

"Can we just get this over with?" I asked when they joined us.

"I don't know why we brought you, you're such a bore" Sugar told me. I growled at her, but then Brittany's arm was around me and I melted. Her touch alone could pretty much get me from bitch town express to just shutting up and breathing in the flowery scent of Brittany.

"She's not a bore, she's just being grumpy" Brittany said and pulled me with her. I smiled sheepishly up at her.

"Sorry if I'm being too cranky. I just have a lot on my mind…" I apologized quietly so that only Brittany could hear me, as we walked with her hugging me from behind. She chuckled.

"What can possibly make you so cranky?" she asked.

"Nothing." _not when you're around…_ That's just the problem, isn't it? I'm so damn dependent on her. Addict; yup I'm a total Brittany addict.

"Oh come on, you can tell me" Brittany pushed as we walked through the entrance to the store. I barely noticed how much it looked like any other supermarket.

"I don't want to talk about it. Not now at least" I retorted and tried to pry her away. She let go and looked at me like I had stung her. "Look, can we talk about it later, when we're like alone or something?" I added in a hushed voice.

"Mm… sure" she said, though not as enthusiastically, but I think that was out of respect to my mood, because it was clearly something that bothered me. Well of course _it_ bothered me, but she, the cause of it, never could. Just then I felt a tickle in my nostrils and turned away to sneeze.

"Bless you" Brittany said.

"Thanks" I said and sniffled slightly.

"You know, this is all your fault" I said with raised brows.

"What?" she asked, looking confused.

"You gave me a cold" I said.

"I can't give you a cold, I still have mine" she said and scrunched her nose slightly.

"Dork" I said and nudged her. She lit up and smiled goofily before pulling me with her.

* * *

Sam was being a total man and carrying four overloaded bags filled with food and toilet paper and soda and also a small bottle of vodka since Brittany had so elegantly chugged down half of the Bacardi bottle. I was so glad that I had Brittany to provide some comic relief to the shopping by making up stories about the pastas affair with the meat and how jealous the sour patch kid house aka broccoli got. I was grunting with laughter at her stories and the more we laughed the better her comedy became. She was definitely confident, but in another way than when she was just flirty. Her confidence came from knowing that she could affect people by making them laugh their asses off.

"Oh my god, you have to rap Britt!" Sugar exclaimed when Brittany was done arguing with Sam about why the broccoli had to be next to the straws and not next to the meat. I was giggling by her side all the time.

"No way" Brittany said and blushed slightly. "Not up for that yet. I've had no practice in years" she said as I started the car. Sam had requested a nap and I gladly offered to drive if that meant that I wouldn't have to sit so close to Britt. Mercedes helped me this time and took the passenger's seat, to both Britt and Sam's dismay.

"Then can we at least sing our song?" Sam pleaded.

"God no! No country!" Mercedes said and chuckled.

"Your song?" I asked, silently agreeing about the 'no country'.

"Backwards. We used to sing it all the time. River Deep Mountain High is your song, Backwards is ours"

"I don't have that" I said.

"That's okay, we don't need it" Sam said.

"Sugar, Britt, you ready?" Both girls giggled and nodded.

"_I was sitting on a bar stool, in a barbeque joint, in Tennessee._" He sang, and I had to admit, he had a bit of country behind those guppy lips.

"_When this ole boy walked in and sat right down next to me_" Sugar sang. It wasn't great, but it wasn't horrible either.

"_I could tell he'd been through some hard times, there were tearstains on his old shirt_" Brittany sang. I looked at her in the rearview mirror, but she was focused on the three-way stare the three friends in the backseat were doing.

"_And he said you wanna know what you get, when you play a country song backwards?_" They all sang silently.

"_You get your house back! You get your dog back!_" Sam sang and Brittany and Sugar continued, pointing at Sam.

"_You get your best friend Sam back, you get your truck back, you get your hair back_" Brittany ruffled Sam's poufy mane.

"_You get your first and second wives back_" Sam sang and pointed to Brittany first and then to Sugar. Both gasped theatrically.

"_Your front porch swing, your pretty little thing_" Sam and Brittany sang to Sugar and both poked her. She continued.

"_Your bling, bling, bling and a diamond ring_" she sang and pointed to the three rings on her left hand in turn.

"_You get tour farm and the barn and the boat and the chain_" they old sang.

"_First night in jail with Blaine_" Sam sang.

"Blaine was in jail?" I gasped, interrupting their song.

"Shh, you're breaking the chain!" Brittany scolded. Sam counted to three and they continued.

"_It sounds a little crazy, a little scattered and absurd, but that's what you get when you play a country song backwards!_" they sang in unison, doing the crazy move and some odd three-way handshake.

"_Well I never heard it said quite like that!_" Sam sang impressively.

"_It hit me in the face_" Brittany sang and Sugar swatted her temple gently. "_'cause that's where I'm at_" she sang along and flicked Sugar off.

"_I almost fell flat out on the floor_" Sugar sang and pretended to faint, the back of her hand over her forehead before shooting up with the others.

"_He said -wait a minute that's not all there's even more-_" they all sang. I couldn't help but laugh at their silliness. Until now I'd had a very hard time imagining them all together as teenagers, but now it was clear as a bell what they'd found in each other.

"_You get your mind back and your nerves back_" Brittany sang and jerked her head mechanically and jolted.

"_your first heart attack back_" she sang and clutched her heart. I wondered if by first heart attack, she meant Kiehl.

"_You get your pride back_" Sugar said and kicked her legs a bit.

"_You get your life back_" Sam sang. Brittany and Sugar both stopped for a second, as if what he had sung wasn't his. He then nudged Brittany and she flushed wildly, shaking her head. Sam sighed and then leaned over to press his lips against Mercedes' cheek.

"_You get your first real love back_"

"_You get your big screen TV, a DVD and a washing machine_" Sugar said with a smug smile.

"_You get the pond and the lawn, the bail and the mower_" Brittany sang.

"_You go back where you don't know her_"

"_It sounds a little crazy, a little scattered and absurd, but that's what you get when you play a country song backwards!_"

They grinned at each other.

"Tired of us?" Brittany asked. _Never_

"Nah, it's okay. Just hurry up and get done with it" I said and smiled in the rear-view mirror at her. She grinned.

"_We sat there and shot the bull about how it would be, if we could turn it all around and change this_…" Sam sang.

"_C_" Brittany said.

"_R"_ Sugar giggled.

"_A_" Sam said.

"_P_" they all hollered and did a build up by tapping their knees simultaneously in an increasing beat.

"_You get your house back, you get your dog back you get your best friend Sam back_" Brittany and sugar sang. "_You get your truck back, you get your hair back_"

"_You get your first and second wives back_" Sam interjected.

"_Your front porch swing, your pretty little thing, your bling, bling, bling and a diamond ring._" Sugar sang with joy.

"_You get your farm and the barn and the boat and chain, first night in jail with Blaine_"

"Okay, what is it with Blaine?" I asked, not able to hold back any longer. "Has he been to jail or what?"

"We were actually, his dad and he built a car back in freshman year and he took a drive without a license, because he was so pissed at his brother. That's where I met him, I was picked up by the popo for working at a strip club to pay the bills at home" Sam said and chuckled.

"Oh I have a good weapon against him now" I said and smirked.

"You were a stripper?" Mercedes asked, sounding highly disapproving.

"Um yeah… I was a good one though. Forty bucks an hour baby" he said and grinned.

"Ugh…" she said and turned in her seat. Guess that song was over now. I couldn't help but grin at the information on both Sam and Blaine. I wondered shortly if Kurt had any idea of this piece of information. I'd have to talk to Blaine about that. Great, now I had a reason to visit the two pretty ponies.

I drove silently while Brittany and Sugar had what seemed like endless thumb wars, most of which Brittany won, because her fingers were noticeably longer than Sugars. _Speaking about fingers_. Oh god, I'd really have to get me some soon, this was getting unbearable. But I didn't really feel like any pants parties any time soon. Not unless it was her… Nope, not even then, because if it was _her_ then it wouldn't just be getting off. It would be so much more. Wait, why was I even thinking this? Ugh, so wrong.

* * *

Mercedes and Sam tried endlessly to get me to join them for dinner, but I didn't really feel like it. We'd eaten at McDonalds – the only place where any food was served – for lunch, and I'd really gotten the urge to run that off. It wasn't like I was a health or weight freak, I just really hated the heavy full feel of fast food, even if I liked the taste. I was surprised at how Brittany didn't say a word. She just shrugged, letting me make my own decision, while tugging at Sugar as if she was eager to talk to her.

"See you later, Satan!" Mercedes' called after me.

"Yeah right, Diva Jones" I called back and stuck out my tongue at her, walking away. I missed Brittany's goodbye hug, but didn't ask for it. It seemed like she had finally taken the 'distance' thing on my list seriously. It seemed like she'd almost forgotten that one, though.

"What is wrong with you?" I heard Sugar hiss at Brittany who was staring at the ground sheepishly, when I looked back.

"Stop it Sugar" Mercedes said and put her arms around Brittany, walking away with her.

I walked on in the other direction, still somewhat down that Brittany hadn't wanted to tell me goodbye. Back at my apartment, I'd meant to change for a run, but I only got to the couch before collapsing, suddenly exhausted. This was going so bad. It had almost seemed like Britt and I were going somewhere with this. She'd seemed so open about herself, but differently than before and now she was trying to get me to get over her? It seemed that way, anyhow. I groaned and buried my head in one of the couch cushion. She was so hard to read, way too hard. Why couldn't she just say it like it was? Why couldn't I? It was like fate had brought together the two biggest cowards when it came to this. At least, I was a freaking coward. I had no idea what this – me and Britt – was. It wasn't a normal friendship, not at all. Normal friends don't suggest dating each other, they aren't that clingy and they definitely don't kiss. Not in our age anyway. Had I been fifteen or sixteen I might've excused it for hazing or experimenting. But I wasn't experimenting, and neither was she. I know that just because two girls are into girls, it doesn't mean they're into each other, but I was into her. I could've sworn that she was into me too.

* * *

"_I've really wanted to kiss you" Britt's echo sounded in my head as I sat on the cliff, looking at the ocean waves. Flashes of gold seemed find their way onto the surface of the dark waves and then disappear, like the sun hidden by a cloud. I sighed. "I should've stopped" her voice said. I looked around for her, but everywhere I looked there was desert or water. It was like black and white, nothing in between. All or nothing. Water was a nothing, just a big blue nothing where nothing could be built, and the desert was nothing. No life could live and no place to hide from the burning._

_My choices seemed so few. I just kept sitting on the tiny spot where the grass grew, knowing that I should either jump or leave. Leap of faith? "Ugh, don't make me say it" her voice pleaded. I looked to the sky, but found none. It was just all white, without any nuances or sighting or sun or stars. Where was she? Her voice must've come from somewhere. I held a hand to my heart and felt it flutter. She was here. She wasn't here in her physical form, but where I was, so was she._

_"I just wanted you" where did these words come from? My heart? Had she said them? Wishful thinking, right? "I didn't want to cheat on my boyfriend" I felt my breath hitch._

_In the waves her reflection appeared above mine. I spun and saw her, clad in her bikini, the straps of the top hanging down her arm. Her face was swollen and red and her eyes were bloodshot as the tears fell from her eyes. I wanted to get up, wanted to hold her, to keep her safe. I felt the gravity force me towards the sea, but I didn't want to. I wanted to stay here on this small green piece of earth where roses circled me and the dew lay as beads on the earth._

"_Help me" I said. She smiled through her tears and tried to speak. Not a word came, but instead she leaned down and took my hand in hers, pulling me up. Gravity was no longer a problem. I remembered now, remembered her words, where she'd said them. But why? I let my fingers skate upwards to her cheeks, wiping the tears from her, as she smiled down at me._

_"I just wanted you" she whispered gently. I felt a shiver run through my every limb as my heart fluttered. She leaned towards me cupping my cheek, but then she stopped. I felt walls closing in around me, wooden doors forcing Brittany away from me. I was trapped inside a freaking closet. I really did have the most imaginative mind ever. Wow, closeting me in its most literal sense. Are you freaking kidding me? Couldn't I just be with her?_

_I felt gravity pull me down but I couldn't see anything except the inside of my closet. I felt as the water hit the wood and it streamed through the holes. I was drowning in the big blue nothing. But it wasn't a big blue nothing, I remembered. It was filled with life, with sharks and dolphins and clownfish and stingrays, with penguins and sea lions. It was life. How ironic, life was drowning me._

A buzz woke me up from the otherwise both beautiful and terrifying dream. I looked around, wondering if it had been the door, but from what I could see from the kitchen window there wasn't anyone there. I felt around and got a hold of my phone. The screen was on and told me that I'd received a message from Kurt. I groaned and opened it.

_How's the magical girl of yours? You never told me how things went. Did you swoon her? – Kurt_

"Ugh, great timing Hummel" I said and didn't answer. He could wait. I guess if Brittany wanted me to get over her, then I'd better find that half heartedly written five-step program of mine. Lifting myself from the couch I dragged my feet into the bedroom, flopping down on the bed unenthusiastically. I could barely remember what the page said. With my body sprawled across the bed I stretched towards the nightstand and opened the top drawer. It was empty with the exception of a pack of gums. I frowned but then opened the bottom drawer. That was completely empty. The other dresser then. With some difficulty I managed to turn around and dig into the other nightstand. Both drawers were empty. I was sure that I had laid it in here. I let my head dangle close to the ground and lifted the sheets to look under the bed. It was empty, except for a single spider. Ew. Groaning, I got into a sitting position, driving my hand through my hair. Where did I put that thing? I remember sitting in bed and writing it and I was sure that I had put it in one of the drawers. I couldn't have had it any other place. Whatever, it was useless anyway. But I had to get over her though, I had to. Hadn't I? God, it was so frustrating. _Okay, time to confront_ I thought decisively. All or nothing. Water or desert. _"I just wanted you"_… Ugh, she was so confusing. She had said it though. She had! We were sitting right here in this bed when she'd said it. Right here. Why hadn't I noticed it until now? _All or nothing_.

With firm steps I walked into the living room and grabbed my phone, finding Britt's number and texting her.

_Can we meet tonight? I need to talk to you_ – S

I sighed and flopped onto the couch, reaching to take the book I'd been reading. I tried to focus on the story, but my head was clouded. My phone buzzed and I grabbed it as if my life depended on it

_Sure, I have something I want to show you actually, come over at nine?_ – Britt-Britt

I smiled slightly – I just couldn't help it – and answered.

_Will do, have fun at dinner_ – S

I'd better get some food then, it was already 7 p.m. I figured that I might as well just take some fruit and a bit of yogurt, it being the only thing I could make that didn't involve knives. I avoided that particular instrument feeling my nerves surface suddenly. This was it.

_It's really boring actually, I miss you_ – Britt-Britt

I felt my heart swell at that. Wait… Why did she miss me? She hadn't even bothered to say goodbye to me. This was getting so difficult to figure out.

_2 more hours, then you'll see me ;)_ – S

I knew the text was kind of daring on a non-wanky basis but I had to figure her out somewhere.

_Sorry I didn't say goodbye, can I have cuddles tonight? I miss my bunk buddy_ – Britt-Britt

I grinned, couldn't help it. Not totally shutting me out it seemed. I should be so mad at her for sending me so many mixed signals, but I just couldn't. I couldn't help the flutter in my heart at her asking me to sleep over tonight.

_Sure, I need someone to keep away my nightmares_ – S

That was something I'd noticed recently. The only days down-here where I hadn't had nightmares were when I was with Britt. I slept without nightmares and she was the reason, I was sure of it.

_Aw, you're cute. I'll ditch them early; meet me at half past eight instead!_ – Britt-Britt

What was I supposed to gather from that? Cute? Okay, once and for all I need to freaking know.

_Do you wanna go out sometime?_

I deleted it before I got a chance to send it and wrote something else instead. I wanted to look her in the eye when I asked her.

_Can't wait_ – S

* * *

"Britt" I said breathlessly and smiled at her. She was smiling timidly at me but made no move to hug me. Daringly I stepped forwards and let my arms curl around her. I heard her let out a sigh of relief and she fell into me. I giggled slightly.

"Why are you being so odd, Britt?" I asked with a chuckle, patting her back smilingly.

"I'm not being odd" she said pouting. I released her and gave her a reassuring look. She looked slightly befuddled and out of place, but also happy.

"So, what was it you wanted to show me?" I asked, feeling slightly awkward, just standing in the door like I was.

"This way" she said and dragged me to her bedroom. I watched as she dug into her nightstand and retrieved an A4 size black notebook.

"So you can't read the contents, but I will kind of show you how much I've written" she said and looked at me. I nodded and looked as she opened the first page. It said "Book of Love"

"My mother is a big Peter Gabriel fan…" Britt said to explain the name. I smiled at her. She then grabbed the pages at once and started flipping them so fast that all I noticed was that every page was overwritten and filled with colors, and it seemed like she had used her glitter pens. She hadn't written the entire book, only about half of it, but it was still so much progress

"What do you think?" she asked when she closed it.

"That it's amazing, that you're amazing" I said without thinking. She lit up and smiled, her cheeks tinting red. Why was she doing this to me, I was supposed to be mad at her. Wasn't I?

"Look" she said and spun me around and locked her arms around my waist. I noticed three major changes on the board. The first was a great big heart drawn with red magic marker instead of a checkmark in the box for "_No flirting_" the second the fourth corner which had been decorated with a dolphin and the third was a green checkmark in the box for "_No dating guys for a while_"

"Britt, you can't check that box, it's not been a while" I protested but she merely giggled.

"Did you forget what I said in the bar? I don't want to date guys right now." She said and smiled.

"Oh really?" I asked. "What happens when you do fall for one?" I dared, forgetting my purpose of meeting up with her. That frequently happened whenever she hugged me. I felt myself lean into her touch.

"I won't fall for a guy" she said but the way she said it made me think that she was about to add something.

"Britt, I need to talk to you about something" I said, prying her arms off me, turning to look her in the eyes.

"Just wait a second" she said and walked to her closet. She opened it and drew out her computer. As she dragged out the black Acer a piece of paper floated out and skidded across the floor, landing front side up halfway under the bed. My heart skipped from my ribcage to my throat. I recognized the page. With almost dreamlike steps and a focused gaze on the page I walked towards it and picked it up.

**_Five steps to getting over Brittany Susan Pierce_**

_1. Distance (It's her holiday with her friends, not your romantic get-away)_

_2. Emotional distance (So this is where I'll miserably fail)_

_3. No cuddles/handholding at all (No can do. Pinky-link is okay, I guess)_

_4. No nicknames (Britt-Britt and Britt are the only ones allowed!)_

_5. Love her without falling for her (GIVING UP HERE!)_

**_Five steps to getting Brittany Susan Pierce to fall for you_**

_1. Closeness_

_2. Open up to her – tell her secrets (not embarrassing ones like the summer surgery and stuff)_

_3. Get nicknames like 'sweetie' and 'honey' woven into daily conversations_

_4. Discreet flirting – compliments and jokes and stuff_

_5. Fall in love with her and confess_

I looked at it, my face turning bright red as I bit down on my lips hard. Why did she have it? I felt how my lips trembled in the vice grip my teeth had on it. I didn't dare look her in the eyes. I felt like running. But I didn't know where to run. I had run here to run away and now I was trapped again. I couldn't breathe, I wanted to run; but where? I suppose I could just always move to Tribeca and just live there with 40 cats and a male stripper for a roomie. I looked over at her feet, still planted where I last saw her standing. Careful not to do any motions towards her, I followed the direction of the wall towards the door, feeling tears sting in my eyes as they misted over. Say goodbye to that chance. She knew now. It wasn't like when she knew that I had fallen for her or that I was a lesbian. It was her knowing that I wasn't even wholeheartedly trying to get over her. I had tried to lure her in a trap, get her to fall for me when I had no right. I had no right what so ever to try and win her over. She was still mending, still hurting. I reached the door that led to the living room when her fingers closed around my wrist. It burned. I shook my head, not wanting her to see my embarrassment.

"I liked the 2nd list the best" she said, and the words were the most gentle ones I'd ever heard her utter, and it was as if it was another person talking, another Brittany.

* * *

**A/N** - Sorry for the long wait! I still want a few chapters for ya while I'm in USA, and so I couldn't give you this before I finished chapter 14...! And I had a minor setback called writer's block! Also, I'm back at school which means that I can't really write there and I have a lot of homework. So expect it to take longer between updates!

Songs used in this chapter

Backwards - Rascal Flatts **/watch?v=XDyqN16x30A**

You and me - Lifehouse** /watch?v=rzJikUFVxes**

**The song for this chapter is also You and Me by Lifehouse.**

Also - my first cliffhanger 8D! I promise, I'll update as soon as I can! Love y'all please review :)!


	12. Limbo

**Chapter 12 - Limbo**

"Sit" I said, the only thing I managed to say. I had been standing there staring at the ground for what seemed like hours. I felt Brittany tug at my hand, but I didn't move. She then let go and I let my arm fall limply at my side, trying desperately to gather my thoughts. There was a soft thump which told me that she had sat down on the bed. I dared to look around, my previous tears frozen by mere shock. I let a hand wipe across my cheeks and then through my hair while I pinched at the bridge of my nose with the other. My breathing was unusually steady and didn't seem to have any connection to my heart, which was still hammering away in my throat. At least that's what it felt like. I didn't look at her, trying to collect my thoughts somehow. I started pacing from the door between the bedroom and the living room to the door that led to the balcony.

Back and forth.

"Will you please say something?" Brittany pleaded. I felt her gaze on me but my thoughts were such a mess. I couldn't concentrate. I was mad at her but at the same time I'd never felt happier. She had said it, right? She had really said it? I wasn't dreaming right? I pinched the bridge of my nose hard. Ouch, no I was awake. She had really said it. I stopped abruptly and felt like laughing out. She liked me. She hadn't said it out loud, but she did. I was so sure, she liked me. Of course. How did I not see it before? But I had to know for sure, I wanted her to admit it. I wanted to know for sure. She at least owed me that.

"Explain" I choked out and stopped, still not looking at her. I don't know why I didn't, but I was so afraid that she'd be gone and that there'd be another in her place, that I was being Punk'd or something. More than anything I needed her to have said it and have meant it.

"I-I don't like the first five-step plan. I don't …" she stopped. "I'm so selfish" she mumbled.

"No you're not, just explain." I said. The need to comfort her, to assure her about herself and the angelic, incredible, amazing person she was had almost become an instinct.

"I don't want you to get over me" she said quietly. My head snapped up, and I stared at her. She was sitting on the edge of the bed hugging her knees. She looked at me, and I melted. Every emotion was evident in her eyes and the tears that streamed down her face.

"No?" I asked. She shook her head.

"Why? I don't want to go around waiting for that tiny microscopic chance that you might-"

"I do though" she cut me off, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Do what?" I asked a bit too harshly. She cringed and hugged her knees tighter.

"You said that there is only a tiny chance that I might like you back. Like, _like you_ like you but-" she said.

"There is"

"No, there's no chance that-"

"What?"

"Stop interrupting me" she complained. I felt like crying again. "There's _no_chance that I would ever _not_like you." I felt how my heart skipped several beats. "I don't get how you could ever think that I didn't like you. I don't kiss people I've just met for nothing. I still remember you from that one trip to Chicago; I remember everything about you. I tried to find you but I never could. I already told you that I wanted to kiss you and that I wanted you." She said, standing up. I backed away slightly as she walked towards me slowly, carefully.

"But you had a boyfriend" I choked out. "And you said it yourself, it's your mask"

"With you it wasn't. And screw Nate. I broke it off with him because of you. I couldn't stand the guilt of wanting to be near you as much as I did when I had him. I didn't want to hurt him, it wouldn't be right" she said. I felt my breath hitch as she reached out and let her fingers ghost across my cheek.

"I don't want to be your rebound" I said shakily. I didn't. I really didn't want that.

"You won't be. You teach me about love every day" she cupped my cheek.

"L-Love?"

"Strong word, sorry, not ready for that yet... But you taught me so much about love, and how love can be. All that stuff I wrote, you helped me write it." I was frozen, like a statue or something, when I felt her nose bump against mine, still not breaking eye-contact.

"I… I… Can I have like a second or something to process this?" I asked, happy that I'd finally regained the power of speech. She moved back slowly, nodding, taking my hand and dragging me to the end of the bed. I sat down on it beside her, glad that she wasn't so close to me, but still right beside me. It was all that I'd wanted ever since I met her. Why was I being such a scaredy cat about it? I looked over at her.

"You're not kidding, are you?" I asked. She shook her head and daringly took my hand. I let her, wanting her close. I looked down at her hands silently as she spread my fingers and replaced the air between them with my own; a perfect fit. As she gently locked her hand around mine, I felt my own do the same. I felt like a kid again, like my first love. I gulped and looked at her. She was smiling at me, and I felt as if her expression mirrored my every emotion. Fear, joy, exhilaration, nervousness, luck.

"What now?" she asked.

"I… I don't know." I said. I wanted so bad to lean in and kiss her. I realized only now how much I missed the taste of her lips and ached to feel her again. But something in me was hesitant.

"Are you sure that you're ready for this…for us?" I asked.

"No… I just know that this" she took my other hand and led it to her chest. She rested my hand between her own and the skin above her heart. I gasped at the racing sensation under my palm. "That's you" she said. It took everything not to kiss her. Instead I took our twined hands and mirrored her motion, with her hand above my heart, beneath my hand. She let out a shaky breath.

"You" I whispered and she got the hint.

"C-can … Can I kiss you?" she asked, scooting closer until the distance was eliminated.

"No" I said.

"No?" she said in confusion, her expression hurt.

"Britt, don't get me wrong, there's nothing I want more than to kiss you, but I don't want to put my heart at risk. When you're sure, then you can kiss me. Not until then. It doesn't mean that I like you any less, it just means that I don't want to confuse you any more than you already are" I said, leaning forwards and resting my forehead against hers.

"Why are you so damn smart?" she asked. I felt a giggle bubble in my throat.

"I'm not any smarter than you" I said, nuzzling my nose against hers.

"Yes you are" she said. I glanced warningly at her and she just giggled at me.

"But, just to remind you what you'll miss out on if you decide that you don't want this" I said and wiggled my body slightly. Her eyes widened expectantly and I smiled as I closed the distance between our lips for the shorter of a second.

"Okay, that can hardly count as a kiss" she complained. I grinned and smiled. Just when she looked like she was about to give up the staring competition I leaned forwards again and pressed my lips hard against hers for almost two seconds. It was so hard not to let her kiss me back, but I just needed this, I needed for her to know that I still liked her. I did, I liked her so much. More than what seemed natural in so little time. She tried to follow me as I pulled away but I giggled and moved my lips out of reach.

"When you're ready" I said. She whined and pressed her face into my neck unashamedly breathing in deeply, taking in my scent. I giggled and let my fingers tangle in her hair.

"Who says I'm not ready now?" she asked into my neck.

"Do you seriously think that yourself?" I asked with unmasked doubt.

"No… I still need to write one thing in my book and I need to be sure. Not about you, but be sure that I can do this, open myself to someone. To you" she said. I hummed slightly in approval of her words.

"I'm really tired" she said suddenly, and felt heavier against my shoulder.

"It's not even nine yet"

"I haven't slept for days." She said. I remembered what Mercedes had said.

"Why not?"

"I thought if I used every hour in a day thinking then I'd reach the solution faster and maybe I'd be ready before we went home" she said.

"You're adorable" I said bluntly. She giggled.

"Come on then. I promised you a cuddle didn't I?" I said and tried to stand up with our hands still clasped together and her leaning on me. She moved her hands a bit in my grip and twined our fingers as she let me pull her to her feet.

"Do you think I could borrow your Giraffe shorts again?" I asked timidly. I hadn't bothered to bring pajamas because I thought she would turn me down.

"Sure, they look really cute on you" she said and made me blush slightly. She released one of my hands to drag me to the closet opening it and getting me the shorts.

"Oh and here" she said and handed me a shirt. It was my shark print shirt. She'd borrowed it a few days back.

"Thanks" I said. I released her other hand to go change in the bathroom but she grabbed my arm again, tugging me back.

"Britt, I'm not gonna change in front of you" I said.

"Ugh, you're such a pain" she complained and let me go.

"I know" I sang and walked out.

The minute I closed the door to the bathroom, I heard myself let out a loud laugh of relief. I felt like I had been holding my breath all along. It was unbelievable, indescribable, and incredible. How did I ever get so lucky? I felt like laughing endlessly, like I had gotten superpowers or something. If I had to I could run for miles on this knowledge. I had to control myself to keep from jumping around like some lunatic crack head.

"Are you okay?" there was a knock on the door.

"Y-yeah…" I giggled and hurried out of my jean shorts and top, changing into the giraffe shorts and the shark shirt. They matched oddly well. I opened the door and couldn't help the goofy smile that had taken over my face. She grinned back at me.

"Happy much?" she asked.

"You have no idea" I breathed and wrapped my arms around her, feeling her warmth as much as possible when not allowing myself to do more than that. I kept reminding myself that she just needed some time. I felt her arms tighten around me.

"Hey guys!" Sugar called and we shot apart, both blushing. Why though? It wasn't as if we were being more touchy feely than normally. "I'm ho- oh…" Sugar stopped dead and looked at us. "You sleeping over?" she asked me. I nodded.

"Don't be too loud"

"I'm gonna kill you in your sleep one day, Sugar" I growled as she walked between us and into her room, shutting the door in our faces. Well thank you. She opened the door shortly again and searched our faces, but seemed to find nothing because she shut it again.

"Come on" Britt said and took my hand pulling me into the bedroom. I felt my heart increase its pace again as I realized that this time we'd be falling asleep together as equals in whatever this was. I knew what it meant when she would smile at me or when she held me. It made me calm and scared at the same time. Without a sound she pulled the sheets to a side on the left side of the bed and crawled in, scooting to the middle of the bed. I smiled and crawled into the bed, wiggling closer until we lay as close as possible without any physical contact. Tryingly I let my arm reach out and let my hand rest on her cheek. She lifted her head into the touch humming weakly, scooting closer making our knees bump together. I grinned slightly and snaked my arm around her waist and tugged her closer. She did the same and held me there. I didn't know that you could feel so happy and so calm at the same time. It seemed unreal. I let my body curl into hers and rested my head by the crook of her neck.

"This is nice…" she mumbled into my hair. I nodded and smiled. It really was.

* * *

I woke feeling warm and content and not really as clammy as I probably should've felt when lying so close to her in this warmth. I didn't open my eyes, just felt her around me. Her arms were around my back and traced little circled onto the fabric. She was definitely awake. I felt her steady breathing as her torso pressed against mine rhythmically. I swore that I could hear her heart, or maybe it was my own. I don't know, maybe both of ours? But I felt her under my hands and realized that my hands had somehow found their way onto bare skin. Her shirt had either ridden up or I had actually moved it myself. Okay, I definitely did that because my hands were resting under the fabric just below her shoulder blades. I didn't know if I was allowed to do that or not, but I could always excuse my actions because I was sleeping.

"Hey" I whispered into her neck, suddenly aware of how close my lips were to her neck. I couldn't resist this time. I leaned forwards a bit and let my lips ghost over the pale skin. She shuddered and giggled.

"I thought kissing wasn't allowed" she whispered.

"Mm…Stupid rule" I mumbled, knowing very well that I had made it up myself.

"San, it's a good rule" she said and let her hands rub down my back gently.

"You don't want to kiss me?" I asked in false hurt.

"Don't be silly, of course I do. But I still have to figure out what I'm gonna do with this whole 'us' situation and if you kiss me I can't really think" she said and nuzzled her nose against my hair. I nodded and sighed.

"Just figure something out soon, please. I'm kind of going crazy." I said and blushed.

"Hah! I knew it!" The door sprung open and both me and Britt shot apart and sat up straight. What the hell? _Oh wait, I knew that voice_. I glared at the door where Sugar stood smiling half exhilarated, half sheepish. "Sorry, Asbergers" she added.

"Sugar!" Brittany hissed and sat up.

"I just wanted to know, okay? I'm just so happy for you guys!" she said and jumped onto the bed, face palming it and turning around. Suddenly I felt like the girl who'd started dating a mother with Sugar being the annoying three-year-old with too big ears for her own good. I groaned and got out of bed, ignoring Sugar completely.

"Sugar, I love you, you know that but keep your nose to yourself girl" Brittany said and tapped Sugars nose before getting out of bed and walking towards me.

"But you are together right?" Sugar asked and sat up cross-legged.

"No" Brittany said hesitantly.

"And even if we were it wouldn't be any of your damn business" I added.

"But you were just talking about getting your mack on. Oh my god, you're doing that friends with benefit thing aren't you? Brittany! Don't do that to the poor girl, she's totally cray cray about you!" Sugar scolded.

"Sugar, we're not doing anything! I need to get my life together first"

"Can't she just help you with that?" Sugar asked. "Wait, you told her that you liked her?" Sugar added.

"Yeah, last night. But you really need to keep out of this, Sugar. You're not making it any easier for me to figure things out" Brittany pleaded.

"I get it. But seriously, how much can there be to figure out? She's hot, Latina, and totes cray about you, and seriously if I was gay I'd tap that" she said and gave me a smirk.

"I'd never in a million years let you, Motta" I said and huffed, crossing my arms across my chest. She was such a pain. _No more sleepovers here_ I thought to myself. Girl's listening through the door.

"Whatever," Sugar said and got out of the bed. "But please say when I need to buy earplugs" Brittany let out a laugh and threw her Brittany mammoth at Sugar who squealed and hurried out the room, shutting the door.

"Well that wasn't awkward at all" I said sarcastically walking towards her.

"Good morning-hug?" she asked. I grinned and nodded, stepping close to her and wrapping my arms around her.

"Morning…"I said and smiled, snuggling into her hair. She chuckled and sighed contently. I couldn't think of any other place to be than right here. It was so odd though.

"You're hungry" she stated when my stomach growled. I growled back at it, not wanting to go away.

"Not really" I said. Britt just giggled and released me, walking out the door into the living room. I walked after her.

"What do you want for breakfast?" she asked smilingly. I was so close to just saying "_you_" but then again the more I let her think, the faster she'd hopefully come to the conclusion that she wanted to be with me. I settled for leaning against the wall and answering.

"Whatever you're having"

"Scrambled eggs it is!" she declared and held up the spatula.

* * *

I must say that except for Mercedes asking about the sudden return of closeness to which I said nothing and a few almost kisses, Britt and I were pretty good at that 'holding back' stuff. We'd spent most of the day by the pool, chilling and playing ball with Sam while Sugar and Mercedes napped on the grass. I _accidentally_woke Sugar by splashing half the pool onto her. Woops, totally not my fault.

I was sitting on the edge of the pool casually trying to splash water on Trouty Mouth, discreetly letting my fingers ghost over Brittany's. Sugar and Mercedes had gone into town to shop but both Britt and I were in the mood for just being by the pool.

"Santana, you're coming with us to the Spaghetti party tonight right? I managed to score us some tickets from our neighbors. They're for five people and in Venice today so I asked if we could have them." He asked.

"Hm, what is it?" I asked calmed to a very tractable state of mind. By the knowledge about Brittany and I.

"It's Europark – some European renting company – they have this big Spaghetti party every Tuesday where people come and just eat Spaghetti Bolognese. It's supposedly pretty fun" he said. I shrugged and let my head rest on Brittany's shoulder, totally pacified by her hand now ghosting over mine.

"I guess" I said and smiled lazily.

"Cool, we leave at seven. What time is it now? It must be pretty late" he asked. I didn't make any movement to go find out, so instead Brittany nudged her shoulder against my head, forcing me to sit upright as she stood up to get her phone. I glanced at her shamelessly. I could get used to her just always strutting around in a bikini. No problem.

I jerked back to reality when I felt skin on my knees. Sam was using my knees as a resting place for his arms as he looked up at me.

"So, Santana" he said and looked like he was about to enquire me on something, but Brittany was back in that moment. She sat down and kicked Sam away.

"Hands off" Brittany warned and let her arms wrap around me possessively.

"Hey she's free" he protested with a playful smirk. I grinned at him and half expected Brittany to say that I wasn't free and that I was hers. God, I wish she would've said that, but then again, Sam didn't know that I was team rainbow. Okay, he probably did, but anyway.

"You aren't" Britt said warningly.

"I know. It's not as if that hottie of yours would ever go for me" Sam huffed.

"Hey I'm not anybody's, yet" I said silently challenging Brittany to claim me. Brittany looked at me questioningly, and I shrugged. We might as well tell him, it wasn't as if I'd known him for long, and he probably knew it anyway.

"You are though" Brittany then chuckled.

"Really, and whose might that be?" I asked.

"Well you're Britt's" Sam said and grinned. I could've had any expression to that, but I chose the nonchalant even if I was kind of freaking that I was being so damn obvious.

"Hm, not yet" I said. Brittany huffed and rolled her eyes. I knew that I was teasing her about getting together for real and that I probably shouldn't, but Sam was actually a great guinea pig for coming out. Hadn't known him that long, thought un-negatively about him and he was an important part of Britt's life and if Britt was safe with it, then who was I to argue. I mean, if little miss Jesus praying Jones could accept me, surely Guppy Lips'd be alright. I didn't know if he was religious or anything, but I was fairly sure he was. He seemed the type.

"What do you mean 'not yet'? Haven't you had a thing since like day one? Didn't she kiss you in the airport?" Sam asked. Oh right, he had been there that first day.

"Nope, we haven't had anything" Britt chimed

"But you wouldn't shut up about her. You were all like '_Sam, it's that girl from Chicago, the one with the amazing voice, and I talked to her. Oh Sam she's so pretty and sweet and awesome and I kissed her and-_'" his fake theatrical voice of Brittany was silenced by the girl herself, her face flaming red as she plunged into the water and hooked his mouth with her finger, climbing onto his back like a monkey.

"If I were you, I'd be very still right now, or I might just kick" Britt hissed. I looked down and saw a foot placed threateningly about five inches from his bathing shorts, directly aimed at his junk. I laughed at them.

"Britt did you really say all that?" I asked, kind of overwhelmed by it. Her flaming cheeks turned possibly redder. "You totally did!" I said loudly and pointed at her. Sam started laughing too, but that was quickly put to an end when Britt's heel kicked his hip warningly. However much I would like to see the show of Brittany vs. Sam, I also wanted Brittany to myself. I reached out and grabbed one of the arms she had fastened around Sam's neck and tugged at it. She immediately released Sam, crawled off him and skipped in the water to my side.

"You're going down, you know that?" Brittany asked me mischievously.

"Wanky" I said, I just couldn't help myself. Rolled her eyes at me and then grabbed me legs so suddenly that I almost fell into the water. With my legs locked in one of her arms she snaked the other around my waist and pulled me into the water. Feeling myself fall I instinctively jerked forwards and tried to grab some part of Britt for support. It ended up being her neck and I flung my arms around it tightening my grip as I felt my butt and lower torso sink into the cold water. I cursed under my breath and held on as tight as I could. She lowered my legs carefully and forced my arms from around her neck smilingly.

"Race ya?"

"3 lanes?" I bid

"4" she giggled. I smirked at her and walked through the water towards the edge.

"All friendly competition, right?" I asked, knowing that I was gonna lose big time. She looked at me as if I was a lunatic or something.

"All is fair in love and war" she said and then she was off. I hissed and set off, trying to gain in on her. It turned out to me more of a game of cat and mouse than a race. She'd be off like a freaking torpedo and I'd try my best to keep up. Sometimes she looked back and almost let me catch her before speeding up again. It was a silent agreement that you couldn't just stop before the edge and wait for the other to turn. I lost count of how many lanes we took until I finally stretched out and caught her ankle. She squirmed and kicked, trying to pry me off, but she was laughing too, trying to keep from sinking.

"I win" I said and tugged her back, placing both of my own feet firmly on the bottom of the pool. She let me tug her back, only twisting so that her back was against the water. I watched as she floated towards me with me gently tugging at her. When she'd finally gotten close enough I felt brave and grabbed around her knee tugging her closer. She looked at me with mischief but then closed her eyes. I felt her torso arch a bit in surprise when I placed a hand on her back and directed her towards me.

Finally my head was right above hers. "You never told me what time it was" I said lowering my head to shield hers from the sun. She opened her eyes and they widened at the closeness but then she lit up in a smile.

"Not that time quite yet, San. Be patient." She said and cupped my cheek. I leaned into the touch. "But other than that it's five past six. We should probably get up, I need to shower before we leave." She added and flipped to stand. I still held my hand on her back. She smiled.

"See you at seven?" I asked hopefully.

"Of course" she said and hugged me tight. I never wanted to let go. I felt her place her lips tenderly in my hair for a second's time. I shivered. It seemed like some sort of promise.

* * *

I was walking next to Sam and Brittany down the main street and closed in on the place where we had to turn a corner.

"Are you sure that we're not gonna be like the only ones showing up?" I asked. I really didn't feel like getting embarrassed by showing up like little dorks. We turned the corner and I gaped. The long street that led to the farm where the so called Spaghetti Extravaganza was held was filled with people. It was like a parade or something; an odd parade of tourists. There were every shape and size, every age and ethnicity on their way to this giant dinner. There were at least three hundred people.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure" Sam chuckled and smiled at me. I was still gaping. What the hell? How could people get so excited about Spaghetti Bolognese? I knew that they were excited; I could hear it in their voices. Okay, I was definitely expecting something fancy now if this was the turn out. The road seemed to go on forever, and I engaged in a conversation with Sam about the only thing we had in common; superheroes. This conversation was different though. I didn't have to hide from any of them. I could be just as lesbo as I wanted. That resulted in a pretty detailed walkthrough of the portrayals of Cat Woman.

"She's a freaking goddess!" I exclaimed when we arrived at the newest submission to the line of actors portraying her. Anne Hathaway.

"Like, have you seen her? God, she could go all leather and claw on me any time" I said in awe. I was poked hard on the arm and saw Brittany staring at me with a raised brow and a smirk on her thin perfect pink lips. "Sorry" I said with a sheepish smile.

"I knew you were gay, S, but I didn't think you were the leather type" Mercedes chuckled.

"Oh shut your gap, I've been totally crushing on Cat Woman ever since I was twelve. I have an imagination. Besides, it's only dreaming. I have something better." I said and nudged Britt. The news of us getting half together had quickly reached Mercedes' ears, but she didn't talk with me about it in details like I'd expected her to. She just shrugged and said that _It had to happen someday_.

"Nerd" Britt teased and poked me, looking down at me. She'd decided to wear wedges while I was still in flat sandals, which made the height difference very clear. She was almost the same height as Sam. I scowled up at her but my glance softened immediately by the smile she gave me.

"Okay you two, how about we create some separation here, so Britt can think" Mercedes said suddenly and snaked her way between us, holding an arm around each of our waists. I looked over at Britt who grinned and poked at my hand behind Mercedes' back, I grabbed hers and twined our fingers; superb job, M, superb. What is that saying? If I tell you to not think of the color blue, you can't stop thinking about it? Well, telling me to keep away from Britt was kind of the same thing. It made things virtually impossible.

"Hey, you're cheating!" Sugar exclaimed.

"Bite me" I growled at her.

"I can't, you're too far away" Britt said sadly. Why did she want to… Oh. _Love__bites_. I cleared my throat blushingly, getting her joke. Both Sam and Sugar were laughing hysterically somewhere behind us.

People started to turn left and it turned my attention momentarily from the ground which I was so awkwardly having a staring competition with. When looking up I guess my expression was something between frowning and gaping. My instinct as HBIC told me that this was so uncool and childish, but my instinct as me made me awe a bit. A big white barn had its entire front side peeled out and was now being supported by pillars. On each end of the building two leaf braided canopies the length around 50 feet each, sat perpendicularly on the end of the building forming a horse-shoe shape. In the other end, closing the rectangle was a large wooden stage with a dance floor in front of it and a huge flag pole in the middle of the dance floor. Inside the barn there was like a million people. About 10 people were standing with giant pots boiling pasta and another 10 were making the sauce for it while two persons gave people plates and cutlery. There was what seemed like an endless queue but I must admit they were freaking fast at handing out food to people.

* * *

"Best spaghetti ever" Sam said and leaned back on the bench rubbing his stomach and moving the empty plate further towards the middle of the table. Sugar was almost done with hers too and so was Mercedes. Only Britt and I had hardly started. We kept talking, mainly about times I'd gotten Marco into trouble and her talking about her sisters. She had two sisters apparently, a big sister and a little sister. Other than that we kept stealing food from each other's plates instead of eating from our own.

"Come on you two, you're freakishly slow!" Sugar complained. "I wanna get my dance on!" she said and rocked to the tunes of Enrique Iglesias.

"Me too" Britt said and stood up.

"You hardly ate" I protested when she grabbed my wrist and dragged me up as well.

"I'll have some fruit or something when I get home. Come on let's dance" she begged. I laughed slightly when she started bouncing up and down with mere excitement.

"Alright, sweetie, but at least eat one more mouthful" I said. She'd hardly touched her food.

"Yes momma" she whined and leaned down. She took way too much and a few pieces hung from her mouth. I laughed at her as she slurped it into her mouth, chewing. I raised a brow and pointed at her chin giggling, indicating that she had sauce all over her chin. She blushed and wiped it off, well most of it anyway.

"Alright?" she asked.

"Nope, just there" I said and pointed to the corner of her mouth. She wiped the napkin all over her chin and mouth and most of her cheeks fast.

"Let's go now" Britt said and pulled me with her. I smirked at the other three as she pulled me onto the half empty dance-floor. Just then some up-beat Italian song started that seemed to be popular among the locals. It seemed like every young Italian was suddenly around us on the dance floor, dancing like they would in a club to the song. Brittany started swaying her hips to the beat and grinned at me.

"Come on, dance" she urged and took my hands, swinging them from side to side. Slightly bashfully I tried to mirror her rhythm. Suddenly she swung her arms forcing me into a half spin before engulfing me in a hug from behind, forcing me to sway with her as she led the movements of my hips with her own. I blushed slightly at the playful but very close contact. She grinned in my ear, sensing my hesitation, and then let her hands glide across my stomach to rest on my hips. I shuddered. I decided that I might as well get what I could of it and let the music take over. I spun in her grasp again and locked my arms around her neck. She forced me closer, grinning down at me as our movements went from friendly flirty to a bit more than playful. I hesitated again and she sensed it immediately. With one movement she had gripped one of my hands in hers and spun me around. I twirled in her grasp as she led the way into a dance style that was rather unfamiliar for me but also seemed more classic than club-dancing. She twined both of our hands and spun me around first and then herself then stretching her arms as far as they would go, forcing me to press up against her. The song stopped abruptly and changed. As if taken from a movie or something they had to choose the slowest song I knew. The difference was that neither Brittany nor I were shy about it. I merely went back to locking my arms around her neck as she twined hers around the small of my back.

"_It's late in the evening, she's wondering what clothes to wear, she puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair_" I let one of my hands play with a lock of her hair. She giggled and I felt her breath close to my ear. I couldn't get enough of her, knowing that we would most likely be something. I didn't know what, but as long as she stayed in my life and let me hold her like I did, and as long as she was so close to me that I could feel her breath, I think I'd always be okay. It was so odd how much she meant to me in such short time. I don't think I could ever imagine my life without her now that I'd finally found her. It seemed that somehow I'd always been searching for her, but it'd never been a graspable thought until now, that one could look all their life for someone without knowing it.

"_And then she asks me: 'Do I look alright?' And I say: 'Yes, you look wonderful tonight'_" We swayed among the other couples, young as well as old. I noticed that Sam and Mercedes were there as well, and Sugar was dancing with some Italian dude. Quite nice catch actually, if it wasn't for me having the absolute top prize in my arms, and the fact that I just thought that boys were pretty from the waist up and no more.

"_We go to a party, and everyone turns to see, this beautiful lady that's walking around with me. And then she asks me: 'Do you feel alright' and I say: 'Yes, I feel wonderful tonight'_" I felt how Brittany took the lead, leading us from a slow sway to some sort of dance I didn't know. She was very good at teaching it, and just made me go with the footing. "_I feel wonderful because I see the love light in your eyes, and the wonder of it all is that you just don't realize how much I love you_" I hum to the tune of the music and look up at her. She's staring right into my eyes, her gaze focused. It'd be the perfect moment, right now to just lean up and press my lips to hers, assuring her that we were right, that 'us' was right. But I didn't instead I returned the smile she gave me, and rested my head against her neck, nuzzling it with my nose. I felt her giggle under her breath as she tightened her grip on me, eliminating any air between us. We danced in silence as it ended. When a new song didn't start I loosened my grip on her and looked up at a man standing on the stage. He pronounced that it was now time for the kids to dance.

* * *

"How the hell did you get her to do the hokey-pokey with you?" Mercedes asked when we were almost home. Yeah, that one had me tricked too. How the hell did Britt manage to get me to dance to that ridiculous song?

"That's because she's got you whipped from here and all the way back to LA" Sugar chimed and Sam joined in with the sound of a whip.

"I'm not whipped!" I scowled.

"Sure, but the minute she pouts you give her anything she wants" Sugar said.

"That's so not true, she won't let me kiss her" Britt said and gave me one of her ultra pouts. I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

"Wait, you haven't _kissed_?" Mercedes asked.

"Define kissed" Brittany said with a giggle and a blush.

"This," Mercedes said and reached up to grab Sam around the neck and kiss him hard on the lips, drawing away quickly. "is a kiss."

"Well, it's complicated" Britt said and I snorted. You could say that all right.

"How can it be complicated? It's a simple question: did you kiss, yes or no?" Sugar asked exasperatedly.

"Oh my god, you're already fooling around, aren't you?!" Mercedes exclaimed in shock.

"No!" Both Britt and I yelled and looked at each other. She shrugged at me and I nodded, they we're gonna get it out of us some time or another anyway.

"Well, we haven't kissed like, all couply and everything. But we have… well kissed. Maybe more, but yeah kissed." Britt said, blushing deeply.

"What? You said you weren't fooling around" Sugar looked at us with evident shock.

"We haven't. Look, what Britt means to say is that back when she was drunk because of the whole Nate situation, she decided that I was a reasonable choice for lip-sucking. Making out, no more than that. I swear. Oh and two hickeys, curtsey of miss catfish here. But that was a while ago" I explained. All three gaped at Britt whose face was bright red.

"Nothing to be ashamed about, hun, you're a great kissed. If you weren't I would've probably stopped you, right?" I said and nudged her. Suddenly there was a slap on my arm and I turned to hiss at Mercedes.

"You took advantage of a drunk hurt girl?! Santana!" She scolded.

"Hey, if it had been up to her, she'd have ripped off what little clothes I wore and had her way with me. I stopped her." I defended myself, hands in the air.

"Still, you shouldn't have let her make out with you, she was hurt" Mercedes said.

"It's in the past and frankly I'm glad she did. I would've kissed her even if I wasn't drunk." Brittany shrugged. "She's the reason I broke things up with Nate. Sorry about your spoiled plans by the way, Sug" She looked over at Sugar.

"Oh no, you've just given me an excuse to give that guy a defect jetpack and send him into space. I never liked him anyway. I like you though, Santana" she added to me.

"Hey, hands off. I have dibs on her" Britt said.

"That's what you think" I chuckled. She whacked me on the arm.

"What the fuck, what did my arm ever do to any of you?" I retorted.

"Oh, you want a kiss to make it better?" Britt asked.

"Yes please" I said. She lowered her head towards mine. "Wait, are you ready?"

"I think so" she whispered.

"Nope, you gotz to be sure, babe. I don't do maybes."

"You don't do me at all" she said and scoffed, retreating.

"Oh, don't you worry about that, just hurry up and be sure already, my lips miss the company" I whined. Mercedes whacked my arm and I whacked back while Sam and Sugar laughed and made faces of us.

"My place tonight?" I asked, trying to be considerate to Sugar.

"Sure" she said giggling. I noticed now that we'd reached the apartment village. Sam and Mercedes hugged all of us goodnight before walking hand in hand towards their apartment.

"See ya Sweetie" Britt said and engulfed Sugar in a warm hug. I half expected Sugar to try and hug me too, but I had apparently succeeded in scaring her enough to keep her from trying that.

"Night girls. I feel sorry for your neighbors" she chimed. Britt looked at the ground, blushing slightly.

"Britt" I said. She looked up at me, her cheeks still red.

"I'm sorry for pressuring you… But. You're doing so much better. You're still happy – it seems that way anyway"

"I am, happy I mean"

"That's good. But also, you seem different. Good different, don't get me wrong, but when we danced, you weren't being unnecessarily flirty, it was just right, and you can call Sugar 'Sweetie' without it being flirty and stuff. That's huge progress."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, definitely. I hope I didn't embarrass you or anything; or pressure you too much. It's just, I like you so much, almost too much for my own good it seems, and Britt I've never ever felt like this. I just get… get carried away, you know" I said, looking down at the ground.

"I know. I think, I'm almost ready, almost. I promise, I just need to convince myself that I can do this. But speaking about the name calling"

"Y-yeah?" I asked nervously, almost sure knew what she was thinking off.

"I like what you called me"

"Hun?" I asked, my cheeks reddening visibly.

She leaned down and pressed her lips gingerly to my cheek before whispering in my ear. "babe"

I let out a nervous giggle and fell into her, blushing.

"It sounds good" she whispered and wrapped her arms around me, swaying slightly from side to side.

"I guess I could call you that every now and then" I whispered, almost inaudibly. It was odd being something but without actually being something, but still getting to get kisses on my cheeks and hold her hand and call her babe. It was a state of limbo.

* * *

**A/N** - Thank you so so much for the attention and all of the amazing reviews and messages, you guys are the best! :D

I've been working really hard, juggling both school, homework, piano and training for the thriathalon at the same time and also working on the sroy.

But I did it! And it's because of your sweet reviews, it's all you!

**SPECIAL NOTICE** - To my angel **Liz** who faithfully edits every chapter without fail. :)!

**SPECIAL NOTICE** - To my Emmy, the goofiest clown unicorn I've ever encuntered, who calms me when I stress, who makes me laugh through my tears and who helps me so much with everything regarding the story. You're forever amazing and without you I would've never gotten this far!

Song for this chapter "Open Your Eyes - Snow Patrol" /watch?v=TtAGQTKC89Q

Songs used in this chapter

"Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton" /watch?v=xl7Hd2r0LOs


	13. The Story of a Girl Who Ran

**Chapter 13 – The Story of a Girl Who Ran**

The rain had once again invaded the otherwise sun filled town, but luckily it looked like it was only a shower unlike the immense amounts of rain we'd gotten a few times. I was sitting on my bed, one leg dangling off the edge the other tucked beneath me as Britt and I ate breakfast – Coco Pops mixed with Rice Crisps again. She was splayed across the bed, half of her attention to the food and the other half on her magazine. She was reading one of those success articles about some famous girl and how some TV show had been her big break. I leaned over and tried to see who it was, but I didn't recognize the name. She looked up at me, grinning.

"What's up?" She asked slightly. I shrugged and fell back, taking another spoonful of cereal. She smiled at me.

"Who is that?" I asked and pointed to the blonde in the magazine.

"Oh, that's Moira Hendrickson, she's a dancer. She's on a show that I like" Britt explained.

"What, _One Tree Hill_?" I asked, having never actually seen the show.

"Nope, that's Moira Kelly, Moira Hendrickson's from this show called _Joy_. You should see it. It's so great, it's a comedy." She said. I shrugged, I had heard of the show but thought it sounded a lot like a remake of High School Musical.

"I was thinking about something" I said slowly. I had spent most of the time we'd used watching _500 Days of Summer_ distracted by my thoughts.

"Hm?" she hummed, her mouth full of rice crisps.

"I want to tell you a story, about me" I said. She looked at me funnily, then furrowed her brows.

"Which story?" she asked, swallowing her cereal.

"The story of why I came here, why I ran away to come here. Why we met, why I like you." I said, finishing my cereal and placing the bowl on my nightstand.

"Sure, go ahead. I'm listening." she smiled and closed her magazine.

"Can we wait until it stops raining, I would like to take a walk" I said. I didn't know why, but it felt right, walking and talking about this. If I could walk while talking instead of running away, then somehow it would feel like I had accomplished something. I wouldn't feel like I needed to run away from Britt. She nodded and finished her own cereal.

"Let's go then" she said and got up

"It's still raining" I protested.

"So what? We've been out in the rain before, haven't we?" she asked, taking both of my hands. "If it gets too cold we'll just go into Joe's and have a drink or something"

I hummed and shrugged letting her pull me up off the bed and into an embrace. I giggled slightly – what the hell had I turned into? Some giddy teenager? Most certainly yes. I didn't even bother to wear anything to protect me from the rain, it'd be pointless seeing as I'd still get drenched.

We walked down the steps, making sure that our hands were twined together even though we couldn't walk next to each other.

"So, what's the story?" she asked when we reached the sidewalk. I looked up at her.

"You're sure you want to hear it right? You won't be jealous or anything?" I asked.

She looked at me, her nose scrunched. "Probably yeah, if it involves other girls, but if you want to tell it I'll listen anyway. And besides, you like _me_now, don't you?" she looked half worried.

I smiled reassuringly and gave her hand a squeeze. "Of course babe" I said. She lit up at the last word, giddily.

"Okay, so I just start telling or what?" I asked as we reached the street sign that said "_Reghena_"

"Whenever you want"

I nodded and began walking towards the main street as I began telling.

* * *

**_New York – Brooklyn CUNY – Sophomore year_**

"_Lopez" my teacher called my name. I was scribbling notes to a song I'd been working on. Given, it wasn't very good, but it was a start. Most of my songs were angry and filled with regret._

"_Professor?" I asked in a dry voice. My teacher, Professor Gordon was a grumpy ole guy with a bald head – except for a few strands hither and dither – but he was a good teacher. I hated him and his ways but he was good. He taught poetry, a class demanded for songwriting._

"_I've looked through the poems you sent me" he started. Last week – due to another horrible visit at my grandma's and listening to her bashing gays – I'd been so freaking frustrated. There was a writing assignment with a free subject for this class and the poems that I wrote for it weren't exactly rosy._

"_And?" I asked when he seemed to be lost in thought – old fool._

"_Well despite the fact that the tone was very frustrated, maybe even because of the frustration and anger, they were maybe some of the best I've read from this class." He said and handed me the printed copies of my three poems._

"_Really?" I asked. I'd written them in half an hour of pure rage, followed by me kicking the wall in bare frustration, causing me to sprain a toe._

"_Indeed. They're very heartfelt. Where do you get that anger?" he asked interested._

"_None of your damn business" I sneered and put the poems into my folder._

"_Well, seeing as you already have written the three first stages of grief, I would like for you to write the two last and with your permission I would like to add them to the student collection of poems." He said._

"_The five stages of grief? What do you mean?" I looked up at him, thoroughly confused._

"_You weren't writing intentionally writing about them?" he asked._

"_No, not at all. I was just mad at my Abuelita" I said._

"_Well, you must've been blessed with some talent then. The disbelief beneath the lines of this poem," he drew out another set of my poems and pointed to the first, a three stanza anapest-build poem. "is remarkable. The fight between the clouds and the sun, the itching of the grass to her heels, it all fits." He said and pointed to several lines in the poem._

"_Whatever" I said and flicked him off._

"_No, young lady. You listen to me now. Don't throw this talent away, just because you're too proud or whatever. Listen to what I have to say" he said firmly, leaning towards me in a threatening manner. I crossed my arms and huffed, letting him continue to talk_

"_See this poem – March of the Lion – it expresses the true meaning of anger – the swelling in your chest and the urge, the animal impulses that conquer your body. It's a pure description of it – just by the way the otherwise proud and cooled animal walks and how the world fades to his rage." He said and pointed to several places in the second poem. This was a two stanza Shakespeare inspired poem, the lines constructed by the Iambic Pentameter._

"_Even the choice of meter in this poem makes it a calling – a song of sorts. You wrote it as a sonnet"_

"_Iambic Pentameter – not the same thing." I said dryly. He rolled his eyes at me._

"_The third" he said and drew out the last sheet, titled "The Prayer"._

"_There is a sense of purity to it, a silent prayer that not only she changes, but that you change as well. Now I know that the story is superficially just about a river – but it's you and your grandmother, isn't it? Part of you is a part she won't accept." He said. I looked up at him with scared eyes, shaking my head in disbelief. Did he know? God I hoped he didn't. I shook my head pleading him not to say it out loud in case he had found out._

"_Where is your grandmother from?" he asked. Who said she wasn't American? I frowned. " You describe the riverbed as being foreign." He then explained._

"_The Dominican Republic, she was an immigrant but lives in Lima now" I told him._

"_Ah yes. Santana, if you ever need to talk about anything, you're welcome to make an appointment. I think it's important that you get this grief out in some way. Even if it's through writing. But I'm saying it again, I would like the two last poems" he said and tapped the table before taking the papers and walking off._

* * *

"That's amazing, I didn't know you were a poet" Britt said. We had reached the center square – the one with the fountains – and were quietly walking towards the edge of one to sit there for a while. The rain had calmed to a drizzle by now.

"I'm not. He got a fourth poem, but I never wrote the last. I could never accept it. He kept asking for it, but I never gave it to him. But there's more to the story, so much more" I said solemnly. I thought that maybe if I went through the old poems again, with Britt here, I might be able to finish the series of poems.

"Then go on, tell" she urged enthusiastically and pulled towards her to sit on her knees. I giggled and let my arm twist loosely around her neck. She smiled as I crossed my legs professionally and proceeded to tell the story.

* * *

"_Hey Santana!" a loud voice called behind me. I spun to see a long mane of auburn hair twirl around a pale face as Whitby – a girl from my poetry class – ran towards me. She was one of those girls you just hated, not because she was a ginger – even if I frequently made fun of her for that – but because she was so sugary sweet. It was gag worthy. Whitby, or Grace as her first name was, stopped in front of me, her green eyes glistening. Even if I hated the girl, I had to admit that she was quite the looker – if you were into redheads, that is._

"_Whitby" I greeted with disinterest._

"_Do you wanna grab lunch?"_

"_Do you wanna grab my fist before it collides with your jaw?" I asked sourly. She rolled her eyes at me. I frowned – she never did that. Okay, so I might've checked her out a few times. Blondes were my thing, but a redhead wasn't so bad either._

"_Come on, just give me a chance" she begged._

"_Are you like, asking me out or something?" I asked disbelievingly. She sure sounded like it. I tried to sound disgusted by the idea._

"_Um, yeah" she said as if it was the most natural thing in the world._

"_Great for you – good luck with the ladies, but I ain't team rainbow, so you just go board the train to gaytown and leave me alone" I spat._

"_You can't fool me, Santana. I know you're gay." She said with much more force than I would've expected from little miss perfect princess. Would she freaking stop that already? We were in a public place._

"_One date, that's it. If you don't like it, I'll never bother you again" she said. I scoffed and walked away._

"_Is that a yes?!" she called after me._

"_You know where I live right? Half an hour" said and waved her off. I could practically hear her jump for joy. Why did I agree to this again? I walked along the roads on campus until I reached a neighborhood right outside campus. As I climbed the stairs I heard voices – laughter – from my apartment. I scrunched my nose and turned the knob. It was unlocked._

"_-don't get it you know, I tell him time and time again, I'm not interested." I heard a familiar and annoying voice chuckle._

"_He's about as clueless as Finn" Quinn snorted._

"_Hey, I loved Finn! Brody is just annoying. I swear he's just as big a horn dog as Noah" Rachel sighed as I made my way into the kitchen._

"_I feel sorry for you. At least you have attention. I should've accepted that Yale letter instead of going to NYU. I don't get it. But at least I got to live with-" Quinn stopped and looked at me. I rolled my eyes._

"_Took a trip to the shire lately? You forgot to return the hobbit to her hole in the ground" I growled at Quinn, not particularly happy about our new found company._

"_Santana, how nice to see you" Rachel said carefree as always. I grumbled something incoherently that wasn't even meant to be words but just a mumbled sneer of a protest._

"_Why is she here?" I asked Quinn and pointed at Rachel._

"_I invited her over for lunch" Quinn said smilingly. "Santana, you're going to have to deal with this sooner or later, Rachel is one of my best friends"_

"_Ugh, I'm going out, I have a date" I said and dropped my folder on the couch, getting my purse from the counter._

"_Uuh, what's his name?" Quinn teased._

"_Gra…-nt. Grant" I said almost saying_her_name._

"_Okay, well see ya" Quinn said. I knew that I wasn't supposed to meet up with the girl for another twenty minutes, but I really didn't wanna be around Yentl any more than I had to._

* * *

"Okay, so this is where I'm going to be jealous isn't it?" Britt asked with a smirk. I shrugged and continued to twirl a lock of her hair between my fingers.

"It didn't sound like you liked her much" she added, scrunching her nose.

"I didn't, but apparently she liked me"

"What happened then?"

* * *

_I was standing with my back against the brick wall, waiting for her. She'd better show up soon or I'd have way better things to do._

_"Santana!" I heard a cheery voice say to my left. I spun to see Grace standing in a light green blouse and tight jeans. It didn't really impress me, but I guess it was okay. She seemed ecstatic._

"_I don't know why you're so eager to take me out" I said as we walked side by side towards one of the local cafés just outside campus._

"_I like you" she said and tried to take my hand. I snapped it back._

"_Why? I'm a bitch" I said and pocketed my hands. I felt nothing like holding her hand._

"_No you're not, you're just misunderstood." She insisted._

_I glowered at her. "Look, why are you doing this? I don't like you." She looked at me weirdly, then grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand from my pocket. I groaned as she clasped her hand tightly around mine, trying to jerk it away. Girl was strong. I gave up pretty quickly, just hoping that she'd loosen her grasp enough to let me be free._

"_See, this isn't so bad" she chimed happily._

"_Look, I'm sorry for saying yes to this, I shouldn't have." I said and jerked my hand again, but she held it tightly._

"_Why not?" she asked. Ugh, didn't she get anything._

"_Because I don't like you even as an acquaintance. I think your persistence is freaking annoying and frankly I wish you'd just stay away. I'm sorry, but that's how_I_feel. I'm not gonna take you on some pity date just because_you_like_me_. We just don't click" I said. She let go of my hand and held hers to her heart as if I had scolded her._

"_Well then" she said, her tone suddenly dark._

"_Well what?" I asked, crossing my arms in front of my chest._

"_Just you wait, you know we could've been good together right. You just ruined it. You didn't give me a chance. I'm wondering why. Are you scared because you're not out yet?" she asked. Hold up, where is that sugar coating? She was being such a bitch with that smirk and her pitying tone._

"_No, I just don't like you"_

"_But then let me help you get out of the closet" she said, ignoring what I had told her._

"_What? No, stay out of my life woman." I said and walked away._

"_You had your chance, Santana Lopez. This just got ugly" shit, so I pissed of a girl who seemed like she was practically the most annoyingly nice girl ever, and she showed up to be a freaking green eyed Grinch. Lucky me. Well, what was the worst she could do?_

* * *

"Wait, so she just started hating you?" Britt asked, outraged. She was still sitting on the edge of the fountain with me sitting on her lap twirling her hair absentmindedly as I told the story. I knew that we were getting to the hard part now – the part that was me baring my soul.

"I think she was mad because I didn't reciprocate her feelings"

"What did she do then?" Britt asked. I sighed heavily, this turned out to be really hard.

"Do you want to walk again?" she asked.

"Y-yeah, let's go to the beach or something" I said and got up. She held a hand to my back and rubbed circles onto it gently. I leaned into the touch instinctively, feeling a definite need for her support to this next part. We started walking again and I pocketed my hands. She used her other hand – the one that wasn't on my back – to take my hand from my pocket. I frowned, suddenly feeling that she was doing what Grace had done. But her grip wasn't forceful as she lifted my hand to her lips and let them grace across my knuckles before letting go of my back and placing my hand in her back pocket. I felt my breath hitch.

"If you have to pocket your hands, could you stay with me at the same time?" she asked sweetly I grinned up at her goofily and nodded. I could do that. I tried not to think too much about the current placement of my hand as she returned hers to my back, stroking it gently again.

* * *

"_Hey Sha-queer-a" a voice said behind me. It had been two days since Grace had left me standing in the foyer to my building. I stopped dead and looked around. A bulky guy with a smirk stood in the hallway that connected the arts department and the human study department._

"_What did you just call me?" I sneered at him, walking towards him. He didn't step back. What the hell? Even the guys feared me._

"_Oh, should I just call you Lezpez instead?" he asked loudly._

"_How about you call me nothing and you get to run afores I endz you" I growled at him._

"_Oh, am I supposed to be afraid? Maybe you just need a good roll in the hay to straighten you out. I'd gladly offer my services" he said and closed the distance between us. I felt a whimper involuntarily escape my lips as his face was inches from me._

* * *

I stopped talking, stopped walking and withdrew my hand in mere shame of what happened next. Why hadn't someone stopped me, told me that it was going to be okay, that I couldn't help it if I were gay and that it didn't make me weird? Why didn't I have Brittany back then? She would've assured me, I'm sure of it.

I looked up at Brittany, shame painted in my face.

"What happened?" she asked. I shook my head, looking at the ground.

"I… I took h-his offer" I stuttered. I was pathetic.

"You mean you-"

"I slept with him, yeah. I wanted to prove to him that I was straight, and I don't know why. I thought I had made peace with it years before." I said and breathed deeply, trying to gather myself. "I slept with so many guys after that. Too many. Just him alone was one too many. I don't know what happened. I'd just get really drunk and find some guy that I recognized from my school and drag him home. I did that until March this year. I was a freaking mess."

I didn't look up at her, too ashamed of my own actions. I gasped when I felt her arms wrap tightly around me, one hand tangling in my hair and one stroking down my back as she held my head to her heart. It was beating steadily, fluttering slightly every now and then. The tears that I had tried to hold in disappeared. I buried my head in her neck and sighed shakily.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that" she whispered into my ear.

"That wasn't even the worst part" I whispered.

"What was?"

"Remember how I told you that I stopped sleeping with guys – with anyone really – in March this year?" I asked into her neck.

"Yeah?"

"There was a reason" I said.

* * *

**_The Lopez-Fabray househould March 2012 – Brooklyn NY_**

"_Shit!" I growled loudly from the bathroom. I was sitting on the edge of the tub, my eyes wide, looking into the small calendar I kept under the sink. It was my period calendar marking when I ought to have it. A week?! God, you have got to be kidding. I was being freaking careful every time. There was no way. I couldn't be... no, there was no way._

"_Quinn!" I yelled and stared at the open door with wild eyes, hoping that she'd sense my panic and come help me. She had after all tried this. Whatever this was._

"_What?" Quinn bit as she appeared in the door. She frowned at me. "S, what's wrong?" she asked at my face. I turned the face of the book towards her. She walked towards me and took it, examining it._

"_Did you take a test?" she asked._

_I shook my head. "I'm normally never late, not more than a few days"_

"_Is there a possibility that you might-" I cut her off with a nod._

"_Who?"_

"_I-I don't know. I don't know, I think there are maybe three, maybe four, I don't know. I don't know what to do, Quinn help!" I said panicky and threw myself at her, desperate for comfort._

"_Santana, you need to calm down, okay. Look, I'll go down to the drug store and buy a test. You're not allowed to panic until then, okay?" she asked. I nodded into her shoulder and sniffled, letting a few tears fall. What if I was? I couldn't get it removed, I just couldn't, but I couldn't raise it either. I wasn't mother material. Maybe I could be like Quinn and give it away. But what would people say about me? What would mom and dad say? And Marco? What had I become? I backed away as Quinn walked out, and fell to the floor._

"_Santana?" a voice asked from the door._

"_Hm?" I mumbled pathetically and looked up at my brother._

"_What's wrong?" he asked._

"_N-nothing" I said and tried to hide the calendar. He raised his eyebrows at me._

"_Santanita, la verdad por favor" he said in Spanish. I groaned and tried my best to glower._

"_Where did Quinn go?" he asked when I didn't give him an answer._

"_The drug store" I said and then realized that my brother was nothing near stupid or blind. Me sitting disheveled on a bathroom floor, hiding a calendar while my best friend had gone to the drug store wasn't exactly a hard equation. He didn't say anything, nor showed an outwards reaction. He merely walked to sit beside me. I let my head fall onto his shoulder, emptying my mind as he took my hands in his. Best brother ever._

* * *

"You don't look pregnant" Britt commented with a frown. We had reached the beach now and walked by the sea, our shoes in our hands and our feet frequently getting flushed by the waves.

I laughed and nudged her "I'm not" I assured her.

"Oh good, not that It'd be a problem or anything, I just don't know how I would react to dating a preggo" she grinned. I rolled my eyes at her.

"So... you want to date me?" I asked when the realization of her words hit me.

"Mm, maybe, just tell your story" she said.

"Meanie" I grumbled but was still awarded with a kiss on the cheek that made my cheeks flame and my heart flutter.

* * *

_I was perched on the toilet seat looking at the plastic stick on the sink. I counted the seconds, but it was hard due to the loud hammering of my heart drumming in my ears. Couldn't we just get this over with? Marco was sitting on the floor beside me, holding my hand. Seriously, prize for the best brother ever._

_I jerked up when my phone started buzzing wildly. I jumped from my seat and grabbed the white plastic stick in the 'safe' non-peed-on end. One line. One single beautiful blue line. Oh thank god. I sighed heavily and tossed it into the bathroom dumpster immediately, smiling reassuringly down at my brother._

"_One line" I breathed. He smiled at me._

"_You have got to stop this, chica." He said and tugged me down to sit beside him, kicking the door shut._

"_Stop what?" I asked him._

"_This sleeping with guys just for the heck of it. I don't feel like I know you anymore. You have got to take care of yourself, linda niña."_

"_I know" I said and leaned my forehead to his shoulder. He stroked my hair._

"_Why did you start?" the tone of his voice was unreadable._

"_I don't know" I said, even though I knew. "I'll stop though. I don't ever want to go through this again"_

"_You need to get out of here for a while, chica. Get away from everything, go to Europe or something" he suggested._

"_But I can't afford it" I protested, half sobbing. The reality of what might've been the consequences of my past two years of sleeping around and throwing my body away as if it was worthless, finally sinking in. I curled into him, letting him pull me closed, shushing me with a hum._

"_Mom's fund. Use it. You had enough for living in New York for four years alone, and I know you, you are good at saving up. With both me helping with the rent for a few months and you living here with Quinn all the time, you can afford it." He said._

"_But I had saved that so I wouldn't have to move back home" I blubbered. He chuckled._

"_Go back to Lima for the summer, when you get back from your get away, get a summer job there and then go be a super star. New York is going to be here next year too." He assured me. I nodded into his neck and hiccupped slightly. "You need to get things back on track before you take over the world, Sis"_

* * *

"He sounds really nice, that brother of yours" Brittany said as we walked along the seafront. The warmth of the sun was maybe not what had caused the warmth I felt. No, it definitely wasn't. It was all Brittany. Her hand on my back and the fact that she had half-way forced me slash totally permitted me to place my hand on her butt had me completely perplexed but at the same time very giddy. I felt how the muscles tensed under my hand as she walked. I had more than once been tempted to grab, but resisted, letting my hand be slackly placed in her back-pocket.

"He's the best brother anyone could ever have," I hummed "but don't tell him I said that." I winked at her.

"So that's why you came here?" she asked.

"Mhm…" I said smilingly. "Do you wanna go to Joe's for the last part of the story?"

"Sure, I could use a little something after half-fearing that you were pregnant." She said and nudged me the best she could with her hip. I chortled faintly and we headed for the main street again. We walked in silence, my heartbeat rapid and nervous from what I had told her. I had just admitted that the girl she could possibly date was the biggest slut ever and, on top of that, was a mean bitch and a coward. I bared my soul to her. Now the only thing left was to reassure her. Sure, it wasn't a date, but I would sure as hell treat it as if it was. She deserved that and so much more. If I could just convince Brittany that she had changed me and that I wasn't just trying to get a friend with benefits, I might have a shot. _You have a shot, she already likes you_. I had to remind myself of this endlessly.

I pulled my hand from Britt's back pocket when we reached Joe's. Her response was to snake her arm from my back around my waist instead. I let my thumb run delicately over her knuckles, causing her breath to hitch slightly.

"Hey girls" Joe said, standing by the bar as always.

"Hey Joe" Britt greeted happily.

"Looks like you found yourself a girl there, pumpkin" he said and winked at us. I rolled my eyes.

"Not a date, Joe." I said and walked with Britt to a table in the corner of the indoor section of the bar. We sat down opposite each other of the small round table, looking at each other.

"So what's the last part of the story?" she asked as she reached over to cover my hand with hers. I shot a look at Joe, nervously, but then she did possibly the cutest thing ever. She grabbed a napkin and covered our hands. It wasn't that I was afraid of Joe seeing me with Britt, it was the reality of this officially being something that scared me. What if he took it as being official and she chose that she couldn't date me anyway? What would I say to him. I just wasn't ready for that yet. I knew the guy and he'd surely ask.

"It's not so much a story, it's more of … I don't know, my feelings. What you do to me? I want you to know that, because I can't imagine the picture you have of me right now is very positive, and I really want you to see that I'm not like that anymore" I said quietly and twisted my hand under the napkin to grasp at hers.

"O-okay" she chuckled and let her fingers tickle across the palm of my hand, making me shudder slightly. I looked at her through the slight darkness. The candles from the vintage wall lanterns gave her otherwise milky skin a yellowish golden glow. I caught myself lost in the placement of her nose freckles. She scrunched her nose and giggled.

"Weren't you supposed to tell me something?" she asked smilingly.

"Oh, yeah. Like I was saying-"

I was cut off by Joe. "Would you guys like something to drink?"

"Great timing" I said with as much sarcasm as I would muster – which was quite a lot. I looked up at his humorously oddly lit face.

"Sorry, princess. So, what would you like?" he asked. I noticed that he eyed the napkin and smirked. "Trying to hide something are we?"

"No" I said and pulled the napkin away. My initial instinct was to pull my hand away as well, but I really didn't want to hurt Britt, and I knew it would. Joe let out a low hum of interest.

"Did you know she liked me?" Britt asked interestedly.

"As a matter of fact, Miss Bubblegum, I did" he said.

"Watch it Butch, or I might just have to throw another drink in yo grill" I warned.

"You remember that?" Britt asked with a curious glance.

"That's a funny story actually" I grumbled, not finding it funny at all. Joe chuckled and settled into the seat beside us. I gave him a glower but he just started to tell Brittany everything about how I'd been so helplessly falling for her and how I'd asked for a water shot and thrown it at him when he was about to ask if Britt'd consider going out with me. I just sunk lower and lower in my chair, hating Joe more every moment.

"You said that?" Britt asked with eyes glimpsing in the light of the candles.

"Said what?" I asked with what was supposed to be annoyance but just ended up being somewhat of a grumbled whimper.

"That it was amazing, just hanging out?" she asked in awe. I looked over at Joe who was on his way up and away – good choice pal – and then at Britt.

"Y-yeah" I stuttered and fiddled with my hands under the table.

"That's so cute San. I really thought it was amazing too" she whispered, scooting closer to me, moving her chair to sit beside me. She grabbed my hand and traced her fingers calmingly over my palm again. I sighed in a mix of confusion and content. How could I ever be this lucky.

Then my eyes found hers and they shone goldenly in the glow and they glistened. I locked mine with hers and felt how my lips curled into a giddy smile. I suddenly realized what that look was, I used it all the time, that one look. She looked at me the way I looked at her every time I'd wanted to kiss her – which was almost always – but still. I fidgeted and was suddenly very nervous. What should I do? Was she ready, or was she just pitying me for having made me fall so hard for her? She leaned forwards and, as if my brain was a big house with all the rooms lit, everything turned off one by one, leaving me with instinct only.

"Wait" I shot back. Not here, not with Joe surveying our every movement, not with having to think so much. I took her hand and pulled me with her.

"You didn't buy anything!" Joe protested. I shot him an evil scowl and saw him smirking as I half ran and dragged Brittany with me.

"Where are we going?" she asked. "Why didn't you-"

"Shh, just wait" I said and pulled harder to get her to pace up. I ran across the street with her. We ran until we reached our neighborhood. I turned left into a little green area with a few palm trees and bright pink Bougainvilleas. I smiled and paced down to a lazy walk as I spun to walk backwards, taking both her hands in mine. "I didn't want to have him interrupt" I explained as I pulled her closer.

"It's really pretty here" she said and looked around in the little garden-like park.

"Yeah… It is. But Britt; here's the thing. I don't know what you did to me, but you did something. You make me wanna buy candles and take you on midnight strolls and do all of that sappy romantic nonsense – no not nonsense – but all of that romantic stuff in the movies, and I've never even wanted to date before. But you're free, smart and so funny" I said and smiled. Her cheeks were turning visibly pink and I felt her hands fidget slightly in her grasp.

"Come with me to Venice on Friday" she suddenly blurted. The words were kind of jumbled and blurred out by her haste but I heard clearly anyway.

"What? I already said I was going with you g-" I stopped. _Oh_. It clicked. "Are you… Britt, are you asking me out?" It came across as sort of a smirk and sort of a giddy giggle. She blushed furiously.

"Will you?" she asked in a mousy voice. I let out a laugh and nodded, twining our hands together.

"Does this mean that you're ready because I really don't want it to be a date if you're not ready, but I really hope you are and I really, really want to go to Venice with you but you don't have to feel like I'm pressuring you, and god, Britt, you're you letting me ramble!?" I looked at her exasperatedly as she grinned down at me.

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Have you never seen a rom-com?! You're supposed to shut me up" I sighed in a giving-up manner, still feeling the racing in my chest. She smirked.

"I just didn't want it to be tacky or sappy or-"

"Just kiss me, will ya?" I glowered. She giggled and unclenched her hands from mine.

"And if I don't?" she asked with an innocent battering of her eyes.

"Then I'll go all Lima Heights on yo sorry little ass"

"I have a cute ass" she said and wiggled her butt at me. I groaned and leaned forwards. She blushed slightly but instead of kissing her, I jabbed my fingers into her sides and started tickling her. She shrieked and fled, running to the corner of the park. With a childish laugh I chased after her. Somehow – I suspect she was letting me – I caught her pretty quickly, tackling her to the grass. She let out a loud 'oompf!' as she hit the ground and pulled me with her. I grinned as she pulled me to lie halfway on top of her.

"You're really not good at this sappy romance thing" I scolded. She puffed out her lower lip and let out a defeatist sigh. I giggled and leaned forwards.

"Now's your chance, miss it and you might not-" I was cut off as she finally leaned up, propping herself up by her elbows, and pressed her lips to mine. My stomach clenched and unclenched within a second as skin touched skin. Her eyes were already lazily closed and mine fluttered shut too. It was so much different than the drunken desperate kisses she had given me almost a week ago. This was gentle and heartfelt and God, her lips tasted like strawberries. She was definitely one of those girls who wore lip-smacker.

I sighed contently and pressed into the kiss. She took in a sharp breath through her nose as I pressed my upper torso into her. I smiled and moved my lips against hers delicately. It was probably – no definitely – the softest kiss I'd ever had. It wasn't rushed or caused by a need to get off or by desperation. It was caused by the attraction between two people and the affection from the attraction. I leaned into her with slight more force as I tangled my hands in her hair and forced her softly to lie back. When she was no longer using her hands to hold herself up she let one cup my face and the other rest on the small of my back as she pulled me impossibly closer. I giggled into the kiss. I was the one to break it, breathing in deeply, trying to restore some breath to my lungs. I opened my eyes to see her sparkling blue irises looking back at mine. She smiled up at me and let her hand graze across my face and tug a lock of hair behind me ear. I leaned into the touch. This was perfect. She frowned suddenly and her face contorted.

"This should've been our first kiss" she said, a crack in her voice.

"This was perfect, Britt. Don't apologize, don't you dare. It was our first kiss as an 'us', right?" I asked and let my hands cup her face fully. She smiled gently and nodded into my hands. I grinned and leaned down, pressing my lips to hers once more.

"Perfect" I muttered against her lips. She giggled at the vibration of my voice on her skin, and I strengthened the giggles by tickling up her neck. I drew back slightly.

"So you're ready?"

"I think so" she said innocently, but the mischief in her eyes was tell-tale. I glared at her slightly and then tickled her again. She squirmed underneath me and tried to get me away, but I distracted her with my lips. She giggled into the kiss and grabbed my hands twining them. I smirked and forced them above our heads as I squirmed to lie fully on top of her. She didn't seem to mind me pressing my entire weight into her. My breath caught and my body compressed for a split-second as her tongue darted across the length of my bottom lip. I let my eyes flutter close as she poked at my lip with more force. I gladly granted her access. This was nothing like making out with drunken sobbing desperate Brittany. This was enough, this was everything. I grinned as I forced her tongue back with my own. She battled me lightly for dominance but then just hummed in content as I delved into her mouth, savoring the taste.

I don't know how long we lay on the grass, just kissing and making out and hugging. I think I dozed off shortly, but Brittany's lips woke me sweetly. It was only when I noticed how much the shadows had moved that I fathomed that it might actually be late. I didn't really care, it was warm and perfect and I felt like lying here forever, just with her mouth on mine and getting lost in her eyes. One time she was just lying in the grass with me safely snuggled on top of her, holding me safe by the hands clasped around my back. I traced my fingers lightly over her freckles, mapping every one. Just above her left nostril, I noticed three light freckles arranged in a strangely accurate equilateral triangle. I had lowered a kiss to her freckles causing her to wiggle her nose against my cheek. It was better than anything I may or may not have dreamt and daydreamt of since I met her in that airport.

* * *

**A/N - **Once again thank you to you for reading, to Liz for editing and for my Emily (love you) and all of you who've kept me sane when depressed. I have got a lot of work right now, I have a drawing that I'm making for LimaDesigns (A tumblr) and I have 8 unfinished hand-ins before I leave for america in 4 weeks. BUT! BUT BUT BUT! ... I have now got my class schedule, and it's seriously so little we actually go to school - meaning! I HAVE TIME TO WRITE! Which means, I probably will be continuing to at least update every second week! I mean, I go to school from 08.05-15.15 and have three hours of homework at the moment and I still have managed to write a 29 page chapter (Longest chapter EVER) and in America I only have 4-5 classes pr. day and they're 50 minute classes. My normal classes are 70 minutes. So I would say - without being entirely certain - that I will be able to not go on 'half-hiatus'. :D.

Song for this chapter (Seriously, super cliché, but what the hell!): **Love Will Find A Way - Lion King /watch?v=vI-GzsTtDMA**

**Please review my dears and please do contact me on Tumblr (ElaineMathers), I love company, and I would really like to know who you guys are! So please, send an ask or a mail or something, if just to say hi. :)! I'll always answer! I just want to talk. :3~ But yeah, also please review!**

- On this interesting final note, I will leave you: "Somehow the what seems like the end, is most often only the beginning"

xx


	14. Venice Part 1: Friend

**Chapter 14 – Venice part 1: Friend**

"We should get you something to eat, babe" I said, breaking our kiss. We were still lying in the little piece of paradise, lazily kissing and cuddling, the sun baking down on us. I felt her stomach rumble beneath me. I grinned and moved my legs to sit up, straddling her.

"But then I'd have to get up." She complained, trying to pull me down again. I chortled and got up, trying to pull her with me. She crossed her arms and huffed, rolling her eyes.

"Don't wanna" she said. "Come back down here, San." She said and tugged at my arm.

"No, I think I'm leaving. If you stay here you won't get sweet lady kisses, but if you-" she was already up, grinning at me and towing me close by the arm until my body collided with hers. I smiled cockily up at her and pressed my lips to hers for a second, making her grip on me slack and giving me a chance to lure her out of the garden. In my opinion there was nothing better than to just kiss, but she was hungry and I didn't want that. She whined at the lack of contact and tried to catch me. With a yelp I hurried to the other end of the park where my purse had been carelessly dropped. With one swift movement I jumped past her, laughing, and lured her towards me and the exit of the park.

"Why are you being so mean?" she asked with evident dismay.

"Because you're starving" I said and let her take my hand. I tangled our fingers and pulled her with me back towards my apartment.

"I don't care" she mumbled, but her stomach growled audibly now and I giggled at her.

"Clearly" I teased and smiled.

"What do you say we have a pre-date-date tonight and eat out?" I asked.

"Sure, but wouldn't that mean that we'd have to separate to change?" she asked puffing her lip at me. I shrugged and nodded. I didn't like having to be not around her, but at the same time, I really wanted to eat somewhere nice while we had the chance. I knew that everything would be different once we got back home, I knew me. I'd become a coward on the whole PDA thing and I needed to show her that it wasn't going to be like that all the time, that there was going to be a time where we would be just like any couple. I had to show her, I just had to.

"How about we meet back here in half an hour? Then we'll go to that _Atmospheria_ you've been talking about?" I asked and smiled.

"I'd love to!" she said and pulled me into a tight hug. I chuckled and sighed into her hair tightening my arms around her neck. When she giggled into my ear I felt a shudder down my spine. She let me go and looked down at me excitedly.

"See ya" she said and leaned down, pecking me gently. I tried to make it into a real kiss, but she had already pulled back and skidded away. What had I gotten myself into; something that evidently made me very happy, if I was to judge by the grin on my face, the pounding of my heart and the fluttering in my stomach. I let out a low giggle and spun on the spot, trying to get some of the excitement dealt with.

"What the hells' got you giggling like a teenager?"

I spun again to see Mercedes standing with her hands on her hips and a smirk on her face. I tried to scowl but it was faded by a blush and a girlish chuckle.

"Oh it's nothing" I chimed happily, turning my eyes towards the sky dreamily.

"So it didn't have anything to do with the fact that you've been mackin' on Britt for the last … three hours?" she asked. I turned crimson and my smile faded.

"Wha- h…" I tried.

"I walked by the park around five and I saw you. Of course you had your tongue too far down Britt's throat to notice anything." She said with a huff.

"Well…" I started.

"Whatever, I'm happy for you guys. But don't you think it's a bit soon? I mean she _just_ broke things off with her boyfriend" Mercedes said a skeptical look.

"To be with Santana, yes" a voice said behind me. I didn't even got to spin around to face Britt before her arms surrounded me from behind as she pulled me into her. I smiled up at her, the best I could and then looked at Mercedes. She looked confused.

"But you were so sad about it?"

"Yeah, because he cheated on me; I was afraid that I'd never be in a relationship where they were honest to me"

"But you trust Santana, of all people, you trust her?" I looked warningly at Mercedes. Britt didn't have to know _that_ part of my past just yet.

"I do, I trust that she won't hurt me." Britt said and pressed her lips to my cheek. I blushed and bit down on my lip to prevent from giggling girlishly. Mercedes crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes, looking at us, still with distrust. She looked like she was going to continue to protest, but she didn't; luckily for her. She then just sighed, shook her head and shrugged, turning to walk off. I turned around in Britt's arms and held her close, looking up at her.

"Shouldn't you be changing?" I asked and stood on my toes to brush my nose lightly against hers. She scrunched hers and smiled.

"You have my key in your purse" she said.

"That's right, I do" I said slowly in a teasing manner. She narrowed her eyes at me. I let go of her and snaked out of her embrace.

"Where are you going?" she asked as I started to strut off.

"If you want it," I incited and waved at her with my purse, grinning wickedly "come get it."

"Ugh, you-" she began but then started sprinting after me. I let out a loud laugh and had her chase me back into the garden. I knew that I should just give her the purse because she was hungry and we really should eat, but I liked teasing her. _Wanky_. No but really, just goofing around with her was so much fun. I ran around the park howling with laughter until she finally tackled me. She grazefully spun as we fell and I fell on top of her with a loud "Oompf" but the minute she had regained control she flipped us and crouched over me, a devious smirk curling on her lips. I smiled innocently up at her.

"Give me the purse, Santana" she said warningly as she moved her legs to straddle me. I felt my lips spread into a wide grin as I hid the purse beneath my back. She let a growl rumble in her throat and then leaned down to catch my lips in hers. I knew that she was trying to get me properly distracted, and I let her. I instantly leaned into the kiss and moved my lips against hers as I flung my arms around her neck, breathing in through my nose sharply. She giggled and mumbled something garbled that sent little trembling sensations through my lips. I felt her hands wiggle under me and snatch my purse. I took the opportunity and arched into her, letting her grab the purse and retrieve it easily. I kept clinging to her and kissing her, peppering little pecks on her lips causing her to break into a fit of giggles and collapse on top of me, my purse now in her hand. I let out a sharp breath do to the weight now on me, but was silenced and breathless as she pressed her lips to my nose. I smiled up at her. Suddenly she was gone, had stood up and was looking down at me.

"Half an hour" she said and winked at me before strolling out of the park, leaving me on the grass staring after her from an odd angle, my head twisted upwards and sideways as she left the park. My purse lay beside me and she was waving the key between her thumb and index finger. I slumped back and smiled goofily at the sky. I couldn't get over it. I had spent almost the entire day just kissing her. Okay, maybe a little more than kissing, but I had been. I swear she killed me the first time I felt her tongue swipe across my lip. I'd never had that fireworks experience, ever. It had to have been some kind of soul-mate fairy tale thing, but here I was remembering every spark and explosion of color behind my eyes as her lips had moved against mine. It was a fairy tale though. Well, maybe not in the same way – but it still was.

* * *

I looked smoking. I had saved my red dress for Venice, but I still liked my attire. A tight deep green strapless shirt with a black zebra pattern and a pair of dark was skinny shorts cut from normal jeans. Stylish and hot without it being too formal. Also – I really wanted to use that red dress in Venice. I walked out to stand by the stairs. Maybe I could get a sneak peek on that Brittany strut in a dress – most likely. I smiled as I opened the door caught in my own thoughts. I almost didn't notice her until she shifted against the railing. My head snapped up to take in her face. She was smiling timidly at me, her eyes glistening and her hair arranged in delicate large ringlets around her shoulders. She was clad in a white slip dress with blue embroidering that made her skin look even tanner than it already was. I returned her smile warmly. She looked unsure for a moment, then pushed herself forwards towards me until we were standing as close as possible without any part touching. I felt a flutter in my stomach as I smiled up at her, letting out a shaky breath.

"Hi…" she whispered.

"Hey" I said quietly. My breath caught as she cupped my cheek and brought her face to mine, placing one tender kiss on my lips. That was enough to effectively take my breath away. I heard a giggle under her breath as she drew back. She let her thumb stroke across my cheek before letting it slide down my neck, leaving goose bumps in its wake. She ghosted her fingers over my shoulders and down my arms until she took my hand in hers and tangled our fingers. I felt as nervous as any girl on her very first date. Given – this wasn't my first date, but I was just as nervous. It was our first date. Good impressions were important. Hey, why hadn't I asked her properly? Ugh, I was the worst ever. _I am very bad…_ NOT the time for that kind of thoughts! Not now. No, I'm serious; keep a freaking PG mind right now. I kept scolding myself as Britt looked at me. I felt how piercing her gaze could be and I wasn't even returning it right now. I swallowed thickly due to the thoughts I was having right now, and looked up at her. She was smiling coyly at me.

"Ready to go?" she asked and tugged lightly at my hand. I nodded and let her drag me down the stairs. She walked beside me, holding my hand all the way to the restaurant. There were a few people waiting for a table, but not a lot. It was supposedly the best restaurant in town. It certainly looked great from the amount of people there. I just hoped that we wouldn't see anyone we knew – we didn't need any interruptions or things making this awkward.

"Due?" a waiter asked when it was finally our turn.

"Sì, grazie" I said with a courteous nod. He gestured at a table that was being cleaned as we spoke. I lead Brittany between two rows of tables. I loosely kept her hand in mine as she wiggled around me to sit opposite me. I smiled and sat down myself.

* * *

"So, how did you like our first date?" I asked.

"Hm, was this a date?" she asked with a mischievous smirk.

"Of course – I paid for your shrimp didn't I?" I asked and swung our hands between us. She giggled as she let her toes dig into the soggy sand. We were walking along the almost deserted beach. The sun had gone down about an hour ago and now the only light was from the moon reflecting down on us. The soft roar of the sea accompanied us as we walked; only interrupted by the distant sound from the funfair.

"We should probably get home, you're getting cold" Britt said and let a hand trail up my arm. She stopped and spun me around to stand close to her. I smiled and nodded as goose bumps trailed after her touch. I was a little cold actually. It wasn't nearly as warm as the other days had been. I leaned up, standing on my toes, and pressed a kiss to her nose. She smiled and leaned forwards capturing my mouth with hers. I let my shoes fall from my hand to lean closer to her, melting under her touch as she held me. It didn't take long until my tongue was battling hers, delving in her mouth. I clawed at her back, pulling her impossibly close as she leaned into me. She drew back as I slurped my tongue back, a faint blush creeping over my cheeks.

"Home, you're getting really cold" she said.

"Yeah? I thought things were starting to heat up a bit" I said slyly. She blushed and averted her gaze slightly. I reached down and took my shoes in one hand, grabbing hers gently in the other. With a squeeze of my hand she walked back with me.

We walked in comfortable silence all the way home. She had told me all about her sisters and her parents and I had told her more stories about Marco. She had laughed at me when I blushingly told her about my first crush being his girlfriend because they'd been dressed as Batman and Cat Woman for Halloween.

When we reached her place I had almost expected her to turn around and kiss me goodnight, but instead she pulled me with her up the stairs. I smiled timidly. This was definitely not first date material. To my surprise Britt actually had her key and unlocked the door, placing the key on the table. I placed my purse there as well. She then turned to me and smiled.

"Britt…" I said as she tugged me closer.

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna jump you" she reassured quietly. I giggled nervously into her neck. It wasn't that I didn't want to, I mean, have you seen her? She's got the perfect body _and_ she's a dancer. She had to be rockin'. But I had done that one-date-'n-sex thing way too many times. It wasn't going to be like that with Britt. I wanted this to be right. Take it slow, yanno?

"Come on" she said silently when I didn't respond by word. She dragged me into her bedroom and closed the door silently after us.

"Sugar's probably already sleeping" Britt explained. I nodded. There was a slight hesitation before she let go of my hand and opened her closet. Not long after was I attacked by the giraffe shorts and my shark shirt.

"I thought I took that home with me" I said.

"You did, but I took it back for the possibility that you might be sleeping here" she said with a timid smile. I smiled and stood with the clothes. I had been frozen by her. Right there in the middle of the room she wiggled out of her dress and let it pool at her feet. I swallowed thickly, letting my eyes roam her perfect body. It wasn't much different than when she wore a bikini, but somehow this had my heart pounding twice as hard. She was wearing a light rosy bra with black dots and black boyshorts. I took a deep calming breath as she grabbed a shirt from her bed, leaning over – in my opinion purposefully and painfully – slow. The minute she started to draw back I remembered that I had to change too. I fumbled clumsily with the button of my shorts, cursing under my breath. Finally they fell to the floor and I stumbled slightly as I pulled on the shorts. With a preparing intake of breath I tugged my shirt over my head and hurried to throw on the t-shirt. I managed to slip off the bra-straps from under the t-shirt and snap it up. I carefully placed my clothes in a pile in the corner, hiding the bra. When I looked up I saw Brittany sitting crossed legged on the bed, looking at me shamelessly.

"Cute bra" she said innocently. I choked on air trying to comment and felt my cheeks tint. She patted on the bed and gestured for me to sit next to her. I bit my lip as I crawled onto the bed, closing the distance. She reached out as if to pull me closer but then she shoved me back against the bed tickling my stomach. I squirmed and laughed loudly under her hands, trying to get her to stop. I knew why she was doing it – breaking the tension. She giggled and leaned in to press a kiss to my jaw, making me shiver and squirm at the same time. Why did I have to be so ticklish? I usually wasn't ticklish at all. Maybe it was because her touch set me on fire and froze me at the same time.

We were so caught up in our own laughter that we didn't hear the sound of steps. Our tickle-war ended abruptly though when the front door slammed violently.

"Was that…" I asked cautiously. Britt was laying under me as I straddled her hips, my hands on her stomach.

"Yeah, I think so" she said defeatist. I sighed and rolled off her.

"Sorry… Should we go find her?" I asked halfheartedly.

"She's probably at Sam and Mercedes'. I'll talk to her tomorrow. I just, it's not going to be any use trying to reason with her tonight." Britt said. I wondered why she wasn't going to go look for Sugar like Sugar had done for Britt last week, but what did I know? Britt had known Sugar for a long time and if she said that she'd be okay, then she would be.

"We should probably get some sleep" I mumbled, sitting up and letting a hand ruffle through my hair. Britt sat up as well and nodded. She crawled across the bed and slid under the covers. I walked around to crawl in next to her. I sighed contently as she wrapped her body around me, letting my forehead rest against the crook of her neck. She leaned back slightly, making me look up at her.

"No goodnight kiss?" she asked. I chuckled and leaned up, pressing my lips chastely to hers. She leaned in and deepened it shortly before sighing tiredly and nuzzling her nose in my hair. I smiled and wrapped my arms around her back, forcing us as close as possible.

"Today was perfect by the way. I'm so glad you told me that story. It made me trust you.." she said.

"How so?"

"You told that girl straight out that you didn't like her. You are true, even if it means you come off as slightly bitchy sometimes. That makes me sure that it's real, that you really like me" she said.

"I really do. I like you so much" I mumbled and pressed my lips to her collarbone. I felt her breath hitch slightly.

* * *

I woke the next morning by a gentle force repeatedly brushing against my forehead. I blinked several times before realizing that Brittany was hovering above me, pressing kisses to every inch of my forehead. She was straddling me shamelessly, leaning on her arms and gently weaving through my hair.

"Did you sleep well?" she asked, sitting back on my legs. I propped myself up on my elbows and nodded.

"No nightmares. You?"

"Not a single one"

"I think I woke better than I slept though" I said with a smirk. She tried to stifle a laugh.

"You're being really cheesy you know that?"

"I know, now will you let me make out with you or what? I've waited a week and a half for that chance, now let me" I said and tried to catch her. Of course, she had already left the bed and was on her way out the door to the balcony. I grumbled and flew after her.

"What are you…" she asked but I just caught her wrists and pulled her towards me.

"Let me…" I whispered into her ear. "Please"

She chuckled and leaned back. With a sly wink she leaned in and let her eyes flutter closed as she met my lips. I melted and let go of her hands. We fit perfectly together, every kiss better than the last, ever soar of butterflies in my stomach bigger than the last. I pulled her closer by the hips as she tightened her arms around my neck.

"If I had known you were such a good kisser even when I was sober, I would've tried that the day I met you" she said as she pulled back.

"Well if you stopped talking then maybe you could get to kiss me longer"

"Like it's not you who's begging for kisses"

"Shut up" I grumbled as I reattached my lips to hers. She hummed something unintelligible but then sighed contently as I swiped my tongue over her bottom lip. She gave in immediately and let me delve my tongue into her mouth. I let out a moan as she started to battle for dominance.

A loud wolf-whistle pulled us back to reality. I snapped back, slurping back my tongue and looked for the cause of the sound, blushing wildly. Brittany made sure I didn't go too far by pressing kisses to the almost faded hickeys she had given me a week ago. They were almost gone now. I felt how she pressed open-mouthed kisses to my neck as I suddenly saw Sam staring at us from his apartment which was almost across from Brittany and Sugar's. I turned bright red and tapped Brittany's side.

"I know, I don't care" she whispered in my ear, making me shiver and tilt my head slightly to give her more access.

"Let him see" she husked and began nibbling on the side of my ear. I let my eyes flutter closed and tucked her closer as she took my earlobe between her teeth and tucked slightly.

"God…" I whispered under my breath and felt like my knees would give up any time. I think Britt felt it because she backed me up and heaved me onto the table stepping between my legs and letting little mouse-kisses trace from behind my ear to my jaw and back to my lips. I sighed and gave up trying to protest.

"_Brittany and Santana sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g_" he sang loudly. I felt how Brittany's arm loosened and I peeked sideways just in time to see Brittany sticking her middle finger at him, still moving her lips against mine. I locked my legs around her, trying to get her full attention back to me. I heard Sam laugh distantly but then Brittany's hand tangled in my hair and I forgot everything.

"Breakfast?" she asked between kisses.

"Hmmr.." was all I was able to say.

She giggled and drew back. "I'll get it. Just stay here" I sighed and let her go, crossing my legs and dangling them slightly.

"Hey Santana!" I heard Sam yell. I looked over at him, scowling slightly. "I heard you two had become something more, but I didn't believe it until now. Can't believe how quickly you won her over." He said loudly. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms, not answering.

"Oh hi Britt!" he said and waved. I turned around and looked as Britt walked out with two bowls of cereal and somehow also two glasses of orange juice. I took the cereal from her and saw her body sigh in relief as she put down the orange juice. She let her nose brush against mine in passing as she sat down.

"San, eat by the table, not on it" she said and smiled. I huffed and hopped down, sitting in the chair beside her instead of opposite her. I didn't want to have to catch Sam's eyes every five seconds.

"So I was thinking, since we're going to Venice tomorrow, that I'd have to pack and clean today, to be ready and stuff. I don't really wanna pack and clean all night before going home" I said as I shoved cereal into my mouth. Beside me Brittany sounded like she choked on her breakfast.

"You what? But… But you said _at least two weeks_, don't you remember?" she looked at me like I had kicked her puppy or something

"Britt, I have to go home." I said sadly, taking her hand. She looked confused.

"Why? Can't you just stay here with us? There's plenty of room and I… I don't want you to go" she said miserably, looking at me pleadingly.

"Britt, I have to be out of my apartment by Wednesday, I need to help Quinn and Marco move out." I apologized. She pursed her lips and looked down, her shoulders slumping slightly as she realized that I really couldn't stay, however much I wanted. I wanted nothing more than to spend another week in this paradise and then… Then what? Then I'd have to face reality. Right there, I'd be faced with the reality that yes I was a lesbian and yes I'd now have to tell everyone. But Britt was worth it. Wasn't she? She was. She most definitely was. I'd just need some time to adjust. But for now, I'd still have a few days of Brittany and paradise.

"But I promise, we'll Skype just as often as you want and it's only a week, right?" I asked and took her hand in mine. She looked at me and nodded solemnly.

"Promise, though" she said and held up her pinky. I broke into a grin and took it with my own, shaking it slightly. She giggled and leaned her head onto my shoulder. "I'm going to miss you"

"We still have today, and tomorrow, and all night before I leave – if you want" I added.

"W-what?" she raised her head, her face red.

"Um, oh. Oh, no, I didn't mean like. I um, I just meant that we could stay up all night and talk or go into town or to the beach or something like that. Not … that" I said, turning redder by the second. She swallowed a giggle at my flustered rambling.

"I know babe" she said. My cheeks reddened another tone. She focused her attention to her cereal again and started eating, keeping my pinky linked with hers. I smiled and ate myself. If time could ever stop, now was the moment I wanted to lengthen. Just sitting on a balcony in northern Italy with a girl I hadn't known for two weeks, a girl whose voice made my heart flutter, whose smile made my own lips curl up in a smile, who I cared so much about and liked so much that it seemed impossible in such short time.

* * *

"Tell me again why you've brought this much clothes?" Brittany asked as she folded my shirts into the open suitcase on the bed.

"You never know how much you'll need" I said with a shrug as I quickly took the undergarments and hid in a bag before hiding them safely in my suitcase. I heard Brittany snort laughingly letting me know that I hadn't been as subtle as I'd wanted too.

"Hey, no shame babe. I'm gonna learn all about those someday" she said and wiggled her eyebrows at me. I scowled blushingly. "See, aren't I becoming much better at the flirting thing?" she asked as she folded the last of my shirts and put them all into my suitcase.

"It seems more real now, I must admit" I said hesitantly. To tell the truth the difference was that she was able to make me blush even more than before.

"Well that," she said and caught me around my waist and pressed into me from behind "is because I'm only flirting with you now" she whispered the last part into my ear and placed a kiss on my shoulder, making me sigh and fall into her grasp. She giggled and rocked us from side to side, peppering feather-light kisses from my shoulder to behind my earlobe. I blushed deeply when a low moan of satisfaction escaped my lips as she took my earlobe between her teeth and pulled gently. She giggled into my neck before releasing me.

"Goof" I said and tapped her nose before getting my bras. I didn't really bother to hide them this time. I was actually enjoying the gawk Brittany gave at the sight and how her eyes bulged slightly as she stared. I purposely swayed my hips and let one fall to the floor. With a slow movement I picked it up by the strap and swung it playfully. This was so awkward, or at least it would've been it she hadn't been the one flirting so much about it. Her cheeks were pink and she looked slightly misplaced in the middle of the room with empty hands. I winked playfully at her and proceeded to put the bras in my suitcase.

"So, I just need to get the rest of my clothes and then clean up everywhere. Oh, I have like a million things on the dining table." I said and peeked into the living room. The table was filled with water bottles, maps, printed directions, bags and bread. Britt didn't say anything but brushed past me silently as I giggled. How was it that she was the flirty one but she was so easily flustered? Oh well, just meant that I had an effect on her – which I appreciated very much.

* * *

"I'm really going to miss you, San." Brittany whispered after about five minutes of silence. We were laying in my bed face to face. I didn't move, curious to hear some of the late night confessions people tended to have. Somehow darkness gave all sorts of comforts to a person who was afraid to say things.

"Sugar slept here last night. I talked to her while you showered. She was really upset, felt like I had abandoned her. I told her not to break into your house again, and she promised not to. But I promised we'd spend at least half the day tomorrow with her. Not just for her, but for Sam and Mercedes too. Lord knows they'd need a good romantic day, they've been fighting a lot. I guess Mercedes doesn't really fight that much, but Sam's really sad all the time now and I don't know why, and Mercedes is getting more grumpy and getting more of her Diva back. I just wish I could be there for Sam and Mercedes and Sugar and you all at the same time" she sighed and leaned forwards to kiss my forehead. I bit my lip and then moved upwards to press my lips to hers gently.

"I'm sorry, I've been stealing you" I whispered. I felt her heart rate increase under my hand which I had placed above her heart, as she realized that I had heard.

"You haven't. I chose to be here, didn't I? I chose you. I want you" she said against my lips. I sighed and pressed into her shortly before leaning back and tugging her head beneath mine to rest above my heart. She shook slightly but then calmed down, wiggling a little to press her ear close to my heart.

"Your heart's racing" she whispered almost inaudibly.

"Hm.." I mumbled and tugged her closer. She let one leg crawl up to hover above mine. I smiled sighed into her hair.

"Sleep, baby girl" I said and began drawing circles on her back. She leaned up and pressed one tender kiss the crook in my neck before sighing. I held a hand over her heart, making sure that the rhythm of her heart steadied as she glided into sleep. When she murmured slightly and shifted, her heart slow and steady, I let myself drift off as well.

* * *

"Why the hell don't you people know how to set an alarm, we're freaking late"

That was my alarm clock; Sugar Motta. Brittany still tucked into me, sleeping but stirring as if she was waking up. I growled at Sugar, looking up.

"Why are you always here? Have you never heard of a thing called privacy?" I asked when I was sure that Britt had woken. I was sure because she pressed little kisses to my collarbone, silently letting me know that I could talk with her still pretending to be asleep.

"Britt, I know you're awake, get up!" Sugar said and then our sheets were pulled from around us. Sugar stood triumphantly with the sheets in her hand while Britt groaned and clung to me.

"Get out Motta. We'll be there in ten minutes, I promise. Just get the hell out" I said warningly, stroking Britt's hair. She hummed happily and snuggled closer. Sugar let out a snort and waltzed out letting our sheets fall to the floor in the doorway

"You don't live with her, do you?" I asked Britt. She chuckled and shook her head.

"I've already moved back with my folks for the summer. I'm gonna take over some dancing classes at a summer camp in Ohio.

"Really? That's awesome, I'm moving back home too" I said. I felt her smile into my neck before disentangling herself from me. I flopped into the place she had been lying when she got up.

"I don't have my stuff here-"

"Which is a total mistake" I interjected. She poked my back, making me squirm.

"I don't have my stuff here so I'll have to go home and change." She said and leaned down. I still had my nose bruited in the pillow, but I felt her lips graze my shoulder before hearing her bare feet walk across the wooden floorboards.

In order to get ready as fast as I could, I rushed through all my steps for getting ready. I stood in the bathroom in my seamless shorts and my red bra, with the toothbrush caught between my gums, my hair half combed and my make-up half-done. The bowl of cereal was standing on the sink and I took a large spoon-full every once in a while. I almost tipped over the bowl of cereal, while reaching for a hairpin. This would have been a good time to have multiple arms or something so I could do everything at once.

Somehow I was out the door only eight minutes after having woken up. I ran towards the car and saw Sam and Sugar leaned against the trunk, all of the doors wide open of the green car, trying to extinguish some of the heat.

"Hey, where're Britt and Mercedes?" I asked, walking towards them and leaning against the trunk next to Sam. He nudged me playfully as a greeting.

"Mercedes had weave problems." Sugar explained.

I huffed slightly, waiting for them. The three of us stood waiting for them for another minute or so before I spotted Mercedes. She was hissing something at Brittany who just grinned in return. When she saw us – or me I hope – she lit up and dragged Mercedes along as fast as she could. Mercedes seemed a little more reluctant but walked to stand beside me anyway. Brittany had already stepped towards me and pushed flush against my body, letting her arms fall around my shoulders. Instinctively I placed my hands on her hips.

"You two are not sitting beside each other in the car. Seriously, you're worse than honeymoon couples" Sugar complained.

"You ain't my mom" I said.

"No, but I don't wanna watch you and Britts getting your 'mack on' every two minutes. Sorry, Asperger's. No, you know what, not Asperger's. Just don't wanna watch that" Sugar said with a huff gesturing at us. She climbed into the car and sat in the middle of the backset. Britt huffed in disapproval, gave me a lingering kiss and climbed in behind the driver seat. I climbed in on the other side of Sugar, dropping onto the seat and puffing a hair out of my eyes.

We spent most of the trip in silence, but the backseat wasn't uncomfortable. Every once in a while one of us jabbed Sugar in the side. The silence in the front however was much difference. I had noticed it for a while – them going a bit hot and cold. Sam kept sending angsty glances at Mercedes who was being pretty cold. I wondered why, mostly because she was the warmest and most caring person ever.

* * *

"Look, it's so pretty!" Sugar exclaimed excitedly. Both she and Brittany were leaning across the railings looking at a two-story waterbus. It was almost empty. We were all huddled together in a big lump of people, estimated around 150 people wanting to get on the bus. Luckily our group had been in good time and was almost at the front. I was standing with my hand right next to Britt's our pinkies linked. She'd chuckled at that but I liked it.

"Sugar, it's a boat" I said flatly. She scowled at me, but I just shrugged. I felt Brittany tug warningly in my pinky. I smiled apologetically at her, to which she rolled her eyes but couldn't help smiling back. I turned my attention to the white and green ship as it docked. One of the shipmates tied a rope around the three massive wooden poles beside the dock and then around the metal pole to fasten the ship to the dock. A pull door was opened and the man permitted us to enter. Sugar dragged Brittany, and therefore me too, onto the first floor out on the open part of the ship. The two-person benches were placed so they faced each other in pairs. Sam and Sugar took one side and Mercedes sat on the other. I was just going to sit on the floor between the two benches as Brittany sat down, but instead she tugged at me and pulled me onto her lap. I leaned against her as she fastened her arms around my waist.

"Hey, look" I said and pointed towards the horizon where the outlines of Venice were visible. Everyone but Brittany looked, giving me time to peck her without the others seeing. It wasn't because I didn't want them to see, I just didn't want to be a constant source of complaints and really it was annoying that they seemed disapproving of us. Britt grinned and turned to look at the horizon.

"Mommy come on let's go" I turned to look at the little British boy who'd said it, pulling his mom to the edge of the ship. The boy was maybe five or six, wearing a cap with Union Jack. I turned back to Brittany.

The ship ride was about half an hour. Britt shivered when I told her about the island to our left around 20 minutes in. It was a tiny island whose only purpose was to be a graveyard.

"That has to be so haunted. I wonder if that's where they keep all of the Italian zombies" she whispered gravely. I chuckled and let my fingers ghost across her knuckles. I felt her breathing calm.

"So we're gonna get off here at Giardini, and you guys go to San Marco and we'll meet back at San Marco at 2.30 PM, right?" Sam asked as he and Mercedes got up.

"Yup" Brittany said "Have fun guys" she said. I made to scoot off Britt's lap to sit beside her, but she hummed in dissatisfaction and clutched my waist tighter. I giggled and relaxed in her arms. Sugar waved once more at Sam and Mercedes before they disappeared down the stairs. The bus hit the dock with a hard collision causing Britt to tighten her grip on me. She scooted towards the 'window seat' and leaned against the inner railing, letting her fingers stroke my stomach. I noticed the Sugar looked kind of misplaced. Okay, one nice thing couldn't hurt, right? I patted on the space beside us and gave her the most genuine smile I could muster. She pursed her lips but then shifted and sat beside us. She looked kind of nervous, until I actually – and I did this with no idea why – reached down and took her hand.

"Come on, three friends in Venice, that's awesome right?" I asked her, indicating that I considered her my friend. Britt nudged me.

"Okay, so two girls with the hot's for each other and their friend" I asked. They both laughed. Brittany released my waist with one arm to place her hand above mine and Sugars.

"We're kind of friends?" Sugar asked.

"Yeah. But don't tell anyone" I said and winked at her. She smiled genuinely. Maybe she just wanted friends. Maybe she really did have Asperger's. Who knew? Maybe she was just freaking happy most of the time and didn't know how to control herself.

"But can you at least hold back on the tongue tying until after 2.30?" I let out a snort of a laugh but nodded none the less.

"We can always try" I said.

"Wait, starting from when? When we leave this boat, right?" Britt looked shocked as I looked back at her.

"Why?"

"I haven't made out with you all day!" she said exasperatedly. I blushed and smiled.

"Okay, two minutes, that's it" Sugar said and pulled her hand back, crossing her arms.

"No, we can wait" I said carefully. Britt looked at me oddly. I shook my head. I wasn't exactly used to acting on my gay, let alone talk about it in public. It wasn't just a one day turnover. She'd just have to be patient until I'd drag her to some corner of a side street and kiss her senseless, once Sugar'd gone off with Mercedes and Sam.

Somewhere along the way we seemed to forget where we had to get off.

"Hey, wasn't that San Marco? Wasn't that our stop?" she exclaimed pointing at a big overcrowded open space with churches around it. That was definitely San Marco.

"We'll just get off at the next stop and walk back there" Brittany said unworriedly. I slumped back against her and tangled our fingers. She was right; we'd just get off at the next stop.

"Look, a bridge. Let's get off at that stop and we can just walk across the bridge and then keep going right and we'll get to San Marco in no time" Sugar said. She got up as the bus started to dock. Brittany let me get up and I pulled her with me. Getting off was slightly difficult, but we managed. There were a lot of people and we kept losing sight of Sugar. When suddenly she was right beside us, I grabbed her hand and pulled both girls with me. Together we walked up on the bridge. It was a wooden bridge called 'Accademia' and it was one of the four bridges in the 'Canal Grande' which was the main canal around the city. I noticed that everywhere on the steel mesh there hung little locks with writing on them. Some said "Love you forever" with initials and some said "Our everlasting love" some had "Amor" or "Mi amor" or "Te Amo" and other variations of love on them. I looked at the initials, trying to see if anyone coincidentally had B+S on them, but there were none.

"B; should we buy one of those?" I asked and pointed at one of the street-sellers selling locks. I noticed a pink one immediately thinking Britt might like it.

"One of what?" Britt asked, caught up in a conversation with Sugar. I pointed toward the pink key and then gestured around us. Her eyes went wide as she sat down and examined it.

"E vecchia storia dice che se si scrive le proprie iniziali su un blocco come quello il tuo amore non morirà mai" the street vendor said in Italian.

"Quanto vuoi per il blocco rosa?" I asked as Britt examined it with sparkling eyes.

"Due" he said and smiled at me. I nodded and looked in my wallet, handing him a two-euro coin. He lent us a thin magic marker.

"Devi scrivere reciproche iniziali" the man explained.

I was handed the lock from Britt and wrote as pretty as I could in fairy-tale style "B" and gave her the magic marker. The salesman took both things from her and I almost hissed, but stopped when I saw him drawing the '+' sign. He was acting as the one tying us together. I blushed slightly, feeling that it was almost something marital like. He then handed Brittany the lock and the magic marker. She took it and I noticed the rosy tint on her cheeks as well as she scrunched her nose in concentration. I smiled as she wrote "S" and then turned it around. She wrote "Dolphin" and gave it to me. I stared at it for a second before remembering how she'd explained that thing about dolphins and gay sharks. I smiled and wrote "Unicorn" above "Dolphin". She grinned and I think we both reminisced.

* * *

"_What are you thinking about B?" I asked, lazily interlacing and disentangling our hands. We were lying on my bed in a mess of the clothes that we had only managed to pull out of the closet._

_She smiled. "Unicorns."_

_So that wasn't at all the answer I had expected, but it was Brittany, so I wasn't really sure what to expect. I tugged at our hands to get her to look up at me. She had been curled into my side, resting her head above my heart._

"_Why?" I asked._

"_Because I think you're becoming one."_

"_If this is your attempt to talk dirty, I don't think we're gonna work" I said with a chuckle. She swatted me._

"_It's not! But just for that, I'm not gonna talk dirty to you for a long time" she said with a wicked smirk. I groaned and pouted at her. She leaned up and pressed her lips to my jaw, making me melt._

"_So, why am I becoming a unicorn?" I asked, trying to take things seriously._

"_Well, a unicorn is a person who knows they're awesome and isn't afraid to show it. Like, believing in your own magic. I think you're making me a unicorn too. You make me believe in my own magic" she said calmly. I felt her cheeks heat up against the skin of my neck._

"_You are magic Brittany. You are the unicorn" I said and nudged her. She lifted her head and pressed her lips to mine. We didn't do much packing for the next twenty minutes. Unless packing is just macking with an m. Then we were sort of packing._

* * *

"There" I said and drew a heart. She beamed at me and we got up. Sugar was patiently waiting for us and even took a picture as Britt and I put the lock on the bridge. She then stepped between us and linked her arms with ours. I would've preferred to walk around with Brittany but Sugar seemed kind of on a high from having me call her a friend. It was kind of sweet and really annoying at the same time.

* * *

"What the hell do you mean you don't know where we are?!" I roared at Sugar. We were in the middle of a side street, which was really dark and really small and we had no idea where we came from or where we were supposed to go. Sugar had taken over leadership to get us back to San Marco, but as you can hear; that went beyond bad.

"These windows look like prison cells" Brittany noted with slight fascination, flicking her fingers against the steel bars outside a window. I shuddered and looked around nervously. I hated being lost and I hated being here. It was so freaking spooky.

"See San, you can almost imagine the old people in there having been trapped for-"

"Shut up!" I whined panicky. Britt looked up with a bemused expression. She then tilted her head slightly and took me in. My arms were clenched tightly across my chest and I was looking around nervously.

"San, are you scared?" she asked.

"No!" I protested but quivered none the less. With a panicky shriek I jolted up and sprinted towards Brittany throwing my arms around her for protection. Something had _definitely_ brushed against my leg, and whatever it was, I didn't freaking like it. Brittany chuckled and heaved me into her arms. I looked ludicrous and I knew, but that thing was freaking scary. Sugar broke into laughter and I looked to see that she was sitting on her knees brushing the fur of a small red striped cat. It meowed in satisfaction and looked like it was purring even though I couldn't hear from here. Brittany giggled and kissed my temple before setting me down. I grumbled and kept close, staring at the cat suspiciously. Seriously, in these streets anything might transform into a 40 feet tall lizard and kill me. I trusted nothing, not even a freaking cat.

"Okay, let's follow the cat, huh?" Sugar suggested.

"No, cats don't often go near water. I think we should see where it goes and go in the opposite direction" Brittany objected. I looked at her.

"Well you _are_ the cat whisperer" Sugar acknowledged. Britt leaned down and pet the cat for a short minute then got up and shushed at it. It looked very judgingly at her, whacked its tail and strutted off. With a grin Brittany took my hand and lead me and Sugar in the opposite direction.

We walked in silence, in and out of side streets, one smaller than the next when finally we reached a place where water was visible.

"Oh thank god, it's freaky in here" I said breathlessly and broke into a run. The sun heated my face the minute the tall buildings weren't providing shadow, and I looked into the small waves.

"You _were_ scared!" Britt giggled and snaked her arms around my waist.

"Lunch?" Sugar asked cheerily, nudging me with her shoulder. I looked over at her and smiled. She hadn't teased me once about the cat and the dark jail windows. Maybe she wasn't bad after all. Maybe I even cared about her a little. Only a little.

* * *

**A/N - **So I know this chapter and the next two are going to be super-fluffy slightly sappy and really macky, **but there's a purpose**!** Enjoy it while you can**, I warn you! While you can!

I'm sorry it took me so long to update, but shit's really hit the fan in my life right now. I haven't finished the 17th chapter yet, because of a writers block, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging and I have got a few extra chapters for situations like this. Maybe I'll be able to update once more before leaving for USA. I'll do my best. Until then...! Love you guys!

**If you ever feel like saying hi, DO SO**! Please. I beg you. Nothing motivates me or makes me more happy than to hear from you guys. So send me an IM, I'll be your frieeeeend~. No, not an IM. Either send me one here or on Tumblr (elainemathers . tumblr . com). I just wanna talk :'3. Also - please review ^^. That makes me really happy too. and a happy Ellie means more chapters quicker! 8D?

**Italian sentences**:

And old tale says that if you write your initials one a lock like that one your love will never die

How much for the pink lock?

You have to write each other's initials

Song for this chapter. **"That's Amore - Dean Martin" /watch?v=XHtdGJfVd2w**


	15. Venice Part 2: More Than Friends

**Chapter 15 – Venice part 2: More than Friends**

The sun was high on the clear blue sky as we walked around on San Marco. Britt and Sugar were looking at masks trying to decide which ones to get while I was kicking playfully at pigeons. They cackled and flew away in outrage. I laughed triumphantly.

"San, don't scare them" Brittany reprimanded me. She was standing at one of the booths holding up two masks which were slightly bigger than her fist. One was bright turquoise and had ceramic three ceramic leaves as headgear. The other was red with three paper fans made from music paper. They were both really pretty but also really different. I saw a major flaw in the red one though with one the fans bent awkwardly.

"That one" I said and pointed at the turquoise one.

"But this one is so unique" Britt said and held up the red one.

"It's also broken" I interjected.

"But that's what makes it unique right? It's still super pretty and perfect even if it's broken. Whole doesn't equal perfect." she said. I felt my stomach tighten, suddenly knowing why she wanted that one. I looked down at my dress and blushed.

"Thanks…" I said coyly. She just smiled and bought the mask. I looked over at Sugar who was staring at us through a gold and shiny auburn mask which covered her eyes. On one side little golden, yellow, red, and auburn feathers decorated it and attached to the bottom was small golden stick to hold it up. She smiled at us goofily and proceeded to buy that one.

Brittany, Sugar and I had eaten in a hole-in-the-wall café for lunch, and we were currently waiting for the water-bus that would have Mercedes and Sam on it. I felt my stomach tighten slightly.

"Sugar, I can't take this" I suddenly heard Brittany say quietly. I peeked over at them. Sugar and Brittany were standing huddled closely together and Sugar looked like she was handing Brittany something.

"Sure, go get your Romeo on and have fun okay? It's not like I'm gonna miss them." Sugar hissed. Brittany pursed her lips and looked doubtingly at whatever Sugar was holding. I just managed to glance away before feeling both their gazes on me.

"Thanks, Sugar. You're the best" Britt then whispered almost inaudibly.

"I know, I'm awesome" Sugar said in a normal tone. I felt it safe to look at the again, but whatever Britt had gotten from Sugar, she had just put in her bag. I began walking towards them, when a loud hollering interrupted me.

"Santana!" I heard Mercedes' voice behind me and I spun. She was standing with a small apologetic smile on her lips, Sam scowling behind her. That was certainly not like him. Brittany and Sugar were now beside me and we walked to meet the couple halfway.

"So this is where I'm handed over to my grandparents so mommy and mami can go have romance, huh?" Sugar asked with a sly grin. I chomped the air at her and glared to which she only rolled her eyes dismissively and strutted towards Mercedes and Sam.

"We'll see you later then? We'll take the 9:36 PM bus from San Marco back to the Lido. So meet us here at 9:30?" Sam asked, not scowling as much but letting his arm fall around Sugar's shoulder. She nudged him playfully and he nudged back.

"Sure, we'll try" I said not completely able to promise anything.

"Have fun! Oh and Brittany, just man up will you?" Sugar asked with a grin as they started to walk away, into the center of the open space of San Marco. Brittany turned to look at me, her cheeks suddenly slightly pink.

"What do you wanna do?" she asked nervously.

"I don't know, how about going to that 'glass island' Murano?" I suggested, feeling just as nervous. I had been thinking about the date all day and now I realized that I had got nothing planned.

"Well, I have one thing I want to do for sure, but yeah. We can go to Murano first. We just have to be back here at 4PM." Britt said coyly. I looked at her suspiciously. What had she planned? Well I guess she must've had something planned since _she_ was the one asking _me_ out. But what did I know? I'd never been in a … well whatever this was, with a girl. I watched her take the map from her bag and unfold it, wrinkling her nose as she tried to figure out where we were going. I smiled at her adorable scrunching and remembered that as something she did frequently when she concentrated. I let her figure things out, perfectly content with just watching her. I noticed that the light breeze made her bangs whiff around her eyes. Also I noticed that her hair shone more when it was being exposed to sunlight. It was almost sun-like itself. Not golden, her hair was too light for that, but illuminated like the center of a flame or like the sun. Everyone kept saying that the sun was yellow or golden, but really it was more like this color a shiny cream-like color with a hint of golden. I felt her eyes on me as I let mine trace through her hair.

"Santana?"

I let my gaze lower to her eyes, blue like a light night sky. It was like that part of the sky which was still blue, but wasn't dark when looking at a sunrise, like sapphires enlightened by a magical light. Her eyes narrowed curiously, noticing that I had lost myself in thought. I was gently, but suddenly pulled back to reality as she let her fingers ghost across the knuckles of my left hand. I felt my gaze flicker between her eyes before returning to reality. But she was reality and dreaming at the same time. It was like I would always have the best dream possible right here beside me.

"Hey, are you okay?" she asked and let her hand glide into mine. I gripped it instinctively, somehow wanting to prove that she was real.

"Perfect." I breathed and felt my lips curl into a goofy smile. She leaned forwards and placed a chaste kiss to my forehead before tugging gently at my hand to lead us towards the station where the water busses would arrive.

"So, what do you have planned for us on this lovely day?" I asked courteously. She giggled at me as she checked in with her 12-hour bus pass we had bought at the Lido dock. She smirked at me and tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear. I checked in too and we sat down on the benches, waiting. She held her palm out to me and when I looked down I saw a tiny little magnet of a gondola. I gaped and looked up at her.

"No freaking way!" I said. That was so expensive. Not the magnet, but riding gondolas. It was like 100€'s an hour.

"Way" she giggled and took my hand placing the magnet in my palm. "That's why we've got to be back here at 4, I ordered the ride. Well, actually I couldn't afford it so Sugar gave me the money and, I'm sorry, I should've paid!" she said and looked quite pained by the fact that she hadn't.

"Shut up" I said with a grin and leaned in to kiss her, forcing her to stop talking. She hummed in appreciation and then drew back.

"You're sure it's okay?" she asked. I nodded and pecked the tip of her nose delicately. So what if she hadn't paid, we were still going to ride in a gondola, together.

"But I didn't-" she started but I cut her off with another kiss, harder and more insistent this time. She giggled into it and tilted her head slightly. I opened my eyes slightly and noticed a little boy gawking at us. I knew that boy, the one from the boat with the Union Jack cap. I pulled back, letting my fingers ghost across her cheek and comb through her hair. I saw from the corner of my eye how the mother quickly shooed his son away from us and the grimace she sent us. I sighed and looked into Brittany's eyes, searching for comfort.

"It's okay, sweetie. We have just as much right as anyone" she said and cupped my face. I leaned into her touch, letting my eyes flutter closed and humming in appreciation. She kept stroking her thumb across my cheek until I was woken from my daze by the sound of the waterbus approaching. I opened my eyes and was met by Brittany staring tentatively at me before leaning in to give me one last chaste kiss. I pressed into her instinctively, breathing in sharply through my nose before pulling back and grinning sheepishly.

"Come on, catfish" Brittany poked my stomach playfully and pulled me up. We walked together, though not physically attached in any way. I had to admit that it made me a bit uncomfortable to kiss her in such a public place, knowing that people disapproved. It shouldn't bother me, but it did. It was that tiny twitch in my stomach whenever someone sent me a judgmental look that made me cringe. Yet when she kissed me, I forgot everything, our whereabouts and the people looking. Everything went white and she was the only thing there. It was magical. She was magical.

* * *

"How do people even make this" I asked and held up a tiny 1 inch swan made of see-through blue glass; it was magnificent.

"I have no idea, this is so cool" Brittany said in awe.

We were standing inside a shop halfway down the main street of the tiny island Murano. The shop was a small cute trinket shop filled with figurines made of glass in a billion colors. Brittany was currently standing in a far end corner holding a glass-dolphin perched on a glass-bobble. It was only the size length of a pinky and the blue and white glass swirled and mixed in the figure.

"Can I help you ladies?" an old woman said in English with a thick Italian accent. I looked at Britt and shrugged.

"We should probably get something to remember this or what?" I asked. She set down the dolphin and walked towards me.

"I'd like that" she said with a shy smile. I set down the swan and began looking around.

"Do you have any unicorns?" Brittany asked the old lady. She scrunched her face but Brittany then saw what she was looking for. A tiny rosy glass unicorn was perched on a shelf in a glass-cabinet. It looked so fragile but beautiful anyway. Just because I was born and raised in Lima Heights Adjacent it didn't mean that I couldn't appreciate something pretty, especially when it reminded me so much about Brittany.

"Four euro" The woman said hoarsely, looking at Brittany's awing expression. I walked towards her, looking.

"Would you like that one?" I asked softly. She nodded timidly, looking at me.

"I think I'm going to buy that one"

"No you don't" I said.

"What, why not?" she pouted at me, glancing longingly at the unicorn.

"I'm getting it for you" I said and snaked my arms around her waist. She leaned into my touch and whispered something about her not being worth buying presents for. I shushed her and tightened my grip on her.

"You're worth everything" I whispered.

"I'll have the unicorn" I said and smiled. Brittany started mumbling something again but I just tightened my grip on her even more and hummed warningly. "Let me" I whispered. She sighed defeatist and stopped her protesting.

I released her to go pay for the unicorn which had now been neatly wrapped in bubble wrap and tucked in a small white cardboard box with the Venice symbol – a fish. I gave the woman the money and handed the box to Brittany. She looked shy as she took it but then leaned in and kissed my forehead. I went bright red, knowing that the old woman was eyeing us intently. I had no idea what the stand on gay people was in Italy but seeing as Italy was mostly catholic, I didn't reckon it was a very popular subject. The lady however merely said goodbye in her friendly but raspy voice and even smiled slightly when we walked out the door. Britt leaned down and took my hand, twining our fingers as she put the box into her bag.

We went further down the street while she told me about her theory on zebras and black unicorns. I suddenly remembered something though it was completely out of context but it made me wonder.

"Hey B?" I asked as we walked towards a large blue-nuanced glass sculpture.

"Yeah?"

"You said you saw me in Chicago, right?" she nodded and smiled in reminiscence.

"How come you asked if I spoke English in the plane then? And asked my name?" she blushed violently and looked down, fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

"What?"

"Ididn'twanttoseemlikeastalker" she muttered fast and almost inaudibly. I tried to stifle a giggle, but without much luck. She whacked my arm, embarrassed.

"So, you didn't want me to know that I knew you?" I asked with a soft reassuring voice. She still looked like a puppy caught with the big dog's bone, as she shook her head sheepishly.

"I just didn't want you to think I was a stalker or something. So I pretended that I didn't know who you were. I just wanted to know you though. I never really expected to ... to fall for you" she blushed deeper and stared into the ground, biting her lip. I made sure that we were almost alone before leading her into a dark alley. She looked at me with a confused expression, before I took her head between my hands and pulled her down to me.

"You're adorable" I whispered, my breath hitting her lips. She shivered and giggled.

"Santana, what are you-" she asked when I didn't lean in. I had intentionally waited for her to say something to cut her off. I felt my lips touch hers and immediately they molded together. It wasn't slow and lazy like it had been the last few days, it was more like that time where she had been drunk. I felt her gain control over what had otherwise been _my_ attack on _her_ and she backed me up against the brick wall, grinning into the kiss. I let out a sharp breath when my back collided with the wall, letting her gain access to my mouth. I was melting under her touch and I let my hands move to tangle in her hair as she pushed herself into me, her tongue now delving in my mouth.

* * *

"Come on, we're gonna miss the bus!" Brittany yelled as she pulled me towards the station. I hissed and tried to fix my hair which she had so effortlessly disheveled in her attack on my lips and neck. I managed to get it to cover the blossoming hickey placed right around where the last Brittany hickeys had been. Her hair was slightly messy as well, but she had already done hers to comb through it to fix it. She tugged harder and we just managed to slow down enough to check us in before jumping into the waiting cabin and onto the ship. The man looked confused but smiled as I leaned against the wall for support, panting heavily.

"You're in really bad shape" Brittany giggled and poked my stomach making me groan. I grumbled at her and fell into her as she wrapped her arms around me. I let my ear rest against her heart and followed the slight racing of hers to steady mine which felt like a horse was using it as a treadmill or something.

"I haven't been… A cheerleader… for four years… excuse me… if I-" she kissed my temple to get me to stop talking. I felt as she slipped her hand over my heart to control my heartbeat. I was sure that with her this close I wouldn't be able to get it to calm down completely, especially when my neck was still damp from her attack and when my wrists were still slightly sore from where she had held them against the wall above my head. I would have no problem submitting myself to that treatment, it was freakishly hot.

"Are you excited?" she asked innocently. I looked up at her, blushing ferociously.

"What?" I squeaked, high-pitched. It was a mixture of the definite pun in her question, the previous activity, the sudden grumble beneath my belly button and the fact that I was still kind of exhausted from running. She looked at me for a long second before blushing equally.

"Oh! No, not that! Ugh, is that all you think about?" she asked me giggling, trying to seem exasperated but failing miserably.

"No, but that thing in the alley back then made it pretty hard not to" I said half accusingly half giggling. We were acting like a couple of high school kids escaping from doing it outside the principal's office or something.

"I know… It was pretty hot" Britt whispered into my hair. I shivered slightly, thinking about possibilities of that happening again.

"So hot" I mumbled and laughed softly. "but I'm really looking forwards to the gondola ride as well, if you were wondering."

"Good to know, I've got loads more planned before you get to leave though." She said, making me light up.

"I'm not going to get any sleep tonight, am I?" I asked teasingly.

"Stop being such a perv, Santana! And no. But _that_ is not the reason. I don't think I'm ready just yet. Second base, maybe. If you're lucky" she said and poked my side. I gasped slightly and I think she heard because she broke into renewed giggles. I clenched my hands to keep myself from going all second base on her right now. The reminder that we were in public helped my self-control some though.

"Great, now that's all you're going to think about when we're in the gondola, isn't it?" she asked in another attempt to scold me. I pouted and looked up at her with puppy eyes, swearing by this look that I could be nice. She rolled her eyes at me and giggled, wrapping her arms tighter around me.

* * *

"So you could've gotten any gondola, but you chose this?" I asked in awe. It was perhaps the prettiest I'd seen here. It was coal black and really long with golden railings and decorations in the stern. The seats were made by red velvet and there was a bottle of champagne in ice at the end.

"I thought it was really pretty and Sugar saw me looking at it while you bought that Hard Rock Café t-shirt." She admitted sheepishly.

"Wow, if I didn't know better I'd say that you were proposing to me" I joked. She flushed and poked me.

"You're not even my girlfriend yet, and you're already demanding that I propose?" she asked in fake insult. I giggled and climbed into the boat, helping her aboard too. The gondola captain was a sizable man wearing black pants, a blue and white striped polo, a red scarf and a straw hat with a matching red band. He looked politely at us as Brittany handed him the voucher and sat down beside me. There was kind of a nervous tension about the way this was all set. The romance, the gondola, the freaking champagne. What was I supposed to do? What was she? It was like Sugar had set this up and suddenly we were on some sort of bizarre blind date. But we knew each other, we liked each other – a lot. At least I liked her a lot. I think she liked me just as much, if it was possible to like me as much as I liked her. I wasn't really that likable.

"Santana?"

I realized that I had been staring into my lap for the past two minutes and that we were now on our way into the Canal Grande.

"Hmm?" I hummed, looking at her, my cheeks warm. She leaned over, placing a kiss on my cheek before taking her hands in mine and whispering in my ear for me to relax. I smiled chastely and leaned my head onto her shoulder, feeling and looking at the way she was letting her fingers skate across the contours of my hand.

"That was something I wanted to talk about, actually" I said. I looked up at her with a confused look, seeing her nervousness in the way her eyes were flickering. I returned her gesture with the kiss to her cheek and whispering for _her_ to relax.

"Talk about what?" she asked softly, leaning back a little to see me properly.

I took a deep breath before blurting out "What are we Britt?" I cringed the moment I had said it. It was too early, we should just let this take its time, but what would I call her. I wanted to call her my girlfriend or at least say that we were dating…

"I don't know, why don't you tell me?" she said sweetly reassuring me with her gentle blue eyes.

"Are we dating, or what?" I asked. We had been on two dates, we spent every minute together. I wanted to date her so bad. But did she?

"This is a date right? And yesterday when we were at the restaurant – you said that was a date. So yeah, I'd say that we were dating" Brittany said without a hint of doubt. I sought it, that one flicker in her eyes, but it wasn't there. Her gaze was steady and true as she spoke.

"Some people see other people when they're just dating. Do you want us to do that?" I asked nervously. I didn't want anyone else but her, but still, maybe she wasn't ready.

"Do you want that?"

"No" I said without hesitation.

"Me neither. So let's not do that. Let's just date each other" she said.

"Dating?" I said – just to be sure.

"Dating" she said in a confirming tone. She leaned in and pressed her lips to mine gingerly. It took everything not to press into her too hard, but to keep it gentle. She smiled into the kiss and let her tongue glide across my bottom lip before pulling back. She smiled giddily and then leaned across me to grab the two champagne glasses. With a shift movement she placed the glasses on the little table beside her and took the champagne bottle from the cooler and looked at it, biting her lip coyly. She looked at it with distrust as if it would blow any minute. I smiled and took it from her carefully, popping it open and grabbing a glass. I poured some in both our glasses and handed her one after placing the champagne back in the cooler. She took her glass and waited for me. She then held up her glass gallantly and grinned goofily. She was the perfect mix of romantic and silly.

"What are we drinking to?" I asked shyly, holding my glass close to hers.

"Us? Here's to us" she said and clinked her glass against mine before we both rose our glasses to take a sip. It was sour and sharp but it tasted good anyway. It had sort of a sweet aftertaste. I hadn't drunk much champagne in my time, but that was mostly because I hadn't had much time for it. I remember the first time I tasted champagne was with my brother at his high school graduation. I had been sitting on the kitchen counter moping that I couldn't have any wine like the rest of the guests could. He then let me sip from his champagne, knowing that I wouldn't like it. He'd then handed me something he said was alcohol cola – cola with a bit of lemon-water – and told me that this was much worse than wine. For the next four years I had firmly believed that the drink was actually alcoholic.

I snapped back to Venice when the gondola captain started to hum quietly. We were sailing under a really big stone bridge, one which I didn't remember the name o of even if I should. I knew that it was the biggest of the four bridges. I felt Brittany's cool hand take my hand in hers again. She scooted a little and though she was higher, she managed to rest her head on my shoulder,. She hummed happily and enjoyed the view.

"Those houses look like the one that sunk in Casino Royale" Brittany noted. I giggled and nodded into her hair, letting my fingers tangle in it.

"Why is the square root of four a double rainbow?" I asked suddenly. I remembered Sugar telling me about it. I'd tried to solve it in my head, but I couldn't. I guessed that it was _Brittany Logic_ that was needed, seeing as it was her theory.

"Talked to Sugar did you?" Britt snickered.

"Didn't really have a choice. She thanked me though. She said that you hadn't been yourself but that you were being more you now" I said sheepishly. Britt looked down slightly.

"I didn't even think she noticed…" she muttered.

"She's your best friend, Britt. Of course she notices." I said softly, taking her hand and nuzzling my nose into her hair. She looked quite sad now. "Britt, you have an entire week to make up with Sugar, it won't help to be sad now"

"I guess you're right" she said hesitantly and then turned to look at me, her face so close to mine that our noses bumped together. She nuzzled the tip of her nose back and forth across mine, giggling girlishly.

"So, about that theory" I said and pecked her lips. She lit up like a sun.

"Well" she began, kissing my cheek. She did that every once in a while as she told me. "You know how I say that people can be unicorns?" I nodded. "Yeah, well gay people who aren't unicorns are just rainbows because they're not a Rainbow Dash yet. And you know that a double rainbow is two rainbows. And four can really be anything, right; four apples, four TV's, four gay people? So if you take the square root of four, you can have a double rainbow." She said as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

"So you and I, do we make a double rainbow or what?" I asked.

"No, I'm not gay. Well, not like you gay. Besides, you're a unicorn, so we'd make… two horns plus one… a tricorn? No I don't know. We'd be us. And we're magical. You're magical at least. Maybe you could become a Tinker Bell and spread a little magic dust on me so I could be-" I cut her off by kissing her. She mumbled into my lips.

"You're magic Brittany. You are the unicorn" I said, puffing out a warm breath on her lips.. She looked shy and slightly flushed.

"Really?"

"Mhmm.. Now shut up and kiss me" I grumbled gently and grinned as she pressed her lips to mine. I had to fight bravely to keep from heating things up, we had all life to do that. Right now, I had to be content just feeling the soft cushions of her lips being swallowed by mine, knowing how perfectly thin and pink they were, feeling her nose bump against mine every now and then. She was magical, for right now she was all that was, and she was the only one who could make the world disappear.

She curled her arms around me and tugged me close, letting me relax against her chest, lazily looking at the magnificence. It seemed odd how people we passed looked more like tourists than we did, filming the surroundings and stuff, while it didn't really matter to me at all. To me, the only thing that really mattered was Brittany. I realized that I wouldn't have cared if we were sailing around in a giant shoe, as long as I was with her.

"What are you thinking about?" Brittany asked, combing through my hair. I hummed and shrugged, listening to her heartbeat. She poked my arm gently, insisting to know what was on my mind.

"Giant shoes" I mumbled.

"That is much less romantic than what I had imagined" Brittany chuckled. I rolled my eyes and nuzzled closer, letting my lips ghost over a patch of skin. Goose bumps appeared in the wake of the kiss.

"I was thinking how it wouldn't matter if we were in a giant shoe or even in the stomach of whale or something, as long as I was with you, I wouldn't notice anything" I said timidly. She giggled and tightened her embrace, humming and kissing my hair.

"So, what _do_ you have planned for tonight?" I asked curiously after another five minutes of silence.

"Well I'm going to take you to this cute little restaurant that Mercedes told me about and we're going to have dinner like we did yesterday. Then we're going to go buy something for you to take home and when we get home we're going to stay up all night and you can sleep on the plane" she said proudly. I grinned and pecked her cheek.

"Can't wait" I whispered in her ear.

"I knew you would only be thinking about _that_. You're really bad Santana" she said with an innocent pout. I let out a loud laugh and poked her. She squirmed and poked back. She kept poking me until I forced her to stop by taking her hands in mine and twining mine firmly between hers. She chomped at the air at me but then just giggled and settled back against the red velvet cushion.

We sailed into a smaller canal and the shadow protected us from the baking sun. I nuzzled into her once again, cherishing the sound of her heartbeat. When I noticed that he was leading us back to where we started I looked at my phone. Had it really been an hour already? It didn't feel like it at all. He stopped at a set of stairs and tied a rope around a wooden pole, tying the Gondola to the edge. Brittany sighed in content before untangling our limbs and getting up. She walked up the stairs as I got up. She turned around and stretched her hand towards me. I giggling girlishly at her very gentleman like gesture as she helped me onto the curb. I wobbled slightly as the Gondola was unsteady in the water, and I fell into her grasp.

"Hey guys, have a good ride?" We suddenly heard behind us. Sam and Sugar were smiling at us from a curb café. Sam was sitting with a beer and Sugar with a cola. I guessed that I'd be driving home then.

"Yeah, it was great" I said, annoyed that they had pulled me back to reality.

"Sugar, guess what!" Brittany exclaimed. She'd looked like she had tried to hold it in, but now she was skipping towards them, pulling me with her. I felt my cheeks heat a bit, knowing what she was about to say.

"Ugh, tell me already and ruin my life with your perfect love life reminding me that mine isn't even existing" Sugar growled playfully. Brittany reached her and poked her arm reprimanding.

"Fine, I won't tell you then" Brittany said casually.

"Tell me" Sugar hissed.

"No, I don't think I want to" Brittany said with an emotionless voice.

"… Please?" Sugar mumbled resigned.

"What was that, I didn't hear you?" Brittany teased, her grin spreading across her face.

"Please" Sugar said begging.

"That was better. Well, we're officially dating now!" Brittany giggled and held me close. I mumbled something that wasn't even supposed to be words, into her shoulder.

"I knew it!" Sugar said excitedly and jumped up, hugging both of us closely. I groaned and tried to get her away, but she held on tight.

"You don't think it's too soon?" Britt asked nervously when I finally managed to pry Sugar off us.

"You won't hurt her, right? You'll continue to help her right? Care for her?" Sugar asked with a sudden serious worried tone.

"I can promise that I won't hurt her on purpose. I'll do everything I can to help her, even if it meant withdrawing myself from the equation. I care so much about her, I'll never stop. She helps me just as much even if she can't see it" I said sincerely. Sugar looked for the sincerity in my eyes and then squealed in excitement.

"I can't wait to be an aunt!"

"W-what!?" I spluttered.

"Well you're going to grow old together and have pretty little lady babies and a double bride wedding!" she said, jumping with excitement.

"Sugar, go away will you? I'd like to continue this date!" Brittany growled embarrassed, her cheeks burning. I took Brittany's hand and led her out of the small space and into the alley towards San Marco again.

"Where was Mercedes?" I asked when we were far enough into the alley to prevent them from hearing. I didn't want to ruin our date in case she wasn't there, that she'd had a fight with Sam or something, but it was curious. Mercedes Jones normally didn't keep to herself.

"Maybe she was just in the bathroom?" Brittany suggested. I shrugged, knowing that she probably wasn't. I knew her too well for that. She liked being around people, having friends. She loved company, and she often was the host of the Glee club sleepovers – which I would only attend out of obligation of course. Totally out of obligation, they were. Okay, so they were pretty fun, sue me. One time Puck, Matt, Quinn and I ended up playing strip poker at 3 AM because everyone else had fallen asleep. Kurt caught us, but he had just flushed furiously at the sight of a real male upper body – including the six-pack that both Matt and Puck sported. He had then just dragged Quinn and me with him and had forced us to tell him about which boys had six-packs. That too was actually pretty funny because Quinn got totally freaked out because she didn't know how many of the guys looked. I actually didn't either, only Matt, Puck, Finn (ew) and Mike, but I did my best to pretend otherwise.

We walked back to San Marco, her hand gently holding on to my arm. It reminded me of those old couples wandering down the street where the wife held onto her husband's arm just to keep him close. I wondered if we were going to be like that someday; old, wrinkly but still together. If I had my way, we certainly would be.

"Were we supposed to find me something?" I asked with a smile as I led her to the middle of the very open space.

She smiled and nodded. "I think there's a street that parallels with the canal that has like a million awesome stuff. I nodded and let her lead me across San Marco and then to the right.

It was one big mess of stands filled with masks and other trinkets all sprinkled with glitter and feathers and colors. I understood why Brittany found all of this very fun, she had after all a bedazzled phone cover, but I wasn't much of a glitter girl.

I walked over to the first booth none the less. I remember Marco giving me glitter-glue for making Christmas decorations for the car. He had been very surprised when I had traded them for the ones that glowed in the dark and written "LHA" all over our car. Dad hadn't found it very fun and then Marco had 'supervised' me while we made sea-creatures with the glue instead. I liked my one red glitter-pen, but that was only because Brittany had given it to me. I liked her five-step plan too, but that was because we had made it together and I knew that if I was lucky, I would be the reason she'd complete it. That thought alone made my stomach turn into knots and my face lit up slightly.

"Did you see anything you liked?" Brittany asked, seeing how I lit up. I walked over to her and looked up at her with a sly smirk.

"Definitely" I husked.

She flushed, but grinned nonetheless. "I meant did you see a mask you like or something?" I looked at her and tilted my head, letting my hand stretch up to cup her cheek,

"There's no mask" I whispered. She lit up at blushed, smiling at me. It was the most amazing smile, like the ones kids give you when you praise their work. It was pure pride and affection in her eyes.

"You're amazing" she said and leaned into my touch.

"That's because _you_ make me feel amazing." I said and kissed her. I didn't' even care that people watched. She deserved everything. No, more than everything.

"Now, about those masks" Brittany said when I pulled back. She took my hand from her cheek and tangled our fingers, leading me to a stand.

We spent a good twenty minutes looking, walking further away from San Marco.

"Really, you can't think of anything you want?" Brittany asked me defeatist when I scrunched my nose at the mask. It was black and gold with little yellow flower patterns. I guess it was pretty but not really my taste.

"No, not really" I said regrettably.

"Then I'm just going to have to find you something when you're not looking" Britt said and grinned. "Wait, oh wait. What about those?" She asked excitedly and pointed to a different booth. The booth wasn't colorful nor was it over-filled. Along the front and the sides hung masks in different shapes and sizes made from brown or black leather, decorated in faded dark nuances of red, green, blue and yellow. They were gorgeous – just my style. These were real masks unlike the ceramic ones. I felt my face light up as I took in the different masks. My eye settled on a simple eye.-covering mask with harlequin pattern, the diamond shapes separated by gold thread.

I felt arms snaking around me as Brittany squished me tightly from behind, leaning her chin on my shoulder, puffing a light breath onto my cheek.

"You like that one right?" Brittany asked sweetly. I nodded and tilted my head, allowing her to press a kiss to the side of my neck. I giggled girlishly. She forced us to waddle forwards towards the booth.

"I help you?" A young tan man asked in very broken and thick accented English. He was sunburned from standing by the stand all day and he looked like he was very eager to sell something.

"Yes, thank you. Can I have that mask?" I asked, pointing at the harlequin mask. He nodded and smiled at me, letting his eyes study the way Brittany held me close. It did make me slightly uncomfortable. The man asked for a price of 11€ which was pretty expensive, but it was really pretty and it would match my Bob Marley poster pretty well, along with the red statue I had in my bedroom. I paid and got the mask, putting it gingerly into my bag.

"So, where to now?" I asked Britt.

* * *

Brittany had taken me to an outer part of town and surprised me by taking me to a tiny park which was mostly deserted. She then took her jersey from her bag, which I had no idea how she'd fit in there, and laid it on the ground in the shadow of a tree.

"Well, dinner is in an hour and I figured your feet might be a bit sore. So I did some research. I found out that they had a place where you could bathe your feet" she said. I turned around and looked at her with awe. Best date ever. I didn't respond but merely leaned up and kissed her while struggling to kick off my sandals. She giggled at the unsteadiness of our kiss before leaning down and unzipping the back of her own shoes and kicking them off. True enough, there was a small bath meant for feet, and I carefully stepped into it. The water was really cold, which I suppose had something to do with it being placed in the shadow of a large bush. I wiggled my feet slightly in the water before leaning down to sit on the grass, staring to rub my feet to get them clean and to get some of the sore feeling out I felt the water wobble against my ankles as Brittany stepped into the small pond like bath as well and sat down beside me. She splashed little drops of water onto the grass in front of us, before washing her feet clean as well.

"This is bizarre" Brittany said, scrunching her nose.

"What is?" I asked curiously.

"This. I should be treating you dinner and riding in carriages with you on a date, not wash feet" she said, sighing.

"Britt, this is fantastic. My feet really did hurt and it's nice to just relax" I said reassuringly. She sighed again and turned to press her lips against my shoulder. I wiggled it against her lips making her lips part slightly. I gasped when I felt something warm and wet poke at my skin between her lips. I sighed and leaned into her kiss.

She giggled and drew back before washing her hands in the water, wiping them dry in the grass and standing up in the bathe. She leaned down and pulled me up and then leading us to her jersey and sat down on it, careful not to get our wet feet onto it. She sat down first leaning against the tree. I sat down between her legs leaning my back against her front and letting my head rest on her shoulder.

"Just to warn you, I'm not that good at this dating thing. I'm not very good at taking someone on a date, I've never tried it before" she said with an apologetic giggle.

"I think this is the most romantic date ever" I said softly.

"I blame the fact that aside from Paris – this is the most romantic city in the entire world"

"No, I blame you" I protested. She giggled again.

I turned around again, moving one leg out from between hers first and then lifting my other leg. I moved her thighs to close them allowing me to straddle her. She grinned slyly, glad that we were alone. It sort of felt like that time Wednesday in the secret garden where we had kissed.

"What is it with you and kissing?" she asked smirking when my nose brushed against hers.

"It was something my brother told me" I said shyly, backing away slightly, sitting down on her thighs.

"Your brother?"

"Yeah. He told me once that a kiss was the most amazing thing, that it was a way of showing someone how much you cared and a perfect connection. He told me that the moment I met someone who I thought about kissing all of the time – that I hold on to that person. Because wanting to kiss someone means that you want to show them a part of yourself and make yourself vulnerable to them"

"That sounds an awful lot like he was describing sex" Brittany said with a smirk. "But it's still cute if you ask me"

I looked at her, shock painted in my face. Oh my god, he never said that it was kissing. I just assumed, because I was ten and I walked in on him and his girlfriend making out and even though he was just thirteen he-. No, I couldn't finish that sentence. Oh god, that pervert! Telling a ten year old about sex!? How… I just. Ugh, I was going to have a serious talk with him when I got home.

I realized that I was still sitting on her thighs, hers pressed together by mine and that my heart was still thumping loudly in my chest as I took her appearance in. Even after an entire day of walking around in the baking sun, she looked gorgeous, like a Greek goddess, her nose perfectly sloped and her catlike eyes glistening in the reflection of the sun. Her cheeks were flushed and I couldn't help but think that the warmth was not entirely to blame for that. How did I get so lucky?

* * *

Brittany was sleeping. We were sitting in the bus on our way back to the main land. The starts twinkled in the sky above us and the sky was black. I think it was around 10 maybe 11 pm and we'd been up since god knows when so it was natural that Britt was quite sleepy. We'd eaten dinner at a little restaurant and then met up with the others. I noticed that Mercedes seemed very keen on sparking a conversation with me, and I wondered again if maybe something wasn't quite right with her and Sam.

I had Brittany's hand clutched gently in mine, resting in my lap. She leaned her head against my shoulder and she was breathing heavily with a steady rhythm, I kept stroking her hand with my thumb.

"Who knew you could be so tame?" Mercedes asked softly. I glowered.

"Stop talking, you'll wake her" I hissed.

"I was giving you a compliment"

"Whatever, Wheezy. I don't need it.."

"Wow, you had me fooled for a moment there, Lopez- I almost thought you'd become nice" Mercedes growled back. I huffed and felt Brittany squirm. I released her hands with one of mine and let the other rise to comb through her hair. She let out a sigh and fell silent again.

"She's going to wake up when she need to get in the car" Mercedes said, rolling her eyes. Yeah, she did. But did that mean that she couldn't be allowed for another five minutes? She needed it if we were going to stay up all night..

"I can carry her, we're almost the only ones on this boat. It's no biggie, I know you guys have plans tonight, so you're right, she needs sleep" Sam said. I smiled at him thankfully, but then noticed how Mercedes' grumble seemed to worsen.

"Plans… what plans? " Mercedes asked.

"None of your business"

"Am I going to have to get earplugs?" Sugar asked seriously, her face scrunched slightly.

"No. Not that kind of plans. We won't even be home" I said with annoyance. Why did she always assume that we were doing it like freaking bunnies. We weren't even doing it at all. At least Marco knew that I wasn't like that. Having him around was one thing I missed during these two weeks. I had gotten so used to him living with me, and now he was staying in New York while I had to go back to Lima. But when it wasn't Sugar teasing me anymore, it would surely just be Marco.

The ship hooted loudly and Brittany stirred and mumbles something jumbled up, nuzzling her head into my neck, causing me to blush.

"Shh… sleep" I whispered and combed calmingly through her hair. She huffed and breathed deeply before dozing off again. I was still quite flushed.

Somehow we managed to get Brittany off the boat and into the car without her waking up.

"It's a long ride" Sam said as I opened the front door.

"I know" I said, annoyed.

"Just let me drive. The alcohol is totally gone; I only had a beer. You should sleep" He said and guided me in to sit beside Brittany. She was leaning her head on Sugar's shoulder and I somehow got her to lean on me instead. With me leaned against the window, my arms around Brittany who was resting her head against me neck I dozed off as well.

The night was far from over, but so far I had never been this happy.

* * *

**A/N**

This will be the last chapter I post before I go to USA. Being in USA will probably mean that I won't get to write as much as I did here, but I have three chapters that I've already written so that I'll hopefully still be able to update once in a while. :) Please don't stop reading, you guys are awesome! :']

I have actually drawn a cover for my story now, which will be in the final version which will eventually be on my Tumblr.

For those of you interested, this is the cover:

media . tumblr / tumblr _ mapan9Ofkt1resmtdo1 _ 1280 . png

I will not post a song for this chapter, simply because couldn't find an appropriate one.

Warning: Next chapter will also be super fluffy, and reaaaally kiss-y. .. ^_^''

Now. For a sadder part. My Beta has stopped being my Beta, because she simply hasn't got the time. I'm really sorry that this is the case, so I'm going to need a new Beta. If any of you have any interest in taking over her spot, PLEASE CONTACT ME! Either here or on my tumblr (Elainemathers . tumblr)

Once again, thank you so much for reading, please do review! Oh, and speaking about reviews - I reached a hundred, WOW! You guys are fantastic! :D

Love ya!


	16. Kiss Me Like There's No Tomorrow

**Kiss Me Like There's no Tomorrow**

I was woken by kisses. There had only ever been one person who had gotten to wake me with kisses and I wouldn't want to ever let anyone else wake me like that. I wasn't even sure that I was conscious; I just felt the softness of her lips against mine. Then they were gone. And then they were back on mine. I concentrated all the strength I had in trying to kiss her back, but it was both lazy and sloppy. I heard a giggle and it make my mind go blank again. Another kiss. Soft lips against mine, and this time I awoke properly. Strength was returning to me and I hummed when she pressed harder against my lips. I wasn't worried that she might be someone else; I could recognize her lips, the gentleness, the shape, the taste and the smell. I'd never really been able to distinguish someone by their smell or taste, it was all the same before. Except for my parents and Marco. They all smelled like home. But I knew Brittany's smell. It was sweet and tangy and reminded me of a Tequila Sunrise – maybe because I'd drunk those when talking about her to Joe. Maybe it had been the other way around. Maybe I had decided to get a Tequila Sunrise because it reminded me of her. She was both sundown and sunrise to me. I wondered what a Tequila Sundown would taste like and decided that this must be it. Her lips weren't covered in the taste of alcohol, but they still made me drunk.

Without even realizing it, I had begun answering her lips, swallowing them with mine. I fumbled a bit but tried to find her hips, longing to have her closer. There was a chuckle. I thought for a millisecond that it was Brittany but then I noticed that it was deeper, male. My eyes flung open and I jerked back. Everything was blurred and unclear and so dark. I couldn't make out much. Most of my vision was covered by milky skin and blonde hair; Brittany's face so close to mine. She looked humored.

We were in the car; right, still in the car. Wait, that meant we'd almost been getting our mack on in front of them. I groaned slightly. I shouldn't mind, I shouldn't. But gradually, as all three friends started to enter and re-enter my life even more, I gained more of my irrational fear. A part of me kept thinking, _What if they didn't like it? What if they were uncomfortable with us being together?_ It hurt. My brain was working against itself, constantly caught between logic and fear. I felt my breathing hitch and I looked around, past Brittany. Sugar was leaning over the back of the passenger seat, calmly resting her head against Mercedes' shoulder. Mercedes was relaxing and I noticed now why Brittany had woken me. We were home and Sam was just getting the car into the parking space. I jerked my head again and searched for Brittany's eyes. I wasn't usually confused. She calmed me with her gaze.

"Are you tired?" she asked almost inaudibly. She was being so sweet and soft as she cupped behind my ear, tangling her fingers in my hair. I felt how her body reacted to it, how her fingers seemed to itch to force me closer, to make me kiss her. I could tell by the twitching in her fingers that she fought. I let out a soft but fast breath, humored by her eagerness. It made me feel so happy, like she really wanted me.

"Not really," I croaked. My voice was dry and hoarse. I smacked my gums slightly, trying to water my throat. She was beautiful even in the dark, glowing somehow. It was her own personal glow, and I felt such a pride from being able to make her glow like that; definitely a tequila sundown.

"What?" she giggled. _Shit, had I said that out loud?_ I hadn't meant to do that. She tilted her head slightly and looked at me

"I was just-" I started, but then shook my head. "I'll tell you later, Britt-Britt," I promised and leaned into the touch of her hand as her thumb started to draw patterns across my jaw. She nodded and just then the car turned off. I felt my seatbelt being clicked opened and it slacked. Brittany let go of me and helped herself out of her seat belt. I was careful when I opened the door and I could only just get out of the car without the door bumping into the side of the car to our left. I felt Brittany grab my arm, which was still on the door, for support as she snaked out of the car too.

"We could always just go to sleep if you're tired?" she asked when I wobbled slightly.

"No, I want to spend as much time with you as I can. Let's just get a cup of coffee at Joe's or something," I said with a gentle smile.

The others bid us goodnight as they walked to their apartment and Brittany tangled her fingers through mine and lead me towards the pedestrian zone. I looked back and saw, to my surprise, that Mercedes parted with Sam to walk with Sugar home. Something was definitely wrong. Then I felt a light breath on my cheek and I turned my attention to Brittany once again. A sudden thought, a very frightening one, crept through me and I pinched my arm, causing me to wince.

"You're not dreaming," Brittany whispered with a giggle and kissed my temple. I melted into her and felt her hand slip from mine of wrap around my waist. Daringly, I let my own fall into the back pocket of her shorts. Her breath caught slightly but she grinned and wiggled her butt playfully. If I could just find an excuse to- no. _Just keep your hand slack, don't squeeze_.

"You're cute," Brittany then said, making my eyes dart up to meet hers. I looked at her, confused. She giggled and leaned down, pressing a kiss below my ear, making flames burn in the wake of her lips.

"It's not like you have to be one hundred percent civil, you know," she whispered in my ear. Great, she had definitely felt my hesitance, just like I had felt hers earlier. I shuddered and then slowly let my hand close, giving her butt a light squeeze. Her breath hitched and it made me shiver because she still had her mouth so close to my ear.

"You can kiss me…if you want," I said. "Like, when you want, anytime. I won't mind."

She giggled and ghosted her lips from below my ear, across my jaw to press against mine. With a bubbly giggle I deepened the kiss by leaning towards her and gently nibbling on her bottom lip.

"I want to," she whispered against my mouth.

I drew back slightly, smirking. "Why are you talking then?"

"I don't know," she said with a coy smile.

"Then how about you stop?" I asked and pulled her with me into an alley. She grinned and attached her lips to mine.

"We kiss a lot," she said against my lips.

"Mhm… We're going to have to make up for next week right? It's seven days without your lips." I said and pecked her lips. She moved us further into the alley. She cocked her eyebrow sexily and pushed me gently against the wall. I suddenly felt a flashback to earlier today and let out a low moan in remembrance and expectation. She giggled and nodded before pressing into me, her body flush against mine. She leaned down and closed the distance with the same fierceness as she had had in Murano. I felt my heart slow and speed at the same time as she grabbed my hips and forced me impossibly closer. I was definitely awake now. A gasp stuck in my throat when she sucked my lower lip into her mouth and bit down gently. If she hadn't been holding me so firmly between her and the wall, my knees would've given in. She giggled, and I figured it must've been caused by the moan I'd let out.

"Britt," I gasped when she pushed into me even harder and moved to kiss below my ear.

"I thought no talking," she whispered into my ear. I shuddered and let out another embarrassingly loud moan when she tugged at my earlobe with her teeth.

"Britt," I tried again. It wasn't that I didn't want her; I think the opposite was the problem actually. The way she was going all white shark on my neck was seriously making it hard for me not to jump her. But why not do it then? No, she was special and important and I wanted to show her that she was worth everything, even waiting. Her lips disappeared from my neck and she moved her head to rest her forehead against mine. Though her eyes were darker, her smile was sweet and innocent.

"You're really hard to figure out," she said and scrunched her nose. I looked at her, confused. "One second you're all over me and the next you're telling me to stop. Am I doing somthing wrong?" she asked and looked quite worried. Her smile had faded and her forehead wrinkled against mine.

"No, Britt. You're doing everything right. It's just, ugh, it's so…embarrassing," I hissed. My voice was low and frustrated.

She looked at me as if I was a particularly hard math question and suddenly her eyes bulged, her cheeks flushed and she giggled nervously, letting out a low, "oh.".

"Yeah," I grumbled and was relieved when she drew back an inch. She bit her lip shortly and then leaned in and kissed me sweetly again. I drifted away into nothingness, only her and me present in a colorless fog of emotion. I think she forgot how worked up I was because she increased the force of our kisses and I felt her lips part mine, granting her permission to let her tongue delve into my mouth, slowly gliding over my teeth in the process.

"Britt," I gasped again when she finally pulled back for air.

"Sorry," she said, short of breath.

"It's okay," I said with equally short breath, letting my arms tangle around her neck and lean into her, my forehead resting against her shoulder.

"I should've started kissing you a week ago," she said with a giggle.

"You did," I reminded her. She let out a low laugh and moved her hands from my hips around my waist and tugged me close.

"Do your lips feel like Pop Rocks too?" she asked against my shoulder. I giggled and nodded. They did. They tingled and were swollen and wet from kisses but I wouldn't have it any other way. It was like the little twinkles from a sparkler but really Pop Rocks was a much better description. It was good.

"How am I going to survive without you for an entire week?" she asked exasperatedly

"You'll hang out with the others," I said, knowing that I'd miss her just as much. It was almost scary how close we'd gotten in such short time. It really was. I'd never had such a connection with anyone that I wasn't related to. Quinn and I had spent most of the time we'd known each other hating and bitching and fighting. I had been mean to Kurt, jealous of his pride; I had put weird things in Mercedes' food. Now, somehow they had all become my friends. Believe it or not, I liked them.

"But I want you," she said. It made my stomach turn excitedly. How could so much change in two weeks? How could this have ever happened? It seemed unreal. Karma was supposed to be a bitch when you were one, and I had never been nice to people. So why in the world had I gotten to date the most amazing girl in the entire world? How was she mine? It made me slightly afraid, actually. What if she wouldn't stay? What if I lost her? I don't think I could ever bear that. She made me feel like I was a good person. She made me want to be kind. It was that instant connection. It was her blue innocent eyes and the way she poked my forehead. It was her bashful yet super flirty personality, and the bag with the cartoon people on it. It was everything. Everything about her, the way she seemed to fly when she walked, yet she was awkward and jerky when in cramped spaces. It was the way she could be all hot and sexy and flirty at one time and be so innocent with her talks of rainbows and glitter pens the next. She was complex, yet in the simplest way. I think the book that was Brittany was starting to make sense now. She'd bared her soul to me and I; I'd bared mine to her. That does something to people, telling them things you normally wouldn't or showing them a side that you were ashamed of.

"What are you thinking about?" Brittany asked. She leaned back and cupped my face to look into my eyes. Her head was tilted slightly and her nose was wrinkled as she smiled. I must've looked totally lost in thought. I snapped back, but was immediately dazed. Even when it was so dark that we shouldn't even be able to see each other, I could see the glow in her eyes and the wetness on her lips. She smiled when my eyes flickered to her lip and I knew she knew my thoughts.

"Can I kiss you again?" she asked, suddenly timid. This was what I had been talking about. So sexy and so innocent at the same time.

"Why do you ask?"

"I wouldn't want to kill you with my kisses. Just a small one?" she asked. I giggled and closed the distance for a few seconds, I didn't move my lips, just savored the feel of hers against mine, before pulling back.

"So, coffee?" Brittany asked sweetly, wiggling her body a bit against mine before pulling back and reaching out her hand to me. I blinked a few times, trying to gather my thoughts. Wow. Fumbling slightly I gathered myself, flattened my t-shirt and combed my hands through my hair before taking her hand and leading her out of the alley as discretely as we could, which wasn't really very discreet. We had somehow forgotten that at this time of night it was still really crowded everywhere and I supposed we must've been spotted in the alley. My stomach squirmed uncomfortably at the thought and I felt my cheeks flush slightly. I felt Brittany look at me but I just shook my head and forced a smile. This shouldn't bother me. It shouldn't. Why did it bother me? So what if I was gay? What the hell did it matter? Why did it matter to them? Why…Why did it matter to me? If I had just been straight, this wouldn't have been… No, if I had been straight I wouldn't have Brittany. She was the most important thing about this. I had to do this. Be proud of who I was, like I was proud of her. But I wasn't proud of myself, I really wasn't. I know that I shouldn't be, that it was breaking the Codex of Queers, but I was ashamed. Somewhere along the way I was ashamed that I wasn't normal. Some part of me knew that I was normal and that who I loved had nothing to do with being normal or not. But I didn't feel normal. There's a difference to being something definitely and to how you feel. I felt… wrong.

"Hey girls! How are yo-oooh!" I jerked my head up and saw that we had indeed reached Charlie's Bar, where Joe stood with a tray and a smirk on his face. My instinct was to pull back my hand, and it did twitch but I kept it in Brittany's hand even if it made my heart pound. Why was this important all of a sudden? I was dating her. I had kissed her in front of many people in Venice, people had watched us together by the pool too. Why did it bother me that Joe knew? I had told him that I liked her long ago.

"Hey Joe, any room by the bar?" I asked and looked inside. The dim light provided some privacy like always and it seemed like there were at least two empty seats. He nodded and smiled as he, thankfully silently, lead us into the bar. I flopped down on the bar stool and felt Brittany's knee bump into mine, making me lift my eyes from the wooden counter to look at her. She mouthed "sorry" and grinned cheerily, making me roll my eyes giggling. She tried to hold back a giggle but it escaped anyway, bubbling out like a sweet melody. I don't think any of us really why we were giggling so much.

"What are you girls giggling about?" Joe asked as he started to clean the counter in front of us.

I kept my gaze locked with Brittany's, my hand sliding down my thigh to let my pinky ghost over her kneecap."What is it of your business?"

Joe huffed and when I let my eyes flicker to him, he looked highly amused. I glared and turned my head back to Brittany. She had tilted hers slightly and was looking at me with those big blue innocent eyes that made me wonder what she was thinking. She looked so much like she was wondering the same. It made me snort a giggle. I suddenly felt her pinky slide over mine before interlocking them. I looked down at it. It was so cute. I only remember a few other times where she'd done it, but it made me feel like butter in her grip.

"-thing?" I jerked my head up and looked at Joe, confused. He'd asked us something but I hadn't heard.

"Two coffee's please." Brittany said before he'd gotten a chance to repeat the question. I let my one arm rest on the counter, leaning my head on my hand, as I stroked her kneecap with the thumb of the hand belonging to our locked pinkies. She mirrored me and leaned her head on her hand, staring at me. It was a lazy stare, one of those where suddenly everything becomes blurry, but she never did. She was here, clear as the sky and beautiful as the sun. Ugh, who had I become? Sappy Santana was so cheesy; it wasn't even amusing anymore, catching myself being all lovesick. But I still didn't mind. She did this to me. Never in a million years was Santana Marie Lopez from Lima Heights Adjacent going to be like this towards anyone. At least not to anyone who wasn't Brittany.

"You guys are the most sappily looking love-birds I have ever seen," Joe said with a smirk in his voice. I looked up at him with another glare, but it was softened by Brittany's hand tangling tangling her fingers through mine. I felt her lean in and though a part of me wanted to pull back, slightly slightly embarrassed about the PDA, I stayed and flushed deep red when her lips burned my skin so amazingly. I felt my lips curl into a grin despite how warm my cheeks felt and how much my ears burned.

"I knew it. I knew you'd get her eventually!" Joe exclaimed happily. I looked at him with a shy smile. "What was it you said the first day you came here? Complaining about having accidentally groped her, was it?" He continued, placing two cups of coffee on the counter. I lifted my head from my hand and smacked his arm hard, blushing even deeper and feeling like throwing another drink at him. Beside me, I felt Brittany tremor with suppressed laughter. She squeezed my hand and laughed slightly

"Whatever, Joe, I got the girl anyway," I said finally. Brittany giggled and wiggled closer, stopping shortly to grab her coffee, take a sip and place it beside mine before placing another kiss to my cheek. This time, it didn't feel uncomfortable or embarrassing; I just wish I had the guts to kiss her in front of Joe.

"Yeah, seems like you did," Joe said. "Told you she was into you."

"Mhh, you're very right," Brittany hummed and leaned her head on my shoulder. I stifled a girlish schoolgirl giggle and sipped from my coffee instead. I don't think many people were allowed by me to be so close all the time, but with Brittany it was like I couldn't get her close enough. She was always there, yet she was too far away. I loved the feel of her touching me, every part of me, with every part of her. I wondered what it would feel like – that total connection. I knew I wanted that, but now was a really bad timing. I don't know why, but it just was. Maybe it was because I was going home tomorrow and because I had always only had one-night-stands as my relationships and maybe because I was scared. Maybe it was all of those three things; because I was scared. What did two girls actually do when they…yanno?

"What are you thinking about?" Brittany asked me after taking a huge gulp of her coffee. I blushed and looked away mumbling something incoherent.

"What?"

"What?" I asked, high-pitched. It was my best defense right now.

"I asked what you were thinking about, silly" she said and poked my side. I squirmed but kept quiet.

"I think I have a pretty accurate idea of what she was thinking about," Joe chuckled. I whacked his hand again, scolding.

"Oh…" Brittany breathed and then chuckled. She pulled my hair back and began studying what I knew was a hickey left from the making out in Murano. She giggled and pressed a kiss to the bruise, making me shiver and squirm.

"Your girl is all over you, why aren't you taking advantage of that?" Joe asked with a chuckle and took Brittany's empty coffee cup. I glared but turned to face Brittany.

"Why are you all over me?" I asked curiously. I wasn't saying it accusingly, but it was odd. I'd never had a girl be that all over me before. It was odd, but nice. I liked it. Too much. It was almost to the point where it became embarrassing how quickly she'd turn me on. Walking around in a bikini – bam. Kissing my neck – bam. Making out with me in an alley with her entire body pressed against mine, chewing on my lip – Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Wow. She was in her every movement, every word and every action breathtaking.

"Because," she said and giggled again, before pressing her lips to the shell of my ear "you look really hot, and I won't have you to nibble on for an entire week," she whispered into my ear. What she had said had merely been a flirty compliment, but by the way my face flamed up she might as well have been telling me exactly how she wanted to take me and where. I felt my breath hitch and my entire body set in flames. I gave in. Moving in and tilting my head, i sneakily catching her lips in a quick kiss before chucking the last of my coffee. It burned slightly but I didn't care. I wanted to be alone with her. Not to…yanno, but to kiss her without hesitance, to tell her how beautiful she was without any interruptions or discomfort because I felt too sheepish.

"You wanna go to the beach?" I asked as I drew little circles on her calves. She grinned and nodded. She swung her legs back and hopped off of the stool, dragging me with her. I just managed to throw five euros at Joe before being dragged out of the bar by the eager blonde whose hand was perfectly tangled with mine. I heard the chuckle from Joe as I tried to keep up. Brittany laughed at how she tugged me through the crowd, towards the beach. The sky was clear and the stars were twinkling, though not very brightly. Maybe they'd be clearer at the water's edge. I felt my breath stagger a bit. Was I really in that bad shape? Maybe I was.

Finally we walked over the dike shielding the city from sand, and onto the beach. The minute we reached the sand, I pulled at her and stopped long enough to kick off my shoes and toss them by the long row of changing rooms. Brittany did the same and then dragged me into the sand. It was cool and soft and sieved through the holes between my toes. I wriggled my toes slightly and felt how the sand tickled my skin. I felt Brittany squeeze my hand and I looked up from the sand to her. She was standing with her weight on one leg and an amused expression. She reached forwards elegantly with her leg and poked with her big toe to my shin. She looked like a ballerina in her graceful movements, even if there was a coy feel to them.

"Would you like to dance?" Brittany asked courteously. I smiled and nodded. I really wanted to. I knew that she was a dancer, but only danced with her once, and it was raining that time so it wasn't really that graceful. She untangled our fingers and bowed before standing up straight and offering me her hand. I felt how my cheeks started to ache from smiling so big all the time, but I didn't care. I laid my palm on hers and felt her clutch it gently. She began humming as she let her hand fall to my waist and tug me closer. I stood there, slightly unsure of what to do, but then she released my waist, took my hand and placed it on her shoulder. She then returned her hand to my waist.

"Do you know how to dance?" she asked. I shook my head sheepishly.

"That's okay. We'll start with some simple moves then," she said. "Take a look at our feet for a minute."

I moved my gaze downwards, wiggling the edge of my toes against the edge of hers.

"Okay. Now move your right foot back while I move my left foot forwards," she said and the minute I moved back she moved forwards. She smiled.

"Now move your left foot- no not like that." I had moved it back but blushed as she corrected me and returned it to where it was before. "Move it a quarter of a circle back and to the left," she said. I did so and watched as her right foot moved with mine as if bound together by an invisible tether.

"Now move your right foot to stand beside the left." I did so and she matched me.

"Alright. That was one part. Now we need to get back to where we started, but now the same way. We'll move in a square. So move your left foot forwards now," she said. I did so and then moved the right one the same way I had moved the left, in a backwards quarter circle and then closed the gap between my feet. I looked up at Brittany who had matched my movements. She was beaming with pride.

"That's all there is to it for now; just those square movements. You're really good," she said. I smiled. We did about ten square dance moves, most of which I managed without screwing up, before she started to make it more difficult. She twirled us around, still with the same movements, but now we weren't just moving in a square. We were twisting and spinning and I ruined most of the steps, but it was so much fun anyways. She slowed down and made sure I got back to moving my feet the right way.

"No, look at me. Trust your feet," she said when I still looked down at my feet, trying not to step on hers.

"But I-" I started, but she kissed my forehead and thereby made me look at her. She held my gaze with hers and poked my right foot with her left big toe.

"Ready?" she asked. I nodded and hear her count slowly. It was rhythmic and gentle.

1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4.

We moved around in the square, slowly and gently for who knows how long. With a slight tug to my hand she began moving us around in little squares within a large circle. As jerky as my own movement was, I noticed the elegance in hers. She was flying and floating and I was flying with her, carried by her hands like wings.

She slowed us when we had danced our way through the dark to the water's edge. She stopped and wriggled her toes in the damp sand just before a wave flooded our feet. I took in a sharp breath, shocked by the cold of the water.

"Oh, I've got a great idea for something we could do!" Brittany then said. She let go of me and stood back a few feet. My eyes bulged as she gestured towards the sea for a second and then began undressing herself. She unbuttoned her shorts and let them pool at her feet. I was frozen, staring at her marble-like body, reflected in the moonlight. She then gripped at the edge of her shirt and pulled it over her head. She was standing on an almost deserted, moonlit beach in only her underwear. My entire body blushed and heated up like I was in a sauna when she shimmied out of her cotton panties and clipped up her bra, like it was the most natural thing in the entire world. I swallowed hard. She was a goddess in human form. Her every limb was toned from dancing and though I'd already seen most of her body before, it looked otherworldly. I didn't know where to look. I felt how my eyes flickered over her body, taking in everything. She was bare in front of me. I shook my head, trying to gather my mind. I swallowed hard again. I forced my eyes from her chest, the perfect round breasts almost demanding my attention. I saw the giggle before I heard it. The small rise in her chest was what I saw first and my eyes flickered upwards towards her.

"Skinny dipping?" I croaked and earned a nod. She seemed completely comfortable, standing stark naked in front of me. I gulped. I was expected to do the same. I didn't. Instead I seemed to clutch my clothes tighter, actually scared. She smiled reassuringly and reached for my arms, gently tugging them away from my clothes. I felt my heart pound hard, as if I was about to be pushed into a shark-filled pool. My eyes raked over her body once more, before I felt her lips on mine. I melted slightly but was afraid to do anything, to touch her. She seemed strong yet so vulnerable.

"Please," she said softly, tugging a strand of hair behind my ear. I nodded shakily and tugged at my dress. I felt her hands glide down my arms and clutch around my hands. I loosened them and lifted my arms above my face. She leaned in and pressed another lingering kiss to my lips before tugging the dress up and above my head. I felt naked, standing in my seamless shorts and my bra while she folded my dress and put it neatly on a sunbed to prevent it from being wrinkled.

I folded my arms over my chest to feel less naked, but then Brittany was back and pressed her hand to my heart.. I shuddered under her touch as she glided her hand up, over my shoulder and onto my back.

"Can I?" she asked. Her voice was caring and tender. What had started as something spontaneous, had I made it into an obstacle. I nodded and gasped as I felt her glide her hand to the strap and snap it open. She looked at me, the bra still around me, but hanging loose. She took one of my hands and guided me behind a small building where we were completely shielded from possible onlookers. She smiled at me and stood a few feet away, waiting patiently. Now it wasn't so much my own shame of being naked, but how easily I got lost in looking at her. I noticed that her breasts were smaller than mine, though perfect still. I had never really been into that whole busty look, it was too much of a bother. Small firm breasts, like Brittany's. They were the best ones. She looked like she was a bit cold, but had no other signs than what I could find on her breasts and skin. I let my gaze travel up, and I think this was the first time I really saw and appreciated how gorgeous she was.

"Kiss me," I whispered. I needed to be reminded, distracted, and appreciated. All of these needs for her to touch me, any part of me, overwhelmed me as her lips conquered mine. I touched this time. I reached out and let one hand skate from her armpit to her hip, around onto her back and up her spine. It was delicate and I felt her squirm and huff into the kiss. I think it was a good sign. She didn't complain. I suddenly noticed how close we were and exactly how naked she was; and for that matter how naked I was too. In the distraction of the kiss, that seemed to work better on her than on me, I let her go, hooked my thumbs in my shorts and panties and slid them off at the same time. She chuckled and it made me open my eyes, my lips still gently moving against hers. She was looking at me, the playful demeanor back in her eyes as she pecked my lips once more before leaning her forehead against mine. She let one hand cup my face and the other slide across my shoulder and let my bra-strap fall. I slid off the other one by myself and let the bra fall beside my panties. I was naked. Of course this turned me on, her naked, me naked, her lips on mine just before, but it wasn't unbearable. It was gentle and even though it burned between my legs I could stop myself. I was very proud.

"Come on," Brittany said with a smile and then took my hand, kissing my temple gently. I bashfully followed her, my confidence growing with every step I took. The minute my feet touched the cold water, I let out a loud yelp, my entire body freezing.

"Let's run, it'll get warmer" Brittany said in a hushed voice. Somehow people always talked in hushed voices when it was dark. She did too. She did too when we talked at night before sleeping.

"No, Britt! Let's go back, it's hella cold, I won't survive this!" I said and grabbed her arm, clutching it tightly as a wave crashed in over my feet.

"You're scared aren't you?" she chuckled and turned to me. The moon lit up her body from behind making her seem almost like she was glowing from behind her.

"No, I'm not. It's embarrassing and it's cold and there could be anything in that sea. Sharks and stuff," I said, trying to hide my private parts.

"Santana," Brittany said and lifted my chin to make me look at her. Another wave crashed over us. "Look at me."

I looked her in the eyes.

"I don't understand why you would think that this was embarrassing; you have nothing to be ashamed of. Santana, you're beautiful," she said and cupped my face. I blushed and felt my heart race.

"If you feel cold, just hug me, I'll keep you warm," she said.

"But you're naked and-"

"Did you know that the old Eskimos slept naked together to share body heat?" she asked. I shook my head and looked at her.

"But you're-"

"I'm still Brittany. I'm just not wearing clothes," she said and then took my hands and placed one above her heart and one on her hip. I gulped.

"See, still me."

"I think I prefer you this way," I croaked. She chuckled and I felt it under my hand. With my hand on her hip and hers over mine she started to walk backwards, further into the sea. I followed her slowly,

"Wait, what about the sharks?" I asked carefully. Brittany bit her lips to prevent from smiling so big.

"Sharks?" she asked, amusement in her voice.

"Or like…catfish or jellyfish?"

"I think the only catfish here is you," Brittany said and tugged me closer. There was but a centimeter between our bodies.

"Shut up, you're the catfish," I said and whacked her shoulder. She rolled her eyes and smiled at me proudly, continuing to lead us into the water. She continued to walk backwards and I felt myself gasp when the water plunged into the gap between my legs.; the cool water against the embarrassing warmth. Brittany let out a sharp breath too causing me to blush and giggle nervously. She took my hand from her hip and with mischievous eyes, dived forwards into the water. I shrieked, being pulled with her. Suddenly, my entire face was under water and I kicked and tried to find out what was up and what was down. Arms were around me then and I felt Brittany's torso squashing me from behind, locking around my arms and torso with her arms and heaving me up. I barely got the chance to regain my breath before I was plunged back in. I gasped and spluttered, laughing loudly, just because of the ridiculousness and childishness of it all. The minute I had regained my breath some, I felt her arms snake between my arms and hips and lock around my stomach. I gasped at the feeling of her naked torso flush against mine. I could feel everything and I really mean everything. She giggled and pressed her lips to my shoulder. I leaned my head to the side and ran my hands over her arms.

"See, not so bad, huh?" she asked. I merely hummed, feeling quite unable to form words. She pressed her knees against the back of my thighs and forced me to walk forwards, half-dragging her along. She kept pressing kisses to my shoulder and neck until only our shoulders were visible.

"Britt, how are we going to ever get out of this water without freezing to death?" I asked with a grin and tugged at her arms. She loosened her grip on me enough to let me spin around in her arms.

"I've taken care of that. But that doesn't matter right now…" she said in a dark voice. I smirked and daringly pressed my body to hers. I felt how perfectly we fit together. She gasped and it was her time to blush now.

"Why not?" I whispered in her ear.

"Because… You're hot," she said and smirked. She then released me and I looked at her quizzically, missing her close to me already, "and you're it" she said with a giggle and tapped my shoulder. What the hell? Was she playing tag? Oops, there she went. Brittany was gone at once and it was really hard to see her, but eventually she resurfaced and her hair shone from the water reflected in the rays from the moon.

"Oh, you are so dead," I growled and she giggled and let me almost catch her before she was gone again.

"Get back here, you little-" I yelled when she was hiding under the dock. She let out a girlish laugh and dived under. I lunched at where I calculated she would be, but there was nothing but air.

I let out a loud shriek when arms engulfed me and a whisper in my ear told me how bad I was at playing tag. I shrieked again and tried to get away but she covered my mouth with her hand.

"Sh, you'll make someone hear us!" she hissed into my ear and then nibbled playfully at the shell of my ear. I felt that tingle up my spine again and felt like kissing her, making out with her, anything. But she was clutching me so tightly, I couldn't really move. Instead I started nipping on her fingers, lightly biting them to get her to release me. She giggled and removed her hand and let it tickle down my neck. In the shadows of the bridge we were standing, nobody saw what happened. It was safety even if we were totally not supposed to be skinny dipping. I didn't really care anymore. It felt odd, on your body, skinny dipping. But that was nothing compared to the odd but really good feeling of being pressed against a very naked Brittany, her lips on any part of me. I was surprised that I hadn't taken it further, but her very straight forward attitude seemed to freeze my senses slightly.

"This is your first time skinny dipping, isn't it?" Brittany asked, as we stood closely together, her leaned against one of the rocks, me lazily leaning against her. I nodded.

"Mine too," she said. I looked up at her and wrinkled my forehead. Really? Her first time skinny dipping? She seemed so confident with it. "What?" she asked.

"You're just… Why haven't you done it before?" I asked, my thoughts stirring so oddly in my mind.

"Haven't felt comfortable doing it before. Exposing myself," she said with a smile. I bit my lip to prevent myself from lighting up like the freaking sun. She hadn't felt comfortable, even when she was being all flirty and stuff. It was practically the biggest praise to me right there. She felt comfortable.

* * *

"How the hell did you manage this?" I asked, gaping when we finally emerged from the water, cold and shivering. The only thing that seemed warm was my lips. They had definitely had their share of exercise. On a sunbed three candles, a lighter, two bathrobes and a blanket were laying with a note just saying _Have fun - S. _I looked at her as she handed me one of the bathrobes. It was really soft and I wrapped it around me immediately. Brittany merely shrugged and smiled as she spread the blanket on the sand, still naked, before putting on the other bathrobe. She dug into the pocket as if she knew what she would find, and drew out an energy bar of some sort.

"This is like the date that never ends, isn't it?" I asked with a smirk as I sat down, leaning against the building, against which we were 'hiding'. Brittany shrugged again but I saw her pull her lips into her mouth excitedly. She was like a little puppy, I could practically see the tail wagging. It made me let out a laugh.

"What's funny?" she asked , placing the candles in the sand in a row and lit them.

"Nothing" I said with another snort, almost imagining the little puppy ears whiffing to catch the sound of my laughter. It was funny, I had always seen her as a cat-like person. Her eyes were very cat-like. But her attitude right now was so puppy-ish. It was adorable. She sat down beside me, crossed her ankles and opened the bar.

"Mercedes said it was your favorite. Something about you always eating this in glee because that was the only place nobody cared what you ate?" Brittany looked at me. I got a better look at what it was now. It wasn't just any candy bar. It was freaking Almond Joy. I lit up, I couldn't help it.

"How did you find that stuff in Europe?" I asked excitedly as she handed me a piece.

"I didn't. I had a few bars in my suitcase that I'd bought in the airport. I never ate them though," she said and pulled out another two bars, showed them to me and stuffed them back into her pocket. I grinned broadly at her.

"Ugh, how are you so perfect?" I asked and nibbled on my half of the candy bar.

Brittany blushed deeply "I'm not…" she started, but I shut her up, poking her leg.

"You are," I said.

"No, I'm not, I'm a total screw up, and I'm stupid," she said and fiddled with the Almond Joy wrapper.

"You are not stupid, Brittany. You are a genius, a unicorn, my special genius unicorn! You want me to sing to you? You really want me to break into song and be that kind of girl?" I asked half humored and half pretend-annoyed. She looked at me, blushing and bit her lip. That was exactly what she wanted, even if she wouldn't admit it because she didn't think she was.

I started humming. I remember Kurt singing this to me at one of our rare and very secret sleepovers.

"Made a wrong turn, once or twice. Dug your way out blood and fire. Bad decisions, that's alright; welcome to my silly life."

"I knew you were going to sing me that" she said and snuggled into my side.

"Shut up or I won't continue," I said and ruffled her hair. She grumbled slightly but then twined her fingers through mine and brought my hand to her lips. I smiled contently and continued.

"Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood Miss "no way, it's all good", it didn't slow you down. Mistaken always second guessing, underestimating, look I'm still around." I sang quietly and brought my lips to her hair. I felt her smile against my hand which was still pressed against her lips.

"Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel like you're less than fucking perfect. Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me. You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong. Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead." I poked her head and she giggled, kissing my hand again and humming gratefully.

"So complicated, look how we all made it, filled with so much hatred, such a tired game. It's enough I've done all you can think of chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same. Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel like you're less than fucking perfect. Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me." I stopped because she had turned.

"Can I sing this part? I'm a pretty decent rapper" she said and grinned at me. I chuckled, knowing that she was. I hadn't heard her, but Sugar had told me. I nodded.

"The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear the only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer, so cool in line and we try, try, try. But we try too hard and it's a waste of my time. Done looking for the critics 'cause they're everywhere, they don't like my jeans they don't get my hair. Estrange ourselves and we do it all the time. Why do we do that? Why do I do that? … Why do I do that?"

I looked at her, my entire face beaming. She was amazing at rapping. She knew exactly when to pause for breath to get the meaning of the song just right. She knew just where the pressures of the words lay.

I sang the last verse and she hummed with me.

* * *

"I don't get it. Why were you so mad at everyone in high school?" Brittany asked. I was lying on my back and Brittany was curled into my side, her fingers tracing lazy circled over the naked skin above my breast where she had sneakily slid off the bathrobe. Every time she rounded, she'd lower the circle. I grinned slightly. We had been talking for hours, and I wasn't even tired. I hadn't bothered to change into my clothes yet, even if the sky was getting lighter.

"Well, partly because I'm a bitch. No, I am. I don't know why I'm not a bitch to you, I should be. I am to everyone else. But you do something to me. I could never do that to you. Anyway, I'm a bitch by nature. Maybe it was living in Lima Heights Adjacent that did it, maybe I was just around my Abuela too much. But also I was mad at myself and that's the worst kind of mad."

"But now you're not?" she asked and looked at me, pausing her motion with her fingers. I shook my head.

"Not anymore. Helping you, I realized that life's too short to be mad at yourself. I'm tired of fighting. I have to just be me now. And this is me. Who I am with you. This is me. I'm not angry all the time. I like to be silly and dorky and smile. I like to laugh, I like you." I said, my cheeks heating with every word. I felt her shift again and lean up, pressing her lips to my cheek.

"You're not a bitch. You may have been once, but you're not anymore. You're nice, even if you don't see it. Even Sugar likes you," Brittany said.

"Damn, I must be going soft. What did you do to me, Pierce?" I chuckled. Brittany curled her arm under my torso and the other over it and pulled, rolling onto her back and rolling her with me. I landed half on top of her and scooted to lie flush on her. She put one arm behind her head for support before smiling.

"The sun is about to rise," she said. I turned my head and saw the light pink and yellowish glow.

"We'd better get dressed before people start turning up." I said and rolled off of her. She nodded lazily, got up and twirled around, searching for her clothes. They were piled about ten feet away. She grabbed them while I shook my underwear so I wouldn't get sand everywhere, before I took them on, keeping on my bathrobe. One thing was her seeing me naked when it was pitch black, another when it was light. I wasn't quite ready for that one yet. Brittany seemed to think the same because she was jumping around, trying to get into her underwear beneath the robe too. I grinned at her and then turned around to take on my bra. I let my robe fall after having picked up the bra. I took it on and then looked around for my dress. Right, it was on the sunbed. I turned to get it but Brittany had snuck up behind me and handed me the dress with a smile. She was already fully dressed, the robe draped over her arm. I took the dress from her, standing on my toes and pressing a kiss to her cheek, before tugging it on. Brittany ran her hands down the sides smoothing the wrinkles that were practically non-existent I had a sneaky suspicion that she used every excuse she could think of to keep her hands on me. I didn't really mind.

The candles had burned out long ago. Brittany sat down and made room for me to sit in the space between her legs. I leaned my back against her snuggly and turned my attention to the horizon. In just a few hours I'd be out of there, on my way back to New York. It made my chest contract and my heartrate speed up. I didn't want to leave. I'd see her again… one short week. I had to keep reminding myself of that as the first rays of sun broke the blurred line between sea and sky. I smiled and mumbled something about Tequila Sunrise without the tequila being just as good. I heard Brittany chuckle and accuse me of being sappily cheesy. I giggled and poked her hand. She turned her palm skyward and I placed mine on top of hers, twining our fingers.

"I don't want to leave," I sighed.

"I know, baby. But you have to. Besides, it's summer in New York too," Brittany said and kissed my hair.

"Yeah, but it's not the sun I'm going to miss," I said sheepishly, but very honestly.

"Hm..." she said and I felt her smile into my hair. I could practically see her cheeks flame with the realization. I think she had hoped but had been afraid to ask.

"You know what else I'm going to miss?" I asked, as the sky nuanced and the sun peeked over the sea.

"What?"

"Doing this for an entire week," I said and then turned and jabbed my fingers into her side, making her yelp and laugh and squirm, trying to grasp some part of me, but I was fast. She gasped and tried to say my name through laughter but I kept tickling her every place I had found that she was ticklish; which was a lot. She squirmed and managed to catch my hand, flip us and start tickling me.

"S-stop! C-c-can't breathe!" I laughed breathlessly. Brittany merely growled and continued her attack, determined to get revenge.

"S-sunrise!" I tried. She leaned down and started nibbling on my cheek. I tried to move my head to kiss her, but she held my head in a gentle grip.

"What the heck are you two doing? Or do I even want to know?" I jerked my head and looked towards the sound of Mercedes. Brittany didn't seem to care. She kept nipping and merely move down to suck on my pulse-point. I let out a small moan and felt my body limp beneath her as she sucked. I think she might want me to have something to remember her by. That something was apparently a hickey.

"Brittany Susan Pierce, get off yo girl for a moment please," Mercedes said. I could barely see her, but I poked Brittany when I saw that she had my suitcase. Shit. What time was it?

"What?" Brittany grumbled, emerging from her spot on my neck. She furrowed her brow and tilted her head a little, confused and with a slight pout.

"You're late. You were supposed to be home twenty minutes ago." Mercedes said. Brittany huffed and rolled off of me, leaning on her elbows, looking up at Mercedes with clear dissatisfaction. I let my hand slide across the damp area where Britt had been sucking on my neck, and estimated that this would definitely become a very clear hickey. My lips broke into a dopey grin at the thought. Marked by her for the week where we weren't home. I'd have so much fun looking at that in the mirror. But oh, God, what would Quinn think? And Marco? I was supposed to come here to stop fooling around. But Britt and I; that wasn't fooling around. I'd fallen for her, hard.

"Guys, get up. You're really late," Mercedes said when neither of us made to get up. I sighed and sat up straight, curling my legs and getting up with the help of Mercedes. Brittany was leaning across the blanket, snatching the burnt out candles and giving me an excuse to rake her butt with my eyes. I think Mercedes saw.

"Stop staring," Brittany mumbled still with her back to me, as she slid back and got up, dragging the blanket with her. I was about to protest and say that I wasn't, but what was the point? I merely puffed a breath in frustration. She lifted the blanket off the ground, laid the candles on the sunbed and shook the blanket free of sand. walking around her, I and gathered our bathrobes curling them into a ball, not really caring that they'd get wrinkled. They were already sandy and in need of a wash. Brittany reached over and took them from me with a roll of her eyes and a huff as she neatly folded them. I smiled and nudged her arm playfully.

I turned to Mercedes again. "Wait, why do you have my suitcase?" I asked suddenly, just noticing that this was slightly odd. Wasn't my door locked? ...Sugar. I had naturally forgotten to close the damn kitchen window. "Never mind, I know why. Please tell Sugar to stop breaking into my apartment."

"I won't do it anymore, I promise," Sugar said, suddenly appearing behind Mercedes. I looked around and saw Sam going this way too. "Besides, you're moving out now anyway." She shrugged. I growled and crossed my arms across my dress.

"Hey, Trouty Mouth, thanks for the bathrobes," I said with an unreadable face. I didn't want to seem too grateful but I really was. No need to ruin my rep any more than it already was. He rolled his eyes at my nickname for him, but didn't comment. He merely shrugged as if to say that it was no big deal. I had figured out that it had to be him, studying the note he'd left for us when Brittany had been napping for ten minutes, leaned against my chest sometime during the night. The writing was clearly one that belonged to a boy.

"Well, come on we'll drive you to the airport since you missed that bus you weren't planning on taking anyway," Mercedes said tugging at my arm. I let her grab it and heave me with her, making sure that Brittany was right next to me. She was carrying the robes and the blanket in her arms and kept up with me. I reached out and grabbed her arm gently, desperate to touch some part of her. I noticed how soft her skin was and how tan she'd gotten even if she looked pale in the moonshine.

"I'm in the middle!" Sugar chanted happily.

"Hell no. I'm going to be without Britt for a whole week, I get to sit beside her. I'm in the middle, or Brittany is," I said and glowered at her. Brittany chuckled and leaned on me as we walked. Adorable. Sugar groaned but didn't protest.

"No making out though. You've had the entire night to do that," she added when I smirked. That quickly faded to a glower. Brittany pouted.

"B-but…" she started, looking at Sugar with her best puppy-eyes and sniffed.

"Brittany…" Sugar complained, but I heard the defeat in her voice. "Alright. But no feeling each other up and stuff. That's where I put my foot down."

"Yess!" Brittany said and kissed my cheek, making me blush deeply.

The car was parked on the other side of the dike on a small parking lot. It luckily stood in shadow. Sam opened the trunk and took my suitcase from Mercedes with a dopey smile. Mercedes smiled back, though it wasn't very warm. I frowned. Then I looked inside the trunk and saw that my handbag was already there. Brittany put the blanket and the robes beside the suitcase and then looped her arms through mine. Sugar reluctantly climbed into one side and Brittany climbed into sit in the middle. I smirked at Sugar before climbing in next to Brittany strapping on the seat belt. Brittany already had hers on and it seemed like she had only been waiting for me to finish buckling my belt, for she snuggled against me the minute I had finished. She let her face rest against my neck and discretely pressed little kisses to it, her lips cracking into a smile when goose bumps emerged on my neck where she had kissed. I curled my arms around her and tugged her closer, humming. I still felt the slight discomfort, knowing that Sugar and Mercedes were watching us from the corner of their eyes. I locked eyes with Mercedes pleadingly and she nodded solemnly. She turned and whacked Sugar over the knee and started talking to her about their plans of going to some outlet village. Sugar seemed slightly unenthusiastic but I didn't care. Her being distracted and knowing that they weren't looking made me much more comfortable with kissing Brittany and being really touchy-feely. I hated that feeling in my stomach that made me so uncomfortable. I hated it. Why did it matter? I could easily kiss her when we were around strangers. Why did it matter? It seemed to matter more and more with every day I spent with them. Mercedes had become such a good friend again and I actually considered the other two sort of friends too. Even if Sugar could be really annoying. But they were my friends. They knew that Brittany and I were together and they didn't care. So why did I think they did? Why did I think that it bothered me? It shouldn't.

"Hey, you okay?" Brittany asked, lifting her fingers to trace them across my cheek. Her face was directly in front of mine and she was resting her forehead against mine. I leaned into the touch and nodded gently, even if I wasn't totally okay. It was so silly, so pointless. Why couldn't I just be happy with her? Despite the nerve in my stomach, I leaned forwards and pressed my lips to hers. She hummed happily and pressed into me. I listened for any sounds of discomfort from the others, but there were none. I realized that my lips were frozen against hers. I closed my eyes and moved my lips. The kisses were lazy and perfect, and Brittany tilted her head slightly to change the kiss. I still found myself listening for any warning signs from the others before placing my hands around her waist, tugging her as close as possible with the car seatbelts still in the way. I felt the knot in my stomach subside slightly as the world started to disappear and I was engulfed in Brittany and only Brittany. I felt her lips part and her tongue slide across my bottom lip. I huffed out a panted breath and let her enter. It always surprised me that I felt how I felt when I kissed her like this. Every time I kissed her, my chest seemed to swell and tingles went up my spine, but the sensation of her tongue touching mine made my heart pound and my face heat up. My back seemed to fight the urge to arch into her. Instinct took over and I turned slightly in my seat to allow me to pull her in closer. She fumbled a bit but then managed to get her one leg onto the seat and lean on that as she pushed further into me. I had long forgotten that there were anyone there. The nervousness had been replaced by another feeling entirely. It was the feeling like melting and falling and exploding at the same time. I yearned to claw at something, to let my body move on instinct alone,. But I couldn't. I grabbed her shirt and clenched it tightly. My heart seemed to explode with feeling and longing and hurt and I finally cracked. I felt like it had been on its way all night.

"I don't want to go," I whimpered breathlessly between kisses.

"I know," Brittany said and cupped my face gently. I felt my heart pound so fast. I wanted to stay, I wanted this paradise to last forever. I hadn't realized that I was tearing up before Brittany shushed me and ran her thumb across my cheek

"Why are you crying?" she asked kindly. It wasn't in any way accusing, but it was worried.

"I know what I have to go back to. I know that I can't hide anymore. I'm just afraid. I'm so afraid of dealing with the consequences of this. Of you. Of us. I'm still in the closet, Britt. I can't. What am I going to tell my parents? What about Quinn and Marco? She's my best friend, Britt, and he's my brother. I can't just… It's so hard. I'm not brave like you. I don't know how to be brave. I've come out to my parents a gazillion times in my mind, I've had so many perfect opportunities. I don't think another one will come." She let me talk. She let me get my worries out and that was all I needed. I needed to say it out loud. "I'm afraid that I can't do it and that I'll lose you because of it. I'm afraid of moving of looking the wrong place, of…of saying the wrong things. All my life, I've lived like a hedgehog in a balloon store, where the content could be anything in those balloons," I said and looked down. She hummed gently and made me look into her eyes again. I sighed and sniffled. I don't even know why, but it just seemed so wrong, going away, even if it was just for a week. I didn't want to leave her. She unbuckled her seatbelt and then mine, lifted me to sit on her lap, and buckled both of us under the same belt. I chuckled through a sniff and turned my head to press my lips to her cheek.

Never had I ever seen an airport that looked so cold. I didn't know that buildings could even look cold, until now. It was so grey and boring and so uninviting. I didn't want to go in there. I wanted to stay right here. I didn't want to be faced with reality. Once again I felt my heart speed at a realization. It wasn't so much that she wasn't going with me because I still hadn't fathomed that part yet, it was the part of me having to face my fears. It was as if I had just volunteered as a tribute to the Hunger Games and Quinn, Marco and all of the others were my opponents. I felt like I had to fight them, even if my logic told me that they'd be on my side; that we'd come out stronger in the end. But it was a tunnel that I was entering and couldn't see the end of. I only had the light in my back; the light that was Italy, that was Brittany. I was dating Brittany. It felt so nice, knowing that. The thought of her liking me, me liking her, it made the pain subside. We, me and her, we were the reason I was facing my fears. I'd do anything for her, and I know it sounds silly and immature, but in my head, it wasn't. In my head she was all that mattered at the moment. Brittany walked beside me to get my luggage checked in, while the others waited for us at a Baresso bar. I had time for a cup of coffee before having to check in and get on the plane.

"We'll keep in touch this time, right?" I asked Mercedes. Her lips curled into a smirk and she nodded.

"You'd never be able to live without me girl," she said. Something about that sentence made my eyes bulge. Shit. I'd forgotten everything about him. I fiddled with my purse and drew out my phone, fumbling and almost dropping it before looking at it. Three messages. One was from Quinn wishing me a good ride home and telling me that she would be waiting in the airport. One was from Marco asking if he could borrow my collection of 'sappy depressing women's music' to rip into his new computer. The last was from Kurt asking if I was spiraling in depression or too busy doing the dirty with Brittany. I rolled my eyes but blushed anyway. I looked to Brittany who was audibly swallowing her giggles at my blush.

"C'mon, let's send him a picture," Brittany said.

"What?"

"Of you and me, let him know that you're happy," she smiled. "You are happy… right?" She sounded worried. I rolled my eyes and smiled.

"Of course I am."

"I'll take it!" Sam offered immediately. I was oddly more comfortable handing him my phone than Sugar or Mercedes. Both were huge gossips. Sam was my bro.

"Come on, look cute!" Sam said. Brittany scooted closer and put a finger under my chin and forced me to look at her. I cocked my brow as if to ask her if she really wanted to take a picture like that. She shrugged and smirked shortly before pressing her lips to mine. Both Mercedes and Sugar let out fangirl squeals and "aww"ed. I kept my lips pressed to hers until we were sure Sam had plenty of time to take a picture. I didn't really mind though. She finally drew back after she had pecked my nose, making me scrunch it and smile goofily.

"It's Kurt, right? That boy you have to send the picture to?" Sam asked. I looked at him. Okay, I had got to approve whatever picture he had taken. I noticed that Sugar was also sitting with her phone.

"Give me that" I said warningly, stretching my arm out. He shrugged and handed it to me. I looked at the pi-no, holy fuck. It wasn't a picture. Trouty Mouth had taken a video of our kiss and sent that! I could kill him right now. I settled for growling.

"I have a picture if you want it for your screensaver," Sugar said. Two seconds later a picture popped onto my screen of Brittany and me kissing. That was followed by several other photo of us together. I looked at her, my eyes bulging out. Had she been taking pictures of us without us knowing? Right now I was looking forward to getting the hell out of here.

"Aw, that one's super-cute," Brittany said and pointed to one of her and me sleeping. I looked at Sugar.

"You took a picture of us while we were sleeping?" My voice sounded – in my mind – very frightening.

"I was waiting for you to wake up by yourselves and you just looked so cute, I couldn't help myself," she apologized with an innocent smile.

Just then the screen changed and called me to check-in, last minute. I got up and bit my lip. Mercedes was the first to get up. She engulfed me in a tight hug, one that I wholeheartedly returned.

"You've changed more in these two weeks than I've seen you change in four years. I'm so proud of you," she whispered. I sniffled into her shoulder and clutched her tighter before releasing it. The second I was out of her grasp, I was lifted from my feet and pulled into a tight bear hug by Sam. I chuckled and hugged back, my feet dangling slightly. He eventually sat me down and then I turned to Sugar. She looked hesitant and bit her lip nervously. I caught her eye, tilted my head evaluating her and then opened my arms. Her eyes widened and her entire face lit up as she threw herself into a hug. She clutched me so tight that I thought she might never release me.

"Thank you," she whispered so softly that only I could hear her. I let my arms close around her and heard how her breath caught. It only then occurred to me that maybe being annoying was her showing that she cared about someone. "Thank you for everything," she added in that low whisper.

"You too, Sugar. You too," I said and smiled. She loosened her grip on me, clutched me tight for a second and let go, sniffling.

"Don't forget us, okay?" she asked her voice more high-pitched than normal. Her leopard print bow had been skewed by the hug and she reached up to put it back in place, Sam letting an arm curl around her to comfort her. I then turned to Britt, hearing the speaker call again for the passengers for my plane. I looked at her, my eyes watering. It was so stupid, I'd see her in a week anyway. It was only a week. She took my hand and twined our fingers. I didn't dare hug her, afraid that I'd never let go, and I think she felt the same way. She just leaned down, pressed one last lingering kiss to my lips and then leaning her forehead against mine.

"Did you remember your music?" she asked silently. I nodded. She had given me all of her Disney music so I would be able to sleep on the way home.

"One week," I whispered. She nodded against my forehead and squeezed my hand tighter.

"It'll be over before we know it," she said and kissed me again before letting me go. I gulped and took my handbag. I walked a few steps but then I was engulfed by Brittany's arms from behind.

"Don't forget me," she begged.

"Never," I promised with as much feeling as I could.

She let go and I turned around, smiled at her, though it was shaky, and turned to the check-in. I was distant during the check-in and I looked around one last time and saw Brittany standing with her arms around Sam and Sugar, Mercedes' one arm around Brittany. They were all smiling.

I felt my phone buzz and took it up just as I was about to enter the plane.

_She looks like the perfect girl for you. I can see why you love her._

I bit my lip as I sat down, my eyes glued to the phone. It all seemed too perfect. It was too perfect. But in that moment, I just didn't see that. I didn't realize, as I plugged Brittany's headphones into my ears and turned on her iPod, that reality was about to bitch-slap me right in the face.

* * *

**A/N**

I know there was a lot of kissing in this but I hope it wasn't too overdone. It's just a really sappy chapter and I'm really unsure about it. So please tell me if it was or wasn't.

This is not the end of the story, just the end of the first arc. "A Little Piece of a Broken Paradise"

Next up: Arc II "The Finding of a New Setting"

Song for this chapter: **Kiss Me - Sixpence None The Richer (The Fray version) /watch?v=DwZzTXUWsm0**

Reviews are highly appreciated and are great motivation for me. :]


	17. At Water's Edge

**At Water's Edge**

"_You're a lesbian? I would never have thought that you would succumb to that. You just need to get your head straight, get away from that Brittany girl, get you head back in the game. You'll marry some fancy doctor and you'll have really cute kids and a white fence garden. You can have the perfect life, I don't get why you would ever choose this!"_

_She was screaming at me. My mom was screaming at me. I was cowering under her small figure. Even if I was taller than her, she still scared me and right now, I couldn't move. I was in that dress, the white one, but it was torn. I needed her. Why wasn't she here to save me? She had to-. There was a melody. Somewhere there was a melody. My mother looked aware too. She had heard it. It was a southern beat, Jamaican or something like that. African maybe? No. It was her music. My mom shrunk and started to walk away. I wanted to call her back, to reason with her, but she was gone and I was mute and then I was falling and I hit the wood in the back of the closet. God, not again. The sound was louder now._

_There was a small stir that caused me to look around. It was a big closet but it was seemingly empty. No. It wasn't empty. I felt my heart pound as the sound threatened to deafen me._

"No, I just can't wait to be king…"

I woke from my sleep with a grunt. My eyelids stuck together and I inhaled sharply. Almost on reflex I turned to my left towards Bri-. No, she wasn't here. I had left her in Italy. My heart sunk as I looked at the empty seat. I felt guilty that I hadn't stayed and also guilty that she meant so much. She was my drug, and I couldn't get enough of her. I had no idea where I was on the globe, except that it wasn't with her and that we were still in the air. Why did my dreams have to be so damn clear? Why couldn't I have complicated dreams where I didn't have to feel the guilt because it was so damn clear what I had done? So troublesome, they were. I leaned back, rested my head on my hand and listened to the music. Brittany's Disney playlist had been playing on repeat for God knows how long. I don't know why I had woken up to this song though.

A giggle startled me and I looked around. It sounded like Brittany's giggle. But there was no Brittany. I realized that with my headphones on I wouldn't be able to hear giggles. It must've been in my mind then. I sighed and let myself drown in memories of her. Her voice spoke to me, deafening the sounds of "Beauty and the Beast" as her words flowed through my mind. When I let my eyes flutter closed it was her face, smiling at me. It was the last thing I saw before I dozed off again.

Another grunt and I was awake again and my ears were hurting. There was a bump and my head body jolted. My eyes snapped open. We had landed in NYC. Perfect. Back in cold, unwelcome USA once again. I sighed and waited for the belt sign on the screen to turn off. The minute it did I unbuckled myself, grabbed my handbag and made sure that I hadn't left anything behind before I was out like lightning, long before everyone else. I had no reason to stay there longer than possible. Maybe if I walked fast, time would too? Of course I knew that if was a load of bullcrap. When walking fast, time would just go slower. That was just how things were. I didn't even bother to greet the steward who wished me a good day. I almost growled. Swallowing my annoyance I got out of the plane, into the tunnel leading me back into JFK. I soon heard the echoes of chatting people talking about their great trips against the cold metal walls. My shoes clicked so hollowly against the hard floor. I walked with a fast pace towards baggage claim, after having verified myself to the guards, leaving the plane, but had seemingly forgotten that it took time for the bags to reach the conveyor belt. I felt like kicking it.

What was wrong with me? Why was I so mad? For two weeks I hadn't felt that anger for more than a few moments at a time, and I hadn't felt like kicking or hitting anything. But now, kicked out of paradise, I wanted nothing more than to run to that gate and hammer on it until she came out and let me back in. Just a week; I just had to survive for a week, then I'd have her with me again.

Two weeks. That was the length it had taken for my entire world to turn upside down, and this was my punishment. It was karma. I had gotten my paradise for two weeks, this was my hell. Apparently it wasn't either or, it was both. I had to endure both. I had no idea what consequences would come from this change, from Britt, from my 'new life', as my life with her was, but it scared the hell out of me. No. Santana Marie Lopez doesn't get scared. Then why was my heart hammering, and why was my throat tightening? Why was I sweating like that and why was my breath ragged? It wasn't fear. Anger? Maybe, but not fear. I couldn't fear.

I slumped into one of the pitiful plastic chairs and waited. All around me people started to emerge and gather around the conveyor belt, eager to get their stuff. I slumped forwards and turned Brittany's iPod in my hand, just as a new song started.

"Be brave little one, make a wish for each sad little tear, hold your head up, though no-one is near. Someone's waiting for you."

Frustrated I switched songs but immediately regretting it and going back. It played again and I sighed heavily. I wasn't sad, not at all. I just missed her a bit. _Get over it. You've only known her for two weeks. You can survive one without her._

Just then the conveyor belt started moving and I got up heavily, pocketing Britt's pink iPod and taking my handbag with me. Kids were squashing their way through the spaces between the adults as luggage was pulled off the belt. The moment I saw a space, I nudged my way in and looked up and down at the luggage. A dark purple suitcase appeared and I waited impatiently for it to come within reach. The minute it did, I grabbed it and accidentally knocked a man with it, but I pretended like nothing happened and walked away, pulling the suitcase after me. I pocketed my hand and turned down the volume of the iPod as I walked through the halls and up the escalator.

The main hall was cramped and I couldn't see anything. Quinn had said that she would be there, but I couldn't find her anywhere. There were a lot of blondes I noticed.

I walked around purposelessly, looking around, trying to spot her. My heart jolted when I saw long dusty corn-yellow hair, but then she turned and it wasn't _her_. I looked around but then I was tapped on my shoulder. I jolted and spun, making me momentarily lose control over both my suitcase and my footing.

"Forgot your sunscreen, did you?" Quinn asked with a smirk. I couldn't help it. I lit up and threw my arms around her. "S-Santana… Wait, are you drunk?"

I jerked back to scowl at her, my arms still around her, but then tightened the embrace again. She locked her arm around my back and gently stroked it. I think she really did think I was drunk and that I would break out crying any minute.

"What's got you so fr-Santana Lopez, what the hell!?" She pushed me back and I stared at her wide-eyed. What? What had I done?

"Who gave you that?" she asked with clear dismay and pointed to my neck. Gave me what? Oh. I flushed deep red and scurried a bit, taking my suitcase and starting to walk away. I felt her tug at my arm.

"Santana, answer me!"

I turned and looked at her harshly, through my flaming cheeks and burning ears. "None of your damn business, Fabray."

"You were supposed to go there to get away from all of that boy-drama. Tell me, how many?" She folded her arms across her chest and gave me a very harsh look, similar to the one that my mom gave me when she caught me drinking at age 14. God, I got in so much trouble for that one.

"How many what?" I growled.

"How many boys did you sleep with?"

I gaped at her and scowled. "None!" I said, appalled.

"Yeah right, tell that to your hickey!"

"I did not sleep with any boys!" I said louder than I wanted.

"Girls then?" Her face was cold.

"W-what?" I spluttered "Are you mad? I didn't sleep with anyone. Get it in yo' head, Fabray. I ain't no slut no more!" I said and flicked her shoulder before turning around and stomping out of the airport, my entire body quivering.

I heard her grumble something but then her footsteps quickened and she reached me walking beside me. I didn't look at her, too annoyed to do so. I wasn't sleeping around. I hadn't slept with Brittany, and it was for exactly this reason. I didn't want her to be someone I just fooled around with. Sure, we'd taken it to second base last night and almost third, if she hadn't stopped me with her giggle and made me remember that we were still in the water and that we had agreed not to go further right now.

"You did meet someone, though?" Quinn asked tentatively.

"Obviously." I grumbled, not really in the mood for this particular conversation. I pulled my suitcase down the curb as we crossed the road towards the parking lot. The wheels wiggled a bit and the suitcase wobbled unstably from side to side as I pulled it with me forcefully.

"So…who is it?"

"Not telling you," I said. I had almost said nobody, but I regretted even having thought it. Brittany wasn't a nobody. She was a someone. My someone. Quinn sighed and shrugged, but then let her hand grab my hair gently and slide it to the side. I jerked back and looked at her wide-eyed.

"What the hell Fabray?"

"I just wanted to see if there were more," she said with a smirk. I slapped her hand away when she tried to reach.

"God, how many are there?"

"Three...I think. Maybe more," I said with a blush. That last mark hadn't been the only one my catfish of a girl had made during the night. I had at least one on my collarbone and another one well hidden on the back of my neck. She had enjoyed that one in particular.

"Let me see," Quinn said with an eager smirk.

"Get the hell off me, perv. I ain't showin' you nothin'! I said and repeatedly whacked her hand when she tried to whip away my hair again. I swear she was enjoying this so much more than she should be. I shook my head and tried to cover my neck again.

"Don't go all hood on me, Lopez, I know what Lima Heights is, remember?" she said and tried to stop me. I scowled but stopped and turned to look at her. She was still grinning and it made my face flush.

"You really want to see?"

"Nobody ever gets to mark Santana Lopez, I want to see this. Seriously, who was it?"

"Not telling you. Okay. You can look, but no touching, okay?" I said warningly before pulling my hair to the side revealing the one on my neck. I whacked Quinn's fingers again when she reached up to touch.

"Uh-uh, no touching!"

She chomped at the air at me and scowled but continued to stare. I let my hair fall and pulled down my shirt a bit to reveal my left collarbone. She gasped.

"What?" I asked and tried to look at my collarbone. I frowned. It was just a hickey.

"Nothing," she said and flushed slightly, still looking at it. I let her for about five seconds, and now I didn't really know why I had let her at all. I repositioned my shirt and whipped my hair around, my face still warm. Why did I show her in the first place? She was going to enquire about this forever.

"Les'go, Fabray. I ain't got all day," I said and started walking again. Quinn puffed out a breath and walked along, leading me to Marco's old battered metal-box that was his car. Technically it was my dad's extra car, but he had lent it to Marco for the summer, seeing as he had been on a road trip while I had been in Italy.

"Don't tell Marco," I said as I opened the trunk with some difficulty.

"About what?" Quinn asked and helped lift the suitcase and flop it into the trunk.

"About the hickeys, obviously," I said tiredly and huffed as I shut the trunk closed. I got into the passenger seat, flopping down on the seat and marveling the feel of the soft seats. Having just flown 13 hours apparently gave somewhat of a jetlag. When you then count that I hadn't really slept and that we were flying with the sun, it only made everything much worse. I sighed.

"I won't. If you tell me who you met." Quinn said and I could hear the enthusiasm in her voice.

"I won't tell you who gave me the hickeys, but I can tell you who else I met," I said. This had to distract her.

"Who?" she asked with less enjoyment.

"Mercedes Jones," I said drawing out every syllable. Quinn who had just turned the key and put the car in reverse, looked over and gaped at me, not aware that she was driving backwards.

"The brake. Quinn, the brake!" I hollered and felt her hammer her foot down on the pedal, still looking at me.

"You're lying."

"Nope. She was there with her boyfriend and two of their friends," I said with a smirk. "Remember that West Lima kid, the one who had a crush on you?" I giggled.

"No way," she said. "That Evans kid with the guppy lips?"

"Yep. He and two girls and Mercedes were there." It hurt me just to call Brittany and Sugar two girls. They were my friends.

"Sounds pimp-ish.." Quinn noted with a chuckle.

"That's what I thought, apparently Sam's been friends with the girls since high school. They went to CCD," I told her. Quinn seemed to have regained some self-control because she continued to maneuver the vehicle out of the parking space and towards the exit of the airport parking lot.

"Crawford?" Quinn snorted. I scolded her with a whack over her shoulder.

"Stop hitting me! We're not in high school anymore!" she hissed as she turned a corner and onto a larger road, still in the parking lot.

"Sorry. But they're…" I stopped.

"Friends? Santana Lopez made friends?" Quinn asked in disbelief, looking at me the best she could while leading us towards the exit. I bit my lip and nodded slightly.

"Aw, who are they?" Quinn cooed, grinning.

I rolled my eyes and huffed at her. "Well, there's Sugar Motta she-"

"Hold up, Al Motta's little spoiled princess?" Quinn asked. I stared at her wide-eyed. How was it that she knew everyone? Well, of course. Quinn was the type who spied on everyone in case of a potential rival. The daughter of a very wealthy man could've easily provided a threat to the blonde HBIC, but what about Sam? Maybe she just liked knowing that she was liked. Cherished the adoration and used it to heighten her status. That had to be it; always keeping in charge of things.

I shrugged. "Not sure."

"It's gotta be. What about the last one?"

"Brittany," I said and had to bite the inside of my cheek to prevent from lighting up at the sound of her name. I noticed that Quinn raised a brow but I just rolled my eyes at her.

"What?" she asked in an offended tone. I didn't answer her right away seeing as she was about to drive out of the parking lot, and therefore had to concentrate. I did not need to have her yapping at me because we crashed.

"Just stop looking at me like that," I huffed once she was on the main road, heading towards NYC.

"I'm just happy that you actually made friends," she said and shrugged. I sighed, giving up. Who could ever figure out that girl? I leaned forwards and tuned on the radio, wanting something to distract me from Quinn's gaze.

"What's she like?" Quinn asked halfway through the first half of some Linkin Park song.

"Who?" I asked, hoping that she didn't mean Brittany. I didn't know if I would be able to hold back a smile if I started talking about her.

"Brittany."

Of course Brittany. It had to be her. I shifted in my seat and crossed my legs, sandwiching my hands between my knee and my calves. I cleared my throat a bit but still didn't say anything, preparing to talk about Britt in a totally 'no we're not dating, no not at all' way. Good luck with that Prince Charming.

"Well, she's from Lima and went to school with Sugar. They're best friends. She was in our year and 22. She's a dancer and…blonde?" I shifted again and bit the inside of my cheek. I already felt how the memory of us dancing on the beach had made me blush. Especially because of what happened afterwards.

"That's very factual, is she like as a person?"

I sighed and shrugged. "She's...nice." Explanation not accepted, clearly. "No okay. She's very open and friendly and really sweet actually. She's childish too, though. She has glitter pen and plush toys and stuff," I said and remembered the dolphin plush toy that was neatly stuffed into the bottom of my suitcase. This description might've been the most understated description of anyone that I'd ever given. I wanted to tell Quinn how amazing she was, how her smile made my breath hitch and her eyes mesmerized me. It was the way they twinkled I think, or maybe the color. Maybe it was because her eyes seemed like they were supposed to be so cold, and yet they were so warm and kind and humored.

"Sounds like someone you'd enjoy terrorizing," Quinn said dryly, pulling me out of my thoughts. Never. I could never get mad at her. She was too adorable. I liked her too much. I think I could get mad at her if she did something really stupid, but I don't think I'd be able to stay mad at her for very long. I dug into my pocket and fetched my phone, unlocking it and gaping. I had forgot that picture. I quickly turned the display away from Quinn and hurried to swipe through my apps until I found the gallery. Within fifteen seconds I had now chosen the old screensaver. I swiped through the images until I found a picture of the five of us on San Marco that looked fairly innocent. No wandering hands, no loving gazes; just five friends in Venice. As Quinn slowed to stop at a red light I turned my display towards her. She furrowed her brow and looked at the picture. She raised a brow, looking up to check the light every few seconds, while studying the photo.

"She's pretty," Quinn said in a suspiciously flat voice. I didn't feel like discussing it and let it pass. With a slight nod at her statement – one I felt was very underrated - I withdrew my phone, leaned against the corner that was formed by the door and the seat and started swiping through my images. There were a surprising amount of Britt and I, most of them were some Sugar had taken, sent to Brittany and then sent by Brittany to me. Apparently Sugar felt a strong need to take pictures of everything with me and Britt.

"So what've you been doing while I've been gone, huh?" I asked, eager to get away from the subject of Brittany.

Quinn turned a corner and shrugged. "Just been home. Had the house to myself."

"What about Rachel and Kurt? I thought you were going with them to Cali?" I asked with a frown.

"Okay, who are you and where is my best friend?" she asked as she stopped for another red light. I furrowed my brow and looked at her. What was she talking about?

"You didn't call them Midget and Lady Lips?" Quinn asked in a tired voice. I rolled my eyes and didn't comment.

"Why weren't you in Cali?" I persisted.

"None of your damn business," Quinn spat and drove along. I growled and slumped back into my seat with a grumble. I felt my stomach growl with me and I clutched my arms over it, somehow thinking that I could stop it. It protested and growled louder making me hiss at it. I heard Quinn sigh and then turn left unexpectedly.

"Out," she said.

"What?" I asked, looking at her with wide eyes.

"You're such a pain when you're hungry, you know that?" she said and got out. I looked around, confused. She had driven us to a KFC. Before I could turn to unbuckle my seatbelt Quinn had opened the door and I almost fell out. I hissed at her and gave her a glare as my heart pounded from the scare. Fumblingly I freed myself of the seatbelt and crawled out, slamming the door closed. I wasn't really mad at the car, or Quinn, it just had to be slammed to shut properly. The car wobbled slightly from the force but then seemed to slump onto the ground. Lazy old piece of garbage, it was. But it was a car nonetheless.

I followed Quinn into the building and walked straight up to the counter.

"Medium fries and a Diet Coke," I said tiredly.

"Please," Quinn added politely.

The lady behind the counter grumbled at my ordering but nodded and typed in my order. I paid and leaned against the counter, Quinn folding her arms across the chest impatiently. She looked tan, now that I noticed it. Like hell did she stay home. I considered pestering her about it, but then I'd risk having to talk about things I did not want to talk about; that dark bruise on my neck for example.

I stared into the air without focus, my body feeling tired and worn from the flight. It felt like it was evening even if it was barely 2 pm, but I guess that comes with flying against time. It'd be night in Italy though. I wondered what Britt was doing right now, just as the lady placed the ordered things on the counter. I took them and walked to the table.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Bibione, Italy, it was getting really late. Brittany was sitting at the bar of Charlie's Bar with Sugar. They weren't talking, just sitting, both stirring their drinks with their straws. Brittany looked up and saw Joe absentmindedly wiping dry a few glasses. He was staring at something on the counter that she couldn't see. There was an unknown faded sorrow in his eyes, shadowed by the dim light. His brows were furrowed and his forehead was wrinkled.

"You okay, Joe?" Sugar asked after having sent Brittany a shrug and a nod in his direction.

"What?" Joe looked up. "Oh, nothing. Just having a bad day I guess."

Brittany frowned and looked from Joe to Sugar, shrugged and looked back at Joe again. Sugar took a sip of her drink before speaking. "Wanna talk about it?"

Joe shrugged. He then sucked his lips into his mouth and nodded, taking something from beneath the counter. Both girls leaned in and looked as Joe retrieved an old battered picture frame. They fell back into their seats and followed the picture with their eyes as he placed it on the counter between the two friends.

"She would've turned twelve today, the little one," Joe said solemnly. The picture was torn and worn and in really bad shape. It had a coffee stain and was burned in one corner. The motif wasn't any less intelligible. Three people were standing on a beach. There was a dog too. There were two females and a male, and the dog was pretty small and very scruffy. The man was clearly a younger thinner and much more gleeful Joe. He had one arm around a petite Latina and on his arm sat another petite Latina. The oldest was an adult. She was a beauty, her long cola black hair waving around her face. The contours of her face were mild and round and her head was heart-shaped. Her dress was dark red, like a really good wine, and it reminded Brittany somewhat of Santana's dress. The little girl, the one on Joe's arm, was only around four, maybe five. She looked fragile and thin but yet somewhat glasslike, though not transparent. Like paper or something else that was easily broken. She wore a big yellow sunhat to shadow her eyes from the sun and her equally raven hair fell in ringlets around her shoulders. She was grinning with evident joy, her mouth agape as if she was caught in a cackle over some prank she'd pulled on Joe.

"Who are they?"

"My wife Tara and my daughter Millie," Joe said with a sense of mournful pride in his voice. They looked at him.

"You said would've. What did you mean? Is she…she's not. Is she?" Sugar asked, curious but tentative at the same time. Joe shifted his weight uncomfortably and snatched the picture back, trying to not make it seem like he was acting on instinct. He put the frame back, sniveled and nodded.

"Both. They died in a car accident back in Florida when Millie was 7," Joe said and smiled sadly at us as he poured vodka into a glass and filled it with orange juice and coke.

"They were my world, all I had. So I fled. To this world, started working here and rebuilt it from being scruffy and having a bad rep to actually being a cool place." He paused and turned around to get some red Grenadine and quietly poured it in. "Don't flee. Neither of you," he said and placed the two drinks in front of the two girls. They couldn't decide what kind it was, but both had finished the first and were actually pretty thirsty. He noted that they were on the house and smiled forlornly at them. Brittany reached out and let her long fingers curl around Joe's hand. He looked at her with gentleness as she kindly locked both her hands around his and reassured him wordlessly. Sugar reached out as well and put her hand on top of one of Brittany's. They saw Joe's lip quiver and noticed how he bit his cheek from the inside.

"It's alright, you can cry if you want," Brittany whispered quietly. Joe withdrew his hand and they both looked a bit astonished because he walked away, but then he was moving around the corner and slumped onto a bar-stool beside them.

Brittany jumped down from hers and engulfed Joe in a strong hug. He sniveled and hugged her back.

"I-I'm sorry," he blubbered, now in tears. His voice was shivering terribly. "I-it's not your p-problem."

"It's not, but it is yours and you've done so much for me, so if I can pay you back like this, I will," Brittany said and increased the force of the hug a bit. He sighed, quivering and sniffed.

"How? How did I help?" he asked, his voice now more steady but still he was shaking slightly and his voice was higher but more hushed.

"So many ways," she said in a hushed voice. Sugar got off her chair as well and put an arm around Joe's shoulder. Joe looked up and wiped away the few stray tears. Brittany loosened her grip on the man and took a few steps back, smiling at him gently.

"Where's Santana?" Joe asked after a few calculated moments of staring at the blonde girl. Her gentle smile faded and her posture seemed to slump a bit. For a fraction of a second her walls cracked but then she was smiling again, though her eyes weren't sparkling.

"She went back home to New York."

"So she ran away again?"

* * *

The food had improved my mood a bit, I suppose. I was notably less cranky even if I still refused to talk about Brittany. Quinn tried, though. She did her best to get me to talk about her, but until I had figured out how to talk about her without looking like a Christmas tree, I couldn't. I had managed to think about her twice without smiling, even if I felt like it. God, this was going to be so hard. I just had to slowly ease her into the whole gay vibe of me. I didn't want to hide but I didn't want to shock her either. If I just made subtle remarks here and there, she'd figure out sometime, right? Then it at least wouldn't be such a shock…

"Penny for your thoughts?" Quinn asked and tapped my thigh lightly. I woozily turned my head to look at her. Why weren't we driving? Had I fallen asleep? I must've. But not for very long, I think. Wait, were we there? Were we home?

"'othin'. Jus' missbeing im I'aly," I said with a smile. I still wasn't quite sure that I was awake. I was always mumbling when I was tired. Nothing really made sense.

"You miss being in Italy?" Quinn asked flatly. I nodded, not having the energy to make a snide remark. I guess the jetlag was starting to take its toll. I leaned back against the seat and sunk lower into it. "Oh no, missy, get up. We're home. Get up, get your suitcase and go take a nap."

I groaned and mumbled something about her being such a mom and I wasn't even sure myself what it was supposed to be about. She just turned off the car and proceeded to get out. I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out, dragging my feet.

"Ma su'case?" I slurred, pointing at the suitcase and wobbling unnecessarily to point my current state. I was a bit surprised when she actually did grab it and pulled it out. She took a firm hold on my arm and with the bags in one hand dragged me to the front door. She pushed me gently to let me lean against the wall as she pressed the code to open the door. I felt a pull on my arm and I was dragged inside with Quinn grumbling about how she should've never fed me and how she would've rather dealt with me before the food had made me sleepy. She pulled me to the elevator and pushed the button to the second floor. We could've taken the stairs but it would've been hard with the suit-case even if it was Quinn carrying the damn thing. I must admit that I was faking about half of the tiredness just to have her carry the suitcase.

The minute I was inside the apartment I felt a strong need to have a date with my bed, but apparently a very bulky body enveloped me in a hug before I had the chance to direct myself towards my room. I was picked up from the ground and swung around, making me break out in involuntary giggles at my brother's goofy behavior. I was definitely awake now.

"Put me down you goof!" I laughed and slapped his shoulder repeatedly, without any effect what so ever. That was the not-so-good part about having a brother who was six foot tall and had a real jock body. I was small and he was huge and the difference made for some pretty fun wrestling matches once in awhile.

"I'm just happy to see my baby sister!"

"Call me a baby one more time and I'll knock your teeth out," I grumbled. He put me down with a chuckle and looked at me, his hand behind his head, scratching his neck with that dopey smile.

"Whatever you say, Sanny-pantie." He'd always used that name as a nickname when we were small because I had a habit of running around without pants. Just a shirt and panties. I never got why it was such a big deal until I got to school. Boy, did I learn my lesson there. Never had I ever not worn pants since then, and never had I ever had so many guys' asses to kick.

I raised my brow at him and scowled, too tired to do much else. How was it not night yet? Come on, I just wanted to get my sleep on.

"So," Marco said as he flopped onto the couch and letting his feet fall onto the table with a clunk. I sat down next to him and scooted to lean against him. He still smelled like Marco. Awesome. "How was the trip?"

I was just about to answer when Quinn cut in, sitting down on the armrest of my side of the couch and poking me with her toes. "She's actually made new friends."

"Wow, I'm impressed. How many did you-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence," I growled dangerously, pointing at him. "None, okay? None. I didn't kiss a single guy!"

"What about those who weren't single?" Quinn chuckled, smirking.

"I didn't kiss any boys, get over it!" I snapped. "I'm going to bed."

I got up and shoved my way past Quinn who was surprisingly willing to let me, her eyes narrowed as she seemed to be calculating. Wait. Oh shit. I sped up and grabbed my suitcase, my face turning redder by the second as I practically ran down the hall, flung open the door, threw myself inside and kicked it shut. Crap. Shit. _No, holy shit. Shut your freaking gap_! Ugh. Why did I have to say that?! _She knows. She _so_ knows. She does_. Wait. Maybe she didn't notice. Of course she did, she's Quinn Fabray. No. I won't ask her. If she wants to know she can come to me.

I fell onto the bed and suddenly I didn't feel tired at all. I just felt like something was missing and the knot in my stomach from that look Quinn was giving me made it all the more wrong for me to have to fall asleep without her in my arms. No. Get out of here. I've managed my whole life without her. She couldn't change everything just within two weeks. Could she? Perhaps so. No, she couldn't. I liked her, thought highly of her, enjoyed her company, but it wasn't this strong. It was just that summer love effect. It wasn't. No. It couldn't be. Could it?

* * *

"No, get out, I'll pack my stuff myself and give me my phone back!" I shouted at my brother as I jumped and tried to get my phone back. He had taken it for God knows which reason. My face was flushed by the fear of him seeing my pictures and I felt like hitting something.

"Just show me one picture of her, then I'll leave, okay?" Marco pleaded as he finally handed me my phone. I snatched it and clutched it to my heart before peeking to see if he had seen any of the pictures. It didn't look like that to me. He tried to sneak a peek when I started scrolling through my pictures to find the same picture I'd shown to Quinn. I flicked his forehead when he leaned in. He scrunched his nose and looked at me with a furrowed brow, making me sigh and roll my eyes. There it was. I pressed the picture and enlarged it to focus on Brittany as I turned the phone towards Marco. He bent and looked at the picture.

"Wow. She's a babe…I'd totally tap that," he said in that really annoying teenage boy reading FHM way.

"Don't talk about her like that!" I snapped, my voice high-pitched. I flicked his forehead again.

"Ouch, stop that!" he complained and rubbed his forehead in annoyance

I growled and whacked him again.

"Why are you-no ouch! Stop it! I'm sorry okay?! I won't talk about her like that, okay?"

I looked warningly at him, my eyes narrowed and my teeth bared ever so slightly, my hand dangerously close to the back of his head ready to give him a good old NCIS Gibbs slap on the head. "You better."

"Look, I'm sorry. No need to get all up in my grill," he said and backed away. I protectively took my phone back and held it to my heart, still eyeing him warningly. He rolled his eyes, lifted his arms and walked out.

"Thank you," I sang and closed the door. Nobody ever talks like that about _my girl_. Especially not my brother. _Ugh, that was just nasty. Picturing-no. Not even going to go there. Ew._

I sighed and walked back into the room which was now filled with boxes. Some were empty, some weren't even folded and most had only a few things in them. On my bed was also a bag for my bare necessities.

My shelves were my next target after having emptied the boxes of old stuffed away magazines (stuffed away for a reason!) and other things that I'd bought in a moment of forgetting that I was not supposed to like cute stuff. I took a box and walked to my shelves. On my top shelf were all of my books from college. _Second hand box_. Definitely. I pulled my desk chair to the shelf and stood up, reaching for the heavy books and somehow dropping them into the box. They were all dusty and most of them had never really been touched since junior year. How I ever got through senior year was a mystery to me.

It took me a good ten minutes to get all of my books into from the two top shelves and into the box. I looked around and saw a sandwich on a plate on my desk next to a cup of coffee. So I hadn't scared off Quinn completely. Sweet. I grabbed the chair and dragged it with me back to the desk and flopped onto it and took the sandwich with a satisfied hum. I had been home less than 24 hours and my room was already one big mess of boxes and stuff. I hadn't really got a system as to how I was going to pack the stuff. I chomped on the sandwich and chewed while leaning back and crossing my ankles. Packing was hard – especially with jetlag.

I looked over to my bed as I chewed and noticed that my phone was laying there. I reached over and grabbed it pulling back and taking another large bite of my ham sandwich. I turned the screen on and saw the green notice button. I lit up immediately. Brittany.

_Hey San, just wanted to tell you that I miss you and that I can't wait to get back and that my pillow smells like you. Delish. Xx – Britt-Britt_

I grinned widely, rereading it thrice before answering. I bit my lip as I answered.

_Hey bb, my pillow smells like me too, I miss you too. Your music helped though – sorry for hogging it._

I sent it and rose from my chair dropping the phone onto the desk and looking around. I had to pack something. The rest of my shelves were stacked and I didn't feel like sorting them just yet. With that thought I got up and opened my closet. It was the biggest mess of an attempt to sort the clothes and a lazy attempt to just get them to fit somewhere. I leaned back and grabbed a new box, unfolding it and putting it on the floor by the door. I noticed something white, like a sleeve or something, hanging from the top shelf. I leaned up, grabbed the sleeve-like thing and pulled. The entire contents of that shelf crashed down on me and pooled around me. I was now standing with the paw of a white hat I'd bought a few years ago. A polar bear hat.I don't even remember where or why. I just knew that I had only used it when I was ill or alone. Nobody except me had ever seen that had. I grinned and looked around, making sure that I was really alone, before putting on the hat. It was really warm and comfy and so soft. I reached up and patted the hat behind the ear and giggled. This was so silly, but I couldn't help it. I loved the damn hat.

I reached down and grabbed a bunch of the clothes by my feet and folded it. Most of it were my tube dresses that I had worn in high school. I folded them and put them in the box before noticing another striped piece of clothing on a hanger in the other part of my closet. I flushed deep red as I drew it out. My sexy candy nurse costume from Valentines. God. I'd forgot everything about that one. Wonder why I had even brought it to New York with me? I gulped and packed it into the box. It took up a lot of space, but away it had to go.

I packed for hours until I finally flopped onto my bed with a thump, curled under the covers and hugged my pillow, falling asleep almost immediately.

* * *

"No way, Fabray, that's mine, give it here," I said and tried to snatch a season of Sweet Valley High I had that Quinn had tried to throw out.

"But you don't ever watch it!" Quinn complained.

"Yes, I do. Besides, it's mine! I get to decide whether it's trash or not. Britt-Britt has only seen one or two episodes. I need to show her the rest," I complained and finally managed to stretch out and grab it from her. She sighed and raised her arms in a giving up manner.

"That's a sweet name by the way," Quinn said with genuine kindness. Her ever-shifting mood confused me as always.

"Which name?" I asked, stuffing away my DVD's in yet another box.

"Britt-Britt. You're talking about Brittany, right?"

"Yep, I'm Skyping with her later if you want to see her?" I asked, still distracted. _Wait. No_. She shouldn't meddle. I was supposed to get all sappy! I was about to say Oh, wait, no that was tomorrow when she spoke.

"I'd love to."

"Ugh...Alright, but just say hi. I have lots to talk with her about," I said.

I looked at my phone. Shit. It was five minutes before we were supposed to Skype. Well, great.

"I have to go. To my room. To call her. I'll see you in a few? Just knock before entering, okay? Remember. Knock!" I said, already halfway down the hallway leaving Sweet Valley High behind. I hurried to my room, shut the door and fell onto my bed facing the laptop which had been placed there this morning. I grinned and opened it hopefully. I fumbled with the keys as I pressed the code. A loud ping told me that she had logged on.

I didn't hesitate, I called immediately, adjusting my shirt which pooled a bit as I was lying on my stomach in front of the laptop. I crossed my ankles and bent my knees so my feet were skywards.

"Santana?" Brittany's voice asked nervously.

"Hi Britt-Britt," I said breathlessly, already missing her terribly. I pushed the video button and waited. I saw my camera first and hurried to adjust my hair, tugging it behind my ear. The minute she showed up, my entire body seemed to sigh with relief. She looked as pretty as ever, sitting on a bench in the square – one of the other places that had internet. She looked tired but still so gorgeous. I noticed that she was wearing a new necklace. It was childlike and light pink and had a figure of a little ladybug.

"So that's your room in New York, huh? Looks empty," Brittany noted and adjusted the computer on her lap. I rolled my eyes at her mischievous grin. I leaned over and grabbed my phone, checking how long I would have before Quinn would barge in.

"I'm moving out tomorrow, so I'm almost done packing. We're sending most of it back to Lima tonight and then the rest will fit in the garbage can," I said with a shrug.

"Wait, you're just going to throw it out?"

"No...no, it's my dad's car. The garbage can. It's a really bad car," I hurriedly said.

"Oh…Do you like being back in New York?" she asked and fiddled with her necklace.

"No," I drawled sighing and flopping my head onto my arms, giving up. "I hate it."

"Why? You lived there for four years. Didn't you say that you wanted to live in New York?" she asked. I looked up at her. She was frowning at me, her camera slightly unsteady.

"I don't hate being here, I hate that you're not here. I'm grumpy all the time and I yell at everyone like I used to," I mumbled and leaned in to glide my fingers over the cold surface of her face on the screen. She frowned again, but then lit up. I think she caught it. No, by the way she was cooing, she definitely did. She got it.

"You're a dork," Brittany said and giggled. I smiled at her, widely so. It felt like years since I'd smiled that smile. That smile that made your cheeks ache but it was a good pain because you knew that it was caused by happiness. I swung my legs in the air above me and twirled my hair between my fingers like a silly teenager and it made Brittany burst with laughter.

The door sprung open just as I was about to ask where she'd gotten the necklace. I didn't even have time to turn to scold Quinn before she jumped onto the bed, swung a leg over my back and laid down, her front pushing against my back as she hugged around my neck. What the hell? I shook my body, making the laptop wobble a bit.

"Get off me, Fabgay!" I grumbled. Quinn just growled and tightened her hold on me to an extend where my breathing got ragged.

"C-can't breathe!" I wheezed, finally flipping Quinn off me.

I noticed Brittany's 'this is odd and confusing' frown and gave her a skyward smile. She looked confused. Quinn scooted to lie flush against my side. I nudged her slightly but she just nudged back

"Is your name really Fabgay?" Brittany asked with a scrunch of her nose, making us stop nudging and half-fighting.

"No. It's Fabray. Quinn Fabray" she said and waved politely at the screen with a smile.

"Someone's watched too many Pierce Brosnan movies," I grumbled under my breath. I earned a giggle from Brittany and a jab of a finger on my shoulder from Quinn. I winced and flicked her. She didn't retort.

Brittany looked like she'd been handed a very difficult equation. Then she lit up and pointed at the screen, probably to where she could see Quinn.

"So you're gay too?" she asked excitedly. My entire body froze and my eyes went wide. _Brittany, no!_

"No, why would you think that?" Quinn asked with a frown.

"Because she called you Fab-GAY," Brittany said with a _duh_ in her voice.

"She's just annoying. But what did you mean '_too'_?" Quinn asked. Brittany stared at the screen for a little and I shook my head discretely waving my hand in front of my neck, trying to get her to shut up.

"Oh nothing. It's just that I've heard that a lot of New York people are gay and stuff. I figured there was a chance, right?" Brittany asked. I visibly relaxed, slumping a little and sending her a grateful smile.

"I guess you're right. I mean, some people here are really gay. I mean, a couple of our friends are as gay as they come and they lived here too until a few months ago," Quinn said.

"Oh, who? Blaine?"

"Y-yeah," Quinn said, confused. "How do you know him?"

"I went to Crawford Countr-"

"Crawford Country Day. Yeah, I remember now. So you know Blaine, huh? How about Kurt?"

Brittany shook her head. "No, but Santana says he's really sassy and sweet." I sighed heavily and buried my head in the comforter.

"Did she really?" Quinn asked skeptically.

Brittany nodded and smiled. "Mercedes gave San his number," she added. I felt like sinking into the bed and letting it swallow me up. Why didn't Britt understand that I needed to stay HBIC, at least when it came to Quinn.

"Yeah. At the funfair, right?"

"You went to a funfair? With Santana?" she looked at the screen and pointed at me in disbelief. I groaned and grabbed a pillow and buried my head under it.

"Aw, don't be sad. I'm sorry. I know you're all kinds of awesome, San," Brittany tried to reassure me.

"Hey, who're you talking to?" Asked a voice from the door. All of our attentions were drawn to my brother who was leaning against the door frame with a frown.

"Brittany," Quinn said in a very suspicious tone of voice.

"The infamous Britt-Britt, huh? I gotta see that," Marco said with mischief in his voice and attacked the bed and thereby me and Quinn. He landed on top of me, making me breathless and bury myself further into the bed.

"Get off me, Hulk!" I groaned in a muffled voice.

"So you're the cause of all Santana's hickeys, huh?" Marco asked. I jerked up, shoving him into Quinn distracting them both for a few seconds giving me enough time to warn Brittany but shaking my head violently. She nodded once subtly, understanding.

"Actually, no, but that would've been totally awesome, right?" Brittany said with a wink. I blushed. I had to fight to prevent that instinct of touching the marks, the only physical proof of Brittany's perfect pink lips I had still.

"What time is it?" Quinn asked suddenly. I looked at her, through what seemed like a thick mist of awkward silence. I knew they were all really wondering.

"9:46?" I said questioningly.

"Crap. I should've been out the door five minutes ago," she said with a hurried voice.

"Then go," I said tiredly, waving her off. She scoffed, got off the bed and out of the room.

"So…" Marco said. "You're Brittany, huh?"

Brittany nodded and grinned. I smiled at her, couldn't help it. She looked at the screen with that dopey goofy smile I adored so much. It was like she'd just spotted the cutest little pony ever and she wanted to get it. _Wait. Did I just compare myself to a pony? So gay_.

"And you're coming to Lima too, when you get home?" he asked.

"Yep," she said and even if the quality wasn't that good on her webcam, I swear I saw her eyes twinkle. It made my smile widen to an extend where it started to hurt. Best pain ever.

"Tell me, Brittany, how did you manage to get Santana to be your friend so fast? It usually takes years," Marco said. I looked at him with a raised brow, but then remembered that when looking skeptically at someone, smiling widely might not be a good idea. But I couldn't stop. So I just propped my head up with my hands and wiggled my legs again, making Brittany giggle.

"I don't know. She was the one all over me, actually," Brittany said with a wink. I gaped.

"Wha-So not true! You woke me, remember? And, who was it that was like _thanks for the company, Santana Lopez, I hope we meet again_ in that airport? Who kissed whose cheek? You're saying I was all over you? Psh, nice try, Pierce," I scoffed with a sassy smile. Brittany turned red.

"Yeah, alright. But you were the one hugging me all the time. You kept smelling my hair, remember?"

"Shut up!" I laughed and blushed.

"Why, it's true! Also, that morning after the storm. Who was all over who, then, huh?"

"You're such a pain!" I exclaimed waving at the screen, my ears flaming.

"Girls? Is there something going on between you two?" Marco asked, confused. My body stiffened and I looked at him with wide scared eyes.

"I-what? I…No!" I hurriedly said. "It's just...I don't know. Nothing's going on between us! We're just friends! Look, I accidentally cuddled her one morning, that's all! Stop being so nosy. You're reading way too much into this," I exclaimed in a panic. My entire face felt ice cold and red hot at the same time. Fear and adrenaline pumped through my veins. He looked at me with narrow eyes, then shrugged and got up.

"I've got some final packing to do. I'm sorry for asking." He sounded genuinely sorry, or at least sad. I couldn't really read the mood in his voice. I bit my lip and nodded, blood still rushing in my ears and my heart beating against my ribcage. I watched as Marco left the room and closed the door. The minute I was alone I facepalmed the comforter, groaning in frustration over my own cowardice and slip up. I was so scared. I didn't know what Brittany would say, how she'd react to what I'd just told Marco. It made my stomach turn.

"San…Please look at me," she said sweetly, pleadingly, forgivingly. I swallowed thickly and lifted my head, but an inch, enough for me to see her, but for my eyes to stay hidden from her sight. I was a lousy person to date. I couldn't even tell my own brother.

"Santana, please. It's okay. Just look at me." Her voice was so soft and gentle and it made my eyes mist. Why was I such a coward? I wanted more than anything to have Brittany be my everything, and to stand on the top of that Hollywood sign with a giant megaphone and shout out how proud I was that she was mine. And instead here I was, lying on my bed in New York, afraid to face the consequences of my cowardice.

"Look at me," she insisted. I peeked up and gulped again. She was reaching for the screen, feeling the cold surface of the screen separating her from me, making my breath even shallower. I felt like I was feeling everything at once; adoration, joy, fear, self-hatred, anxiety, hope, hopelessness. It made my chest hurt, like it was overwhelmed, too filled with feelings, feelings I'd never let myself know before. I only knew anger and annoyance. Brittany made me feel everything. The good and the bad. Her eyes were sad, but not for herself.

"I'm so sorry, Santana. I should've been more careful," she whispered, with genuine regret. I shook my head and reached to touch the screen like she was doing.

"I should've told him."

"You will. Just not right now. I'll be there soon, I'll help you. I'll be there for you, okay? Just wait for me. And don't miss me too much." she said. I sniffed and smiled with pursed lips, my brows furrowing.

"Please don't cry, San. You panicked, don't worry so much. You'll tell him some day. Until then, we're just semi-secretly dating, right?" She said with a cute but sad smile. I nodded and sniffed again.

"We have to be more careful then. You can't be so…you. I keep forgetting that he's there."

"You're cheesy," she said with a roll of her eyes and a crooked smile.

"You don't like cheese?" I asked with a grin.

"I do, but I also like when you're happy," she said and smiled. I blushed and hid my face in the comforter. She'd be the death of me for sure.

* * *

Brittany was walking down the pedestrian zone, towards the water. It was late and the others had gone to bed already, but Brittany couldn't sleep. It seemed like everything was changing. All of her previous relationships had always seemed to easy, so laid back, like it had with Santana the first few days, before she left. But it seemed like it wouldn't stay that way. She kept thinking about the conversation earlier. That look of fear on Santana's face, as she was confronted by Marco. She didn't like that at all. None of them did. It was terrible seeing Santana's unhidden shame and self-loathing. This was exactly what she had fled from, and now Brittany had made it ten times worse, because she had a reason not to hide now, and still she couldn't stop.

With her shoes in her hands Brittany let the cool sand tickle her toes as she headed for the edge of the water. Her right hand was empty, and she kept clutching and unclutching it, as if something was missing. She was supposed to have something in that hand. And she knew that that was. It wasn't a something. It was a someone. It was Santana. She missed the soft feel of Santana's hand in hers, their fingers entwined and the light melodic motion of their hands swinging between them. It almost made Brittany smile, just from the memory of it. But there was no hand she could hold. She sighed again and moved further, reaching the edge. She looked out at the sea, the white shine from the moon contrasting with the blackness of the immense sea. She let her shoes fall and walked out to let the water flood over her feet. She shivered slightly from the cool water, but liked it. It cooled her racing heart. Why did it race like that?

She looked around again, and noticed a moonlit silhouette sitting on the dock, splashing her feet in the water with a random pace. Brittany cocked her head to the side and walked by the water's edge towards the dock. Why was she out here all alone? With a step, Brittany hopped onto the dock and walked toward the person sitting on the edge of the dock. She turned when Brittany got close, and her dark eyes shone in the moonlight.

"Can't sleep?" Brittany asked and sat down beside the girl, splashing a little water further into the sea.

"No…I don't understand it, Brittany," the girl said and leaned gently against the blonde. Brittany put her arm around the girl and sighed.

"Me neither," Brittany admitted.

"I mean, one moment we're so close and now this. I don't understand. This was supposed to be our trip. How could everything suddenly change? We barely even talk anymore," she said. Brittany sucked her lips into her mouth and gave the girl a sad smile and a shrug.

"I don't know, sweetie. I'm sorry."

They both sat there for a little while.

"This thing with Santana, though," the other girl said. Brittany looked around at her and splashed her feet a little again, relishing the cool smooth silky feel of the water tickling up her skin. "It's going to be the hardest relationship you've ever been in. I mean, Santana is really nice once you get under her skin, but from what I can see, she has serious issues. And they're not just going to disappear. What are you going to do when you get home and she won't come out and you want to hold her hand in public but she won't let you because she's scared? What then?" Brittany looked down and shrugged.

"I have no idea. I think I'm just going to take this one day at a time, see what happens. She's strong. She really is. She just doesn't see it herself. She's so caught up with what she can't do, that she forgets all the things she can do."

"That sounds an awful lot like a girl I know." The other girl chuckled.

"Who?" Brittany asked.

"You."

Brittany blushed and bit down on her lip. Maybe she was strong. Maybe she could at least try to become as strong as Santana. Maybe she could work up some courage. It all seemed so distant though. Maybe it was because Santana was so far away. Surreal. That's what it was. Totally and utterly surreal.

* * *

**A/N - sorry so much for the long wait on the update, I've been so freaking busy, you won't even believe it!**

**Good news is, I have at least two chapters for you before December, and hopefully three, if I manage to actually write the rest of the chapter before November 1st.**

**Bad news for you, good for me? I'm participating in NaNoWriMo, a writing project where I'm gonna not write on this story for an entire month but instead focus on an original story, a story I'm supposed to finish in that month.**

**I'm having a really great time in USA, and November will be twice as cool. Imagine meeting someone from Tumblr who you've been dying to meet. Well guess where I'm staying for a weekend? Woo! :D**

**Um yeah. Tell me what you think please. :] I always appreciate response. What do I need to do better and what did you like? What did you not like? Everything is appreciated.**

**A great thanks to my lovely Tumblr-wife, Emmy and my amazing editor hlnwst for helping me with my story. :]**

**Till I see you again; TAKE CARE, I LOVE YOU! :D**

**3**

**ps. song for this chapter.**

**Carpark North - Save Me From Myself /watch?v=O-s9Uoq0NW8**


	18. Panic on the Dance Floor

**Chapter 18 – Panic on the Dancefloor**

"I guess I'll see you around then," I said, trying to stop myself from breaking that tough girl façade as Marco stood in the door with his bags and a sad smile on his face. His eyebrows were scrunched up as if he was trying to somehow prevent himself from tearing up. I would've teased him endlessly for this, if hadn't it been from me doing exactly the same. I noticed Quinn standing beside me, her gaze shifting from my face to Marco's like she was trying to read some secret conversation.

"C'mere," he said dropping his bags and engulfing me in a bear hug. I felt my body shiver as I took in his scent and hugged him close.

"I can't believe I'm going to say this…but I'm going to miss you, Marco," I said into his chest. He chuckled and I could feel the rumble of it against my cheek. He tightened his embrace and lifted me off the ground.

It was late Tuesday evening and Marco had a midnight train to catch if he was to be in San Francisco my by morning. He was moving there to go to medical school while I was moving back home. I really was going to miss him. I had gotten so used to him living here that it almost seemed like I was living at home again. The sad part was though, now I was really going home, and he wasn't going to be there. He would be in Cali while I'd be – once again – stuck in Lima, Ohio. I puffed out my lower lip when he put me down.

"Oh, get a grip, girl. I'll be back for Thanksgiving," Marco said and patted my shoulder. I bit my lip hard, trying speedily to calculate how much time it was until it was Thanksgiving, but as always in situations like the, my brain froze and wouldn't even tell me how many days a week were. I settled for denial.

"I'm not sad, I'm mad. I think you broke my rib!" I protested and sniffed, completely ratting myself out.

"Right," he said and poked my stomach. I loud out a gasp and glared at him, a smile curling onto my lips nonetheless. He smiled back and placed his big beef of a hand on my shoulder, making me waver a bit.

"I'll miss you too, sis," he said and leaned in to place a kiss on my forehead. He turned to Quinn and hugged her tightly

"I'ma miss you, Fabray. You were a good roomie." Quinn giggled and hugged him the best she could. Then, within what seemed like only a fraction of a second, he was gone. He had taken his stuff and was on his way down the stairs. I felt like sprinting down the stairs, following him, flinging my body around his and holding him close, preventing him from leaving me. I never realized how much I missed him until he had been my one and main source of comfort and home, even if only for a few months. When we lived together back in Lima we hadn't really spoken much, him always being busy with school and me always being in the Cheerios and glee club, practising splits and doing vocal runs between practising my verbs and mathematical theorems. I sighed and closed the door, knowing that he would be long gone, almost out the front door by now. We only lived on the second floor after all. He was gone.

"You'll see him soon," Quinn said comfortingly, putting an arm around me. I leaned my head onto on her shoulder and nodded, not even trying to hide my sadness. She knew me too well to believe anything else. "How about you and I grab a glass of wine and watch a movie? Your choice."

I looked at her suspiciously. Why did she want to be nice all of a sudden? And wasn't she the one who told me to never drink again? What was her motive? Maybe she just wanted to cheer me up… But I always started blubbering and weeping whenever I was given alcohol. Wait a minute. She'd been trying to get the truth about the hickey out of me for the last four days. Was this what she wanted? I couldn't exactly say no. I didn't really want to say no either. I just had to keep a firm eye on how much I had drunk.

"Sure," I said finally, my look still skeptical.

"If I go find the wine, you choose a movie?" she asked in her most darling but alarming voice. I nodded anyway and watched as she disappeared into the kitchen. I stood for a few seconds, frowning, before walking into the living room, shaking my head. Just as I crouched in front of the TV, digging into the single not empty shelf underneath that were stocked with the last of my movies, my phone buzzed. I dug it out and looked.

_Good morning sunshine, you're my only light, lying with me by my side, you keep me warm all day, just stay with me-! Or something like that. I don't remember exactly.. – Britt-Britt_

I snorted a giggle and read the text again. It must be really early morning in Italy. I wrote back with a smirk. The only thing that would be able to cheer me up right now was probably Her. I smiled at the phone as I sent the message.

_What is that from, that lyric?_

I turned to the shelf again and grabbed a movie. My choice? _The Amazing Spiderman_ it was! I laughed under my breath, knowing how much Quinn hated that movie. Whatever, she could just spend the time staring at Andrew Garfield. Sure the movie was a few years old, but it was still good. My phone buzzed again.

_I don't know, but it was a good song. Mercedes took us to a club last night. We're going again tonight_ _– Britt-Britt_

I giggled again, my entire face lit up in a grin. I bit my lip and tapped the screen.

_Don't you kiss anyone; I know how much you like that. Have fun tho._

I put the movie in the player and grabbed the remote, pressing source. The familiar sound of 'loading' filled the quiet room, but was soon disturbed by that of clinking glasses from the kitchen. What was taking her so long?

_You're mean. – Britt-Britt_

I looked at it the text with a smirk as I sat down on the couch, slinging my feet onto the coffee table and slouching a little. I sighed and placed my phone in my lap after having answered.

_Why am I mean? I just want your lips to myself?_

Just then Quinn waltzed in and put the wine and glasses on the table, not even commenting on the fact that my feet were on the table. She sat down beside me and looked at the screen with a frown. I awaited a response from her, a snide remark or a protest, but she said nothing. To my surprise she merely scooted away from me, turned her body and lay down on the couch, resting her head in my lap. I barely had time to remove my phone.

"Missed me much?" I grinned down at her. She nodded and rolled her eyes.

"It's been four days, Q, I'm not gonna run off again. I have a reason to stay," I said and let my hand fall to hers, taking it and squeezing it.

"Good," was all she said and looked around the room. Everything except the last shelf of my DVD's which didn't fit into the box, the TV, the coffee table, the couch and a potted plant of Quinn's had been packed into boxes and stacked away. I hadn't gotten to this particular part of packing yet. My phone buzzed again and I took it from behind Quinn's head, releasing her hand and writing. I bit down hard on the flesh inside my cheek to prevent from turning red and smiling like a goof, because I knew she was watching me and Britt's message kinda made me melt. Just kind of. Maybe a bit more than kind of.

_You're mean because you'd think that I'd EVER kiss anyone other than you. Even if you were a terrible kisser, which you're not. At all. Not at all. You're the best kisser ever. Now I miss kissing you again. You're mean. – Britt-Britt_

I swallowed my giggles awkwardly and coughed to cover it up. It buzzed again.

_Crap, forgot to finish the sentence ): What I meant to say was that even if, I'd still only kiss you. Because you're… Well you're you. And you is the best – Britt-Britt_

"Okay, seriously, who are you texting? You look like you're about to break into a verse of _Can You Feel the Love Tonight,_" Quinn grumbled. I looked down at her, scowling suddenly. Then my lips curled upward as I carefully stuffed my phone away in my back pocket – somewhere she'd never dare to take it from – and threw her head off my lap.

"Oh God, please don't. You're not Rachel! Or Blaine! You don't break into song! Remember who you are!" Quinn pleaded. I let out a laugh at her unintentional _Lion King _quote. She flushed and growled "Just don't si-"

"_Can you feel the love tonight?!_" I belted, earning a groan from Quinn. I laughed smirking and continued, "_The peace the evening brings, the world for once, in perfect harmony with all its living things!_"

"Will you please stop! I love your voice, but please don't sing that song!" Quinn pleaded. I ignored her and continued.

"_So many things to tell her, but how to make her see? The truth about my past, impossible, she'd turn away from me,_" I sang. I suddenly stopped and looked down.

"Alright, come on. Sing," Quinn finally gave up. I shook my head hesitantly. "You're such a nightmare, Lopez! I hate you," she said and got up.

"_She's holding back, she's hiding, but what, I can't decide, why won't she be the queen I know she is, the girl I see inside,_" she sang. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"I don't want to sing this song," I said quietly.

"Ugh, alright. Let's just watch the damn movie?" Quinn said exasperatedly and pulled me to the couch by the wrist. I sat down and let her rest her head in my lap again. With a sigh I reached for my phone in the back pocket while Quinn took the remote and started the movie. I took a second to answer.

_How can you be so cute? I don't get it. I only wanna kiss you too, bb. I have to go, Quinn's forcing me to watch a movie with her._

"Seriously, who is that?" Quinn asked and tried to snatch the phone from me. I jerked away, holding my arm away from her.

"None of your damn business!" I growled at her. She sighed and crossed her arms, turning her eyes to the movie.

"I will find out, Santana. You know I will. You might as well just say it."

"No way."

"Idiot."

"Lucy."

"I warn you Santana, don't you dare go there."

* * *

The sun was high on the sky when I finally turned the corner after having dropped Quinn off at her mom's house. I had reached my street, and drove along the suburban houses. So Lima Heights wasn't exactly "the wrong side of the tracks", but I liked to pretend so. Being all hood and things. I passed a girl about my age, Hispanic as well, playing with a stuffed dinosaur teddy on the curb. I passed a boy around ten on a swing, his brown hair waving in the wind. It reminded me of Sam's hair, poofy and Bieber-like. Finally I reached my house, or rather, my parents' house which I would stay in until I found out where I was going to go now.

I stopped the car in front of a large creamy house with a black roof and red curtains in the windows. Nothing had really changed these past four years. The car coughed and died, slumping into the ground as if forced by gravity to flop completely. I took the key and my handbag from the passenger seat and got out, locking the car and walking up the curb towards the little entrance. I hadn't even reached the garden until the door was flung open and my mami rushed out.

"Mija!" she roared exuberantly and threw her arms around me. I leaned down to returned the hug. Even with my 5'5'' I was still taller than my mom. She was so little, _pequena_. I smiled and hugged her tightly, having really missed her. She drew back shortly to take in my face with an approving smile.

"You look happy," she commented before leaning up to kiss my cheek. She then took my arm and led me inside.

"I am, mom," I said truthfully. For the first time in a long time I really was very happy. It wasn't only my friends though, wasn't only Brittany, it was also being home. I had always thought that once I left I'd never ever want to come back. But boy, was I wrong. There was nothing more comforting than walking through the front door knowing that my dad's old jacket would be hanging on the same rack it had always done, that mami's running shoes were neatly stacked between the coat rack at the door, that my room would look and smell the same.

"I'm glad. Marco said you'd been having some trouble. Did you enjoy your stay in Italy? Hopefully you didn't spend all of my money, I could use a pair of new shoes," she said with a wink and sat me down in a kitchen chair. I would ask where dad was, but he was probably still at work. That was the life of a doctor, always working. Mami scurried around the kitchen and found cups and put beans in the coffee machine. She had always had a crazy obsession with coffee and enjoyed brewing it herself from beans. She took out a newly baked strawberry tart and placed it on the table and found plates as I started talking.

"Yeah, exams and all. But I'm good now. I went to some town close to Venice. I had really planned on two weeks all to myself, but guess who disturbed that?" I said with a smirk in my voice.

"I have no idea. Quinn?" Mami sat down next to me as the sound of coffee brewing made me feel so at home.

I took a slice of tart and told her. "No, she was in Cali, I think. She says she wasn't but she's really tan. I bet she was but is too ashamed to say that she actually willingly went anywhere with Berry. Sidetracked... Right, no. It wasn't Quinn. Remember Mercedes Jones from high school? Big black beautiful J-Lo type? Real diva, I think I called her Wheezy?"

"Oh yeah. You did _River Deep Mountain High_ with her. I remember you two practising in your room once. You sound great together. I can still remember it. Angels singing," she said and nudged me. I smiled and stared out the window at the little worn half-rotten wooden swing. I'd spent so many hours out there as a kid.

"She was there with her boyfriend and two of his friends."

"Oh, so her and a bunch of guys huh? What is it you'd say...wanky?" She said it so funnily and awkwardly, totally lacking my confidence. It made me snort and choke on my tart. I shook my head, coughing and harking while trying to stop laughing.

"His friends..." I coughed again. "They were girls"

"Oh, so he's a pimp?"

"Don't try to speak hood, Mami," I begged and felt it safe to take another bite of my tart.

"What are you talking about Santana? I can be totally down with the street talk, yo." I choked again, spluttering tart everywhere and grabbing a napkin, my eyes watering. I harked into the napkin trying to get the crumb stuck in my throat either up or down.

"S-stop!" I begged half-crying, half-laughing.

"Ugh, you're no fun at all, Santana. All grown up," she said and gently rubbed my back. I wiped my chin and looked at her.

"They were all from Lima. Sam, Mercedes, Sugar and…and Brittany," I said, already feeling the smile threaten to rat me out. I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek, making me wince instead.

"I didn't know you could be so friendly, Santana," she said approvingly. "Do you have a picture?"

I nodded and grabbed my phone, noticing that there was a message. I quickly blushed and turned the screen away from my mom. She didn't comment.

_Hi San. Going to a club with Sugar. Any drunk messages are not from me. Miss you – Britt-Britt_

I snorted and bit down harder on the flesh of the inside of my cheek as I wrote back.

"Who's that?" Mom asked. I looked up and noticed how she stared at me with a very curious gaze. I think she'd wondered ever since I got the text.

"Just Britt warning me that she's going to be hella drunk in a few hours," I said with shrug. What I wouldn't give to be around drunken Britt right now. Or sober Britt. Any Britt really, that'd do. But definitely a drunken Britt would be great right now. I knew for a fact that a drunken Britt would increase my chances of her flashing something. I could never complain about that.

"Brittany? That girl you met down there?"

"Yeah," I said and scrolled to find the group photo in Venice. When I'd found it I turned the screen to her and showed it. She lit up and tried to take the phone, but I held it firmly, grumbling in protest. She sighed and leaned in, studying our faces.

"So which one is Sugar and which is Brittany?" she asked, pointing at the two girls she didn't know.

"The blonde one is Brittany," I said and leaned closer to her, so that she could see the picture while I rested my elbow against the hard wood of the kitchen table.

"Pretty," she said. Just like Quinn. How typical. Brittany wasn't just pretty. She really wasn't. I took the phone back and once again let my thoughts stray to Brittany.

* * *

"Come on, let's go. We have to get there before happy hour!" Sugar squealed excitedly, practically pulling Brittany from her bedroom and into the living room of their apartment. Brittany took her phone from her pocket again and looked. No messages. She probably wasn't up yet anyway. With a sigh she pocketed her phone and let Sugar drag her out. She scrunched her nose as she looked down at her outfit; simple, just a bit too simple. Brittany loved little jewelry or funny accessories to her outfit, but here, clad in the shorts she wore on the plane down here, the ones with the star and the dolphin on her butt, and a creamy t-shirt with a butterfly motif, she felt too simple. She longed for the feel of a long heave plastic necklace to bounce against her as she walked, or the feel of a ring on her finger, maybe the bow one, that she could fiddle with to pass the time. No colorful bracelets, nothing. Only the most necessary of clothes, and a simple pair of heels. People had always said that she was too tall to wear heels, but she loved wearing them. Besides, it wasn't as if she was supposed to get anyone's number tonight. She had a girl. Her girl. Santana. Back in Lima, waiting for her to come home.

"Stop looking like I kicked Lord Tubbington! Come on, you'll see her in half a week. I won't let your little lovesick brain ruin our holiday," Sugar grumbled in protest as Brittany continued to seem down. The blonde wrinkled her forehead and furrowed her brows but then forced a smile. She kept smiling until it felt real. She just had to keep thinking about things that made her happy; that time where she and Sugar had hitchhiked. their way to Columbus, or when she and Sam had stayed up all night playing on Britt's Wii and ended up not being able to hold a spoon because their arms hurt so much. The smile became genuine. She expertly avoided the subject of Santana, as she thought. Sure, it would make her super happy but in the end she'd only miss her girl even more. She wasn't sure if Santana was her girlfriend, so for now she was just her girl. But she wanted to be Santana's girlfriend. So bad. To tell Sugar that she wasn't just dating, that she actually had a girlfriend, to tell her parents about her. Oh God, what would they say? Sure she'd made out with pretty much every girl at CCD, but she'd never dated anyone or addressed her bisexuality to her parents. But then again, they were very open. That was the result of one's parent's being from the happy seventies and both having tried a bit of everything. They knew that she and Sugar had once tried smoking weed with Sugar's ex-boyfriend, and they knew that Brittany had lost her virginity at cheer camp at age 12. It wasn't something she hid from her parents, but she had tried though. She had tried to ask curiously what would happen if a guy and a girl did more than kissing and her dad just asked who he was, making Brittany all flustered and stammering that his name was Andy and that it was only once and that it really hurt. She'd gotten over the 'hurt' part. But she'd never actually been with a girl, only made out, a little groping, but no home runs.

"You look like someone turned off the lights in your head," Sugar noted flatly, using her usual choice of word to describe Brittany's vacant expression.

"Just thinking about-"

"Santana, I know," Sugar drawled and huffed.

"No, actually not. But now I am," Brittany grumbled, slightly annoyed that Sugar had one; drawn Brittany's attention to her girl and two; had thought that Brittany wasn't able to think about anything else. It was mostly true; it was difficult for her to think about anything else, but the one time Sugar had actually called her out on it, she had been wrong. It wasn't that it annoyed Brittany. That much.

The streets were oddly silent, people moving along almost without speaking. It made every yell seem ten times louder and every laugh overpowered the entire atmosphere. People were lazily moving from shop to shop, pointing and whispering as the two girls passed through the crowd towards a little club. They slid in the door, almost immediately entranced by the indolent rhythm of the music.

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The smell of coffee filled the kitchen as I sipped from the mug of pure deliciousness and bitter coffee. It was my old Tigger mug from third grade, but I still used it whenever I was home. One of the funny things about this was that every time I drank from it I bobbed my head in the rhythm of the old Tigger song. I didn't know why, but I had only heard it once and since then, it had been stuck in my head. I think I was maybe 8 or 9 when I'd heard it so it really made no sense at all. Maybe it was because my brother had teased me and called me a piglet when we saw the movie or maybe it was because I was in the process of breaking his arm when it came on, distracting me to a point where he managed to pin me to the floor and tickle the crap out of me.

"So, tell me more. How did that girl, Brittany, become your friend? I mean, she doesn't sound like the type to break your shell," Mami asked and sipped from her coffee, humming in approval. I shrugged. I really had no idea. Like always.

"Mami, where's Dad?" I asked, noticing that after the second cup of coffee, the subject of dad had still not emerged.

"He's on some seminar in Columbus," Mom said flatly.

"Are you guys alright?" I asked cautiously.

"I-Yeah. I think so. We're just going through a rough patch, Mija. Nothing too serious though." I sipped from my coffee and nodded. Her tone clearly dismissed the subject, so I didn't object. I sighed into my coffee and shivered slightly at the smell puffing back at me. It reminded me of the coffee me and Britt had gotten the day we first went out to eat breakfast. God I missed her. I missed her so much. Why did everything keep reminding me of her? Was this normal? I didn't know how or why, but she was in everything I did, every thought I had, every smile I smiled. In my mind, always. How? _Reaching out to touch a stranger..._ The words of Michael Jackson came to my mind. You never really do know huh? Sometimes you just have to touch, to feel something, to feel affection from both you them. Sometimes that's enough, sometimes that's all you get. But sometimes you get more. You get so much more. I'd like to say that I reached out to her, but really, she was the one touching me. I let my hand subconsciously rest on my forehead, gliding repeatedly over the spot where she had first touched me. I smiled and sipped of my coffee.

"Have a headache, honey?" Mami asked. I quickly withdrew my hand and shook my head, no. I just needed to relax, I think.

"How about we get your stuff inside and you can just get settled? I suppose the rest is in a storage room or what?"

"Yeah, it's in Quinn's sisters old apartment, most of it is Quinn's anyway so it's no big deal. She's just borrowing the stuff until I find somewhere I can live while here," I said and slurped the last of my coffee, putting the cup back on the table with a satisfied smack of the lips. Mom giggled at my childishness but proceeded to get up and place both of our mugs in the dishwasher.

* * *

The beat was quickening slightly as the blonde dancer made her way to the dance floor. The rhythm had her spellbound and her body ached to move. It had always been her instinct to let the music seep through her skin and into her blood, let it pump through her veins and make its way to her chest and let it fill her up. There was so much more to music than just singing or playing. Dancing, at least the way she did, was just as big a part of music. It wasn't just learning to tame an instrument, or to control your vocal chords. This was controlling your entire body to extend where you could just let everything go, even your body. It was about letting go of your body, but trusting it to move as you want. This was love. It was her first love, her passion.

She was such a klutz as a child and she'd been really bad, but one day everything clicked. It was like rebirth, rediscovering music. She'd been listening to this old Counting Crows cover of Joni Mitchell that her mom loved and she'd stopped moving, sat down on the floor and just listened. She'd listened to the hi-hat as it rhythmically played in contrast to the piano and the guitar. She let the words fill her up and began bobbing her head to the hip-hop like beatboxing in the foreground. She hadn't moved a limb. When it had finished she got up, got her headphones and her pink Walkman and stolen her mother's CD, the one with the pretty autumn leaves, and started the song, playing it on repeat until she could predict every tone, every word, every single rhythm. She got up, put the CD in the player and turned up the volume, making it deafen all sound. She moved. She moved in time with the music, trying to use every step she'd ever learned in Ballet, Jazz and every other dance class she had taken. Before her dream had been wearing those pretty glittery gowns, but now, every dream, every hope was overshadowed by the swelling of her heart as she danced. Her mom had come in to tell her to stop playing so loud, but had stopped herself, staring at the girl dancing like the world had disappeared and the living room carpet was her Broadway stage.

And now she was back in that magical state where her body connected to the music, and she moved to the still racing beat of the bass as her body dipped and turned. She was dancing alone on the dance floor, not caring that she was. She was free and thoughtless and in her natural element. She glanced around only to make sure that she didn't hit someone, before spinning and moving her body fluidly through the air as she swept through the crowd as if a ghost. All alone just dancing with herself. Some looked at her, pitied her for dancing alone. Others were entranced by the way she danced, and some tried to get her to dance with them. Whenever someone tried to get her close she swept around them and danced further away.

Somewhere through the crowd she started to recognize the faces. One guy kept showing up, here, there, everywhere. At last she decided to go back to find Sugar who was probably still sitting at the bar talking to some cute bartender she'd talked a lot to last night.  
PAGEBREAK

My room smelled the same, even if it seemed impossible after having only been used at Christmas and Thanksgiving these past four years. I flopped onto the bed with a contented sigh and sniffed the sheets. They were dark rouge and smelled like Mami's detergent. I sighed and turned to lie on my back, my legs hanging out over the edge of the bed as I placed my hands on my stomach and looked up at the ceiling with a smile. I fiddled with my shirt and found it very thin and not at all something I could fiddle with. With that I forced myself to sit up and look around, sifting my hand through my hair and sighing. Mami and I had gotten my stuff from the car and had carried it into my room. There weren't much. Just a duffle bag, a trolley and my big suitcase. Only what I really needed until I got my own place. The rest was at Quinn's.

I really got why she didn't wanna move back home. She'd never really had a good relationship with her mother, at least not after the whole Beth thing. After she'd been a skank her mother had taken a certain distance. Quinn had been apprehensive to let her back in after Sectionals of senior year when she straightened up. Then the accident came and her mom got so clingy that Quinn eventually had enough. It wasn't until graduation that they really spoke. Quinn said that her mother had always wanted her to go to Harvard because Frannie went there, but Quinn hadn't wanted to follow her sister. She knew that all she would be was standing in her shadow. She didn't wanna study law or medicine. She'd wanted to do theater. So she did. I don't think I would've gone to New York if she hadn't come with me. I might've been forced to live with Rachel or something. No way. Sometimes Quinn might be my worst enemy, but most of the time, she was my best friend.

I dragged myself to the duffle bag and drew out the dolphin plush, dragging myself back to the bed and flopping onto it, holding the dolphin tightly to my chest. I remembered the day I'd gotten it. I had told Mercedes about Brittany that day. I'd told her how I felt, and that was the first time I'd wanted, like really wanted, to kiss Brittany. Maybe it wasn't. But it was definitely the first time she'd been anywhere near kissing me. I wondered if that had been the moment she'd decided to break up with Nate.

My stomach did a somersault at the thought. She'd rather be with me. She is with me. She was mine. I'd never ever hurt her, like Nate and Keihl and all the other guys did. I would do everything in my power not to do that. I didn't want anyone else. Just her.

PAGEBREAK

Through the crowd Brittany looked everywhere, but Sugar was nowhere to be found. She was probably just in the bathroom. Yeah, that had to be it. With a sigh Brittany sat down in the bar and looked around. She jumped when she saw that same guy from the dance floor smiling at her from the chair next to her.

"_Buenas Noches, Señorita,_" he said in a deep voice. She looked at him with a nervous smile.

"Hi."

"English, huh?" he asked in a thick accent. Brittany nodded and smiled. She didn't normally having a problem with guys, she liked guys. But she felt like she was cheating. Like something was wrong. He seemed way too interested. "Can I buy you drink?"

"S-sure," Brittany croaked and smiled with a certain nervousness. The Italian got a hold of the bartender and ordered her a drink. She couldn't hear which, because a new song started and it was so loud. Too loud almost. The blonde watched as the bartender mixed different ingredients. Some, like the blue sugary stuff, she recognized and some she didn't.

"For you, my lady," the Italian said and handed Brittany the blue drink. She nodded and took a slurp. It tasted terrible, but she gulped it down anyway, just to be polite. She fought hard not to wince. It'd probably taste better after a few slurps. It was like coffee after having something really sweet. It always tasted a little too bitter for Brittany's taste.

"You dance very well," he said and moved closer. Brittany fought the urge to scoot back, preserving the distance.

"I'm a dancer, so yes," she said and took another sip, not hiding the wince this time. It wasn't the she wanted to be rude, it just tasted really bad. Who would ever think to drink this stuff? And surely, her mouth would be all blue after this. Great.

"Would you like to dance with me? Pretty single lady like you, I'd like that very much," he said in a voice Brittany was sure he thought very sexy and alluring himself.

"I'm not single," she said snappily. Just because she didn't have a ring didn't mean she was available. Even if she was, she wouldn't dance with that guy. He was way too buff and rough.

"Oh, where's your boyfriend then?" he asked, smirking like he thought himself superior.

"_She_ is back in America," Brittany said sharply. He retreated slightly.

"She's a lucky lady," he said. "A dance, perhaps?"

Brittany sighed and nodded. One dance couldn't hurt. She gulped down the rest of her drink, coughed once and got off her chair. He took her hand gingerly and led her to the dance floor. She thought of how soft Santana's hand was in hers and how nice she smelled. She'd lean into the brown locks of delicious hair and take in Santana's scent mixed with her perfume. The thought alone made her toes curl and shivers run down her spine. It calmed Brittany slightly that the Italian knew that she was taken and that he shouldn't try anything.

They began moving to the bass, a secure amount of air between them. She didn't let the music take control of her, wanted to have every sense available for every possible bad outcome. She dipped and flung her arms over her head as she twisted and twirled, him trying to match her movements. He moved closer, and she let him, longing for some sort of closeness. She backed away, feeling how she was losing herself in the music. No. She couldn't. Who knows what she might do, should she lose control. With the beat of the bass pumping through her heart and the alcohol taking over slightly – what was in that drink? – she wiggled closer, letting him in. She felt like things were disappearing under her gaze, her movements slowing and becoming uncontrolled, sloppy, hazy. He steadied her and smiled at her. She smiled back. No. It wasn't him who was supposed to hold her, smile at her. His hands were too big on her hips, skin too rough. She missed the gentleness, the softness of Santana, the scent and the damn cute smile. She drew back again but he kept his hands on her hips, forcing her close.

"Let go…" she said hazily. She felt like shit. Why did she have to dance with him? She just wanted to dance. Just dance. And where was Sugar? She needed someone. Maybe Sam was here somewhere? No. He was on a date with Mercedes. No. She needed Santana. Or Sugar. Someone.

"Come on, sweetie. Dance with me," he growled. She shook her head in protest and fumbled to get his hands away from her. "There's no harm," he said, leaning closer.

"No, I don't wanna. I want Santana…I…get away!" Brittany gurgled, her tongue seeming to move slower than her way, making them all garbled and wrong. He tightened his grip on her hips making her press flush against him. She gasped and tried to push him away, but he rolled his body into hers, making her squirm to get away.

"Come on, babe. Santana's long gone, you can have a little something on the side," he said, still in that thick accent. Brittany shook her head, no, and pushed to get away. He didn't budge but continued to roll his body into hers, forcing a leg between hers. At the feel she tried to scream, but her throat had curled together. She felt like she was choking on her tongue as he pressed into her. No. _No get away from me! Santana. Santana, help me. I need you. I just need you._ She continued to push at him. He forced his torso flush against hers and lowered his hands to cup her butt. She lost her breath and felt her heartbeat hammering with fear as he started kneading. The next moment he was gone and she fell to the floor.

She sat on the floor, supporting her quivering body with her arms, her lips trembling and her eyes tearing up as she looked around, trying to find out what had happened. Sam stood by her side, breathing heavily, Sugar at the other. Both had their fists raised and both looked at something on the floor a few feet away. Brittany followed their gaze and saw through misted eyes how the Italian was lying on the floor, his nose bleeding and holding a hand to his crotch, curled up in pain. Brittany looked up again, no longer fighting the tears. They'd saved her. She felt her breathing reappear but seemed to want to make up for the lost breathing by increasing to a point where she hyperventilated. Then the colors faded and the lights were out, and Brittany fell limply, her head against the cold dance floor.

* * *

I sat on my office chair, twirling it around with a giddy expression as I reread Brittany's many texts. I'd sent her a few but she hadn't answered and I assumed that she was still asleep. It was evening after all here, so she'd be asleep by now.

"Santana, are you up here?" I almost fell out of my chair and scrambled to stand, quickly hiding my phone in a desk drawer. Within three seconds I had grabbed a nearby magazine thrown myself on my bed opening a random page and looking very interested in whatever I was pretending to read. The door opened and Quinn's head appeared in the gap, her rare shy smile as she peeked inside the room. Her eyes caught mine and she smiled and stepped inside, closing the door behind her.

"What's up?" I asked, semi-interested.

"I just wanted to make sure that you got home safely," Quinn said and sat down on the bed. She frowned and then reach across the bed to take the stuffed dolphin. She examined it carefully. "Brittany give you this?" She gestured at me with it and had an unreadable face. I reached over and snapped it from her with a scowl.

"No, I won it at a funfair."

"With Brittany?" she said.

"Yeah, Brittany the others," I dismissed and rolled my eyes at her. "Why are you so interested in Brittany?"

"You seem happy. I think seeing as she's your friend and she doesn't annoy you, she must have something that I don't. You've always hated me. I know that we're best friends, but you've always hated some part of me, and I can't figure out why. But you don't seem to mind her at all." She looked like this was the core reason to come over here. I sat up and looked at her with furrowed brows. Did she really think I hated her? Sure I thought she was annoying sometimes and too smart for her own good, but I never hated her.

"Quinn" I said softly and moved to sit beside her. "I don't hate you. Not at all. It's just...me and Britt, you and me. It's just not the same. I mean, we've known each other since high school. We're best friends. I haven't even known Britt for three weeks. I'm not gonna replace you when she comes home. I promise I'm not. I love you, Fabray, even when you're a stubborn bitch and even when I whine and complain."

Quinn seemed to slump together, like she'd been holding her breath for a long time, and then she took a deep breath and nodded. I put an arm around her shoulder.

"I needed to know that, S. I really did," she said and smiled at me. When did we become such adults? Where were the snarky comments, the bitch you ain't got nuthin' on me stares, the cat-fights and the mean competitions to be the queen be? Did we really grow up?

"I still hate you, though" Quinn said with a smirk in her voice. I retreated my arm and glared at her.

"Fine, I hate you too, Fabgay!"

"Will you stop calling me that, Lezpez!" I gaped.

"You did not!"

"I did. What are you gonna do? Hit me?" She looked at me like she actually wanted a fight. I smirked and got off the bed, but within two seconds I'd tackled her, flinging her against the rug and jabbing my fingers into her sides. She screamed and squirmed and slapped at me, but I straddled her forcefully, holding her in place.

"S-san-t-tanah! You bitch!" she screamed and finally got to jab me forcefully, right above my navel, making me gasp and retreat. This was all she needed to turn the tables. With a smirk she had spun us and hovered over me. The blonde hair reminded me of that time. The time she had almost kissed me. I was sure she was going to. But this was different. I guess somewhere it had nagged me. What if someone else tickled me, hugged me, flirted with me. Would I feel the same? Did I like Brittany for her liking me? But even as Quinn straddled me and hovered over me in a position I would've found very alluring, had it been Britt, I felt nothing. Not even a spark. Maybe it was because we had known each other so long. Or maybe the chemistry between Britt and I, maybe it was real.

"You look like you're going to kiss me, S," Quinn chuckled, still pinning me to the ground. I flushed. "Wait, you want to, don't you?"

"Hell no, ew! You're not at all my type Q! Get off of me!" I said and squirmed. She sighed and slid off me, sitting indian style on the floor beside me. I sifted a hand through my hair and sat up, looking at her with a scowl.

"Why, because I'm a girl?" she asked. I sighed and rolled me eyes.

"Because you're you," I said, neither confirming or dismissing. I was supposed to let her suspect something, but I couldn't tell her. Not yet. It seemed so easy, just blurting out the words. I'm gay. They played over and over in my head, every meal I had with her, every time she looked at me. I felt how they were stuck in my throat, clotted it and stopped me from speaking at all. So I kept quiet.

"Well, I'm glad. I don't think I know how to handle that. Even if you're hot," she said and winked.

I grinned and whiffed my hair in the air. "I'm so hot, lava freezes at the sight."

She snorted and broke out into a cackling bell-like laugh making me laugh along as well. And we just laughed. We sat on the floor of my old bedroom, laughing like idiots about how much of a dork I was, and even if she didn't say that was why she was laughing, I knew it was.

"L-laaava!" she coughed and broke into a renewed laughing fit. I laughed along and felt the freedom of it. Why couldn't we have been that good friends in high school? Why did we spend our youth chasing boys, getting drunk, and pregnant in her case? Why did we compete so much, fight so much, when things could've been like this? When we could've just laughed at all the things that were just too ridiculous, instead of ignoring them.

* * *

Sam sat in the dark room, his head in his hands, a hand on his shoulder as he looked at the inside of his eyelids. Everything went through him at once at the sight of what he'd experienced last night. The two girls were still sleeping, Brittany carefully cradled into Sugar's body. Sugar probably wasn't sleeping though. The last time Mercedes had checked she was still awake, just stroking the hair of the sleeping girl. The blonde boy moved a little, shifted and caused Mercedes' hand to fall off his shoulder and onto his back. He started to tremble.

"I was supposed to look after her," he whispered with a quivering voice as the first rays of sunlight seeped through the creamy curtains.

"It wasn't your fault, Sam. You weren't there. It was bad luck," Mercedes said quietly, curling her arms around him comfortingly. He leaned into her and gripped around her waist, pulling her close, loving the comfort and warmth she provided.

"You're a good guy, Sam. You did the right thing. The minute you found her, you got her away from that creep. I just can't believe Sugar got him before you did. She has a mean left fist. And foot," Mercedes said in an attempt to cheer her boyfriend up. He chuckled slightly and nodded in approval of Sugar's violent side.

"I should check on her," Sam said and released the grip on Mercedes. Mercedes nodded and leaned in to kiss his cheek. He smiled and leaned into the touch momentarily before stroking her knee affectionately and getting up, smiling sadly down at her. He walked through the living room and into Brittany's bedroom. True enough, Brittany was still sleeping, her breath puffing at the strands of hair on Sugar's neck. The brunette cradled her protectively, cooing every time Brittany winced. She was probably still having nightmares. Who wouldn't though? Sam caught Sugar's eye, and she gestured for him to sit on the other side of her. He nodded and walked over to gingerly sit onto the bed, which dipped under his weight. He tried to be as careful as he could as he rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. It was so light out already, making the shaded ceiling lighter as well. It was like watching time pass, as he studied how the shades lightened. Another minute passed in silence only broken by the occasional whimper or wince from Brittany, before the door creaked open again. Mercedes snuck inside and looked at the three. There was just enough space for her to crawl into the bed as well, so she did. She walked to Brittany's side and, just as carefully as Sam had done it, slid into the bed and rolled onto her side, facing the others. She exchanged a silent conversation with Sugar and let her hand rest on Brittany's shoulder, rubbing circles onto the skin with her thumb.

As they lay in the bed the rays of sun finally reached the bed and shone down at them. In that moment, Brittany squirmed and took in a sharp breath. She was waking.

"S'tana…" she mumbled confused, her eyes still closed like a puppy staring at something very bright. She kept scrunching her eyes closed and stretching her lids as far as they could with her eyes still being shielded from whatever she might see when she opened her eyes. Then suddenly she jerked and sprang up and fell to the foot of the bed, rolling off it and hitting the floor with a bump. She was up within a second and stared around the room confused, her body swaying and her gaze disoriented. Like a cat being thrown and not landing on its feet. She got her gaze focused on each of her friends in turn and then looked at the space between Sugar and Mercedes as if she had expected a fourth person to be there. Her eyes watered as the memories started to return to her, and she slumped forwards the floor pulling her closer like it had last night. She trembled, but was caught by Sam who was quickly by her side, hugging her tightly, making her curl into him She had to breathe in the scent of him several times to make sure it was really him.

"I miss…I…" she croaked, whispering into his neck.

"I know, Britt. I know," Sam said and stroked her head. In the meantime the two girls had also come to stand beside Brittany, Sugar reaching out to touch her shoulder. Brittany sighed at the touch and seemed to melt, closing her eyes. She knew it was wrong, imagining what she did, but it almost felt like Santana's hand.

This was supposed to be a fun vacation, and every last speck of fun had just been taken from her with the events of last night. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't. She hated feeling this way, and she hated having the others worrying about her. But the feel of his hands on her body, the feeling like she was about to be raped. It made her so sick, so hurt, so left alone that not even the embraces of her three best friends could fix it. She felt unloved, vulnerable and undesired. She needed Santana to tell her that she liked her. She needed Santana. With that she pushed away from the three friends, grabbed her phone from the charger and walked onto the balcony, already dialing.

* * *

I was standing on a floor. It was open and empty and the floor was metallic, cold against my bare feet as I tried to get a meaning out of this. Any meaning. Where was I? There was an echo and I discovered that I could move, that my gaze wasn't locked on my feet on the hard surface, but that I could look up. I did so and saw a ceiling made of the same metal as well. It had six indentations in the metal. Like a dice. I looked around. One with two, one with three, one with four and one with five. I looked down again, and saw the single large indentation. I tried to move my feet, but the minute I did the dice rotated and I was thrown around. I never hit a surface, but was flung from one end to the other. Finally the dice stopped and I landed on the side with two indentations. I loud out a loud "oompf" as I hit the hard cold metal.

"I miss those blue eyes, how you kiss me at night-"

Drowsily I picked up the phone and grumbled something intelligible into the phone. I had decided to take an early night and had fallen asleep almost instantly after Quinn had left.

"Santana?"

I was wide awake. My eyes flung open and I sat up straight my body rigid and stiff.

"Britt?" I asked breathlessly, already knowing it was her. I heard a sigh, quivering and unsure, but still relieved. "Hey, what's up?" I questioned softly. She let out another quivering breath and whimpered slightly. My gut wrenched and I felt her pain all the way here, even if I didn't know what had caused her pain.

"I just missed your voice," she said with a shaky voice. It cracked half-way and pitched high. I bit my lip.

"I missed yours too, sweetie. You sound sad. Are you alright?" I asked tentatively. She let out a breathy laugh.

"Yeah…I just missed you. How's Lima?" she asked with a fake calm. I felt my heart pound hard, as if it wanted to be heard through the phone, just to show her how much I cared about her.

"It's fine. Boring, but fine. I can't wait until you get here. I miss you so much. But you're having fun in Italy, right? Not just sulking, I hope" I said and heard her chuckle again, but it still seemed flat, sarcastic even. Something was definitely up.

"I'm good…" she lied.

"Brittany. Talk to me. I can hear it in your voice, what's wrong?" I pleaded and clutched my phone. As she spoke my heart rate increased rapidly and my face fell.

"I just…I was at the club last night and..." her voice broke and she cleared her throat, "there was a guy who kept wanting to dance and…and I said that I was taken but he wanted to dance anyway, and I'm so sorry Santana. I never should've danced with him."

"No, shh...It's not your fault, I know you love to dance. You're allowed to dance with whomever you wish. Just because you're my girl, doesn't mean you can't dance with anyone else," I said comfortingly. I heard her whimper in the phone and the way she was breathing told me that she had started crying.

"It was one dance, but then he wouldn't let me go and…the next thing I knew I was on the floor and Sugar had hit him right in the face, but I don't know what happened, I couldn't get away…I just wanted to dance, but I wanted to dance with you. I don't wanna dance with anyone else, I like dancing with you the most," she said, making me tear up. I cooed into the phone and felt so ashamed that I had to leave her there. It was my responsibility, as her girl, to take care of her, but I had left her there, gone home and left her. I was supposed to take care of her, and I had let her down. It wasn't just a duty though, I wanted her to be my responsibility. I wanted to take care of her, protect her. It was an instinct for me.

"Britt I'm so sorry…I…Is there anything I can do?" I asked desperately.

"You're doing it. Just...keep talking please?" I smiled sadly into the phone and started humming. It wasn't anything specific, just humming something that made me calm. Maybe it'd make her calm as well. She hummed back in approval, and it sounded almost like a purr because her voice was so broken and hoarse from crying.

"Do you want me to sing for you?" I asked. She hummed, yes, and I could almost see her nod. "What would you like me to sing?"

"Something funny…" she said with a sad chuckle. I chuckled along and suddenly remembered the lyrics.

"The wonderful thing about Tiggr's, is Tiggr's are wonderful things" Britt laughed heartily into the phone and urged me to continue. "Their tops are made out of rubber, their bottoms are made out of springs. They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy," I sang with a giggle. I was singing so fast that I couldn't even pronounce the words right, but I didn't care. Brittany was laughing loudly, amused at my dorkiness, and that to me, was all that mattered. I just needed to make her happy "Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!" I sang loudly, not caring that it was late. "But the most wonderful thing about tiggr's, is I'm the only one!"

"More?"

"Yes…!" she giggled.

"Britt is a cuddly fella, Britt she is awfully sweet, everyone ellas are jealous! But that's why I repeat: The wonderful thing about you is, that you say wonderful things, you're dancy, flirty, sweet and nerdy, fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN! But the most wonderful thing about you is: that you're the only one!" I sang loudly, completely out of rhythm, making things up as I sang. Brittany was laughing so loudly that it made me have to turn down the volume on my phone to prevent her from tearing my eardrums apart. My heart swelled at the sound of her laughter. Still in the midst of all this mess she had gotten herself into, she was still laughing and I had still made her laugh.

"You…" she began, out of breath. She panted slightly and continued, "are the biggest dork…known to man."

"Well, thank you. Please just stop being sad, okay?"

"Do I sound sad right now?" Britt asked, still giggling and she sounded very skeptical and teasing.

"No, but later. Don't be sorry. I'll see you Saturday, right? So just remember to be happy and enjoy the rest of your holiday" I said sweetly. She hummed in a stubborn agreement.

"I should go now…Sam's making pancakes," she said, her voice less raspy. I smiled into the phone.

"I'm glad you called," I said.

"Yeah…me too," she answered and sounded like she was biting her lip. I imagined how she would be sitting, curled together like a ball, the streams of dry salt on her cheeks and a shy smile on her lips. If I had been there I would've hugged her instead of her having to hug her knees, I would've stroked her hair and made her heart rate decrease and I would've kissed away the tears. But I was here, so far away from her, and all I could do was sing goofy songs to make her forget the pain momentarily. It was almost Friday, she'd be home soon enough.

PAGEBREAK

"Britt, what are you doing?" Sugar asked with a surprised gigglish voice. Brittany was standing with her head inside the closet looking around between the cloth of her dresses.

"I was wondering what it would be like to be stuck in here. Like in Narnia? Or like Santana. She's kinda stuck inside a closet, right?" Brittany asked and retrieved her head. Her suitcase lay open on her bed and clothes were thrown into it randomly.

"Yeah I guess she is…why are you already packing?" Brittany shrugged. Sugar leaned against the door and watched as Brittany started flinging her clothes across the room carelessly dumping them on the bed and around it, a few articles actually hitting the suitcase. When she'd gotten all of her clothes out she walked to her bed, emptied the suitcase, picked up the clothes from the floor and took a pair of shorts, folding them with the giraffe motif upwards, and put them neatly into the bottom of the suitcase. Sugar shook her head in a giving-up manner.

"I don't get your packing method," she said with a sigh and walked over to sit down on the bed, flinging a bra and a sundress at Brittany. The blonde was hit in the face with the bra and peeled it off. She blushed deeply and attempted to hide it.

"Oh my God, give me that again!" Sugar said and reached over.

"N-no!" Brittany said, her entire face flushed and her ears burning.

"That's...That's Santana's bra! That thing is at least a C-cup, and you borrow my bra's all the time, and I'm A." Sugar pointed at the bra behind Brittany's back with a mischievous grin and tried to snap it back. Brittany howled in protest and turned around, her back to Sugar, hiding the bra.

"Don't cuddle the bra, you lovesick perv," Sugar said with a smirk. Brittany felt her ears reach a boiling point. Then Sugar was around her, pressing against her from behind to get the bra, and Brittany snapped. She yelped and flung forwards; backing away and pressing her back and butt against the wall shaking her head, her eyes wild and panicky. Sugar looked at her with shock and panic and looked at the wild blue eyes, trying to get contact.

"I'm sorry! I didn't think. Britt, please" Sugar pleaded, remembering how fragile she had been last night. That man had pressed against her personal space, took her into his hands, and claimed her. It was almost as if he had raped her. It was odd how she sometimes looked completely fine, and other times seemed like she might break down any minute. Since this morning though, her mood had been considerable better. Santana's little song had definitely brought life back into the blonde girl. Somehow this only made Sugar feel even more alone. Santana hadn't been there. She hadn't protected Brittany like Sugar had, hadn't gotten Brittany home, held her hair as she hurled into a nearby trashcan, she hadn't held her close or stroked her hair all night. She hadn't whispered sweet nothings into the blonde's ear every time she whimpered. And that, somehow, had not been enough for Brittany. But the minute she heard Santana's voice, she was smiling, and through all the pain, a little piece of goofy Santana made Brittany light up like a Christmas tree. It was a connection between the two of them that simply was too mystic and odd for Sugar to understand it. It was like they were connected. She clearly remembered how Brittany had babbled about Santana for months after the Chicago weekend. How she had prodded Sugar in the airplane and sat up in her chair, turning towards the sleeping Latina and reaching out, wishing to touch, to impact. It was some kind of spell, binding them together it seemed. There had to be a difference between love. Because she knew that Brittany loved Sugar, but it wasn't the same as what Brittany felt for Santana. Of course it wasn't; they were in love. Or whatever it was. But also, they were like best friends too, in a way. And it wasn't their relationship that made Sugar feel left out once again, it was their friendship. She was so sure that even if they hadn't been in love, Brittany would've still called Santana and Santana would still have sung for her. But then again, how was there a world where those two wouldn't fall in love. Brittany and Santana might not allow herself to admit that this was the case, but they did love each other, somehow. Some way. At least from what Sugar could see. Then again, she had watched a lot of romcoms and read a lot of romance novels. Maybe it was over interpreting. Maybe if Sugar had sung her something, she would've laughed as well. Probably not though.

"Y-you…Help..." Brittany whimpered, snapping Sugar out of her train of thought. She looked at the blonde who was quivering, reaching out for her best friend, the bra dropped on the floor. Within two strides Sugar was in arms reach and Brittany pulled her close, supporting herself against Sugar.

"Sh…" Sugar cooed and stroked her hair. Maybe she was still of some use to the blonde, though she didn't like just being the person you turned to when all turned bad. She needed her best friend, for support, for laughing, for everything. Not just for being someone's comfort.

* * *

I sat in my chair and looked at my phone. No way was I going to be able to sleep. It was already three am and I hadn't closed an eye since she had called. My every thought circled around her, the thought of someone touching her, claiming her. No. She was free, even if she was my girl, she wasn't to be touched by anyone she didn't chose. I felt my heart pound harder in my chest. It sped with rage every time the dark faceless person appeared, the one who had tried to touch Britt. How dare he? I could hear it in her voice, how she tried to breathe calmly, tried to hide her fear. I wondered if she had called me just after it had happened. No. It had been morning there. She had to have been sleeping before. I bit my lip and pulled out my phone, sending a text to Sugar.

Thank you for taking care of her. I'm sorry I couldn't protect her…

I didn't know why I wrote what I did, it was one of those spur of the moment things, and sure enough, only seconds later, my phone started buzzing and playing the default ringtone that I had for everyone but Britt.

"Santana? What time is it in America?" Sugar's slightly high-pitched, but also worried voice said.

"Um…3:06am," I croaked and rubbed my eyes under my glasses. I was tired, but I couldn't sleep. I had tried, for two hours, but I had done nothing but think and stare up at the ceiling.

"I should've been there, I was there with her, but Sam called and said that he and Mercedes had had a fight again and he asked if he could join us so I went out to find him. I couldn't find Britt anywhere, and Sam was just down the street and…Santana, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left her, I'm so, so sorry!" Sugar rambled, and she sounded like she was about to cry.

"Sugar, calm down, it wasn't your fault. I ought to have been there too. She's my girlfriend, I-"

"Wait, you're girlfriends? Brittany said-"

"We're not. Not yet anyway. But I want her to be…I don't know what we are. We're really bad at defining, I guess. I know that we're dating. Ugh. Motta, just take care of her, will you?"

"She…I will, I promise. She's my best friend too you know. I care about her just as much," Sugar said, sniffling slightly.

"I know, Sugar. I just. Don't let her out of your sight."

"I um…I gotta go. Sorry, Santana! Get some sleep, she's safe. She can't go anywhere."

Wait, what's that supposed to mean? I frowned at the phone and started to say goodbye but she had already hung up. Was this her way of comforting me? If so, it did not work at all. This was painful.

* * *

"Santana? Are you in there?" I heard Quinn's voice and then she banged on the door to my bathroom. I was hanging over the sink trying to examine the shadows under my eyes and evaluate whether someone would see them or not. I decided not to do anything about them, groaned tiredly and walked out of the bathroom. Quinn was standing with her arms folded across her chest and a tilted head. She was smiling.

"Who kept you up all night?"

"Shut up and go away. I'm not in the mood for you. I haven't slept at all," I said and dragged myself to the bed, tumbling over my own feet and falling onto it, cradling the comforter and turning to lie on my side. I was still wearing the pajama pants from last night and a hoodie I had put on around 2am when I finally gave up on sleeping.

"I know, but why? I mean, come on. You look awful."

"Go away, Quinn," I said insistently. She was being such a pain in the butt right now. Couldn't she just leave? I needed to sleep. Maybe I had finally gotten so tired that I would simply pass out from sleeping.

"No, I won't."

"Lucy Quinn Fabray, if you don't get out right now I'm gonna-"

"Snore to death?" Quinn snorted. I jabbed her leg with my finger as forcefully as I could. This wasn't really saying much.

"Did you have a guest?"

"No. I've been up thinking. I couldn't sleep, okay?" I said finally. "Now will you kindly leave, I'm going to pass out."

"No. Look, I'm going to go get you some coffee and then you and I are going to look at my apartment," Quinn said. I lifted my head from the comforter and glared at her.

"Why would I ever come admire your newfound glory as a person who did not have to live at home?" I asked with a dangerous grumble.

"Because…you talked about how you had nowhere to live and that Britt didn't either. I was thinking maybe, now I don't know her but…would you at least consider maybe being my roommate again? And maybe Brittany too?" I looked at her, not really hearing what she was saying. I looked suspiciously at her.

"Why would you want to live with me and a stranger?"

"Because you're my best friend and you know her and trust her so therefore, so do I," she said. I looked at her skeptically.

"So…you want to live with me again, in Lima. But I don't have a job?"

"The apartment is paid by my dad. You should get a job though." Quinn said.

"But I don't wanna…" I said and grumbled. "Can't I just stay here forever?" I hugged my comforter close and looked at her.

"I guess if you wanna live here forever, you're welcome to. But you're never gonna date anyone then."

"Excuse you" I growled. I was dating!

"Whatever, get your lazy ass out of bed," she said and hit me over the head with a pillow. I growled and snatched at the air, trying to get the pillow. It didn't work. She hammered it onto my head again, and I gasped.

"Stop it!" I howled at her and finally manage to grip the pillow. Bad idea. She pulled and made me crash onto the floor.

"Get. Your. Lazy. Ass. Out. Of. Bed!" she said, hitting me with the pillow every time. I failed miserably at attempting to either get free, get the pillow, or hurt her back. I think I mostly resembled a fish on land, flapping my limbs helplessly, lazily even.

"I'm lying on the freaking floor! Give me a break, Fabray!" I yelled when I'd finally got (had) enough. I reached up and grabbed her wrist, pulling myself up. She growled but pulled me up, glaring at me as if I'd personally offended everything she stood for. I glared back and snarled under my breath. She mimicked me and fisted her hands at her side. I felt like a seven-year-old again, and that this was pretty ridiculous, but there was just no way in hell I was going to lose. Her eyebrow twitched and I narrowed my eyes even more. I was so pulled into this entire game that I didn't even hear the door crack open.

* * *

**A/N** Hey lovelies

I'm really sorry that I haven't updated until now, I promise to do another update pretty soon seeing as my beta just edited the next chapter as well. I'm sorry it's been so long but I was really busy. I meant to update last weekend but I was so busy in San Francisco that I didn't even get to write a single word. I spent the last two weekends in the company of another little writer of Brittana fanfic, and even though it prolly doesn't need much promotion because I think everyone's read it or heard of it, go read "I'll Teach You To Dance" by my friend Monochromeheartbeat! If you already have, I approve of you. If not; go. Read. Best. Fanfiction. Ever. Plus I'm shamelessly promoting her and her fic, because she's awesome and so is the story.

ANYWAY! I hope you liked this chapter and this chapter is one I've been waiting to post for a long time because it starts a huge Brittany storyarc that otherwise only has been touched in a few other chapters. So lovelies, enjoy. I promise to update again soon!

-hugs-


	19. Where Are You Gonna Sleep Tonight

**Chapter 19 – Where are you gonna sleep tonight?**

I looked over at the door and gaped. I froze in my every movement, even my heart for a moment. There she was, her beautiful blonde hair framing her sun-kissed milky skin, like a creamy marshmallow toasted slightly over a fire, the freckles sprayed across her nose. I realized then just how much I had missed her. I abandoned every thought of Quinn and ran to Brittany, flung my arms around her and hugged her close. She sighed relieved into my neck and curled her arms around me in a gentle but tight hug. I never wanted to ever let her go again. She took in a deep breath making me chuckle as she nuzzled her nose discretely against my neck and pressed her lips ever so tenderly over the skin below my ear, her actions hidden by my hair, which for once I appreciated being as big as it was in the morning.

"I missed you so much," she mumbled in a quivering voice and pulled me tighter into her, pressing her body flush against mine and lifting my feet off the ground shortly before putting me back down.

I nodded into her neck and jerked my head a little to the side to whisper back. "I'm here, you're here. It's gonna be alright."

Quinn cleared her throat loudly behind us, making us break apart physically and I looked around at her, my cheeks heating but not to a visible point. She looked past me, at Brittany.

"Hi, Brittany," Quinn said in her sweet but calculating voice. "It's nice to meet you in person." She reached her hand towards Brittany. Britt looked at the hand for a second, unsure, and then stretched her own forwards and shook Quinn's hand.

"You too," Brittany said with a smile. She still had her other hand around my waist, pressing me into her. I noticed Quinn eyeing us before pulling her hand back. _She has to find out… Just ease her into it… Don't pull back._ I had to repeat those thoughts to keep letting Brittany hold me close. I felt torn. I wished to hold her close as well but I felt so uncomfortable with Quinn eyeing me like that.

Apparently I was very tired, because it wasn't until now that I thought about the weirdness of the entire situation. _Wasn't it only Friday? How was she home?_ It'd have to wait. I looked at Quinn.

"Quinn. I need to talk to Britt. Alone. Now. I know I agreed to go look at your apartment, but it's better now that Britt's here too, right? Can't it wait until after lunch or something?" I asked, half-pleading, half-annoyed. I just wanted her out, right now. That way Brittany kept randomly adding just a little pressure to the hand on my back made me shiver and clamp my teeth together tightly.

"How about dinner? Brittany, you in?" Quinn asked. It surprised me that she didn't object to me kicking her out. She wasn't objecting at all actually.

"Yes, totally. Right, San?" she asked and looked down at me, pulling me closer. I blushed and looked her in the eyes. God, I'd missed those eyes.

"I… yeah, okay," I said, still not looking at Quinn. Brittany lit up and gave me a nod. I'd chosen right. She looked over at Quinn and I followed her gaze. Quinn's face was unreadable.

"I guess I'll see you tonight then?" Quinn asked, looking from me to Brittany and back again. I nodded and pulled Brittany into the room, making an exit for Quinn. She looked at us for another moment before walking past us mumbling something about us being very weird. She closed the door after us, and I looked at the door listening for the sound of the front door opening and shutting. It was hard though, concentrating, because Brittany had leaned down and peppered little kisses across my cheek and jaw, nipping at the lip of my nose with her lips. A muffled sound of the front door closing told me that we were in the clear. I drew back a little, making Brittany stop kissing my cheek. I giggled when she leaned in and pressed her forehead against mine. I shifted slightly and drew my arms around her waist, twining them on her lower back. I didn't kiss her, not yet. I simply breathed the air between us, feeling how my lungs filled with air that had a faint floral scent.

"I missed you," Brittany mused quietly.

"Why are you home already?"

"Can-" she choked on her words and cleared her throat. "Can I just kiss you first and explain later?" she asked. I stifled a giggle and nodded, biting my lip. She looked down at my lip and removed a hand from behind my back. She let her thumb graze my jaw and skate to my lip, running across my bottom lip, making my mouth slack. I let my eyes fall from her beautiful eyes to the smile forming on her lips. She scooted a little closer, her lips only an inch from mine. Her hand fell from my lip to rest over my speeding heart. The minute her hand crept across the skin below my collarbone I dove in and kissed her.

My entire body melted and my eyes fluttered closed immediately, leaving all sense to my lips moving against hers, the sound of her sharp breath at the contact and the feel of her body around me. It was all senses. This must be why it was called sensual. It was all about senses. I don't think she meant to be sensual, just sweet, but everything about her, to me, was sensual. I untwined my hands and brought one up her back to the base of her neck. I smiled into the kiss as she tried to steady her breath by breathing through her nose. She had to draw back for air and looked down at me, her eyes flickering between mine. I frowned slightly. She seemed somewhat distraught. I leaned up nonetheless to peck her lips again. I had planned on just drawing back, but the minute my lips touched hers, she transformed. Her eyes fluttered closed as she sought my kiss and returned it hard.

Within seconds she had backed me against the bed and my legs hit the foot of it. She kept pushing, moving her lips against mine with such hunger that it was hard to keep up. I eventually fell back, our lips disconnecting for the shorter of a second before she had straddled me and twined her hands in my hair. Grinning against her lips, I let my hands move to her sides and trace my thumbs against the piece of bare skin between her shorts and her tank top. She shivered at my touch and let out a huff against my lips, breathing on my lips. I opened my eyes and looked up at her, her eyes closed tightly and an almost pained expression on her face. With a frown I drew back and felt how she took in a deep ragged breath.

"Britt?" I asked quietly when she pressed her lips to mine again. She opened her eyes again and looked at me, the pained expression back.

"Jetlag," she said, smiling weakly. I giggled and pressed my lips to her cheek.

"Come on, this is kind of uncomfortable," I said and rolled out from underneath her. She looked at me with furrowed brows. "C'mere" I said, almost in a purr as I slid up to lie on my back with my head on my pillows. She bit her lip in a way that was really alluring and crawled towards me. She had directed her movements to be beside me, put I pulled at her arm and she fell on top of me, lying flush against me. Within two seconds I had switched our positions, straddling her hips and smiling lazily down at her. She let a hand cup my cheek as she gave me that special smile she saved for me.

"Now tell me, sweetie. Why are you home?" I asked and took the hand she had on my cheek and kissed it. Turning her head to the side, she averted her eyes from me and I felt her gaze stiffen on the pillow beside her. I kissed her palm again. "Brittany, sweetie, Look at me,"

She shifted her body a little and twisted her head to look at me. I caught her eyes and saw hers flicker again. "Baby, what's wrong? Is it that guy, that guy who danced with you? Did he hurt you?"

She nodded.

I glanced down at her with shock and rolled myself off her to lie beside her. I tugged gently at her arm and she immediately responded by turning around and curling herself into my body, forcing me close. I looked at her and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. She smiled at me, but her lip was quivering.

"What did he do? Britt, he didn't-" I couldn't even finish the sentence in my head, let alone out loud. The words stuck in my throat and curled up my tongue. I felt like retching at the thought alone.

"No. He didn't. He… He just… He wouldn't let me go. I was… so scared," she said and I saw how her eyes misted over. I instinctively drew my arms around her and heaved her up to lay flush against me. She hugged me close and buried her head in my neck. I stroked her back and felt as she shook into me, her breath choking and her sobs audible.

"I know, baby. I'm so sorry," I cooed and stroked her head, shifting in her arms to lie on my side, facing her. She looked so small when she cried, and even smaller when she'd been hurt.

"I don't get why men are such..." She seemed to look for a word that seemed gruesome enough for the description.

"Assholes?" I asked. She giggled through her tears and nodded, tugging me closer. I fastened my arms tightly around her, pushing a knee between hers, not as any sexual gesture, but just to bring us closer. She gasped and drew back, clamping her knees together. I looked at her.

"Britt, what exactly did he do to you?" My voice was firm and comforting at the same time, or at least I tried to make it that way.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Brittany managed to croak out though it was muffled by her lips slipping against my collarbone as she spoke. She let her lips melt into the crook of my neck tenderly as if to point her statement. I couldn't help but smile, though it was brief and I sucked my lips into my mouth and pressed together tightly, letting my hand move up her back slowly, carefully, almost telling her every movement I wanted to make, and let my fingers comb through her hair. She let out a shuddering breath against my neck and clutched me tightly.

"Don't ever let me go." she pleaded with an almost inaudible voice.

"I won't," I whispered and hugged her impossibly closer.

"Can we sleep?" Brittany asked. I nodded and hummed in agreement. Maybe I'd finally be able to sleep now. She drew back and looked up at me.

"Shouldn't we get under the covers or something?"

"You're still wearing your shoes." I said, smiling as I released my grip her. I made sure to hold some part of her, her wrists, her hip, her leg, her ankle, as I shimmied down the bed to her feet and started untying the laces of her cloth sneakers. She propped herself up on her elbows and eyed me with drooping eyelids the misty cover disappearing. There was a lazy smile forming around her mouth. I wriggled off the shoe and let my hand ghost over her skin from her knee to the band of her socks. She giggled. After gazing at her remarkable expression of being tired and having that playful spark in her eyes, mixed again with the sadness shadowing her smile. I bed she hadn't slept at all on the plane-ride home if I were to judge by the dark shadows under her eyes. She wiggled her toes at me when I'd rid her of her other shoe.

"With or without socks?" I asked and fiddled with the hem of the blue and orange sock. She had odd socks, but then again, certain things about Brittany were odd. I'd never allowed myself to like anything really odd, but Brittany's quirky socks and child-like behavior was too adorable.

"I like to have my feet warm when I sleep," she said when I started to pull down a sock. I smiled up at her and tugged it back in place, tickling her skin, making her squirm a bit. She sat up and reached out to me in a "come here" gesture. I took her hand in mine and let her pull me back up. We managed to shimmy the covers out from underneath us and crawl under them. I twisted to face her again, and was immediately engulfed by her arms and her body. I dared not do anything.

"I like your room. It's very dark and night-like."

"It's from my darker period in my life. Before I met you," I said, leaning forwards to nuzzle my nose against hers. She hummed and called me cheesy like she always did when I was being cheesy. But I didn't care I liked her too much to care about being cheesy.

"Just to make sure," Brittany said, drawing back slightly to catch my eyes, "you do know that I'm crazy about you, right?" I bit down on my lip instinctively to prevent myself from looking like I was on a sugar high or something. She let her hand brush across my back, over my shoulder and along my jawline to release my bottom lip from the hold my teeth had on it. I let my lips curl into a huge grin as I shrugged slightly.

"I might've had an idea, but that's okay, I'm crazy about me too," I said with a fake nonchalance. She leaned in and kissed me, not even bothering to scold me. She didn't move her lips, but merely locked our lips together, pressing hard against mine. I drew back, but not enough to disconnect from the kiss as I mumbled, "But I'm crazy about you too." She let out a bubbly laugh that sent puffs of hot air to my lips. I took the opportunity to press into her, sucking her lip into my mouth and biting down gently. She let out a gasp and giggled again but drew back and stopped the kiss.

"Sleep, you look terrible," she said and pecked my nose. I scrunched it and scowled.

"Shut up."

"Sleep," she insisted.

She pressed us tighter together and tugged my head into her neck. Wasn't I the one supposed to take care of her? Wasn't she the one hurt? I was so tired, and her calm breath was so soporific. I almost couldn't help it. No, I had to stay awake. At least until she slept. She needed it more than me. She needed to sleep. I let my head scoot down to rest my ear against her heart, listening. It was slowing. She mumbled something against my hair, but it was garbled and without meaning. It had something to do with her though. I heard "and I", but nothing more. I listened, my eyes closing on their own accord, as her breath steadied and I was sure she was alseep. Only then did I let sleep conquer me.

* * *

It had been one of the good dreams, one of those with a lot of colors. It was the first time I had slept in Brittany's arms where I had also dreamt. I was still lying in her arms, afraid to open my eyes. Why I was afraid, I had no clue of, but I was. I was scared she would disappear. I was scared that if it was like _Inception_, you know; a dream within a dream? What if I opened my eyes and she was gone? No. She was here. Her skin was soft against my forehead and her breath was calm, but I was sure she was awake. Her heart was beating fast. I liked to think that I had something to do with it. Her skin smelled delicious, sleeplike, but delicious. I moved a little, just to let her know that I was awake. She tightened her otherwise slackened grip on me and nuzzled her nose into my hair.

"Did you sleep?" I whispered against her skin earning a nod into my hair.

"You're the best cuddle buddy," she giggled. Snorting a laugh I let my hand trace her spine, to her neck as I drew back to look at her.

"Are you hungry?" I asked. She nodded and pursed her lips. "What time is it?"

"I don't know. Wait, let me check," she said and stretched her hand behind me. Gently she rolled me onto my back to be able to reach across me and get my phone which lay on the bedside table. I blushed deeply, because I was still tucked under her, with my head close to her chest, and as she lifted her body I had a very clear view down her top. She got a hold on the phone and leaned back, sitting up, straddling my legs and calmly turning the phone, and me, on. She leaned back, supporting her weight on a hand which was firmly placed on my stomach, tracing subconscious little patterns with the tips of her fingers. I, on the other hand, was staring at the ceiling, my cheeks burning.

"It's noon. Babe? Santana, are you...what are you doing?" Brittany asked confused and snapped her fingers in front of my eyes. I jumped slightly and looked at her. My eyes immediately flickered to her chest and her gaze followed mine. She looked at me, calculating before throwing her head back and clutching my shirt, breaking into a loud bubbly laughter. It chimed through the room hitting the walls like waves and ricocheting and making the room fill with delicious laughter. I blushed even deeper. Within a second her laughter was gone and she was looking down at me. I froze and matched her look.

"You're really cute, acting like it's something you've never seen before," she said and prodded her finger against my stomach. I let out a puff of air. My breath hitched as she let her fingers close around the thin cotton of my tank top and make it creep up.

"Britt," I gasped when she reached under my shirt to let her fingers skate over the faint outline of muscles. She left goose bumps on my skin in the wake of her touch and let her fingers creep dangerously high. I fought to keep from arching into her touch. She reached my rib and guided her hand to the cleft between my ribs where the small thin line that sunk into my skin. She let a single finger gently press down and over my belly button. She looked highly intrigued, like a kid exploring how Play-doh worked. I finally gave in and bucked into her. She immediately drew back and looked at me, noticing the way I looked as if she hadn't seen consequences to her actions until now. My chest was heaving with the heavy breaths I forced in order to restore some of what she had taken from me. It confused me. Why was she being so alluring? Did she not know what she did to me? Apparently not.

"We should get some lunch," she said, looking at me with flushed cheeks.

"... Yeah," I breathed and propped myself up on my elbows. "Brittany, I think y-"

"Not yet," she pleaded, her eyes misting at the thought alone. "Lunch."

I nodded and waited to sit up straight until she had rolled off me, now sitting on the edge of the bed, her legs dangling slightly. I moved to stand in front of her and offered her my hand. She took it gingerly and tangled her fingers through mine. With the support of our entwined fingers she pulled herself to her feet and ran her thumb gently over the skin of my hand. As we walked out the room and descended the stairs it became a silent conversation, our hands. Every few seconds she'd shift her hand a bit or give my hand a little squeeze and I'd return it by either a squeeze back or letting my thumb skate over her knuckle. I know it seemed silly, but it made my entire chest swell and my hands tingle. It seemed like such an intimate way of talking, like we were making sure that we both understood each other.

We reached the bottom of the staircase into the hallway and looked around. There was a rustling sound that startled me and before we managed to move another millimeter my mom had poked her head into the hallway from the kitchen and smiled at us.

"Oh, good, you're up," she said and disappeared again. I looked at her and then at Britt. Had she been in my room while we slept?

"Did Mom let you in?" I asked. Brittany nodded. Until now I hadn't really considered why she had just known where my room was and how she'd gotten in.

"She's very nice," Brittany noted and smiled at me before squeezing my hand once more and then letting go. I reached for her again but she shook her head. Did she not want me to hold her hand? I bit my lip and looked at her. She gave me a reassuring smile and then linked our pinkies. At age 22, I hadn't really thought that I'd ever do that embarrassing pinky link, but I guess it was just another one of Brittany's quirks. I pulled her into the kitchen linked by the pinky and looked at my mom. She was reading a book and eating a homemade chicken bacon sandwich. She barely looked up from her book when we entered, only smiled warmly and propped her reading glasses further up her nose and dove back into the book. I gestured for Brittany to sit down, but she followed me as I unlinked our pinkies to find plates, bread and chicken for sandwiches. Brittany opened the fridge and grabbed the sandwich mayonnaise, the salad and the tomatoes. We worked around each other as I found a breadknife, an herb knife and a butter knife. Brittany leaned against the kitchen counter as I started cutting tomatoes. She reached over, peeked to my mom and kissed my cheek before grabbing the breadknife and the bread. She cut the Ciabatta and started spreading the mayo across it. I continued cutting salad and tomatoes. I noticed her staring at me with a small smile curling her lips. I felt my mom eye us curiously, or maybe it was just Brittany she was looking at. I couldn't really blame her. If it wasn't because it would be really creepy, I probably wouldn't look at anything else.

Finally, two sandwiches and two large glasses of water stood on the kitchen table opposite my mom. Brittany and I sat with more distance than I wished for but with less than I thought appropriate with my mom present. I nibbled from my sandwich and noticed that my mom looked at me every now and then, her look suspicious but also with her friendly smile playing on her lips.

"So, Brittany, how long are you staying?" Mami finally asked. Brittany, who was in the middle of chewing, almost choked in her eagerness to answer my mom. I think she wanted to make a good impression. I couldn't stifle a giggle and it made my mother look over at me.

"Stay where?" Brittany asked after swallowing. She coughed and cleared her throat.

"Here with us? I'm guessing Santana just forgot to mention that you were staying here and not at your parents?"

"I uh…I don't know how long I'm staying. If I can I'd like to sleep here tonight, if you have a mattress or something that I can borrow? I have some catching up to do with Santana," she said and nudged me, forcing me out of an otherwise very well-practiced imitation of a statue.

I let out a shaky "yeah" and breathed.

"Alright, but I just assumed you'd share a bed with Santana? You seemed fine before," she said sweetly and got up. I frowned and looked at Brittany who looked equally confused. She just shrugged and took another bite of her sandwich. One of the salad leafs had only partially been eaten and the rest hung out her mouth. She tried to get it inside. I considered kissing her and biting off the lettuce, but decided that it would probably be a bit awkward if Mami would turn around. I therefore just pointed to the corner of Brittany's mouth and she jerked a bit and slurped in the lettuce with a shy grin. I rolled my eyes at her but smiled at the same time. Even with lettuce hanging out her mouth she was irresistible.

"Well, I have to town, you girls want to come?" Mami asked kindly as she put her plate in the dishwasher and washed her hands.

"I think I need to go visit my family, just tell them that I'm back and drop off my things," Brittany said with a smile.

"Very fair, what about you, Santana?"

"No thanks, I have more than enough sleep to catch up on," I said and yawned again.

"You just spent three hours sleeping, you can't sleep all day like some vampire," Mami said in her most motherly tone. I sighed and waved her away. Sure I could. "It's your life," she then said. _Damn right it was my life_.

"Thanks for the lunch," Brittany said and smiled at me. I returned the smile and poked her side, making her yelp and jerk. I giggled and tried to poke her again, but she caught my wrist and looked at me with mischief. I tried to draw back my hand but with no luck. She merely tugged at it and giggled when I jerked forwards.

"Well, I'll be off. Santana, if you go anywhere the spare key is where it's always been," she said and leaned down, kissing my cheek before walking out of the kitchen. Both Brittany and I listened carefully for the sound of the car keys rustling from the bowl on the chest of drawers in the hallway and then the closing of a door. It was a complete déjà vu of a few hours ago. Brittany shrugged and pursed her lips.

"Well, I guess you're sleeping here then," I said with a shrug. I tried not to make a big deal out of it, but I was pretty scared. Then again, she'd clearly seen us and how closely we'd been cuddled up and she was still speaking to me. That was a good sign, right? I finished eating my sandwich, but scooted noticeably closer to Brittany. She sent me a smile which was slightly awkward because her mouth was stuffed with sandwich. Apparently she had not been taught about bites that were normal sized. I didn't mind, she just looked very odd when she ate. I hadn't noticed this back in Italy, and I think it ought to have bothered me, but it didn't. It wasn't like she was audibly chewing, it just made her cheeks look a bit puffed, and it looked funny. Good funny. Adorable funny. Why was it that everything she did was adorable? Wasn't it supposed to be that everyone had something that annoyed you, and that you'd learn to love that with time? Was there anything about her that annoyed me? Maybe. I maybe thought she was a bit careless with what she said which had made for some pretty embarrassing conversations for me, but other than that? Not really.

I had been laying on my bed for about two hours, my hands on the back of my head and my back against the mattress as I stared up at the dark ceiling. I found it impossible to sleep, not because I wasn't tired, because I was, but because I was waiting. I wanted to be there and be awake when Brittany came back. She had gone back to see her parents and sister for the afternoon and had agreed that we'd meet back here half an hour before we were to leave for Quinn's. I didn't really know how I had managed to get to hours to pass that quickly. since my mom had checked on me after coming back from her trip to the mall. Maybe I had slumbered a little, just a bit. All I knew is that I had checked my phone and it said 2:45pm and the next thing I knew it was almost 4.

* * *

I must've dozed off again, because when I opened my eyes from blinking, Brittany lay beside me with her pinky looped around mine and her gaze upwards. I turned my head and looked at her, my vision still slightly blurred. At the movement, she twisted hers as well and looked at me. A lazy grin curled her lips and she untangled our pinkies and liked our hands.

"How long have you been lying here?" I croaked, rubbing my hand across my cheek and swallowing a yawn.

"A few minutes, I guess," Brittany said in a quiet voice. She rolled over to lie on her side and released my hand to prop her head up on my shoulder. "We ought to get ready to go to Quinn's,"

"Yeah, I guess," I yawned and let out a huff. "How long until we have to be there?"

"45 minutes. How long is the drive?" Brittany asked. I pulled myself into a sitting position and stretched, curling together with a yelp when I felt her arms wrap around me from behind and her nose nuzzle in my hair. I blushed and bit my lip even though I knew she hated when I did so. It was my instinct, all back from school, where I had wished not to seem as happy as I was. I really only remembered smiling without trying to hide it, whenever I was in Glee club. I felt how Brittany breathed in deeply, but I didn't comment. I had missed her too, the scent of her especially.

"I want to take you out, on a date." I said, letting my arms stroke over hers and tilting my head slightly. She let her head fall into the curve of my neck.

"Yeah? I think I'd like that," she said quietly, mumbling into the skin of my neck. I giggled because it tingled and tickled on my neck.

"We should get ready," she whispered into my neck and kissed it. She couldn't just kiss me like that and then at the same time tell me that she couldn't continue. That was just mean. I think she knew, because she tightened her embrace and whispered for me to stop pouting like that. I hadn't noticed that I was pouting until she had said it. She clutched me extra tight for a second and then drew back her hands. She leaned around and tapped my nose. "Get ready."

"Yeah, I know," I sighed, getting up and looking around my room purposelessly. She sat on the bed with her legs crossed and it wasn't until now that I realized that she had dressed up. She was wearing dark washed skinny jeans with a turquoise thread and matching turquoise heels. This was complemented with a black leather jacket with a white and silver shirt underneath. She grinned as I shamelessly checked her out.

"A little hot for a friendly dinner, don't you think?" I asked with a smirk. Brittany simply winked at me and wiggled her upper body at me. She then reached out and tapped my knee with the tip of her shoe as if to remind me that I was supposed to get dressed. I did so. Walking to the closet, I searched through it and tried to find something. The row of hangers were shoved from one end to the other over and over again, trying to find something until I heard the bed creak and the feeling of Brittany's arms wrap around my waist from behind.

"You should go with the green dress." she whispered, nodding at a green dress with black stripes. As she spoke, I shivered and leaned into her touch. I leaned forwards again nonetheless and took the dress from its hanger, examining it.

"It's not really dinner-with-Quinn material either, Britt."

"But you'd look really hot in it," Brittany husked against my ear. What was with her? I wanted nothing more than to turn around and rip off her clothes, but I was scared that she'd freeze up again and it'd be worse. I guess I'd have to take this one touch at a time. On that note, I snaked around in her embrace and pecked her lips before untangling myself from her and going into the bathroom. I noticed how Brittany groaned.

"What's wrong?" I asked with a smirk. I knew exactly what was wrong.

"You don't have to change in there," Brittany complained and gestured at the door to the bathroom. Bingo. I grinned and let the door stay wide open as I walked inside and started pulling off my socks. It didn't take Brittany more than two long strides until she was leaning against the door jam with a guilty smile on her lips. I made sure to very slowly slide out of my pants. It should've probably been a little awkward, I'm sure other people would've felt awkward, but I found it very teasing and fun. I wondered if she'd be able to keep her hands off of me when I'd taken off all of my clothes, because she rarely could. I liked that I had that effect on her. I crossed my arms and fumbled purposely with the hem of my shirt.

"Please tell me that you're not wearing that bra to dinner." she said with lust pouring from the words. It was hilarious, having her squirming and desperate like that. I twisted my head around to look at her, feeling a smirk tug at my lips as caught her eye. Holding it steady, I slid the shirt over my head. I felt warmth emit from the back of my neck and pool in the pit of my stomach but I ignored it, not that this was easy.

"I'm not. I need to wear a strapless one,"

"Or you could go without one," Brittany blurted and immediately blushed deeply. I let out a single laugh and walked towards her. She didn't move, though I had expected her to retaliate. chastely I leaned up to peck her lips, but hers came crashing against mine at full speed. I stumbled backwards but her hands caught on my shoulder and her lips were gone but the heat that was slowly pooling in my stomach wasn't. Not at all.

"What's with you?" I asked giggling as she rubbed her thumbs over the little knobs on my shoulders.

"I want to…with you. I just hate that he scared me," she admitted in a shy and almost inaudible voice. I took her hands from my shoulder and tangled her fingers in mine, squeezing them comfortingly.

She let out a small whimper that was so unlike her and so scary that it made me snap my eyes to hers. Her eyes were flickering between mine.

"I know, baby. Me too," I cooed and dragged her closer. "We'll get there." Her slim pale fingers untangled from mine to tangle with themselves around my back. Her lips curled into a shy smile as she let her thumbs rub over the skin on each side of my spine. The smile quickly became a bit hazed and her eyes darkened a single nuance.

"I need to get dressed," I whispered. I didn't really know why I was whispering, but I was. Maybe it was because if she looked down she'd have a very open view to my cleavage, or maybe it was because the cloth of her t-shirt warmed the skin of my stomach.

She let go of me without warning and let her eyes roam my body shamelessly. I walked out of the room and to my closet, realizing that I had forgotten my strapless bra. I felt Britt's eyes fixed on me, and had a nagging suspicion that I knew exactly which part. Nonetheless I reached into my closet and grabbed the bra from the shelf. I swear I heard her whimper, and it made a grin tug at my lips. The smile turned into an open-mouthed yelp as I felt the coolness of her fingers snap up my bra. I hugged it close and looked at her with wide eyes. She was biting her lip shyly, but a smirk was what she was hiding as she chewed on the flesh of her lip. I rolled my eyes at her and turned around, facing away from her. The groan of annoyance she let out at only having the bare of my back on display was more than audible as I let the bra fall and quickly put on the next.

"I'm sorry Britt, but we're late. If I let you, we wouldn't get out of this room for the next four hours." I smirked and turned around, strutting back into the bathroom to get my dress. I examined myself in the mirror and scrunched my nose. I had never really been able to keep that six-pack intact. I guess my stomach was pretty flat but a little bulge was noticeable. That'd have to go. I had to start exercising again if I wanted to keep that A+ stomach.

"Four hours?" she asked and I didn't even have to turn and look at her to know that she was standing with her arms folded and a smile around her lips. "Someone's confident."

"Oh, please. I was a cheerleader. I'm in great shape." I said and rolled my eyes as my face disappeared underneath the cloth of my dress. I tugged at it until it was perfectly placed. I noticed how dull my eyes looked, and leaned over the sink to grab my make-up.

"You don't need that," Brittany said. I shrugged and started applying.

"You're beautiful," she tried again. I blushed and failed to prevent a smile. I wasn't. Hot at my best. She was the beautiful one.

"You don't believe me," she stated. I caught her gaze in the mirror and continued to lead the brush along my lashes, thickening them.

* * *

"You're early," Quinn announced as she opened the door.

"Nice to see you too, Fabray" I said with a quirk of my brow. Britt stood beside me and looked utterly bewildered. Her eyes were wide and wild and her body was wobbling slightly. Quinn looked Brittany up and down and tried to somehow make eye contact with the highly bewildered blonde. Maybe I had driven too fast. I don't really know. I just pressed the damn accelerator. I think maybe the speedometer was broken or something. Thirty miles was definitely not that slow the last time I'd checked. It wouldn't really surprise me though, it wouldn't be the first thing to break in that crappy bunch of metal.

"What did you do to her? she asked me accusingly. I crossed my arms and leaned back on my heels and rolled my eyes.

"I don't understand... you drive so…slowly…" I looked at her with a frown. Slowly? She continued, "in Italy. You're a…beast. Or something. Do you think you're the Flash or something?" she looked at me with a gaping expression. The last sentence was said so quickly that she almost tripped over the words.

"I don't get what you mean, I drove perfectly," I said and raised my brow at her daring her to object. she did.

"You drive like a maniac! I ought to wear a helmet next time!" she said and shuddered. I faked a scowl, and made sure to let her know that I wasn't mad. That was one of the good things about Britt. She could always read me so well.

"She does drive like an idiot," Quinn agreed. I huffed and was about to retort when it turned into a yelp instead. Brittany had expertly jabbed a finger into my side.

"I made lasagna for us. I should've asked; I didn't know if you liked it, Brittany."

"I eat anything, really," Brittany said with a smile. Quinn nodded and led us into the apartment. It was a very big apartment for one person. It was more like a house or something. I think I remember Quinn saying that Frannie lived here with two other girls.

"This is the house by the way. The rooms are through the hallway there, and the one on the right is my room. Don't go in there. You can fight over the other two," Quinn said and walked out of the living room, into what I supposed must be the kitchen.

The living room itself was quite big and pretty empty. Our old TV stood against one wall opposite our couch and my chair, almost like it had done in New York. The walls were painted in a creamy beige color that wasn't nearly as cold as the white one the walls had had in New York. On the wall with the window that connected the one side of the couch and that of the TV. There was also a bookcase which looked big enough to house all of our books and our DVD's and whatever else we might have. It had to have been something Frannie had left. There wasn't much decoration yet, but then again, she'd barely lived here for a week. The other part of the living room had a table for six with old dining chairs and a slightly stained tablecloth, stains I proudly took responsibility for. I had for years tried to get rid of the damn table cloth, staining it ever so often. There was a chest of drawers on which Quinn had placed a few of the pictures of her and I from our Cheerio time and also the Glee club photo from Nationals. Brittany immediately walked over to the last one and smiled widely, letting her hand ghost over the glass. I had my arm around Quinn and Mercedes and looked really happy. I wondered who had taken the picture and counted. No, we were all there. I guess Rachel had bribed someone to take the picture for us. Maybe it had been Emma? No she was there too. Right beside Will, kissing his cheek proudly. I wondered shortly if they had made it.

"That was from Nationals," Quinn said and appeared beside Brittany, looking like she wanted to take the picture from Brittany.

In a dreamy distant voice Brittany proclaimed, "Yeah, I know. I was there." Quinn frowned and followed the picture with her gaze as Brittany put it back.

"You were?"

"It's a long story," Brittany said, waving her off. We had plenty of time to tell that story later.

"Well, dinner should be ready in a few minutes, so you can still go check out the rooms if you want," Quinn said and corrected the placement of the picture. I rolled my eyes at her. Following me into the slightly cramped hallway, Brittany and I found a door to our right. I pushed it open and was met by the smell of emptiness. It was that dusty smell of sunlight that had tried to find a way through a very dirty window. It smelled like that, even if that doesn't seem like it has a smell.

"This room is pretty big. I bet we could fit your bed in here," Brittany exclaimed. It was a pretty big room with pale sandy wooden floors. It had a big window that was very dusty and a slide-door closet that looked new. Possibly Frannie's old room. It would've surprised me if Quinn had taken her sister's room. She considered it bad enough that she had to live here. I guess once we moved in, and there was no way we weren't, it'd be less quiet and lonesome. I hoped she'd feel it that way anyway.

"We could. But what about your room? What if the other room is super small? Wouldn't you want this room?" I asked, frowning at her.

"I _am_ gonna have this room. I can't sleep without you," she said with a shrug, as if it was the most natural thing in the world to say, like had she just been commenting on the weather. I blushed.

"But Quinn-"

"I can have the other room, I just won't sleep in there."

"But what if she comes barging in and-"

"You worry too much," she said. "You can just lock the door, can't you?"

"I guess," I said, feeling a smile tug at the corners of my lips. She wiggled her brows at me playfully, making me giggle. She somehow managed to jiggle her eyebrows out of sync, like they were south and north magnets working against each other. I couldn't help the laughter that escaped my mouth, loud and unhindered. It looked so fun. She stuck her tongue out at me and I had the greatest urge to kiss her, but remained passive. She grinned and looked at me, clearly seeing right through me. She nodded her head towards the door and gestured for us to go into the other room. I noticed quickly how thin the walls seemed to be. Great.

The other room was indeed smaller. The floors were darker and older and the windowsill was covered in a thick layer of dust. People clearly hadn't lived here for years. I walked to the wall, letting my hand glide over the cold white surface of it.

"I'm definitely sleeping in your room," Brittany proclaimed and crossed her arms in front of her chest, leaning on one foot and tilting her head to the side. I let my gaze fall to her and grinned.

"I think your room is much cooler than this."

"This is not up for discussion, Santana. The pretty room is yours and I'll just sleep there. When you decide to tell Quinn, I can move in there, but until then, I'll just have a drawer of my things in your room," she said with a shrug. "But I think it's good that we don't share a room 100 percent yet. It's pretty odd knowing each other for three weeks and already moving in together."

"We're not _really_ moving in together, we're just gonna be roomies," I said and walked to the closet, opening the door and looking inside.

"Roomie who are girlfriends?" Brittany asked. I shrugged, trying to hide the fact that my heart had stopped for a second and was now racing at full speed. "If you want, of course," she added with a shy voice.

"Mhh...I don't know," I said in as calm a voice as I could, which wasn't really very calm seeing as my heart still seemed to try to beat past my ribcage. She giggled and engulfed me in a hug from behind, surprising me to an extend that got me to let out a yelp. She let her hands glide to my stomach and started tickling, making me squirm into her, giggling and whacking at her arms.

"C'mon," she demanded with a teasing voice. I squirmed and tried to stop myself from bursting into laughter. Moving her hands, she started tickling up my sides, her arms crossed in front of me. She had me in a firm grip.

"Stop tickling me!" I laughed loudly and tried to get free of her grasp.

"C'mon," she whispered again, demanding.

"You can't just make me say it, you goof. I have to want to say it," I said in a dangerously serious voice. Her grip slackened and disappeared as if I had burned her. I spun to look at her, her eyes wide and her hands fisting and unclenching over and over again as if to mirror her mouth which opened like she wanted to say something, closed and opened again.

"You don't wanna?" she finally croaked. I realized that I had overstepped. With two strides I was standing in front of her and took her face in my hands, catching her gaze and holding it the best I could. Her eyes flickered between mine.

"Brittany...Britt, look at me." I leaned up and let my nose tap against hers. She finally let her eyes be caught in a vice grip by mine. I leaned back to stand on my heels and pulled her face with me. It was scary, looking at her like that. Then again, it wasn't really scary when it was her. I just felt like whenever I looked into her eyes for more than a few seconds, I could really see her, and I got lost in the color of her eyes. The first part of her I'd noticed and still my favorite part about how she looked. Those eyes ought to come with a warning of falling into them. Right now, the insecurity was what I saw when I studied the flickering of the irises.

"I'm sorry, Brittany. I shouldn't have said that. I want to. I really do. I'm not saying this just because you look at me like that. I was just messing with you," I assured her. A gasp clotted my throat as her arms wrapped around my back, pulling me close.

With a sigh of her entire body she leaned in and kissed my lips for the shorter part of a second. Drawing back, she looked at me and said with a low and shaking voice, "I shouldn't react like this. I know you were just messing around. I don't know what's wrong with me."

I drew back. I wanted to stay close to her, but something drew me away. It wasn't that she felt wrong, but the realization of why she felt wrong. I'd casually forgotten everything she'd been through to satisfy my own need of having her close. She looked at me with even more uncertainty. "I think you're not really over everything yet. I'd be surprised if you were. I think we need to calm ourselves a bit again. I think we may have gone a little overboard. We were so distracted by the paradise of it all, but you're still not ready." I let my hand glide through her hair and move strands of it behind her ear, relishing the feel of her leaning into me.

She shook her head painfully and grabbed my shirt desperately, pulling, not me, but herself, closer to me. She looked utterly broken. "No! No, I am ready. I can't stand you not being with me. I need you!" she croaked in a hushed and desperate voice.

"I'm not leaving you, I'm just saying that we need to remember that you're not fine. And that guy at the bar-" She winced. "Sorry." She shrugged. "He didn't make it any better."

"But I can't do it without you," she begged.

"And you're not going to. But we're letting ourselves get carried away here, Britt." I brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and caressed her cheek with my thumb.

"You're not breaking up with me, are you?"

"Of course not," I promised and leaned up on my tippy-toes to kiss her forehead. I felt her shaky sigh emit on my exposed neck. I let my hands tangle in her hair and pulled her close, leaning my head onto her shoulder.

"Good; I can't do this without you," she whispered into my hair, making goose bumps prickle at the base of my neck

"And I can't do this without you either," I admitted, taking in the scent of her hair.

"Do what? You're doing great aren't you? I thought-" she drew back and looked at me with worry.

"Later, Britt. Quinn's gonna be suspicious. C'mon," I said and untangled myself from her, dragging her towards the door by the wrist. She let me pull her out and when I released her wrist, she walked patiently by my side.

Quinn was nowhere to be found in the living room so while Brittany had walked over to the chest of drawers again to study the pictures from our high school years, I walked through the door to the kitchen.

The kitchen was small but cozy, with a kitchen island in the middle, kitchen desks around them and a stove by the window that had a view to the back yard that was shared by the residents in the building. It was a bit more expensive to have a yard too, I guess, but Frannie and her friends had been able to pay it. We would probably be able to as well.

"Hey, Santana," Quinn said and turned around, a dish of freshly made lasagna in her hands. She was wearing her big yellow and white cooking mittens and they strangely matched the baby green evening dress she was wearing. It made her look kind of like an Easter bunny, making me snort a giggle.

"What's so funny?" she asked and walked around me, pushing the door open with her elbow and walking into the kitchen.

"Nothing," I shrugged and followed her. Brittany was studying a picture from our sixth consecutive national championship in cheerleading, the one from sophomore year. I walked up to stand beside her and bumped my hip into hers, effectively pulling her out of her trance. Whipping her head around, she grinned at me.

"I wondered what you'd look like 5 years younger and in a cheerleader uniform," she noted, bumping her hip into mine.

"I was hot," I stated and took the picture from her, placing it back on the chest of drawers and nodding towards the dinner table as Quinn put down the lasagna.

"Wine, water or soda?" she asked.

"Do you have Dr. Pepper?" Brittany asked.

"Just water," I said with a shrug. Quinn nodded and walked out into the kitchen again, coming back with a Dr. Pepper for Brittany and water for herself and me. With slight apprehension, I sat down beside Brittany, opposite Quinn. It felt like an interrogation of some sort, especially with that completely unreadable expression Quinn was able to make, which always annoyed me to death. The worst part was that she knew it annoyed me.

I leaned over and took the water, pouring some into my glass, trying to avoid Quinn's piercing gaze. It wasn't exactly easy. I think by the time both Brittany and I had helped ourselves to some lasagna, she had given up on trying to get us to reveal something. I didn't really know why the hell I didn't just grab Brittany, kiss her senseless and be done with it all, but a part of me just couldn't, however much I would like to.

"So Brittany, you wanna live with us, right?" Quinn finally said after glancing from me to Britt one more time, chewing the first bite of lasagna. I looked over at Brittany, who already looked nervous. It surprised me why she looked this nervous; she was normally the most outgoing person ever. I mean, she'd kissed me the day we'd first met. Maybe there was just something that made her nervous about Quinn. I couldn't really imagine what. I mean, she wasn't really dangerous unless she got her Lion Quinn on and went all claws on someone's ass. That was mostly Finn she did that to. She'd only gone Lion Quinn on me once, at the start of junior year.

After a sip of her soda, Brittany finally seemed to have gotten her head together to answer, "Y-yeah? If it's okay? I really don't wanna go back to live with my parents. I-"

"No, it's fine," Quinn interrupted her rambling. "We'd like to have you live here, wouldn't we, Santana?"

Turning to me, Quinn gave me one of her special saved-for-only-me evaluating glances telling me that no matter what I said, she'd interpret it as she wished.

"It's your apartment, Q," I shrugged after a moment's consideration. She huffed at me and turned her attention to the still nervous looking Brittany.

"Well, that's right," she said in a not too sweet and therefore not too alarming voice. "Brittany, I'd love to have you come live with us." Flashing a bright grin at me, Brittany looked like a Christmas tree.

"Wait, you don't have pets, right?" Quinn interrupted Brittany's flashing smile and brought a pout to her lips instead, like turning off a switch.

Glancing at me nervously, Brittany and let her hand fall to her side, her finger poking at my thigh. I closed my eyes for a second to let her know that it was okay, before feeling a hand rest around the curve of my knee. "I have a cat?" she spoke.

"Lord Mippington or something? Right?" I asked and chomped down on a piece of lasagna, looking at Britt, searching in Quinn's glances for a time where she would not look at us, allowing me to let my hand fall upon Brittany's. But she didn't. In fact a part of me was sure that she knew the exact placement, or rather movement, of Brittany's hand.

"Tubbington, San," she corrected me and let her hand glide up my thigh, sending me an innocent smile. I blushed, and it certainly wasn't from the words she said. "Lord Tubbington. I just call him Tubbs or Tubby." She shrugged.

Brittany whipped her head around and looked at the chest of drawers with suddenly wide eyes. Both Quinn and I stared.

"What is it?" Quinn asked, frowning as she let her eyes search each item on the chest of drawers. Brittany narrowed her eyes searchingly but at the same time released my thigh from her grip and reached around, fumbling, and took my hand in hers instead. I bit my lip. There was nothing out of the ordinary. I gave her hand an appreciative squeeze and guided our now tangled hands to rest in my lap.

"Nothing. It was probably just my imagination," Brittany said with a nervous chuckle. I felt her fingers grip hard around my hand and I tightened my grip in return. With a shrug, Quinn looked back at us. Hurriedly, I shoved a piece of lasagna into my mouth and chewed. Brittany took a big gulp of soda.

"Um." Quinn seemed to have been led off track. Blinking a few times and frowning slightly, she seemed to remember what we were talking about. " Right…the cat. Yeah, I guess it would be okay with a cat…if you keep him out of my room."

Brittany grinned once again. "I promise I won't let him anywhere near your room," she said, emptying her glass and pouring another gulp of soda into it. I didn't really get why she didn't just pour everything into the glass or drink from the can, but I didn't ask her.

"Deal," Quinn said before continuing to delicately eat her lasagna, cutting the pieces neatly into squares the size of a nail it seemed, before eating one. She was always very neat when eating, but I guess that came with having to live with the bastard of a father she had. News flash, him and I were not in cahoots. At all.

Quinn spoke up again when the subject wasn't further touched. "Did you decide who gets which room? I know there's a big difference, but-"

"Santana gets the big room," Brittany said in a garbled voice caused by it being half-filled with lasagna. She sank and nodded in confirmation of her own words, covering her mouth with her hand.

Immediately smirking, Quinn turned to me. "Always taking the best for herself, as expected."

The look I gave her was one of the utmost dismay. What the hell? "Shut up. I offered to take the small room but she wouldn't let me!" I said and gestured at Brittany who squeezed my hand tighter, as if to calm me down a bit.

"It's not like I'm gonna be in my room much anyway." Brittany shrugged as she started scraping the remains of the meat from around the plate onto her fork. I watched her with care. _Ease her into it, give her the suspicion…don't panic. It's good that Britt slips up_. Suddenly she stopped scraping crumbs of meat together. Her hand froze in mine.

As if it was called for, like we already knew she was gonna ask, Quinn uttered a suspicious, "Why not?"

"I, uh..." Brittany cleared her throat and gripped tighter around my hand, almost squashing it. I didn't mind, even if it hurt a little. "I just like hanging out with people and sitting in your room all alone is pretty lonely. Plus, I have a lot of dance classes to go to. I got an offer to be an instructor at a summer camp outside the city, for the elementary kids?" I felt her hand relax a bit and noticed how her chest seemed less strained and her breathing less shallow.

Something sparked and I remembered that morning where she'd first told me about the camp. I couldn't help the smile that crept onto of my lips and tugged at the corners. It made my hand slacken slightly in her grip and I thought myself lucky that I could hide the little blushes. It was only Brittany who really knew how to make my cheeks go crimson. With a discrete glance at her I answered, trying not to get too lost in her. "Yeah, you told me about that."

"You'll have an income, then? That's good. Because this apartment is still only rented, so we're gonna need to split the rent," Quinn said, emptying her glass.

I leaned back and felt like crossing my arms but the grip I had in Brittany's hand made me forget that urge. Instead I let out a huffed breath and let my fork fall to the plate with a slight clicking sound. "So that's why you wanted us to live with you? Can't afford the rent alone, huh?"

"Yeah, partly, but that's irrelevant to the point," Quinn argued and leaned back as well. Her eyes flickered shortly from me to Brittany and back again, before settling on my girlfriend. She narrowed her eyes and tilted her head. "If you've lived in LA for four years, which you have, right?" Brittany nodded. "Then how do you know that you have the job? Don't you have to go to an interview or something?"

Brittany shrugged and chewed on her last piece of lasagna, swallowing before answering this time. I instinctively clasped her hand tighter, not really knowing why. Maybe I just wanted her closer.

"I've attended the camp before, so I'm kinda known there. My boss said I could just come back and teach every year if I wanted. I guess he thinks I'm a good dancer or something," she said and scrunched her nose before reaching for the glass and taking another sip of the soda. She hummed in approval and leaned back. The way she leaned back matched mine and I noticed the confidence. It seemed that when it came to dancing, Brittany had all the confidence in the world. And why wouldn't she? She was an amazing dancer.

Quinn looked sceptical still and proceeded to move a little on the chair, crossing her legs and folding her hands in her lap. "For how long?"

The way she was sitting, so motherly, made me doubt whether Brittany would keep her confident posture of slump into a more passive one. But she stayed, wriggling a little with such random timing that I didn't notice that she was leaning closer to me.

"Well, all my life really," she started and fiddled a little with the skin of my palm. "I've attended the camp since I was four and at age 16 I began instructing instead. Not as a real instructor, but I was an assistant. I couldn't instruct myself before I turned eighteen. So I guess I've taught there for about 3 years, but I'm well known around there."

I had twisted to look at her after about three seconds and stared as her eyes glimmered at the mention of something she was clearly very passionate about. I smiled affectionately but quickly felt hazel eyes rest on my expression and I forced myself to clamp my teeth together until they hurt and I stopped smiling. With a whisper, barely marked by the tone of my voice I breathed, "I didn't know you were that invested in it.."

Earning a shrug and a soundless coy giggle from Brittany, I looked down at my empty red-stained plate and felt how heavy my stomach seemed to be. I had definitely had enough to eat.

"It's where I fell in love the first time," Brittany said in a dreamy voice. It was slightly out of context but I had gotten used to her continuing an otherwise finished conversation without encouragement, simply because she seemed to have found something more to say about the subject.

Quinn immediately seemed alert and cooed, "Ooh, who was he?" The smile that had taken over my face immediately fell at Quinn's comment. It was so typical. Maybe it was a girl! Had she ever thought about that? Okay no, so it wasn't very common for a girl to be bi or lesbian, but it was still every tenth person who wasn't straight. That was still a lot. Enough to make you wanna force the sentence "Who was it" instead. I sighed internally but didn't comment or show any outwards signs.

"It wasn't a he," Brittany said, making Quinn's eyes bulge a bit. Great, it was so shocking to her that Brittany might've fallen in love with a girl. I was about to ask who she was when Brittany continued, "I fell in love with dancing."

Who could ever keep from adoring her? She was amazing. Of course it was her first love. Dancing. I'd have to ask her that story some time. How she got into dancing.

"That's..." Quinn started to comment, but I shot her a stern look. If Brittany's first love was dancing, then so be it. She shouldn't meddle.

"Stupid, I know. You can't fall in love with dancing, but I did. I know it seems odd but-"

"It's not odd," I blurted. "Of course you can fall in love with dancing. It's like me and singing, that's my first love. Britt, it's not stupid. I thought we had that conversation ages ago. Nothing you say is stupid." I had all but forgotten about Quinn until I saw the look on Brittany's eyes, the way her eyes flickered from mine and down to my mouth. I felt the tug too. Somehow I always felt like kissing could make things better, like they could fix things. Of course this was stupid, but if I had but the slightest of an effect on her as she had on me, she'd at least feel happy when I kissed her. A cough brought us back to reality, and we both blushed, whipping our heads around to stare at Quinn with a puppy-caught-in-the-fridge look. After that things went from slightly hide-and-seek to just being awkward.

* * *

"Well, that might've been the most awkward thing I've ever experienced," I grumbled the minute I slumped into my seat next to Brittany in the car. She was driving.

"It was fun," she said and giggled, wrinkling her nose at me funnily. I sighed and rolled my eyes, staring at the gearshift as if it was my worst enemy. Why did it have to be placed there, so I couldn't easily lean into my girlfriend?

I puffed out my lower lip and flung my torso against the seat in annoyance, narrowing my eyes at the road. I heard Brittany's breath go uneven in a soundless chuckle, before I felt a hand on my thigh fumbling to find something. She reached up, bumping her hand against my stomach before grabbing my arm and tugging at it blindly as she turned a right. Immediately, I felt my grip on my body loosen and I grabbed her right hand with my left and clasped them tightly together. She giggled and drew hers out of mine before catching it under her palm and letting my hand get sandwiched between the gearshift and her hand. It was a very contrasting feeling between the cool metal and her warm hand. Brittany somehow always had warm hands, and they were slightly bigger than mine, her long fingers woven through the holes between mine. Her gaze was focused on the road and her brows were furrowed in concentration. It wouldn't surprise me if she was biting down on her tongue right now in concentration.

I settled for focusing on the feel of her hand clasped around mine and how she clutched tighter every time she pressed the brake. It was adorable, like her hands worked with her feet naturally. It was almost like a reflex, like a tiny dance.

"Would you live there if I wasn't?" I found myself asking after having the question stuck on my tongue for a few minutes of looking at her. I found it very amusing to see the little twitch in her eyes every time a car went by, a reflex of curiosity, I suppose.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "Why? Do you not want to live there?"

"Yeah, I want to. I just wanna know that you're not doing it for me. Because I really don't want you to do that," I said and shifted my hand slightly under the weight of hers. Turning suddenly, Brittany led the car into my mom's driveway and stopped the car, squeezing my hand while pulling the gearshift to park.

Letting out a breath, she turned her head to look at me. "I'm not sure. I mean I know we said we'd do this together, but do you really think it's wise? I mean, we barely know each other. We don't know anything, really. What if you don't like that I get up early or that I don't eat tuna? What if you think I'm a slouch for being lazy? I don't want you to end up hating me."

She turned her head towards the road again and looked downwards, her gaze hollow.

I shifted slightly in my seat, unbuckled my seatbelt and leaned towards her letting my hand curl around her jaw to rest on her cheeks that was turned away from me. "I won't hate you. I don't think I could ever hate you."

She swallowed her lips into her mouth and nodded, letting me keep her eyes held firmly around mine.

"So you'll be up for trying to live together, I mean with Quinn too?" I asked with a hopeful smile. She shrugged in a way that told me that I'd convinced her. My entire face lit up as I leaned into her, kissing her cheek and moving to her ear, kissing the shell and feeling her squirm.

Humming slightly in approval of my effect on her, I leaned back a bit and asked in a fairly neutral voice, "Wanna watch a movie? I feel like getting my cuddles on." She looked at me and pursed her lips, wriggling her mouth to the far left before relaxing it and nodding once more, almost bumping her forehead into mine. Leaning forwards quickly I caught her lips in mine and pressed into her.

"C'mon," I said and got out of the car. Waiting for her at the curb I felt for the first time how my enthusiasm seemed to tower over hers. She giggled slightly at my eagerness, but took my hand anyway and let me pull her inside. The minute we stepped over the threshold it was as if I was being flooded with cool air. I bit my lip and put my finger to it, letting out a breath through my teeth, shushing her as I twined our fingers and pulled her up the stairs.

"San, what are-" she started whispering. I shushed her again and pulled her into my room. I think she had expected me to jump her, and I had done that too halfway. I didn't do it. Instead, I let her hand slip from mine and looked around at the boxes which had been stacked in a corner. One of those ought to have my DVD's in them.

"We're actually watching a movie?" Brittany asked, seeming quite surprised.

I shrugged. "Yeah." I got out a movie. "Is _Tangled_ okay?" It certainly wasn't my movie, that one. It must've been Quinn's. Definitely Quinn's. I like them, but I most certainly don't own Disney DVD's made while I was an adult.

Brittany nodded and sat down on the bed, crossing her legs and staring at me. I could feel her stare as I grabbed my laptop from the desk and popped the DVD into the drive.

Taking the computer with me, I walked over to the bed, placing it on my knees as we both sat near the edge. Once again, I felt her gaze on me and felt like I should remind her that there was a movie she should watch. I didn't.

"This is the story of how I died," Flynn started on the screen after having let the DVD go directly to play. There really wasn't any need for watching the movie in French or something like that.

"I love this movie," Brittany mused and scooted further up the bed to lean her back against the pillows. "C'mon, you said you wanted to cuddle, right?"

I felt the instinct to bite my lip force through but I ignored it and merely nodded. I rested the computer on the side of the bed while snuggling my back into her front, making sure that she could see the screen above my head. She scooted a bit and wrapped her arms around me, engulfing me in her. Humming in approval as the flashback on the screen began, Brittany squeezed me tighter and wriggled a little to get impossibly closer. It was very hard to concentrate. Somehow we had once again ended up in a situation where I was painfully aware that every time she moved, her crotch pressed into my butt. I think she knew. If she didn't she would've asked why I froze every time she moved. She was moving a lot. It wasn't like her. She normally just stayed still. It was as if something bothered her, like she was lying on something. Like a pea. I heard a new low humming in my ear as "When Will My Life Begin?" started to ring through the speakers from my laptop. She was humming along, her mouth dangerously close to my ear. I could feel every breath against the shell.

It should've just been cuddling, in my mind. But it didn't stay that way. Cuddling soon turned into touching. Her fingers skated ever so lightly over the back of mine. Hands. Arms, even the parts of my thigh that the dress didn't cover. I hadn't noticed until now that it was uncomfortable, but it was really tight and the way I was lying made it feel even tighter around my chest and butt. The sensual yet innocent touches managed to get me to shiver all over. Even to the roots of my hair I had goose bumps.

I think maybe I'd watched that movie one time too many, because I wasn't really paying attention. Maybe that was the reason or maybe Brittany was simply too distracting. I tried to watch the movie, but I just ended up staring blankly at it. I tuned out my sense of sight and strengthened the sense of feel it seemed. Watching the colors blur on the screen and the sounds echoing in my ears, I felt it deafen to the sound of my heart racing in my chest. I shifted slightly to be able to strain my neck and peek over at her. I only did it when I thought I could risk it without catching her. It became a game for me, and thus far I hadn't been caught. Making sure that something exciting was happening, I tried to be tactful with my leering.

Taking a chance to turn a little in her grasp, I looked properly at her and noticed that she averted her look, not from the screen, but to it. She had been looking at me as well. A smile appeared on her lips, matching the one I sported. I went back to the movie. About halfway through, I ventured to steal another glance and found her eyes staring directly at me, her grin wide and beautiful.

"What?" she laughed, letting me shift again to almost lie on my back instead.

"Nothing," I murmured and turned my head back to the computer. I soon felt her finger poke at my shoulder, making me flick my eyes back to her.

"Is there something on my face?" she asked.

"Yeah," I whispered coyly and shifted to lie face to face with her. Straining the last few inches the that were needed, I quietly breathed, "Me."

A second later, our lips met. I felt how my eyes fluttered closed at the connection and how I wriggled closer to her under her touch. Her hand moved from my thigh to above my waist, making smile contentedly and let out a soft hum against her lips. As a response, hers parted slightly, and she let out a tiny laugh as I drew back.

"Shut up," I muttered quietly, knowing that it was probably the corniest thing I'd ever said.

"Mm," Brittany hummed, leaning forwards to once again kissing me, harder this time. I didn't want another round of her going hot and cold. I know that I shouldn't have kissed her. I should've stuck with my original plan of just cuddling. But I couldn't; she was just too irresistible. Maybe it wasn't important? Maybe it was…I really had no clue whatsoever. She was exceptionally hard for me to understand right now. It was like how she was when we first met, mysterious and enclosed but still so outgoing and forward. It had been easier to understand her after the breakdown.

I leaned back again, taking in her features. Her freckles. Her eyes. It enchanted me, but I didn't really get a proper look. Just as she leaned forwards I started giggling. I don't know why I was giggling, but I felt how it bubbled in my throat and made me break out laughing. Her grip on me loosened slightly as she leaned back to look at me. I tried to keep my eyes open whilst laughing, but they automatically shut close. Once again her arms tightened and then lips were on my cheek; only for a split second and then again and again. Each time she stayed a little longer. It made me stop giggling completely and look at her. There was something strange but familiar in her eyes. They were darker, like they had been when we had skinny-dipped. She was beautiful, her blonde hair tickling her skin and her freckles clearer than I'd ever seen them. With a single tug she had me flat on my back and she swung her leg over me, hovering over me with her hair cascading down and gliding against my skin. I smiled nervously. Was she really ready? Was I? Maybe it wasn't so much about being sure that you were ready. Maybe we just had to see how far we got. Maybe it was all just about feeling her. Honestly, I had no clue. I just knew that this was different. She slid her arms out from under me and leaned down on her elbows, letting her fingers get lost in the mess of my dark hair.

I opened my mouth to say something. I felt like I should say something. The problem was that I had no idea what. So I settled for the sketchy, "Hi," whispered in a low voice. Brittany let out a giggling breath and responded with an equally low but more humored, "Hey," before leaning down, wiggling her nose against mine.

"One step at a time," she whispered, almost more to herself than to me it seemed. I narrowed my eyes slightly but was immediately distracted in my line of thought when her head tilted and her lips connected with mine. It should've probably have been hot and passionate, but it wasn't. Well it was, but it was more relaxed, lazy even. I giggled into the kiss and let my hands glide up her arms to attach around her neck, pulling her into me. She breathed softly through her nose and gently let her hand skate around to cup my face. Her lips moved against mine over and over in a practiced movement that seemed to have been practiced for years. I think I got lost in it, it was so easy. It therefore shocked me slightly when her hand crept down my side and play with the hem of my dress. I drew back and looked at her. Her expression was timid and sheepish, but she kept fiddling with my dress anyway. I breathed a single laugh and arched my back to let her creep up my dress,. She stopped below my chest and looked down at my stomach. She let her fingers trace over the skin again, like she had done this morning. It was almost déjà vu.

"Nothing you haven't seen before," I teased and caught her hand with mine, tangling our fingers, placing my other hand behind my head. Her trancelike gaze moved upwards and fixed on my eyes, a timid smile curling her lips.

"Sorry," she said and leaned down, stretching our tangled hands above my head before reattaching our lips once again. My stomach squirmed as she bravely let a hand roam over my stomach and down the line from my chest to my bellybutton. The more she touched me the more she burned me and the warmer it felt. My entire body seemed to heat up and gather the warmth in the pit of my stomach. Breathing became harder to control as she let her fingers trace the underside of my right breast. I opened my eyes shortly to see hers screwed tightly shut. I tried to speed down our kisses but she had changed. It had been almost desperate. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. A part of me was afraid to touch her, but mostly I just wished to know every part of her, to feel her pleasure and share it with her.

"Brittany?" I mumbled against her lips. She drew back slightly, her eyes opening slowly and flickering. The blue was still darker than normal. I could almost see her heart racing. I could certainly see it in her eyes.

She looked at me and nodded, letting out a breathy, "I'm fine."

Furrowing my brows I cupped her face. "We can stop, it's no problem. Don't do this if-"

"No, I want to do this," she whispered, "If you…If you want."

"I do, but not if you-"

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine. I'm better than fine," she said with a nervous smile. I didn't really trust her, but somehow I had to convince myself that she was grown up and knew what she was doing. It was hard having one's mind and body work against each other. It wasn't because I wasn't in the mood. I was. It was hurting her that scared me. What if she froze up again and started shutting me out again? I had just gotten her to open up, what if she closed herself off again? Would we have to go back to the plan?

Daringly, I placed my hands on each hip as she leaned down again and pressed her lips to mine. For a few seconds she didn't move them, only let them press hard against mine. I tilted my head slightly, which was hard with the pressure of her kiss, but finally I managed to nibble on her bottom lip with mine, waking her up. She let out a shaky breath against my lips and moved her lips against mine.

There was a point where she was so sure in her movements, in the way she had let her tongue graze over my lip, that I had forgotten my worries. I hummed in contentment and met her tongue as she parted her lips. The contact made my grip on her hip tighten automatically. She still seemed unsure of what was okay, or what she could do, but I didn't engourage. Instead, I made sure to give her time to explore. Her arm grazed down my arm, around the side of my chest and down to rest on my bare stomach. She clenched her hand above my hipbone before stretching her fingers and gliding upwards, never really touching. In a moment of courage, I glided my hands up her sides and all the way down to her hipbone. Brittany twitched.

I was taken aback when she suddenly let a hand rest above my chest, feeling my heart race under the palm of her hand. Her lips were still moving against mine, changing the kiss every now and then. Sometimes it'd almost just be pecks and sometimes it'd take us what seemed like minutes to break apart for air.

With a swift movement she had let her hand under my dress, groping. I broke our kiss and arched my back into her touch, my mouth opening slightly to let out a moan. I hadn't meant to, but the way she was gently kneading made me dizzy with want. It certainly didn't help either that she moved her lips to my neck and began tracing butterfly kisses everywhere. Every worry was out the window as I tangled one hand in her hair, and let one slide down her back. The minute I ventured to let my hand glide over her butt, she started squirming. Breaking our kiss, she hummed and squirmed making me slip my hand away immediately. She moved off of me and looked at me with wild apologizing eyes, shaking her head. I leaned up and took her hand, but she snapped it back, jumping off the bed. Her eyes were far away and tearful.

"No…Don't touch me," she whispered almost inaudibly.

* * *

**A/N**

Sorry that the waits have been so long, I just lack motivation to do anything at the moment, but I'm gonna post the next chapter very soon, as soon as my beta has edited it. For those who have complained about Santana being the 'protector' of Brittany, I've listened to that and realized that this was not right, but I need to finish this part of Brittany's story-arc before I can really get out of that. Next chapter, I promise :] That's the last. But don't worry, all the events right now are part of different storylines.

A huge thanks for Monochromeheartbeat for co-writing the last scene.

Also, I apologize for this ridiculously long chapter ... 14.5K... woops.

Anyway, I'll try to be more productive from now on and not let things distract me as much as I have...


	20. Swingset

**Chapter 20 – Swingset**

Seeing Brittany pulling away like that felt like swords through my heart with every syllable she whispered. Looking at her, my eyes wide, I took in her posture. She leaned back even more and sat almost with her butt out of the bed, hugging her knees in a way that caused her to bend as only dancers would be able to. All heat in my stomach had disappeared and so had the warmth of the room. I quickly pulled down my dress as much as I was able to before leaning over carefully and letting my hand slide over her cheek. She had told me not to touch her, but I needed to reassure her and this was the only way I knew how. I was at a loss of words. What the hell had happened? At my touch she gasped and it made me draw away, but she snatched my hand and put it back on her cheek, leaning into the touch and breathing heavily. I caught her eyes with mine, though hers were clouded with guilt and tears, and held them while leaning back and snapping my laptop shut. She let out a shaky breath and I felt her slide further down the bed, almost to a point where she was on her way over the edge.

"Britt," I whispered and her eyes focused further. A tear escaped her eye socket and trickled down her cheek as she nodded and scooted further in, but not close enough to let me comfort her properly. I wanted to know what was going on, I wanted to know why she was hurt. But I didn't dare ask, not yet anyway. Maybe when she'd calmed down. Right now I just needed her to know that I was still here.  
Her pace of breathing increased and I saw the rapid motions of her chest rising and falling without rhythm.

"C'mere Britt," I pleaded and started dragging her back with me. She seemed hesitant, or maybe just shaking too violently to move, but eventually she leaned into me and flung her arms around my waist. What was I supposed to do now? She'd told me not to touch her. But she didn't mind it earlier. Wiggling closer, she snuggled her head against my collarbone, still shaking badly as the weight of her body leaning against mine forced me to lie back against the pillows again. I hadn't touched her yet and it was starting to get awkward, my hands in the free air as if threatened not to touch her. She squeezed harder around my waist and curled her body into mine, letting out a strangled sob as I felt my collarbone wetting with her tears. Only then did I finally let my arms settle around her, making her shiver and let out a breath against my neck. She was silently, or almost silently, crying, while I calmly stroked her shoulder blade and her hair, careful not to near the area around her butt. It reminded me so much of the first time we'd kissed. Except it was in reverse. She had been so keen on making out, possibly – no definitely – more if she'd gotten the chance to. But still she was in my arms, so little and fragile.

I lay there next to my computer, Brittany curled around me, practically using me as a huge teddy bear, as she seemed to gather her thoughts while letting out her tears. I couldn't do more than I was doing. I knew that if I interrupted her train of thoughts, I might never get the truth from her. It wasn't that I was just curious, I needed to know. I really just needed to know. How else was I supposed to help her?

"There was a man," Brittany began hoarsely, mumbling quietly into my neck. I felt her warm puffs of air but didn't let myself get distracted by it. I only listened. I knew that there was a man. She'd already told me that. Yet still, it was important that she just got to tell her story without interruptions.

"There was a man," she said again and cleared her throat, "I think he was Italian. I can't really remember," she sniffled. I tightened my hold around her. She sighed but even as I strained my neck to gaze at her, she refuse to meet it. I saw how her blue eyes looked into my neck, focusing on something. Maybe nothing. But she wouldn't meet my eyes.

"He asked me to dance," she said. I felt my gut turn, not because she had danced with another person, but because I knew where this was going. At least I think I knew. In most cases I could deal with theories, but I needed the truth from her this time.

"I didn't want to at first, and I said that I was dating someone, that you were back here..." she defended. I cooed when she seemed to want to defend her actions further.

Taking in a deep braving breath, she continued, "But he was really nice and stuff and I couldn't see Sugar anywhere, so I said yes. I just wanted to dance, Santana. I'm sorry, I just wanted to dance."

I sighed and nodded. "There's nothing to be sorry for. You love to dance."

"Then why did you sigh like that?" she asked tentatively.

"Because I wasn't there to protect you. I went home. I left you there. I shouldn't have," I said and tightened my hold, pulling her further on top of me, until her legs tangled in mine. She leaned onto my torso and distractedly drew back a hand from around my waist and started playing with a lock of my hair against my neck, making me giggle involuntarily. She huffed a single giggling breath and then let out another sigh before shifting slightly.

"There was a man," she started again and I understood that she got that I was guilty but didn't want me to elaborate. I think she really just needed to get her story out. I leaned down nonetheless and pressed a kiss to her forehead. I felt the corner of her lips spread into a shy smile against my skin. "We danced and he was being a real gentleman. Didn't invade my space and cheered me on. It felt good." _Okay, I admit, that one hurt a bit. _But I let her continue.

"But he got closer and closer, until he was practically grinding…Something happened, I'm not sure what. I'd felt funny all night. Dizzy? Like that time where I'd misread the amount of pills I was allowed to take for my cold and I got high on cold medicine. It felt like being high I-"

"Britt. Do you think someone drugged you?" I asked, horrified.

She merely shrugged. "It's happened before; someone slipping something in my drink? Sam says he's saved me once or twice."

I hugged her tighter and kissed her hair, trying my best to make her feel safe. She responded by clinging to me as hard as she could. "What then?" I asked. I couldn't really help myself.  
"There were people everywhere and we danced. I don't know how he got so close. I tried to shove him away. I really tried. But he wouldn't let go." She retrieved her left arm and slid down to lie beside me again. "He held here," she said and gestured at her hips. "It hurt."

With a swift movement she had caught my hand, brought it to her lips and pressed her lips against the knuckles. She let her eyes flutter close as she opened my hand and kissed my palm. I held it limp, letting her have the control. Then she led it to her hip and placed it there, releasing it. I didn't move. Letting out a loud sigh of relief, she opened her eyes again and looked at me.

The remains of her smeared mascara were evident on her cheeks, but her eyes were clear as the sky. She seemed to be steadying her breathing, her head leaning back against my collarbone. I giggled slightly when she started doing a little click-noise with her tongue that matched the pace of my heart. It made her let out a hoarse giggle as well. She cleared her throat again, and continued talking, "I couldn't get away. He moved his hands…I…He groped me," she finally breathed.

It was as if her entire barrier had been broken and she started crying again. I fought to keep my hand on her hip but managed to place little kisses on her forehead instead. I think she liked that. She hiccupped once through tears and strained her neck to look at me. She leaned up, I think to kiss me, but I let my lips nip at the tip of her nose instead. She sniffled when she drew back and smiled.  
"It's not even 8pm yet," Brittany pointed out with a tired tone.

"We could watch the rest of the movie?" I suggested. A giggle bubbled in Britt's throat as she nodded and smirked up at me. I glared back. "I actually meant watching it you horndog."  
"Whatever, you know you wanna get all up on this," she joked and kissed me chastely before turning and opening the computer again, starting over the movie and snuggling into my front, grabbing my arms and pulling them around her like the corners of a blanket, or like a cardigan. She locked my hands under her own on top of her stomach as she hummed. I snuggled my head into her hair and again didn't really pay attention to the movie. I guessed it was just the same old happening. It wasn't real life, events didn't suddenly just change.

The movie progressed but Brittany and I still lay where we were, still and silent, me listening to her calm breathing as she watched the movie. Every now and then I'd shift my head a little. She didn't react. Straining my face slightly I could see her relaxed eyelids hiding the blue orbs. She was sleeping soundly in my arms. I didn't know how heavily she was sleeping so I didn't dare move properly yet.

Only when the movie had stopped did I notice that she was still in her normal clothes, and that she should probably get her pajamas on. I uncurled myself from her, leaned over and snatched the laptop and closed it, placing it on the nightstand before getting out of bed, feeling Brittany slide and dip her back into where I'd been lying. She let out a sleepy moan and smiled in her sleep before letting her head fall to the side, turning away from me. I sighed and started undressing. Pulling the tight dress over my head, I tossed it aside and heard it hit the hamper before walking into the bathroom, looking down at myself. I closed my eyes and gripped the edges of the sink, feeling the sickness overwhelm me again, and I felt like hurling. Fumbling slightly, I grabbed the plastic cup from the shelf and filled it with water, feeling little beads of sweat form above my brow. The pictures of the hands of an unknown man on my girl's butt and how she'd reacted… It was too much. I took the water and gulped it down as quick as I could. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I tried to steady my breathing again.

I unclasped my bra and grabbed the shirt that still lay there from when I'd changed that morning. I stuck my arms through it and looked down at the Brooklyn CUNY logo on it. It made me smile a bit, that I actually liked it as much as I did. I'd been really reluctant to go there, I'd much rather have gone to NYU, but it was way more affordable. With my work in New York and a bit of the savings from mom's fund, I'd been able to get through college without a huge debt.

I grabbed my toothbrush and squirted a bit of toothpaste onto the head before trapping it between my gums. I leaned down and took the bra, poking my head out, partially to make sure that Brittany was still sleeping, and partly to fling my bra into the hamper, before catching my tooth brush and violently attacking my teeth. I needed something to let my aggression out on. Something to distract me from the turning of my stomach. I brushed until my mouth was filled with foam, spit it out, squirted more tooth-paste on the brush and went in for another round. Someone had touched my girlfriend, made her vulnerable. How the hell dared they? If I ever found out who the heck it was...

My body was shaking violently and I was clutching the sink with all that I had, while brutally shoving the brush around my teeth and gums. When I spit out the the foam for the second time I noticed that it was red. Fuck. I reached for the cup, refilled it and rinsed my mouth before checking my teeth. The gums by my front teeth were sopping with blood which ran down my teeth. That normally didn't happen, I had excellent dental hygiene. Sliding my tongue over the blood and wiping it away, I felt the tremors of my body increase. _Puta! Puta, puta puta! _I rinsed my mouth again and almost choked, trying to swallow the last part of the water. I let my anger out on the wall, kicking it violently and letting out a yelp of frustration. Pacing the bathroom, my fingers rubbing against my temple, I felt like hitting something really hard. The wall was too hard, it'd break my hand, the shower curtain was too soft. I forced myself to take a deep breath, but it stuck in my throat when warm arms wrapped around my waist from behind, a soft voice cooing in my ear.

I immediately relaxed in Brittany's arm. Still shaking, but relaxing. She nuzzled her nose against my cheek and whispered for me to calm down. Nodding, I felt how my heart rate shifted, slowed. Her arms around me tightened and she pulled me out of the bathroom.

"Britt-" I started but she shook her head against my cheek.

"I know, baby. I know. Come on, let's get you to bed okay?" she said and sat us down on the bed, me on her lap. I immediately curled into her, shivering still. I wasn't shivering from the anger anymore, but from the cold. She ran her warm long hands up my arms, soothing the goosebumps.

"You can't do anything, San. He's gone," she cooed.

"Isn't it me who's supposed to tell that to you?" I said, choking on a chuckle.  
She shrugged. "I'm just annoyed that I'm letting it get to me. But he was just a guy, San. He could've been anyone. So could I. It just happened. Besides, you're the only one currently trying to break the wall, and your toe. Even though you're insanely hot when you're angry, I don't like seeing you hurt."  
I looked around at her and let out a huff as my lips curled upwards in a smile. She nudged my lip with her nose before leaning in and pecking them, drawing back and tapping my thigh. "C'mon, let's get to bed."

Nodding, I slid off her lap and walked over to the bathroom, turning off the light, leaving the toothbrush on the sink, before walking to my closet and opening it, poking my head inside. I grabbed another shirt and a pair of boxers, throwing them to the bed and turning to look at Britt. As I turned I saw that she had already shimmied out of her jeans and was pulling the boxers on. They were a little too small, but not by much. She had more hip than I did. Or maybe just a slimmer waist. Whatever the case, the hourglass shape she revealed when she drew the shirt over her head and unclasped her bra left me breathless. I felt my face flush dangerously when she shamelessly flung the bra aside, sitting damn topless on my bed. She reached over and took the shirt, not looking at me, but smiling shyly, before dragging it over her head. Damn. She turned to look at me and I saw the tint of pink color her perfect fair skin. I giggled and shrugged, walking over to get into the other side of the bed. Britt grinned at me and crawled under the covers on the other side. She wriggled herself to the middle of the bed and held her arms out for me. I leaned closer and let her pull me close. I leaned my forehead against hers.

I was suddenly at a loss of words. What should I say? Should I tell her how amazing she was, how strong she was, how beautiful she was? I didn't know where to start, and for the sake of whatever I freaking worried about it being cheesy. I shut my eyes and focused on the sound of her breathing. She'd been through so much and she was still here. She had gone against her promise and had chosen me, not to be the rebound of the distraction from healing. She had chosen me to help her mend. It made my chest swell with pride.

"Santana?" Brittany asked. I snapped back to reality and let my eyes open slowly, just to find her gazing at me. I sighed and swallowed my bottom lip, biting down on it. What was I supposed to say? She looked at me and let her hand move from my hip to my face as she brushed away the hair from my face.

"I wanna… I wanna say things. All the right things. But I don't know how," I sighed and felt how her hand cup my face. I leaned into the touch.

"You're a singer. Sing them?" she asked. I shook my head against her forehead.

"I have no idea what to sing…" I admitted sheepishly, closing my eyes for a moment, thinking if there was something I could sing that would be appropriate. There wasn't.  
Brittany giggled. "If all else fails, you could always start singing Nicki Minaj songs."

I gave her a very stern look and a raised brow. "I'm not gonna sing you Nicki Minaj or anyone else of that genre for that matter." I really tried to hold the stern look, but giggling was hard not to do so by the way she was wiggling her eyebrows. Leaning over, I debated against whacking her arms and silencing her with a kiss.

I decided on doing neither. Brittany looked at me, seeing my decision being made without saying it. She smiled at me. It was one of those smiles that only she could give. The one that was a smirk and an innocent gesture at once.

"You're right. I'd find it pretty inappropriate if you started singing Dance A$$, all things considered."

I snorted and nudged her knee with mine. She giggled and leaned forward, kissing my nose before leaning back and yawning, trying to stifle it and hide it behind her hand.  
"Thanks for watching a movie with me," she said and curled her arms around me, pressing my torso against hers. This time she snatched my leg between hers and, carefully not to press against my center, slid hers between mine, just to get closer. She leaned back a bit and pulled me halfway on top of her, nuzzling her face in my hair.

"Goodnight, Santana," she mumbled and kissed my temple. I nodded and mumbled something incoherent, suddenly feeling the sleep demanding my attention. I gripped tighter around her and pressed my face into her neck, loving the warmth. I felt how she puffed air out, and how it moved a few strands of my hair from her mouth.

"Don't eat my hair," I giggled quietly.  
"Wasn't planning to, but you kinda threw it at me," she stated and shook her head free of dark strands of hair before settling with a contented sigh.

"You're beautiful," she mumbled, but before I had a chance to react in any way, she'd dozed away. Only my warm cheeks and open eyes were evidence of me not being asleep. I quickly shut my eyes and let the sound of Brittany's calm breathing wash over me. One last time I opened my eyes, though the lids were very heavy and threatened to overpower my desire for seeing her. I couldn't really see anything other than her hair, but it didn't really matter. I closed my eyes and fell asleep breathing the floral scent of her hair.

* * *

There was something about how her freckles were splayed across her nose that caught my focus. It looked like they had fallen down her nose like snowflakes, and settled instead. There was no system to it, but yet it seemed to create patterns. Like the constellations of stars. There were four freckles, which if you connected them, looked like an L. Then there were six or seven which – with a bit of good will – looked like a heart. There were some freckles that almost reached her ear. As gently as I could, I shifted and looked at her temple. I felt her shift a bit beneath me, but didn't seem to wake.

It was moments like these that I really treasured; moments where I could just lay there and study her features and really appreciate her beauty. As pretty as she was, it was always overshadowed by her spirit, whenever she was awake. The way she smiled or how she laughed. How she spoke. But here, with her every feature relaxed, she was gorgeous. It took everything for me not to kiss her temple, her nose, every freckle. I wanted to somehow show her that I cherished her looks. I remembered what my brother had said about kisses, and suddenly another memory took charge.

* * *

_There was a wail throughout the living room of my house as my toe collided with the leg of the coffee table. I howled angrily, spat at it in Spanish and fell to my butt with a pout. I grabbed my foot and curled my leg to examine the pinky toe which had been the victim of this cruelty. It throbbed painfully and I felt tears mist over my eyes._

_"Santana, what did you do?" Marco asked breathlessly as he came running. I whimpered and stuck my toe out at him, my lower lip quivering terribly. I really didn't wanna cry in front of him but it hurt._

_"Shh, Santana, c'mere," Marco said and held his arms open. It was one of the rare occasions where he really wanted to hug me. I practically fell into his embrace, hugging him tightly and sniffling. He rocked me from side to side gently, letting his hand rub over my back with a very calming effect._

_"Where does it hurt?" he asked. I loosened my grip on his neck and looked at him, still not really able to say anything. I didn't know why it hurt so badly. Maybe it was an overreaction. I liked having him hug me like that. He hadn't done that in a while._

_Whimpering, I stuck out my toe at him and pointed to the pinky toe and wiggled the rest of them. He chuckled, took my foot and kissed it gingerly. I didn't know what happened, but it seemed magical. The feel of something so soft as lips on a hurt place made the pain subside somehow._

_"Wow, what did you do?" I asked in awe as I wiggled my pinky toe along with the others._

_"Kisses. They make everything better, because they're connected to the heart," he placed his hand above my chest on the left side. I looked down at it, automatically pulling the corners of my mouth downwards._

_"The heart is where the love is. And you know what love is right?"_  
_I scrunched my nose and shook my head slightly._

_"Love is when you sing really loudly in the evening when I'm trying to do my homework, but I don't put headphones on or tell you to stop," he said and winked at me. It made the spot over which he had his hand, flutter. I didn't know if it was me or him responsible, but it definitely felt nice. I bit my lip and nodded._

_"So kisses mean that you love someone?" I asked._

_"Kisses mean that you really care. Not necessarily love, but it shows that you care."_

_I leaned up and pressed my lips to his cheek for a moment before looking at him. "I love you."_

_His entire posture seemed to melt around me as he hugged me close. It made me so happy. Normally we fought a lot and he teased me, but he was there when I got hurt._

_"Well aren't you a little softie?" he asked with a chuckle when he finally released me._

_I scowled. "Watch it, Polo, or I'll get all Lima Heights up in your grill,"_

___"Wow, scary. You're like a kitten or something. Or a puppy" he chuckled and ruffled my hair. I grumbled under my breath, trying to make it seem like I was growling. He didn't take it seriously in any way. He just laughed and nudged me. As he was about to leave the living room I got off the floor and launched at him, attempting to overpower him. The fighting was back, but I knew that he loved me even if he called me an idiot and a childish little brat sometimes._  


* * *

I couldn't hold back. I leaned over, let my hand fall to her cheek, sliding it down to cup her face and ever so gently press my lips to hers. It was short and she was still asleep, but it felt so good even if she was. I felt her calm breath on my lip as she breathed through her nose. I leaned back, but immediately missed the feel of her skin against my lips, but felt how they tingled in remembrance. I bit down on the inside of my bottom lip and looked at her again. I didn't wanna wake her. She looked so peaceful. I just really wanted to be close to her. Maybe kissing wasn't that important. Scooting down her body, I wrapped my body around her again, drawing her impossibly close. I had my arms wrapped around her torso and my legs tangled in hers as I gently rolled us to lie flush on top of her.

She purred in her sleep and hugged me closer, shifting slightly. I giggled under my breath and pressed my lips to her jaw. Once more. Okay, just one more time. I laughed soundlessly as I pressed stupid little pecks everywhere I could reach in her grasp. She squirmed a bit when I managed to poke out my tongue and touch her earlobe.

"Mm…" she hummed and took in a sharp breath. She was awake. I slurped my tongue back into my mouth and grinned sheepishly as she looked down at me, making her chin look really funny.

"Morning," I chimed shyly, pressing my lips to her cheek. She loosened her grip a little and wiggled us to help me lie better. I noticed how it squished our breasts together, but didn't mention it. She looked at me tiredly and then moved upwards a bit to press her lips to mine. The urgency in her kiss made me shift immediately, moving my knees to either side of her and propping myself up on my hands, letting my hair curtain over our faces.

"San-" she mumbled against my lips.

"What?" I murmured back.

"I have morning breath," she complained and moved her lips from mine, looking at me with a sheepish grin.

"You have delicious breath," I remarked, shrugging.

"You're just out to get your mack on," Brittany chuckled and rolled out from underneath me. I slumped and sat up in the bed with a sigh as she got out of it. I shortly stopped and looked at her. I liked how she looked in my shorts, and I think she noticed. She rolled her eyes at me, grinning, before disappearing into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. I fell back onto the sheets and immediately grinned, rolling onto my stomach and burying myself in Brittany's pillow.

"Santana?"

I snorted into the pillow and lifted my head a bit too quickly, looking around the room, towards the sound. Brittany had my curling slash flattening iron halfway through her blonde locks already wearing a green tank-top and a white one with owl motif over it, matched with ripped dark jean shorts. She had pretty little curls all over her hair. It seemed like she was finishing up now. She looked amazing with curls. I looked at her and smiled goofily.

"I thought I'd try it," she stated waving the iron in her hand, "since you looked like you needed a little more sleep."

I rolled my eyes playfully at her, but reached out towards her. She giggled and placed the iron on the sink in the bathroom before crouching at the side of the bed, leaning her arms on the bed and her head on her arms. I rolled onto my side and looked at her, letting a hand weave through her hair. It felt so different with curls. Still soft, but the texture was different. She leaned into the touch and closed her eyes. I noticed the light green tint on her eyelids.

"Are we doing something special since you look so exceptionally pretty today?" I asked, not able to help myself.

"Are you tired still, because you're being super cheesy," Brittany teased and poked my stomach. I yelped and drew back, but she pulled me closer by the hip. "I thought you might wanna make proper breakfast with me? You know, pancakes and eggs and all that?" She let a hand glide over my cheek with a look of mild interest and airiness. I smiled and nodded, stifling a yawn.

"Well, get up then, or it'll be too late and I won't wanna make breakfast with you," she asked. I blinked a few times before sitting up properly and stretching. She stood up and leaned against the window sill with patience. I didn't really know what she was going to do while I got ready, so as I passed I handed her the closest book I had.

"Dead Poets Society?" Brittany asked with a raised brow.

"Have you heard about it?" I asked her as I opened my closet and peeked inside. I grabbed a tank top and my black jean jacket along with a pair of washed ripped jeans. I didn't know why I was going for the biker look today, or whatever. I just liked the combo. It'd been a long time since I'd worn something, well at least back in America, that wasn't skintight. It was a nice change. I looked and checked that she was reading the back of the book before walking into the bathroom.

* * *

"Britt, stop it! You're getting batter everywhere!" I shrieked as Brittany tickled me, her fingers plastered with dough and flour. There was already an impressive amount of flour all over my clothes from around five minutes ago when she'd flicked some in my face. She found this way more fun than I'd expected. Maybe breakfast had been the exact way of cheering her up fully, even if I took pride in the job I'd done of waking her up.

The blonde curls that surrounded her face, flowing from underneath a crochet lime-green hat, were also slightly covered in dough. So was her face, though that was mostly flour. I shook my head at her goofy grin as I'd finally managed to seek freedom in the other end of the kitchen, holding up the spatula in one hand and a round piece of dough in the other. Brittany broke into a fit of giggles.

"You look ridiculous," she chuckled. I stopped for a moment and looked up and down my body, noticing just how much of a mess I was.

"Truce?"

"Mm…Maybe," she said and launched at me, grabbing my wrists and sandwiching me between the counter and her own body. I grinned cheekily at her and wiggled my eyebrows, to which she responded by leaning upwards, snatching the dough and spatula from me, placing a kiss to my forehead. Subtly she walked away from me, swinging her hips at me. The roll of my eyes came with an involuntary urge to fight more for the dough. Somehow I managed to stay put.

"Good girl," Brittany singsonged and turned around to wink at me. I crossed my arms in front of me and puffed out my lower lip. That was just plain mean. She let out a loud, "Ha!" before turning to put the last piece of dough onto the wire rack.

"There," she exclaimed with a smile as she whipped the spatula through the air. She spun once, just for fun I suppose, before she let her first finger rest on her chin with an airy expression.

"The omelets," I reminded her. She looked at me and nodded decisively. With a smile, I opened the fridge and took out the egg tray and put it on the table. Brittany was soon by my side, opening the fridge and getting out the tomatoes and the parsley, reaching around me to open the drawer with knives. I smiled at her and bumped her hip when she's moved around me again, standing with the tomatoes. As she started cutting them into slices I grabbed a glass bowl from the cupboard. She nudged me gently in the side, making me look at her. She'd taken a slice of tomato into her mouth and was grinning, tight lipped, the tomato caught between her lips, making it curl a bit with the corners of her mouth. I shook my head at her but grinned nonetheless.

"Dork," I laughed and nudged her back. Reaching for the whisk I simultaneously grabbed an egg. As I cracked the first one, Brittany suddenly looked at it with great interest, like there was something she didn't understand at all.

"What?" I asked when she looked at the second egg with equal interest.

"I was just thinking. When do you know if the inside of an egg is an egg or a baby chicken?" she looked at the egg rather than me, cocking her head slightly to the side and biting down on her lip, wondering.

"I," I started, meaning to explain, but stopped. I wasn't really sure. "Why is it important?"

She shrugged. "If it's a baby chicken, then isn't the shell like a baby chicken's house? You know how the shell of a crab or a snail?" she asked.

"I...I'm not sure Britt, biology and reproduction of hen wasn't really something I studied," I said wondering. Somehow her logic still struck me. I smiled at her.

"These are certainly not baby chickens' houses though, they're from the store."

"Yeah, I know," she said and winked at me.

"You weren't even wondering about that egg were you?" I asked and looked at her. She grinned widely back at me as she shook her head. I shook my head in slight disbelief that I'd thought for a second that she had worried about that particular egg. Maybe whenever she seemed to zone out, this was the sort of thing she'd think about? Things that we take for granted about certain subjects. Why, though? Wasn't it much easier just to leave them be? Then again, she was very curious of nature, so it shouldn't really surprise me.

"But really, how do they know?"

I shrugged. "Something about fertilization, I'm guessing. It'd make sense right? If an egg wasn't fertilized it would still be there but it just wouldn't be something other than food for us, right? It'd just be a waste," I said. Why was I even wondering about things like that? I really shouldn't be. It was just part of how the world was right? You couldn't know everything about how everything worked. But it seemed like Brittany wanted to. I smiled over at her as she continued chopping tomatoes. Absentmindedly, I cracked the last egg and poured the contents into the bowl. After a careful examination of the possible shell pieces in the mix, I grabbed the whisk from beside me and started mixing.

It was a fun silence, literally. We were both trying so hard not to giggle, but it was difficult. Especially for me when she looked so damn cute and ridiculous at the same time. She had flour on her nose and was currently scrunching it to try and see the flour. She could probably feel it.

Cuz baby tonight, the DJ got us falling in love again!

The sound of Usher broke our trance and Brittany reached down into her pocket, drawing out her phone. Sliding the green button across the screen Brittany brought the phone to her ear.

"Hey," she said and smiled. She lit up when the other person spoke. Letting a hand fall to her hip she mouthed 'Sugar' to me. I nodded, understanding. She smiled and shifted her weight slightly.

"Did you get back okay?" she asked.

I turned back to the eggs and whipped the whisk around, making a fluid sticky yellow substance off egg. Behind me I heard half of the conversation.

"I, um… Yeah, it was good. Yeah, she's right here."

I turned again in time to see Brittany stretch her hand out towards me, handing me the phone. I frowned slightly. She shrugged at me but didn't elaborate. Taking the phone to my ear I looked at Brittany with concern. Why did Sugar want to talk with me?

Holding the phone to my ear I let out a wondering, "Hello?"

"Santana? Oh good. Hi, did you get home alright?" Sugar asked with a chipper voice. I blinked slightly.

"Yeah? It was boring. Are you back in LA?" I asked.

There was a silence and then an "Oh" followed by a "Yeah, we are." I guessed she'd nodded and remembered that you couldn't see nods through the phone. I rolled my eyes slightly, earning a whack of the spatula from Brittany. Wincing, I furrowed my brows at her and gave her a somewhat stern look. It didn't last very long, when she broke into a giggle and shrugged at me.

"What was it you wanted, Motta? I haven't got all day," I noted and let my nails clink across the table in impatience.

"Did Brittany tell you what happened at the nightclub?"

"Yeah, she did," I said and looked at Brittany with remorse. It didn't feel right talking about her when she was standing right there. But I couldn't just leave her. Brittany's smile faltered a big but I saw the effort of keeping it. I leaned over and grabbed her hand, twining our hands together. She nodded.

"Good, I just needed to be sure. She's normally very closed off about that stuff." Sugar sounded very relieved and maybe even a bit surprised.

"Was there anything else?" I asked impatiently, feeling Brittany squirm in my grasp. I wasn't sure if it was the dough on her fingers or simply that I felt like I needed her closer, but our hands seemed to stick together like magnets.

"I just need to talk to Brittany again," Sugar said dismissively. It was as if the minute she'd made sure Brittany was okay, the air turned unusually cool. I frowned at the phone and handed it back to Brittany. She held it gingerly to her ear before leaning into me, kissing the tip of my nose and winking before drawing back her hand with some difficulty and walking out of the question.

I turned back to the fridge, opened it and pulled out the huge jug of milk, pouring a fitting amount into a measuring spoon and from that into the bowl. Holding the door to the fridge open with my hip, I placed the jug back in the door and reached for the butter.

"No, Sugar, we talked about this. I know, I'm sorry! I know…"

I froze as Brittany's distraught voice broke through the walls into the kitchen. Listening carefully for a second, I tried to hear Sugar's voice, knowing that it'd be impossible. I turned back to the fridge and reached for the butter again.

"Look, Sugar. You can't tell me that I can't be around her. I'm sorry, I know. But I… I… Sugar listen to me!" Brittany sounded desperate. I closed the fridge and hesitantly walked into the living room. Brittany was looking down at the floor, pinching the bridge of her nose and scowling as if the carpet had insulted her. As I neared her, she looked up and then shook her head, waving me away with an apologetic look. I obeyed and strode back into the kitchen.

"Don't give me that, you know I didn't-" Brittany hissed. I'd never seen her annoyed before, but she definitely was now. I shook my head slightly.

"It's not just a silly crush, Sugar," Brittany said in a desperate voice. It made me blush and peek out at her. She was looking back. I grinned giddily and she grinned with me, though it was short. Then her face turned morose again and she spun 180 degrees. Literally. She bowed down and sat on the edge of the coffee table. I returned to the fridge and pulled out the butter, opening the pack when I heard her.

"It's not… I… I can handle it, Sugar. I can. I just… Yeah, okay. Yeah, Sunday right?"

I resisted a very strong urge to go into the living room again. I didn't like how distraught she sounded. I didn't like it at all. Locking my fingers around the counter I clenched them hard, to a point where my knuckles went pale and bloodless.

What was the matter? They seemed fine or somewhat fine when I left. Had something changed again? You'd think that with almost an entire week to goof around and be best friends, they would've gotten their friendship back to normal. It wasn't really hard to see that Sugar was less than happy that I'd hogged her best friend for sucking face with. But Sugar liked me. At least I think she liked me. Who wouldn't? No, don't answer that. Ugh. Whatever. They better get their friendship back soon.

"Yeah. Lima Bean, 10:30. Yeah, alright. Bye..."

My head snapped to the door as the voice got closer. I didn't even hide that I'd been listening, when she emerged. In two long strides she'd reached me and flung her arms around me, holding me close. My grip on the counter slackened immediately and I gripped around her instead. She didn't say anything, didn't react. She just stood there and breathed. She smelled my hair again. I felt her heart pound hard against me. That seemed to be her only tell. She was good at hiding. Somehow she always hid behind that smile and her goofiness.

"I miss my best friend…" she admitted shyly. I nodded against her. I knew. "She's gonna live with her dad again… She said something about having a reason for going back to Lima. She'd been talking about going to New York. Something about being a big, big star."

Brittany's voice was so little, so full of worry. It made me hold on tighter.

"Is there anything I can do?" I asked carefully.

Brittany shook her head slightly. "No, I have to deal with this myself. I'm just…I'm tired."

"Of Sugar?"

"No…I think I still have a bit of jetlag," she said and drew back a little to look me in the eyes.

"Well, my mom isn't going to be home until five and it's only half past eleven now. We could just have breakfast in bed and put the dough in the fridge? We can make it tonight," I suggested and rubbed my fingers against each other, trying to rid myself of the dough.

"That sounds good. It's like…you know those balloons you buy that are really fun for a little while, but then just deflate? That's how I feel right now. I'm just tired. I don't know why. I was so-"

I cut her off, "It's just the jetlag."

She nodded and blinked a few times, swallowing a yawn. It was amazing how fast she could change. It seemed like within a timespan of ten minutes she'd gone from giddy to sad to really tired. She was really all over the place. I looked at her with slight worry.

"I'll call Quinn, let her know we're signing the contract later, tomorrow maybe? I know she wanted us to do it now, but you're tired. It's no rush," I assured Brittany. She nodded and sighed, rubbing her palm across her cheek and letting her fingers graze under her eye, her posture drooping slightly. She leaned back against the counter and smiled lazily. It didn't really reach her eyes, which were still sad.

"Can we eat first?"

I gave her a slow reassuring nod and proceeded to the sink, turning on the water and rubbing the holes between my fingers to get the last dough away. It wasn't long until I felt hands on my hip and a tired Brittany leaning into me, her forehead resting against my shoulder. I smiled and dragged her hands from my hips to the sink and started washing them. She squirmed a little and let her chin rest on my shoulder instead, letting out a satisfied hum. I grinned and leaned my head into hers as I washed off the dough. She let her hands be slack as I worked. It was hard, because she had so much dough and flour everywhere. It'd be easier just to shower, especially with the amount of flour in her face and neck and in her hair too. But it'd have to wait. She'd deflated completely.

"C'mon sleepy, let's get you some breakfast and then get you to bed," I said and strained my neck a little to let the corner of my mouth ghost over the skin by her eyebrow. She squirmed a little and pressed into me completely.

"I like this," she said as I reached for the towel, her arms hanging slackly over the sink.

"What?" I asked calmly, drying my hands. She leaned her head into mine again but didn't answer. Trapping her hands in the towel, I started rubbing the cloth across her skin, drying her fingers. She wiggled her fingers inside the towel. The minute I'd let go, she trapped them around my waist and slid them up my sides, making me squirm.

"Britt," I warned and tried to pry away her hands.

"Hm?"

She was clearly ignoring me. With a little giggle she started fiddling with a spot on my shirt, just between my hipbone and my belly-button.

I fidgeted. "You're teasing. Stop it,"

Muttering something unintelligible, she moved her hands to my hips again, "What if I like teasing you?"

I squirmed again and managed to turn around, resulting in her hands sliding across my lower back and stomach. She let out a sigh and looked at me with a tired smile. I let my hands clasp together behind her neck and looked up at her with worry.

"Brittany. You can't…You know what you do to me. What if I forget?" I asked quietly, trying to trap her drooping eyes. She looked at me, unfocused.

"Forget what?"

I sighed slightly, in defeat. I hadn't really wanted to bring it up. "What happened last night."

"Oh…" she said and bit her lip. I wanted to scold her further, but I didn't want her to feel bad. Besides, it wasn't really her fault that she was able to get me turned on with only a few slides of her hand. It was electric. It could be a side effect to me not having gotten any in a long while. I settled for the shy smile, which had already planted itself around my lips.

She looked at me for a little while, just a comfortable silence, as she seemed to think. She could just be watching me, but she could be thinking as well. Discretely, I took the time to map the placement of a few undiscovered freckles that had hidden from my eyes this morning. The smile around my lips broadened and I shifted slightly in her grasp. She looked down at me, possibly fearing that I was uncomfortable, sandwiched once again between the counter and her. When she saw my smile she softened.

"I'm sorry about last night," she muttered, making my smile fade and transform into a frown.

"Sorry about what? That we didn't go through with it?" I asked and felt a blush creep up my lips. She averted her gaze and nodded her head.

"Aw, don't be," I said and drew back my arms to cup her face.

"I want to…" she muttered in a barely audible voice.

"Me too," I admitted and tried to catch her eyes. They were firmly focused on a point to my right.

"I'm sorry," she said again, her voice a little stronger.

"Will you stop apologizing for everything?" I asked with a chuckle. She looked at me and tried not to smile. It failed. She opened her mouth but I cut her off by leaning up and kissing her hard. She stumbled back a bit but I pulled her into me, my hands still cupping her face. She gasped slightly as I breathed, "Don't even think about saying it," against her lips. She chuckled and kissed back.

* * *

I was standing by the bed, looking at Brittany as she slept. She lay sprawled with her head on the pillow, her arms hugging it tightly and her body tangled in the sheets. She looked so peaceful and serene, her mouth slightly agape and the inaudible breathing visible on her rising chest. Smiling, I had to resist the urge to wake her and kiss her. She needed the sleep.

After the breakfast had been made and eaten, Brittany had almost passed out at the table, tired. I didn't get how she could be that tired. She'd slept fine last night, hadn't she? She'd been asleep when I slept, I think. I thought for a moment. I would've woken up if she hadn't slept, wouldn't I? I couldn't have slept through that, at least not if she'd been out of bed.

Catching myself staring again, I also caught the thought of how good it felt, seeing her lying in my bed, in my t-shirt, with her legs folded under her, cradling the pillow. I smiled. Walking out into my bathroom, I rid myself of the flour-covered clothes and stepped into the shower. I knew it'd been a very short time since I'd showered but I couldn't find a part of me that wasn't covered in flour or maple syrup. I had no idea how I'd managed to eat three pancakes and then have maple syrup everywhere. I didn't pour that much on them. Did I?

The shower was warm and needed and let my body relax as I rid myself of remainders of food. I sighed, thinking of the current state of the kitchen.

Suddenly my mind fell to another thing. Something I hadn't really thought of until now. I had moved back home. Which meant that if I had to move out again, I'd have to pay rent. I'd have to get a job. That made me groan loudly in annoyance. I really didn't wanna get a job. It was such a pain. I mean, I wanted a job of course, but one that was a career in. I really wanted a job, maybe like Mercedes, just as a backup singer at a record company. I hadn't taken four years of education for working in a grocery store. No freaking way.

It was so annoying to think about. I stepped out of the shower, grabbed the towel and let memories of Italy fill me up with happiness instead of worry. As I dried my body, I remembered the first time she'd kissed my lips. It'd sent sparks flying everywhere and had made me numb. I had forgotten everything except her. Giggling, I remember how she'd wanted to hook up that very night. I'd objected to it. In retrospect I didn't really know why, but I guessed it was for the best. I mean, I got the girl anyway, right? So it couldn't be that bad.

Putting a smaller towel around my hair, I stepped out of the bathroom, letting the steam float into the bedroom. It soon smelled like the coconut shampoo I used. Going to the closet, I fished out a pair of sweatpants and an old shirt. If we were gonna work more with that bread later, I might as well choose clothes that wasn't of a fabric that was hard to clean, right? No way was Brittany gonna stay nice in that kitchen. She'd possibly end up cracking an egg into my hair. I wouldn't think it impossible. She was such a kid at heart.

I debated with myself about laying down beside her and going to sleep as well, but I wasn't really tired. I could of course just watch her, but I needed some time alone. There were a few things I needed to think through.

Remembering what I used to do as a kid, I walked out the room, my hair messy and uncombed, and descended the stairs. I smiled as I walked out the back door and into the sizable backyard. It consisted of wooden fences on all three sides and a few bushes covering the back corners. In the back was also my mom's little greenhouse where she grew a few seasoned vegetables. Nothing big, but they tasted pretty good. Seeing as I hadn't lived at home for a long time, I hadn't really had them, but hopefully she'd make a pot of whatever she was growing before I moved out again. Thus far the menu had been mostly Italian or takeout.

The one thing in the yard I'd been looking for was an old swing set. It was blue and green and had two swings on it. One was broken and hung from only one chain. The other was mine. I walked towards it and let my hand grip around the chain, pulling at it and rustling it, making sure it was okay. When I was sure, I rustled the other before finally brushing off the seat and sitting down on it, facing the fence. I grabbed the chains and pushed myself backwards until letting my feet slip from the ground. I swung.

* * *

Something broke through Brittany's eyelids as she woke. She had yet to open her eyes, but she still felt the sunlight, the last streaks of the daylight, fade away into the shadow of the surrounding houses. She breathed in sharply and rolled onto her back, pulling the pillow with her, covering her eyes. Soon she realized that this was a fairly bad idea seeing as she couldn't really breathe through the thick fabric. Flopping it down beside her, she opened her eyes and looked up at the ceiling. With a sigh, she closed her eyes and raised her hand to rest it on her forehead. She breathed deeply and smiled. It was one of those content smiles that made you think everything was going to be alright.

She opened her eyes again and moved around to sit up properly. With a look at the door, and one on the bed, her smile turned into a frown as she looked around. She looked, searching. With a gaze at the open bathroom door and a deep breath of air that made the corners of her mouth curl upwards, she untangled her legs from the covers and stretched like a cat, yawning audibly. She was still wearing her girlfriend's… her girlfriend's shirt. A huge grin lit up on her face as she debated on whether or not to wear shorts or sweatpants. Any kind of pants really. Walking out of the room in the Poison Ivy t-shirt and panties, she'd clearly decided not to.

Walking down the stairs she held a slow and steady pace as she let her hands glide across the frames of the millions of pictures of Santana and her brother and the rest of her family. She stopped shortly in front of one of the pictures. It was a picture of Santana in a mullet and sunglasses, wearing loose pants and a leather jacket. Brittany let out a giggle. Her brother was standing next to her in a Zombie costume, his arms outstretched towards her as she tried not to look disgusted with him. The way her mouth was curled downwards and her nose scrunched; there was no doubt that she was, even if her eyes weren't visible. With a smile, Brittany let her finger ghost over Santana's face on the picture. Turning, she took descended the rest of the steps in only a few seconds before looking around in the house.

She couldn't see any signs of Santana. Furrowing her brow, she went into the kitchen and opened the fridge, getting the big glass carafe with water. The carafe still in her hand, she looked out the kitchen window, into the back yard. She saw Santana sitting with her back to the window, her face skyward and her posture in tranquil. She looked elegant as she gently swung, like a bird flying through the air, her long dark hair caressed by the wind.

* * *

The rush in my stomach was much cherished as I increased the power of my swings. Originally I had only come out here to think, but I had lost myself in swinging. It gave such thrill, even if it was childish. Perhaps because it was so childish, it was so much better. What did I know? I just knew that it made me calm and happy at the same time. It was kind of like being around Brittany, I think. I wasn't really sure, but there was definitely that same rush.

Still, I was annoyed that all I could think about lately was getting closer to her, in all aspects. Ugh, why can't I just stop acting like some sex-crazed horny 17-year-old?! It's so frustrating. Yeah, it is. Okay no, wrong choice of word! I groaned in annoyance and moved my body backwards, forcing an increase in the power of my swings.

In less than a month my life had been changed so much. It was all her. The minute I saw her, I think some part of me knew that she'd change me, change my life. I think I sought from her some unknown strength in myself. I didn't even know what it was about her, but she made me wanna be better. She made me wanna fight. She made me wanna tell people, tell them that I was…that I was gay. I'd told Mercedes. That was always something right?

I nodded to myself as I let the swings deflate slightly. I once more took charge and tried to get back the speed, realizing that I didn't really want to stop swinging and thereby start thinking. I'd done plenty of thinking. Just in that moment, I let out a very loud squeal as I felt arms close around me. My entire body seemed to gasp and I jolted forwards. She kept me close.

"Britt," I breathed in a hurried gasp.

"Hey," she whispered and pressed into me from behind. Straining my neck slightly, I looked up at her. She looked beautiful with her hair all ruffled from sleeping and with her eyes still kind of lazily gazing down and catching mine.

As she let go without warning, I started to protest but she stopped me by stepping back slightly and letting her hands fall to my hips. It took me a whole of three seconds to figure out what she was about to do and by then she'd already tightened her hold and walked back, pulling me with her. I felt a swooshing sensation in my stomach and then her hands were gone. I flew forwards gently in the air, the grip on the rails tightening as she started pushing the swing by adding pressure to my lower back every time I got near enough.

"Come on, help! Lazy ass," she giggled. I looked back at her for a second as she pushed me forwards again, sticking out my tongue at her before letting my legs stretch when I reached the point where I started falling backwards and folded them about halfway using my torso and arms as leverage. She kept pushing.

I had no idea why this was so fun, but I couldn't help the laugh that left my mouth as she tickled her fingers at my sides, making me yelp and almost fall off the swing. I buried my heels in the grass and looked around at her with a fake scowl. She looked like she was bursting to laugh at me. Jumping off the swing, I buried both hands in my sides and started walking towards her. She burst into laughter and sprinted back to the house like the roadrunner as I sprinted after her.

There was no real reason for the childishness, just fun. I didn't even know why I was chasing her or why she'd run. It was as if we were five years old, playing tag just for the heck of it. Only the sound of her laughter and the flashes of golden hair flowing through the air let me know that she was headed for my room. I stormed up the stairs after her, just in time to push my way into the room before she shut the door in my face. She looked absolutely ridiculous with a huge sly grin on her face and her shoulders pressed upwards in a shrug. Really? 'No fucks to give' expression. It was so typical her.

With a raised brow, I walked slowly towards the end of the bed where she was standing and flung my arms around her and stood up on my toes, pressing my forehead against hers, my gaze locking her eyes as if caught in a vice-grip.

Her look changed from playful to something completely else and she forced the stare to break by colliding my lips with hers, hard. Pressing her entire body into me, I was backed up against the door and hummed in approval, but also in worry.

"Britt-" I mumbled under her lips as she tried her best to kiss me senseless. How was she still not aware that by doing this she would lose the trust to me that I wouldn't do anything? I was already completely wound up from her going hot and cold on me but this was way worse. She was practically grinding into me, clenching her hands around my hips.

"Mm…shut up," she said.

I forced myself to push her away.

She looked at me like I'd burned her. "Britt, you don't have to prove anything to me. I told you already that I'd wait, right?" I leaned into her a bit again and cupped her cheeks with my hands. She looked at me with eyes darker than normal and then nodded shyly.

"I want to," she said quietly.

Letting my hands rub over her cheeks I tried to make her understand, "Me too, but this...Britt, it shouldn't be an act of desperation. I want it to be special, for me and for you."

She looked away. Sighing, she averted her gaze and mumbled something I couldn't make out "What?" I asked confused.

With a glance at me she looked down and said a bit louder, "I'm doing this all wrong,"

"Doing what wrong?" I asked and tried to find her eyes once again.

"I want you, this, but I don't know how to show you that it's special. I've only ever been intimate with boys and…and they just like it when you kinda jump them, at least the ones I've been with. But it's different with girls. And I want to…but I don't know how to show you."

"It's not that, Britt, it's just...are you sure that you're ready? I mean, what that man did to you, that wasn't even three days ago."

"I'm okay. I'm better than okay, Santana," she concluded and stopped the conversation there by kissing my forehead. I tried to lift my head to look at her but she had turned her head again.

"What if you panic?" I asked worriedly, moving my hands to rest on her shoulders instead.

It seemed as though this caught her attention for she drew back and looked thoughtful, her eyes scanning some unknown part of the room. "We'll get a safeword."

"Like what?" I asked in half a giggle and half interest.

With a shrug she drew back another foot or two and looked around the room, trying somehow to see anything that could work as a safeword without it getting kinky or awkward.

A look of concentration crossed Brittany's face for a moment before she lit up in a smirk. "Red, like stoplights?"

That made me break into giggles and I suddenly remembered just how innocent Brittany could be. She clearly had no idea what it was. Or maybe she did but pretended she didn't. I thought about it for a moment, but really the thought of using that word was just a no-go.

"Britt, that's the SMBD stopword, I'm not using that," I said and held onto her.

Walking up to me again, Brittany put her hands on the door on either side of my head and smirked even wider. She'd definitely known exactly what that meant. She was clever. Very clever. Almost too clever. Leaning forwards, she pressed a lingering kiss to the shell of my ear, almost making me melt under her touch, before she whispered, "I guess you'll have to trust me then," and leaned back, looking me in the eye. Just as I was going to argue she surged forwards and claimed my lips, drawing her hands down the door and let them land on my shoulders, after which she proceeded to glide them up my shoulders and fasten around the back of my neck and just below my jaw, leaving my entire head to her command.

As it always happened when I was around her, I seemed to forget what I was doing. Right now I knew I was supposed to protest, to make sure that she was okay, but then again, from the way she was attacking my lips just now, making my heart flutter, my stomach surge and my knees buckle, she seemed quite okay. Occasionally I could even feel the smirk in her kisses. Completely drawn into it, I let my arms cling around her neck and make her press into me, sandwiching me between her and the door.

Somehow she must've found my ability to forget very entertaining judging by her giggles against my lips, making them tingle as I moved them against hers in frenzy. She backed away, drawing my head, my torso, my entire body with her as if pulled by a magnet. Attraction, huh? No, okay, not a time for really bad Lopez humor.

It occurred to me suddenly, where she was leading me. She walked backwards, drawing me with her until she stood just in front of the bed. That was when I drew back and let out a breathless, "You're not …very...subtle," before having my lips occupied again, though with quick kisses instead of passionate ones.

"Well," she chimed and pecked my lips, making me instinctively try to kiss back. She giggled. "I didn't think," peck, "that it looked," peck, "very comfortable," peck.

With that she let her arms glide from her grip on my head, down my sides, just brushing the edges of my breasts before linking them around my back and pulling me impossibly close before I was turned and sat down on the side of the bed. In that moment, I seemed to regain part of my self-control and as she backed away a little to look at me, I smirked at her. A real smirk, one I'd never really used before towards her.

It was as if every doubt had been erased by her insisting that we finally take this step together and she was really turning me on - I have no way of getting around that fact. Reaching up, I caught gently around her arms and let my hands slide down until they tangled in hers. Pulling them back, I pulled her with me until her face was impossibly close to mine and her breath puffed onto my lips. Her eyes searched mine and sought confirmation of her actions. I smiled subtly, and rolled my eyes at her making her giggle pull my hands with hers to lock behind her neck, freeing her hands. I noticed how she wiggled her feet a bit and suddenly straddled my thighs.

Halfway through a gulp, I choked as she claimed my lips and seemed to steal every last atom of air in my lungs. Just as I started to regain my breath under her lips, the bed dipped at either side of my hip and my head tilted back as Brittany hovered over me. Horses seemed to stamp all over my chest, or at least that was how it felt. It was glorious and painful at the same time, but it was the kind of pain that was addicting, and made everything better. It was the pain that felt like pleasure.

The sound of my hammering heart deafened my ears and clouded my brain. With the slightest of tugs, Brittany was lying with her back on the bed, looking up at me as I hovered with my toes pushing against the floor of my room. With a bit of difficulty I managed to swing both my legs onto the bed again and let my head linger right above hers.

She looked completely taken aback, but the glimpse in her eyes made me smile before letting my lips near hers until she tried to catch mine, but I wouldn't let her. Instead I let my head tilt and kissed the corner of her mouth, her cheek, her jaw and moved down until my lips tasted the skin of her neck. It was slightly salty, but tasted completely delicious, warm and amazing. Her neck strained as her head fell back and her hips rolled into mine. A huff that sounded like it almost was a moan left her lips when I moved with slightly an open mouth to kiss right under her ear. She definitely liked that. Daringly, I opened my mouth the slightest bit and sucked, making her breath catch and making me draw back a bit, smirking. Almost on instinct, both her hands tangled in my hair, scraping against my scalp in desperation as she pushed me down a bit. Obeying her want, I reattached my lips to the spot just under her ear.

I knew from way too many one night stands that there was a very high possibility of driving people crazy with want by that move. Given, I'd only ever tried it a few times and all with boys, but it seemed to work just fine for Britt too. Better than good. I'd never really gotten that strong a reaction before. Momentarily, I lost myself and scolded myself for not keeping my focus on making Brittany feel good.

It seemed like my hesitance was all that was needed for Brittany to regain control, because her hands untangled from my hair and fastened on my hips before I was flipped over, but no body came to rest on mine. Instead, I found myself looking for her, before feeling myself being tugged at. Brittany was looking down at me from a bit of distance and I realized that my legs were dangling from the edge of the bed. With a shy smile, I scooted to lie on the pillow, letting my eyes turn skyward for a second at her concern which was both sweet but also quite painful for the warmth in my every vein, screaming my want for her.

Crawling forwards, I felt like placing my hands on her butt, getting her to move faster, but halfway through the motion of nearing me it, I stopped dead, hesitated and gripped around her waist instead. Straddling me again, Brittany looked down at me with a smirk, a grin so full of confidence and still of care. She drew back to sit on her knees, before taking my hands and leading them to rest on her butt. The grin turned slightly nervous as she leaned back down, burying her elbows in the mattress on either side of me.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" I asked tentatively.

A sigh left her lips before she said, "You," against my lips and kissed me, "have to trust me. I'm a big girl, Santana. Now stop worrying and kiss me back."

I did so, passionately - moving my lips against hers and trying to nip gently on her bottom lip with both of mine. Trying to distract her some, I let my tongue run over her lip just as I daringly let my hands squeeze the flesh of her butt. The fact that she was only wearing panties had not really occurred to me until now. Her reaction was instantaneous as her entire body rolled into mine and a moan left her throat. That one thing had been my only hesitance about this and now it seemed we were over that. As a rush of confidence flew through my every cell with the speed of lightning and without hesitance, my hands were moving up her shirt on her back, aching to feel her skin under my fingers.

She pulled back, and at first I feared that she was uncomfortable, but then she grabbed at the edge of her shirt and pulled it off. She was clad in a mint-green bra with little pink roses and a rosebud in between the cups. Adorable. Just what I'd expect Brittany to wear. Nothing too flimsy or lacy, just a normal bra that looked absolutely precious on her.

She leaned back down, allowing me to let my hands roam over her back. Her lips attached to my neck in the vacancy of my lips' attention due to this fascination of undiscovered skin. It felt incredible, her lips hot against my neck, dampening it because she apparently could not keep from placing little open mouthed kisses everywhere. She moved further down until finally, she connected her lips to my collarbone and started sucking with pleasure. Meanwhile, my attention was returned to exploring her back. Her shoulder blades were shot back as she'd leaned down and I let my fingers ghost over the line of the bone. Her skin was silky smooth and soft under my hands, curving into my touch it seemed.

My submission to her was complete when she moved to let a knee spread my legs a bit, allowing her to straddle only one leg. My breath hitched in anticipation and almost in fear of what was to come, before it actually happened. As her thigh pressed into the embarrassing damp warmth that could positively be felt through my sweatpants. I suddenly regretted that I'd chosen my old cheer-camp t-shirt from freshman year of high school, which was oversized because shirts like that always were, and sweatpants. Sweatpants weren't sexy.

Every wondering of whether sweatpants were sexy or not left my head as the pressure to my center through the grey material was added. My eyes darted up to meet Brittany's and the look of pure affection made me melt into her. Honestly, I don't think I've ever been so comfortable in a situation like this, as I was with Brittany. She made it so easy.

I let myself go. I gave into her and let my body move on instinct. As she hovered over me I rolled my hips into her thigh, my breath shaky at the relief I hadn't really noticed how much I needed. There was no mock, no giggle or smirk from Britt. Only adoration, only fascination of how she made me react. It was seemingly that fascination that made her add to the pressure and start moving her body against mine.

I was long gone when I felt a skin that wasn't mine, skin of a finger, fiddle around the knob of my hipbone on the bare piece where my shirt had ridden up. I opened my eyes again, slurped my tongue back into my mouth and thereby away from the battle I'd had with Brittany's tongue, one that had left me quite senseless, and found her opening hers too. The blue orbs flickered between mine as her fingers trailed the area between my sweatpants and my t-shirt. She was asking for approval. Letting out gasping breaths, my cheeks flushed and my breath heaving, I nodded.

I realized that taking a deep breath just then was a bad idea. I choked on the air as long fingers sneaked under the hem of both my sweatpants and panties. A flush of warmth shot through my cheeks as I suddenly realized exactly how wet I was. She could definitely feel- Yup. She felt that. Brittany's smirk told me exactly what she'd found, and it wasn't as if I couldn't feel it. I definitely felt it. Something in Brittany's eyes made me turn away, ashamed that she'd gotten me so wound up.

"Hey," she breathed, making me close my eyes and press my lips tightly together, shaking my head a bit. It was completely unbeknownst to me why I acted as I did, but it was instinct. Just as I'd lost control it seemed like it was back and as much as I wanted to give in, I was ashamed.

"Look at me," Brittany pleaded, her breath hot on my cheek, kissing it over and over again. Only when she drew out her hand did I snap back to look at her.

Her brows furrowed. "No?"

"Please… continue," I said and closed my eyes, trying to ignore the instinct of shame at losing the control of the situation.

(The) soft cushions of Brittany's lips pressed against mine and demanded my attention. As lips moved against lips, molding together in a symphony, fingers crept over skin and under cotton, cupping a mound. My arms flung around Brittany's neck and my body rolled into her, mashing our forms tightly together.I tilited my head, deepening the kiss the best I could with what little breath remained in my lungs. Her fingers crept lower and slid over swollen folds.

I'd never been this wound up. Guys never really did it for me and I'd never been with a girl, so it was completely new for me to experience that I apparently had so little stamina when I had otherwise been known amongst the guys for lasting forever. Little did they know that they didn't turn me on at all. But Brittany certainly did. My gasping breath and other evidence showed that clearly. I knew I wouldn't last long.

"Britt," I gasped into her mouth, as she daringly explored. I squirmed under her touch and clung to her as hard as I could while trying to express my pleadings through repeatedly rocking against her hand. A giggle bubbled in her throat and puffed air onto my lips.

"Is it okay?" she asked.

"You…" I gasped with a giggle, "need to trust me."

Just as I was about to press my lips against hers, my breath hitched and my hips bucked into her as a single digit entered me. My mouth slightly agape, my head fell backwards in an attempt to get me to breath. I instinctively started rocking into her hand and clenched harder. Her body rocked with mine, trying to find a proper rhythm. I almost didn't notice the slight fumble with the rhythm but once we were there, I felt Brittany's lips attach to my neck as she worked her fingers in and out, leaving me in a state of complete blindness and at a loss for words.

I tried to regain some dignity by loosening my hold a little and nudging against her hair with my nose. She immediately surfaced and looked at me. My chest heaved as I pushed upwards and claimed her lips, swiftly demanding access to her mouth. My eagerness was rewarded. The kiss was sloppy and wet and the focus of it was shared with what she was doing to me with her hand. One finger kept pumping in and out of me with what I noticed to be increasing force. My chest seemed to contract and expand and my body quivered when she pressed her palm flat against the sensitive knob and started moving in little circles.

The moan that escaped my lips was surprising for both of us, I suspect, because I hadn't really been that vocal before. Every moan had been constricted and cut short by another breathtaking motion of hers and now I finally was allowed to express my pleasure. That seemed to encourage her and she added force and speed to both her palm and finger.

I was gone.

The kiss broke. Toes curled. Bodies molded together in a tangle of limbs. Arms clenched around her neck.

I panted out her name.

Again. And again. And again.

She kept moving, slowing her motions as the white playing in front of my eyes started to subside and the vice grip I had on her loosened. Little feather light kisses was sprinkled all over my face as it hit the pillow, my lips spread in a wide grin and my eyes closed. I shivered slightly and giggled as I felt Brittany draw back her hand and heard her wipe it on the sheet before fingers started combing through my hair. It had to be damp at least. I was sweating. Drops of sweat trickled from my forehead.

There was a flop next to me and the bed dipped slightly. I knew she was lying next to me. I was still trying to regain my breathing, but shifted nonetheless and curled into her body, wrapping my arms around her bare waist and resting my forehead on her warm chest. My eyes remained closed.

"Britt," I said, finally seeming to have regained some breath.

"Yeah?" she asked in a low voice.

"I'm sorry that I thought you needed me to save you," I said in a low voice. "You save yourself just fine."

"You're right, I don't need for you to save me. There's nothing to save really. I'm fine. I just need you."

I nodded into her chest, turned my head a little and placed a single chaste peck to the skin below her collarbone. Her arms tightened around me and she fumbled a bit to find the covers. I wasn't really cold, but the safety of the covers were welcome. I wasn't tired, but I think I might've fallen asleep anyway. At least my mind was dreaming, or maybe I was actually there. It was hard to tell the difference at that moment, and that's a lot to say for someone who doesn't believe that dreams come true. I just never knew that you could have a dream and not know what it was.

* * *

_**A/N** - Well.. I'm really unsure about this chapter because I was so sure about how to handle this whole thing. I've taken a lot of what you've said into account and I did my best with the last scene. I really hope you like it._

_Have patience with me please._

_Also, I won't be writing for a little while because of the holidays and me going to London to visit my girl._

_If you have questions or comments please leave a review or you can message me here or on my tumblr **elainemathers . tumblr**_

_A huge thanks to my lovely beta Hlnwst, you're a darling! 3_


	21. Fumbling in Darkness

**Fumbling in Darkness (for Hope and Path on Endless Roads)**

You know those days where you wake up and you didn't sleep long enough so you're tired all day but you didn't wake up after too few hours of sleep? When the first thing you hear is the sound of a heartbeat harmonizing with the sound of a lark singing outside the window? This morning was one of those mornings. For me, this was the first moment that seemed somewhat like the mornings you hear about when people talk about how amazing it feels just to wake up together. But it had to be those people who had each other as their favorite people. I was entranced by how strongly my senses reacted to everything when I had my eyes closed. It felt like I could hear everything. If I focused on hearing everything I was so sure that I could. But everything didn't matter right now. My while one ear was listening to the sounds of the room in which we lay, the other had a whole other focus. Pressed against milky skin, a steady pounding of a heart locked behind a ribcage was all I could hear. It followed the same steady pace of the slow rising and falling of her chest and the almost soundless breathing.

She was awake and I knew it, and she knew I was awake but we said nothing. It was as if we were disappearing into oblivion once more. I couldn't help it. I dreamt my way back to yesterday afternoon. How she'd moved with me and cared for me; caressed every part of my body. How she'd made me see stars and brought me back to earth by a tether so thin and gentle but powerful as life itself. I let out a satisfied sigh and wiggled a bit, tightening my hold around her waist and tangling my legs further into hers.

Wait, it had been afternoon when we'd fallen asleep. But it was morning now, wasn't it? Or was I getting really confused? I could swear I'd heard that lark. There was light pouring through my eyelids so it couldn't be night. How long had we slept? Had we even slept? Was Mami back? Oh God, was the door locked?

"Shh, calm down," Brittany murmured and soothingly let her hands trail over the skin of my arms and shoulders.

"What time is it?" I croaked with a higher pitch than I'd meant to.

I felt Brittany turn her head. It wasn't because I didn't wanna see but I was kind of afraid of what I would find. I felt clothes on my body, but I also felt the bareness of hers.

"1:30am."

My eyes popped open as I sat up straight and immediately I felt woozy. Holding a hand to my head and pressing the other into the mattress, I looked around. It was the light from the ceiling that had disturbed my face. Why that was even lit? I never had that lit in the afternoon. But it was night now. But I'd been sleeping until now, and… wait, what about Britt? Had she been sleeping? I looked around trying to decipher the events. I had been in the garden, swinging and Brittany had joined me. Then what? Oh right… that. I blushed involuntarily at the memory, but it was a good blush. But it hadn't been very late. It had to be the damn jetlag screwing up our sleep schedule. But then what about my Mom? Was she back? Of course she was back. Had she seen us? Why didn't she wake us up for dinner?

"Santana," Brittany muttered. My head whipped around to look at her, my gaze again unfocused and it made me wobble a bit. "Santana, c'mere," she pleaded and stretched her arms towards me, a little smile playing around her lips.

I nodded, still disoriented, before leaning back, losing balance and crashing half onto the pillow and half on top of her. She giggled a bit but held me close nonetheless, steadied me and pulled me completely on top of her, squishing our bodies together. I hummed in approval and nuzzled my nose into her neck, making her tighten her arms around my back. She liked that. I tilted my head upwards a bit and pressed my lips to her neck. Once. Twice. Three times. The third time I let my lips stay against her skin, nibbling at it. I didn't know why I did it. Maybe it was the way my stomach curled and fluttered at her taste or the way she hummed in pleasure. It was a hazy, goalless attack on her neck. Just because my lips were there and so was her skin.

The moment was broken the second my stomach motioned differently, bubbling almost and growled. Right, I hadn't had dinner. Not the smartest move. But I was kind of having dinner now, wasn't I? I was certainly sucking on her neck, once in a while letting my tongue poke at her skin and taste the salt mixed with the sweetness of her skin. It had to be the best thing I'd tasted.

She giggled again when I tried to save the moment, and squirmed under me, her hands gliding up and down my back until the gently tickled at my sides. I was taken aback by it and automatically my jaw clamped down. Not a good idea. I'd bitten her. She winced and stopped tickling. I drew back immediately.

"Sorry," I croaked, looking at the mark I'd left. It was red. I made eye contact with her for a second, her eyes forgiving and playful. She didn't object when I bent back down and soothingly kissed over the bite mark, running my tongue gently over the mark. Kissing it chastely again, I drew back and pecked her lips, apologizing again.

"You're hungry," she commented in a tone that could've been friendly teasing, but now was just plain mocking. It was her own fault that my mouth had mistaken her for being my meal. She could've just not tasted so good, or been so irresistible or for that matter just not have tickled me.

I was about to object when my stomach betrayed me and agreed with her. I was hungry.

"C'mon," Brittany chimed and nudged me off her. I looked at her with a frown as she got out of bed and bent down to grab her shirt. Pulling it over her head she looked at me and giggled.

"We're going for waffles."

"It's half past one in the morning, Britt." I spoke with a highly confused look at my girlfriend.

"So? There are 24/7 diners." She beamed and sat down on the bed, running her fingers through her hair. I shuffled a bit and then hopped out of bed. I didn't agree or disagree. Some part of me thought she was mad, going out this late to get waffles, but mostly I thought it completely wonderful how she could do that.

"Okay, but let me change," I chuckled, walking to the closet.

* * *

Five minutes later we were sneaking out the front door, acting like schoolgirls sneaking out to a college party. Britt was tugging at my hand while I fiddled with my car keys. She turned back and softly closed the door, let out a snorting giggle and pulled me towards the car.

The minute I got to the other side and unlocked the car, she'd launched herself inside the car like a cat, half landing on my seat. She chuckled girlishly and hummed.

"Get into your own seat, you goof. I can't drive like this," I laughed and nudged her. She kept her arms lying limply across the driver's seat, staring up at me with an innocent grin. I grabbed her wrists and pried them back until I could sit down on the seat without squashing her arms.

"So, where are we going?" I inquired, turning the key thus making the engine roar to life.

"Waffle House, of course," Brittany replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. She shrugged and sat upright, closing the door and buckling up.

"That's on Neubrecht isn't it?" I asked, trying to remember the last time I'd been there. I honestly couldn't. She nodded as a response.

As I started driving, Brittany fiddled with the radio, trying to find something that wasn't classic or commercials. She finally found a station that played a tune she recognized, one I recognized as well.

"_You shoot me down, but I won't fall. I am titanium! You shoot me down, but I won't fall. I am titanium!"_

I let out a single laugh at Brittany's mining rendition. She looked around at me, stuck out her tongue and began wiggling in her seat.

"You never sit still," I remarked with a smile.

"I'm a dancer. That's what I do." She shrugged and flashed a wide grin at me. I shook my head with a playful curl of my lips.

"Speaking of dancing, when do you start your job?"

I turned left and saw the diner a little further ahead on the right. When Brittany didn't answer, I turned to look at her for a second and saw the gaze in her eyes that meant she was pondering over the answer.

"Sometime next week, I think. I have to look at the work schedule to make sure. But I'm going there on Sunday because I have to be at the staff presentation. Meet the newbies and the kids and stuff," she reported. I turned right and into the parking lot in front of the diner.

"Okay, just curious," I responded. She smiled at me. As I turned off the engine, I felt Britt lean over and press a kiss to my cheek, making my eyes widen and not just because of the surprise of it. I mean, what if someone saw us? Someone I knew?

"Sorry," she muttered, having obviously caught onto my reaction.

"No, it's fine," I assured and let my hand fall on hers, giving it a squeeze, reassuring me more than her, I think. She rotated her hand in my grasp and suddenly she was the one holding my hand. Amazing how she knew when I did something because I needed comfort.

"C'mon, let's go," she sang and shortly added pressure to her grip on my hand before she opened the door and got out. Leaning down and looking inside the car again she called for me with a grin. I hadn't meant to keep still. It simply was as if I'd forgotten it.

The diner would've been almost invisible in the blinding darkness had it not been for the big yellow neon sign on the front and the large sign on the pole announcing that we had arrived at the Waffle House. The parking lot was close to empty. Only a yellow Prius was parked there as well.

She skidded along as I walked up to the diner. Personally I thought she had way too much energy considering that she had woken up fifteen minutes ago.

"Hi there, can I help you?" a rather jovial young girl chimed. I swear those waitresses got younger and younger. Soon we'd have toddlers running around with food trays strapped to a helmet like little moving plates for people to take food from.

Just as I was about to say something Brittany ordered a table for us, leaving me standing with a word on my tongue and a half-open mouth. I wasn't really sure why, so I closed it and tried not to comment on the waitress' chipper mood. Don't get me wrong, Brittany was a joyful person too, but that waitress reminded me more of Rachel Berry than anyone else.

As we sat down on in a booth Brittany, glanced at me with a raised brow and a smirk. I couldn't help but avert my gaze for a bit, trying not to lose the fight against the smile that was tugging at the corners of my mouth. It was as if we were sharing something now, something nobody else got to see. And we did. It was our secret.

Just then, the girl from before skidded in a bouncing way towards our table, her ponytail whisking around, whacking against each side of her head as her body jerked from side to side with her steps. "Hi, I'm Sally, your waitress for tonight, would you like something to drink?" she asked as she did a little jump and came to a halt. Almost impossibly quickly, she'd drawn out a little notepad and a pen and eagerly clicked it over and over again. She looked slightly manic too, as if someone had given her way too much coffee and a liter of Red Bull together.

"Um… no thanks, just waffles, please." Brittany muttered and fiddled slightly with her wallet. I looked over at her, shrugged and then turned towards Cindy. Or whatever her name was, I didn't really care. She was annoying.

"Waffles, save the butter," I sneered coolly. The waitress opened her mouth as if she was about to ask but I waved my hand through the air, shooing her away.

When I looked round at Brittany she looked at me with an unreadable face. I huffed and scrunched my nose, pursing my lips in a silent protest of her glance. She rolled her eyes looked down at the placemat, but there was a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. I could see it. Something told me that, however good and kind and amazing she was, she might not have been like that in high school. I wouldn't put it past her to be the blunt type and insult a soul every now and then.

Why we had chosen to go for waffles in the middle of the night had finally become something I understood. We weren't really tired when we, at 3am, crawled back to bed, but the amount of waffles we'd eaten was enough to make anyone lazy. Seeing as my eyes wouldn't really keep close, I took the other sensible solution, snuggling into Brittany who was lying on her back, her hands behind her head. Her eyes opened as I curled my body into her side, my head looking up at her and an arm splayed across her stomach. She let an arm glide from behind her head and down to rest on my back pulling me closer. Slowly, I let my head rest on her chest.

For minutes I lay there listening to her heartbeat and feeling how her fingers trailed up and down my spine. I shivered a bit every now and then. I didn't know how long it'd been, minutes definitely. The sun slowly appeared but faster than I'd expected it to. Had I dozed off? Or had I maybe misread the time? The sun wasn't up already…was it? Must've been because it was summer and the sun was up ,ridiculously early.

Breathing in deeply through my nose, I stretched the muscles of my back in an attempt to wake up a bit. I noticed how Brittany's eyes were limp around my body and that I was lying more on top of her than into her than I had been when we'd gotten back from the waffle place. She was asleep. Maybe it had been a long time. I just didn't get how one could sleep through practically an entire day, wake up, eat and then go back to sleep.

Just as I tried to look over at the clock, my phone started buzzing on the nightstand. I groaned at the loud noise and reached over just as I felt Brittany's arms wrap tighter around me. With some difficulty, I managed to snatch the phone, almost dropping it in the process, (and) noted the time on the screen on pick up.

"What the hell, Fabray? It's six-thirty in the morning! Hell better be loose already or I'm gonna make damn sure it will be," I greeted my best friend. I could almost hear her eyes roll.

"I need you to come over later today if you wanna move in here." Quinn exclaimed in a hurried voice that sounded more like Rachel's than her own at the speed of it.

"Ugh, will you slow down?"

"No, Santana, this is important. Get your butt out of bed, call Brittany and get her to meet with you and I around lunch okay?" Quinn chirped in the same annoyingly fast voice. "Meet at my – at our place of course."

I don't really know why that part shocked me as much as it did, the 'our' part, because hell, I'd lived with Quinn forever, but the 'our' part now included a third party. Brittany. I was gonna live in Fran Fabray's apartment with my best friend and my girlfriend.

Just as I was about to answer, Brittany stirred and started groaning and tugged me even closer. She was definitely not awake yet. "Com'ba' 'o 'slee…" she whined in a muffled voice. I think she was asking me to go back to sleep?

"Santana, who's that?" Quinn asked loudly.

"Jus' tell 'er is's 'e ca'," Brittany mumbled and buried her nose in my hair. She could apparently hear Quinn. Not that it was hard, Quinn had a way of being heard by whomever she wanted.

"I don't have a cat," I whispered, holding my hand over the speaker. I turned to the phone again and opened my mouth to speak.

"Mm…yes you do…" Brittany giggled with a more understandable and unfortunately also louder voice, wiggling a bit and kissing my neck. At that moment I was so glad that there was no video on this call, because I'd visibly blushed and my face felt a thousand degrees warmer.

"Is that Brittany?" Quinn asked. _Shit._ I panicked.

"It's the cat," I blurted. "I'll call her and we'll be there around one. Bye!"

"Wait, Santana, you don't even have a c-" I cut off the call.

"Brittany?" I asked gently and turned around in Brittany's arms. This proved more difficult than intended. Being cradled in her arms was something I was so used to and so fond of that I loved when she held me so close because it didn't feel like it was very close. So when I tried to turn, I finally felt exactly how firm the grip was. On top of that, I think Brittany was trying to prevent me from getting out of bed not realizing that I was just turning around. "Britt-Britt," I whispered and let my hands soothe over her arms, my body in a weird half turned angle which was actually hurting me a bit. She hummed and sighed, the loosening her grip. I think she was still under the impression that I wanted to get up.

Just as I was about to turn, there was a knock on the door. I jumped back from her and turned, closing my eyes praying that if Mami got no answer, she'd just go away. She didn't. The door creaked open and my mom stuck in her head.

"Santana Marie Lopez, you cannot just sleep all day. Brittany, you should get up too. Santana! _¡Levantarse_!" I rolled and sat up, sieving a hand through my hair and yawning, looking at her with an expression that clearly displayed my unwillingness to do so. "_¡Me da igual! ¡Le-van-tar-se!_" she barked and walked out, leaving the door open. I moaned and groaned, then swung my legs out and felt the cool of the floor when the soles of my feet met ground.

* * *

It'd been half an hour since Brittany left. She'd gone to the mall to meet up with Sugar at the Lima Bean. While waiting for my mom to call me down for lunch – she'd insisted that she made la comida for us, her special Gazpacho with salad and garlic bread – I'd been looking into getting a job. I'd looked through the job advertisements and everything, but nothing really appealed to me. I knew that Brittany had an income through the dance camp, at least for the month, and I knew that Quinn worked as a cashier at Grocery Outlet.

Never in a million years did I want to work as a cashier. It was the most horrible thing I could imagine. Having to live through the stupidity of the common people who didn't even know which way to turn the credit card was something I really didn't wanna experience.

As I went down into the kitchen the smell of tomato filled my nostrils and made my stomach purr in a warm welcome to the soup about to be eaten. My mom's Gazpacho was something very special. I was a bit disappointed that she'd chosen to make it the one day Brittany wasn't here, but something told me that she'd made it today for that very reason. It worried me. Did she not like Brittany? It could simply be one of her ideas of 'it's only you and me for once, _mija_' but I didn't like the feeling of doubt. More than anything I needed my mom to love Brittany, because if she did that, maybe it'd be easier to tell her.

"Mami, that smells delicious," I sighed contently when I sat down at the kitchen table which was already set. Mami let out a little chuckle and turned from the stove to look at me.

"You look more awake than this morning," she hummed and turned her back at me to stir the soup before turning off the stove and carrying the pot onto the table. There was a bit of a struggle to get it onto the potholder we used for placing the pot on.

* * *

The sun was shining through the dusty glass windows all around the mall, giving all the people walking around a shiny glow. Their skin seemed lighter and their clothes brighter, but it was all because the sun was so sharp. As Brittany walked past the fountain in the center she noticed the sign that pointed her towards the Lima Bean. She hadn't spent a lot of time here, but she'd been there once or twice with Sam and Sugar. It had, according to what Santana had told her, been a very frequent hang out for the McKinley kids, or at least for the New Directions. Kurt had apparently even worked there for a little while.

When walking into the Lima Bean she noticed how empty it was. She noticed that the dark tables, most of them anyway, were unoccupied and the waitress with the white beret stood casually leaning against the desk, a broom in one hand and her phone in the other. Things had definitely gone downhill from what she'd seen the few times she'd been there.

As Brittany curiously walked further into the almost empty café, the waitress looked up. Her gaze widened and she fumbled panicky with her phone. Of course that resulted in it falling to the floor. Immediately Brittany was at her side, picking up the phone and handing it back. The waitress looked completely dumbfounded and stuttered her apologies as she looked around for somewhere to stove the broom.

"M-may I help you?" she asked when she seemed to have gathered herself a bit.

"I'm meeting a friend; I'll wait for her to come before ordering."

The young waitress nodded repeatedly and peeped in a hurried and high-pitched voice: "Sure, no problem!" With a patient smile Brittany turned and walked over to one of the empty tables near the white supports.

She waited.

* * *

I was normally one of those who could eat two full bowls of Gazpacho, but today I'd barely eaten half a bowl before announcing that I wasn't hungry and that I had stuff to do. One guess who didn't approve of that.

"Santana, sit down," she spoke with a patient but firm voice just as I'd gotten up to put my bowl by the sink. Sighing, I did as she asked and sat down. "What's troubling you, _mija_?"

I looked down at the soup, a floppy piece of tomato skin floating around the top. I grabbed the spoon lazily and started making the piece of tomato float in circles. "Just worried about income and everything"

"But you're living at home for now, you don't have to worry. I mean I'd prefer if you got a job and didn't just stay home all day until you get an opportunity to do some real work, but you don't have to pay rent or anything,"

"Mami, I haven't moved back," I stated with a hint of exasperation in my voice. "I'm moving in with Quinn and Britt first chance."

The last part was added in a careful manner, my voice low and my gaze fixed on the pathetic piece of tomato.

"_Mija_," Mami whispered and poked at my hand. I looked up at her, my eyes still trying to avert hers. I'd never had much will against her, despite how small and how annoying she was at times. She was just Mami. "Santana, I think it's great that you're moving in with your friends, don't worry about hurting me. I'm just glad to have you while you're here."

Her smile was warm and comforting, one thing I'd really missed in New York. It was her ability to calm me down. "I can't pay rent though. I don't have a job."

"Do the others?"

"Yes. Quinn works at Grocery Outlet down in southern and Brittany has a job at the summer dance camp," I explained and felt an urge to let my head fall onto my arms and give up, just slump into this hopelessness.

"Well, what are you gonna do about it?"

"I don't know. I refuse to work in a grocery store, I know that much, but I don't know where else I could get a job."

"What about the fund?"

"I spent it all in Italy," I groaned. Why did I do that? I was such an idiot. Going to Italy with the money I could actually do something with. Great, just great. Good job, Santana.

"Well, as much as I disapprove of you spending all the money, I'm glad you at least got something good from that vacation," Mami said and let her hand rest over mine.

"What good? Me being broke?"

"Brittany. And getting back your wits a bit. Lord knows you were far away in the last few months," she remarked, shaking her head and clicking her tongue.

"I still don't know what to do about the money, though. If I can't pay rent they can't keep the apartment." I sighed. This time I really did push the bowl forward enough to let my arms rest on the table and my head on my arms, deflating completely of energy and motivation just thinking about the amount of work I'd have to do. I lay there for a minute not really thinking, just being.

"We'll figure something out, _mija_. We always do. You're moving with Brittany and Quinn and you start looking for a job. Until then, you can loan money from me without interest."

I looked up at her with appreciation before sitting up and eating again, my hunger mysteriously returning.

* * *

The blonde, freckled and well tanned girl at the Lima Bean didn't have to wait long before another girl stepped into the café. She was looking around too, in the same manner the first had. The brunette girl looked quite jubilant at the sight of the blonde as she searched the café. She jumped once and flew across the room, engulfing Brittany in a hug so tight you'd think they'd been away from each other for years. Rocking the blonde from side to side, Sugar wiggled her body as if she was so unsure how to act that she'd simply combined all the ways of expressing joy, making her look rather odd.

Brittany giggled at the dorky attitude of her best friend as she sat down opposite her. In a flash the waitress was standing in front of them with a pen, eagerly awaiting their orders. Thinking that she'd kept the waitress waiting long enough, Brittany quickly ordered coffee and a salad for both girls, knowing pretty well which dishes Sugar enjoyed and having had the time to look at the menu card while waiting.

"So…" Sugar smirked and bit her lip in an obvious attempt to not blurt out something she shouldn't. That was a new thing for her. She was hinting and not just being blunt.

"So?" Brittany asked quietly, fiddling a bit with the little container for the paper-wrapped packs of sweetener. "You were the one asking to meet."

"Yeah, but first I need you to explain that syrupy smirk on yo face, I just ca-Brittany. Oh my God, Brittany!"

Brittany blushed. She hated that she did but there was no way of getting away from the fact that the cheeks underneath her June freckles had turned a slightly darker tone, a flushed one. She decided that dumb would be the best way of playing this. "I'm not sure where this is getting at. Did you see Lord Tubbington's ex or something?"

"Brittany, you… never mind. No, I didn't see his ex. Anyway, the reason I called you here is because I have a few things to tell you." Sugar said and shifted a bit in her chair before opening her mouth to speak. Just in that moment the waitress arrived with their food and drinks. For some reason she had either not gotten the deal with drinks being served before the meal or she'd simply hurried so much to please her customers. The slightly flushed cheeks made an argument towards the latter.

"So, you were saying?" Brittany asked after munching down the first forkful of salad with watermelon and carrots.

"What? Oh, nothing important, really. Just wanted to see you to be honest. Didn't see as much of you in Italy as I would've liked to." Sugar shrugged and flashed one of her sweet, but unfortunately not very convincing, smiles.

"Oh, come on, I know you didn't just call me over for that. You sounded super excited. What is it?" Brittany asked and shoved another forkful of food into her mouth, her fingers gliding along the surface of the mug.

"Needed a way of convincing you." Sugar dismissed with another smile. It was as if she wasn't aware that it wasn't believable. It was, however, a sign for Brittany that she was to back off. So she did. She shrugged and smiled back the best she could, raised the mug and sipped at the hot drink. Sugar sighed in relief and started eating too, though very sparsely. It wasn't new for her really so much great not much notice was taken. Mostly, it was just noticed by Brittany that instead of just taking small bites, Sugar was picking at her food more than actually eating it. She did that when she was nervous.

"I'm here when you wanna talk," Brittany murmured in an attempt to lighten Sugar's spirits a bit. Sugar nodded.

"Can we talk about something else? Just something like what we used to talk about," added Sugar in a quiet voice and excused herself from further talking by clamping her mouth down on the fork and chewing on the food, very slowly.

"Hmm…well, I don't really know what to talk about to be honest. There's not a lot going on at the moment. I guess I'm a bit worried that Tubbs is getting a bit old," Brittany shrugged.

"Yeah, I remember when you got him, you were overfeeding him so much because you thought he ate as much as a human."

"He does eat that much!" Brittany protested with her mouth still half full of carrots and salad. Sugar snorted and gulped down a bit of coffee making her wince a bit. She'd never been that fond of coffee. With that she reached over and grabbed a pack of sweetener and poured the white powder into the dark liquid.

"Only because you taught him to do so. He's giant."

"He's actually not that big anymore. After my sister had to take care of him, she downsized a bit. She's been feeding him cat food." Brittany's nose scrunched and she looked highly disapproving of how her sister had been treating her cat.

"Well, I think it serves him right to lose some of all that fat," Sugar teased and sipped from her coffee.

Brittany's eyebrows skyrocketed as she looked at Sugar as if someone had kidnapped her best friend and replaced her with a dragon. "How can you say that?! He's super cute when he's a bit chubby. And he's not fat he's just big-boned!"

"Whatever you say," Sugar said as neutrally as she could, trying to suppress a giggle.

The conversation on whether or not Tubbs' new diet was good continued throughout the meal. Even though Brittany knew that she had to go soon because she was being picked up by Santana to go to Quinn's to sign the renter's contract, she really didn't want to. It had been a long time since they'd talked this freely. Sure, it'd taken a bit of coaxing but they'd finally shut out the hard subjects for once and were just joking around. It was liberating and relaxing. Everything the past week had been so tense and serious. She'd missed this so much. That was the beauty of their friendship. Sugar was brash and honest but still humorous and easy-going. Brittany enjoyed being witty and she wasn't one to hide a lot of things either. She'd told her parents she'd made out with a girl the day after it'd happened. Sure, her dad had almost choked on his cornflakes, but that was mostly shock.

"Oh my God, I know what I forgot!" Brittany then murmured in a controlled panic.

Sugar stopped her speech about cat food. "What?"

"I haven't told Mom and Dad about Santana. She hasn't met them yet!" Brittany exclaimed, her eyes bulging in disbelief. Sugar started laughing, really laughing. It wasn't just a chuckle or a giggle. She was laughing at the wide eyes and the flickers of confusion, the slightly open mouth at Sugar's reaction and the fork which hung midair with a piece of salad balancing dangerously on the edge.

"Britt?" Sugar choked out through her laughing.

"Huh?" Brittany asked suddenly, her frozen face had fallen to a frown and the fork had been gently placed back on the plate as if the last five minutes hadn't happened. Sugar was currently trying hard not to choke – the result of this being her coughing loudly and hitting her chest several times. "Sugar, are you okay?"

"Y-yeah," Sugar laughed. "Your f-face!" Just as it seemed like she'd regained her ability to talk, she seemed to have a very vivid memory of the face Brittany had pulled, and started laughing once more. Brittany just sat there looking at the quite uncharacteristic outburst of laughter. Sugar normally never laughed that hard or for that long and never because of something so normal. It wasn't like Brittany didn't have a habit of saying things out of context, just because they came to her mind, this often leading to her stopping a conversation. Mostly Sugar would just chuckle and shake her head, nudging Brittany with an appropriate facial expression.

Just as Sugar let out a sigh of relief that stated that she'd finally gotten rid of her laughing fit, Brittany's phone buzzed in her pocket, and the classing 'ping' noise sounded in the silence left from the laughter. While Brittany dug up her phone, Sugar took the last gulp of her coffee and waved at the waitress.

_Santana: Where are you, Britt? I thought you said 2:30pm?_

It was then that Brittany looked at the clock and her eyes went wide once again. Mouthing the time – 2:45 pm – Brittany looked once again like she'd forgotten something; which she had. Quickly she got up and started picking up her stuff.

"I'm really sorry, Sugar, I need to go, I promised to sign the contract. How about you come over tonight? We could watch a movie?" asked Brittany.

"Sure, I'd like that." Sugar smiled. "No, just leave that; my treat. You can pay the next time," she added as Brittany fumbled with her wallet, trying to dig out some cash. Brittany looked up and over at her brunette friend.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, go sign that contract. Good luck living with the two HBIC's," joked Sugar and stood up to give Brittany a short hug and a, "Love you, girlie," before the blonde rushed out of the café.

* * *

"Forgot the time?" I asked as I felt my stomach jolting excitedly at the sight of Brittany as she opened the car door, her cheeks flushed and a sheepish smile on her face. Nodding, she then sat down on the passenger's seat and buckled the belt, her hands still a little shaky from having run all the way through the mall.

"Sorry."

The goofy smile I had seen on her face seemed to be glued to her face because there sure as hell was no way of getting rid of it. "No worries. I was just worried that your phone had died or something. Did you have fun?" I inquired as I put the car into drive and guided us out of the parking lot.

"Yeah, it was so much fun. She's coming over to my place tonight to watch a movie," Brittany twittered happily. I merely nodded, not wanting to mention that she'd made plans with me. It was fine, I mean I'd had her so much; she should have best friend time too. It was her deal. I just wished I hadn't already gotten out the movie _we_ were gonna watch. Whatever, I'd just watch it with Mami instead.

"What are you watching?"

"Dunno, she probably has something on Netflix," Brittany said with a shrug and a smile.

That was the end of the conversation. We drove in silence, the only thing breaking it was when Ke$ha's "_Wonderland_" started permeating my ears from the radio. It was a rather old song and it had never really been a big hit, even if I quite liked it. It wasn't really my preference, Ke$ha I mean, but her music was okay… I mean, at least Brittany seemed to enjoy it quite a lot. She was swaying peacefully, humming along and smiling dreamily. She loved Ke$ha. The humming soon turned into singing.

"_Ain't it funny how time flies? Fades into gold. Now I wanna do a drive-by but I can't find the road."_ She stopped then, stopped humming and singing. When the first part of the chorus was over she started singing again, _"Everything was so simple then, living life like our last weekend. Wish I could find my way back to wonderland."_

I frowned. Why hadn't she sung the first part? I didn't ask, though. It wasn't until we'd gotten to the second chorus and did the same that I realized why. It was the pitch. She couldn't reach notes that high and she knew I could. She…was just being insecure. It was adorable but at the same time I didn't know why she was so worried about it, she had a good voice, yanno? I didn't comment though; didn't want to make her shyer about it. Instead, I let one of my hands fall from the steering wheel and fumbled to find hers. A cool long hand tangled its fingers with mine and I squeezed Brittany's hand, my face lighting up in a smile. It was simply impossible for me not to smile.

Just as I turned into the parking lot in front of the apartment buildings, Brittany spoke, "I want you to meet my parents."

My face turned pale and I looked over at the beautiful blonde with wide eyes and my heart trying to make up for the beats it'd missed. She wanted me to do what? Nu-uh, no can do.

"Please? I really want them to meet you. I feel so wrong, not having told them about you yet," pouted Britt.

"I...I'll think about it, okay?" I murmured. It was all I could promise her at the moment. It was hard not just to say no but at the same time it was so hard not to say yes. I had to think this through. Meeting Brittany's parents suddenly seemed very scary. I'm not really sure why. I knew that Brittany had a very open friendship with her parents and that she was very open about her sexuality and had told them about liking girls.

"Have you ever brought home a girl before?" I asked in a quiet but curious voice. I needed somehow to keep the conversation going not just to distract myself but because I wanted to talk to her. It was so nice, kissing and making out with her, but I liked talking to her just as much.

"Nope, never. No-one's been that special," she said with a glint in her eyes and nudged me lightly, careful not to disturb my driving. I blushed. She was certainly being very consistent in her attempts to get me to meet her parents. It was a big deal it seemed.

"Well, right now we can't because Quinn will be super pissed if we show up late, but maybe another time?" My face grimaced involuntary at the prospect of having to be someone's daughter's girlfriend. I was already, but they didn't know. It was scary.

In an attempt to distract myself I concentrated on finding a free parking space but at the same time on the patterns Brittany was now stroking or tracing across the back of my hand. Just as I was trying to come up with a subject, Brittany started speaking again, this time about a much more desired subject. "You know, we should go back to Italy one day. I mean it won't be easy because it's super expensive, but one day we should go back."

"Yeah, we should." I smiled. Her face lit up in a smile that I'd gotten really addicted to.

* * *

"Just when I thought you'd actually learned how to tell time you're late. Again," greeted Quinn in a monotonous voice as I stepped over the threshold. "Hi Brittany," she proceeded to greet with a much friendlier voice when the other blonde stepped inside, looking around curiously like she had the first time.

"Hi. It's my fault, actually. I forgot the time," noted Britt with an apologetic voice and a crooked smile. Quinn shrugged and waved it off as if it was nothing. I rolled my eyes. Quinn seemed a lot like she really wanted to get to know Brittany, which didn't really make sense because Quinn was never like that. But I was kinda glad that she did. It would be pretty awkward if she didn't wanna know her new roomie. Besides, I needed Quinn to like Brittany so it would be harder for her to get mad when I finally told her. _If I ever tell her…_ No, no, I will tell her. I will.

"So, you agreed on who gets which room, right?" Quinn asked me as we sat down by the table in the living room. As Quinn opened the folder which showed to contain the contract, Brittany sat down beside me. I felt her gaze fixed more on me than on the contract which made me blush. Thank God it wasn't too clear, but only showed in the warmth of my cheeks, not the color quite yet.

"Britt wants the little room," I confirmed and fought to hold back a smirk.

"Hadn't expected otherwise. You always take the biggest room for yourself," Quinn remarked and wrote my name on the floor plan in the square that showed my room. She then looked up at Brittany with a small frown. "What was your name again?"

"Brittany, You know that," said Britt with a confused look.

"No, I mean your full name," sighed Quinn.

Brittany bit her lip slightly before taking the pen and floor plan from Quinn and scribbling her own name in the square showing her room. She then handed it back.

"Okay, now I'm gonna need you two to sign this," she said tonelessly and drew out a stack of papers.

The amount of papers we had to sign before being allowed to live there was immense. It felt like I'd written my signature a million times before I even got halfway. I'd lived with her in New York, but I hadn't expected there to be that many pages to go through. There hadn't been that many in New York, had there? Maybe there had and I'd just forgotten it – on purpose.

"Santana what are you gonna do about rent?" asked Quinn curiously when I handed over the enormous amount of signed papers.

"Mom's gonna help me until I get a job, but I'm gonna start looking for one immediately. I'll manage. I did in New York, right? Just lemme deal with it," I remarked in a dismissive tone and waved her off. I was an adult woman I could totes handle my own economy thank you very much. _Sure; this is why I ran to mommy for money._ For the love of god if that stupid voice would just shut the fuck up then maybe I could get shit done, huh?

"Okay, okay, stop snapping at me. I was just asking," grumbled Quinn and rolled her eyes. Letting out an exasperated sigh, I put a stop to the conversation.

"When do we move in?" Brittany asked in a voice that clearly stated that she wanted to eliminate a bit of the tension.

Quinn shrugged. "Whenever. You can move in today if you want."

And that decided it. We were moving in.

* * *

It was evening when I finally got back to my parents' place. I'd decided to stay there another night, just because it was so much easier than having to pack now. I hadn't really eaten anything since I left just before Quinn started making dinner and arrived home when Mami was doing the dishes. She asked if I wanted anything but I just shrugged, saying that I'd had dinner at Quinn's. It was probably a good thing that I'd barely unpacked; it would make it so much easier to move everything over to Quinn, but I somehow didn't feel like it. I planned to only bring some of my stuff, letting a lot stay here just in case.

No packing took place that night. All I did was lay down on the bed, fully clothed, and stare up at the attic. It was only 8pm but somehow I felt like heading to bed. It all seemed so wrong, to move into an apartment in Lima. I was supposed to go places, move forwards. I was to go to LA or New York again, get a job and a contract. What good would it do?

As I turned to my side and sighed I remembered that no matter what, I had no money and couldn't afford moving to LA right now. I couldn't even afford to move in with Quinn and Brittany. Why was I, then?

What was I doing?

* * *

There was a rustling in the room and I felt a cold puff of air trace my back. I grumbled and curled up further barely awake. It took me quite a while to gain awareness of the fact that I was no longer lying on the covers, but rather under them. In the middle of my wonderings about how I'd gotten under the covers, arms curled around my waist and a body pressed into mine from behind, soft lips ghosting over the bare skin of my neck and a soft hum told me that Brittany was here. I turned slightly in her arms and dozily opened my eyes to look at her.

"I thought you had movie night," I mumbled and turned completely, curling into her.

There was a great deal of patience in her voice as she murmured, "I did, but now I'm here."

I hummed in approval before asking, "What did you tell my mom about showing up?"

Normally I would've probably worried about my mom finding it suspicious, but I was still so sleepy and had no real instinct to worry. That would probably come tomorrow. Right now I just liked that she was here.

"Just told her that we were gonna move all the stuff tomorrow and I'd been in an argument with my mom." She shrugged.

"Have you?" I asked, "…been in an argument with your mom, I mean."

"She wasn't too happy about me moving in with two girls I barely knew…" Brittany mumbled.

I drew back a little to find her eyes and press my lips gently to the tip of her nose. "Did she come around?" Brittany nodded into my hair and sighed in contentment.

"G'night Santana," Brittany whispered and tugged me closer. It didn't take me five seconds to slip back into my dreamless sleep, safe in Brittany's arms. Worries would have to wait, but surely they'd come in the mourning.

* * *

A/N

Sorry for the super long wait, I'm really sorry! I had so little inspiration in January and I'm just getting my mojo back now I hope. Thank you so much to hlnwst, my amazing Beta for editing on such short notice. I know it's much later than expected, but hopefully you've enjoyed the chapter even if it's really short..


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